k33
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don't call every two hours!!! Every two days maybe is better!!!! Oh my. Hide your phone girl! I leave mine in the car when I think I am going to call too much! And park far from the house!! He loves you, try not to be jealous... hard, I have some of the green eyed monster in me too. Don't do a self fullfilling prophecy... if you keep telling him he will cheat, he might. Take ten deep breaths before you say anything like that, or nag...then bite your tongue. (unless it is something important... let the little stuff go.) I bet you are plenty gorgeous and he loves you, he just likes the attention. we all do. But you will get less gorgeous to him if you are jealous all the time. trust me on this one. Try not to let him doing other things threaten you, again easy for me to say, I've been guilty of it myself. If you give him some space... I am not saying don't talk to him, I think that stuff is a little goofy...he'll be by your side more than you want him to! Let me know what happens...
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My question is: is it really important to you to get married any time soon? If it isn't, it's a moot point and go on as before. If you are happy with him as is, don't put pressure to get married, that will happen in good time. He might be freaking like you said because his friend got married and your birthday is coming up. And really you don't want someone to propose and then say he's not sure if he's ready. I would just ride it out, men say lots of stuff they don't mean, and lots of stuff they do. It sounds like you have a great relationship other than this. I wouldn't throw it away. When the time is right it will happen. If you guys are shopping for a house that is a HUGE committment. In someways bigger and scarier than marriage. I think he really loves you and might just be a little freaked...Buying a house is a huge stressor, and if he feels like he should be ready to get married, it could make the whole thing worse. It's like the kids thing, there is nothing worse than people saying so when are you having kids... if you aren't ready for it you aren't. Don't worry he does love you ... Talk to him honestly about your fears and tell him that you don't need to be married now, but would like to be someday. And leave it at that. Don't put a time frame on it. Hope this helps.
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You sound like you do the right things but maybe pick the wrong people, look for a girl that is really mature. You sure you don't want to give your girl some space and reevaluate in a month or so.... most of the time space isn't all it's cut out to be. If not this girl another one is out there. I promise.
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That is so weird I went out with a guy about 15 years ago that thought he was a vampire too. He sent me a letter saying he would never hurt me even though he was a blood sucking creature of the night. You can give her a chance if you want to. My vampire was the best kisser... no biting... haha. Alas it didn't work out, I went to visit him and he didn't come see me at all. I guess it was a daylight thing. But you know I have to say it is the funniest story ever now. I bring out the letter to show friends, when they say they had a weird date. Good luck and don't wear a cross.
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Hey, He sounds like he is being a bit of a jerk. Have you talked to him about your feelings without anger? Yelling never works, as I know all too well, you might want to have a heart to heart with him, no crying yelling just tell him how you are feeling. In my experience, everyone looks (girls too) and everyone loves to get attention from attractive folks. It doesn't necessarily mean he will cheat. He might just be feeling bad about himself and wanting to improve. You can't stop him from cheating if that's what he wants. To get him more interested in you, be a little less available, and when you do see him look gorgeous in an understated way. Not trashy, classy. A nicely cut dress that shows off your best features, little extra time with the hair and makeup. But if you don't wear make up normally, don't make up too much... you know what I mean. Be warm and friendly and don't nag at him. Let him come to you, and I think he will. Hope this helps.
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My husband and I are separated. I hope we can get back together at some point. I am giving him space and taking some for myself. I read DopeStar's post about space, hit the nail on the head, I can't believe you are only 23! I wish I had that wisdom then. I don't know if it will work out in the end. I am sort of hopeful that we can get past this, and start over. It won't be the same and in my book that is a good thing. We wouldn't have separated if everything was good, ya know? I want us to figure out what we really want and stop getting caught up in the meaningless bs. I'll keep ya guys posted.
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Well I talked to him today and we did agree to try to be friends and see what happens and we both agree that we shouldn't live together for a while no matter what. I feel a bit better, I don't know if anything will work out... it is pretty darned broken right now. But since we are married and all it can't hurt to check it out. There was really great reasons we got together in the first place and I still remember all of that. So I am going to try to get on with my life, but make a place for him in there and see if it can blossom again. It could not work and I am prepared for that, but I need to at least try. I don't want to leave my marriage without trying everything first. I think that is ok. My friends and family won't dig it, and I am going to have to stop talking about it with them, I am such a motor mouth though. I have to just do what I need to do for myself no matter what anyone else thinks. I might get really really hurt here, this is unchartered waters for me, but like I said I want to make sure we have both tried everything. I did tell him that he has to be honest with me and communicate with me because otherwise nothing will get better for us. And we need to both realize that we made big mistakes. No one is perfect. And we need to both be better to eachother. He agreed and was relieved I didn't want him to move back in. That wouldn't be healthy. We need time, space, and perspective to decide what we really want to do here. What do you guys think?
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I know, why do we still care when they behave badly? Doesn't make any sense. I keep thinking I am over it, then bam right in the gut again! I know it takes two, and I keep hoping that he will see the light, but I doubt it, I just have to learn not to hope, and then if something happens I'll be pleasantly surprised. At this point, I can't picture trusting another man ever again. He told me he'd love me forever, but I guess that is only until our first wedding anniversary... Forever is a mighty short time after all. I mean things were great until about 6 months into our marriage... so I am terrifed that I will never trust someone to love me again... Or to love someone else again. I'm afraid I will shut down emotionally... and that is so not me. I dunno man, it's rough.
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I don't know how to break it to you but even in your 30s people still don't commit. You and I seem to have the same problem, they seem great at first, but there just might be something else out there. I've been given the advice to pull back a bit from people when I first get together with them, don't be as giving as you would like too. Sometimes giving too much ends up making you into a doormat for people who are going to need a "break" or "space" or "time to think things through." It is very easy to take for granted someone great. I know I have been taken for granted and pushed aside... very recently. Don't know if this helps at all... I'm just rambling. k33
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There are plenty of reasons for us to part... but there are plenty to get back together too... god it sucks. I am going to talk to him and lay it on the line. But I think I am going to wait a while, that way I might be able to figure out what I want for sure.. It was so much work to be together that it seems so stupid to let it go after one year of marriage. I feel totally burned... I do want my baby back, but I don't want to fight anymore and things would have to change. Alot... on both of our parts... I feel like such a wimp and a dope for having all these feelings still. Unfortunately the heart doesn't always listen to the head.
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Hi Everyone, Just back on the rollercoaster that is my life... So my husband's sister is staying with me, and we are separated. I saw him for the first time Friday since he left... 3 weeks. We've talke on the phone several times, sometimes thing are fine and other times he is an ass. So I see him and all the loving emotions stirred back up and he was hugging me and telling me how good I looked, flirted a little bit and all. You know friendly nice. So I am confused, like you would be. And we agreed to spend time together and see where it goes. So then he comes over last night and we are talking laughing, you know nice, and I go to give him a hug and he says, "don't get your hopes up". OUCH... So we talked a little bit and I said I wasn't going to hang with them today, I am hoping his sister is getting some information or something, cause she doesn't get it at all. So yeah, I am bawling my eyes out and not knowing what to do or where to go. I talked to my mom and she was telling me I was an idiot for even thinking of getting back with him. I wasn't trying to get him to move back in and forget everything... take it slow, new start, that kind of thing... Some background: we were fighting for about 6 months. I was frustrated by his lack of communication... and I still am... he was drinking too much and was depressed. but now I just don't know, I am 50/50 on it... I feel used, sad and tired... I just don't know what to do. He doesn't seem to have any emotions about this... poor communicator though, and is bottling it up. I thought if we hung out some I could get either closure or answers or my love back... I don't even know what I want. I was so over it last week, now I am so unsure. So my real question is ... does anyone bounce back into a relationship after this kind of thing, does it work again? I know I should let him go, but I don't want to... Ugh.
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Oh I am giving him space... I just can't believe he is disrespecting his sister who he adores and her lovely toddler, who she taught to say his name and everything. We were married one year 18 days when he left, which of course was 12 days after our delayed "honemoon" to Mexico. Such a sweetie. grrrrrr. The only thing that could piss him off is that I said that he shouldn't drink so much. And he shouldn't. I am not making any decisions... he's got the ball in his court now. Trying to leave it out of work, I only have one friend I vent to. And I think she is getting bored. I know I am!
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I know it's not my responsibility to take care of them, but I really like them and want to see them. He doesn't have any money to put them up in a hotel, and I feel like someone should be there for them. I can't believe it has to be me though. Through the last few weeks I have been trying so hard to keep busy, having the munchkin and that sis around will be fun. That's not my issue, really... a little but not really... the issue is that he isn't acting like an adult and is blaming me for everything. I think he is mortified by his actions and can't face seeing either one of us because he is so obviously in the wrong here. I mean no one could look at the situation and say that I was the predominately wrong one. Sure I've made mistakes. Buuuuut....yeah. I am not making any long term decisions yet, if he wants help, I'll help, I mean I did marry the punk. Sorry I am just so angry I can barely keep from snapping at people here at work... which isn't fair...
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we had been fighting a bunch... mostly over his drinking and acting like a kid... he's almost 40 for god sakes. Almost all of our fights were incredibly stupid. Like you boiled too much water for rice, or you forgot the lighter... he was just looking for reasons to be mad at me. His family has no idea what is going on. His sister wants to do an intervention, because she says that she has never seen him so happy and light since he met me. And now he is throwing it all away. Dumb a**. I am willing to be there for him if he wants to get some counseling and cut WAAAAY back on the drinking. But he is acting like such an immature spoilt kid that I just want to shake him. IF he doesn't see his sister this will ruin their relationship... she's over from AUSTRALIA...not somewhere particularly close...and she is traveling with her baby. Oooh she's mad too. It is ridiculous that he says that I am trying to make his family mad at him... he's doing a dandy job all on his own. I wouldn't let him move back in, the man would have to prove it... But I don't think he would bother, because it is just too much work having someone that loves you and would do anything for you. IT's just too HARD....(can you hear the whine)... It's much easier to be irresponsible and drunk. That's a much better way to live life... ooooh I am so angry...
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Help me, I am falling into the abyss of my own subconcious
k33 replied to emmyoz's topic in Suicide & Self-Harm
Not good my friend. Can you get into some sort of couseling? If you call a help line they should be able to refer you within a couple of days, I think. That might be something to try. You also should start taking your meds again. Really important that you do. That should help a lot. It sucks that you've been through so much. Try to focus on your kids if you can. They might help cheer you some. And they need you. I know when I am really down when someone needs me it helps me pull myself up a bit so I can be there for someone else. I don't know if any of this helps. I'll be thinking about you. k33 -
Ok. So my husband walked out a couple of weeks ago. Fine. He's been doing god knows what with god knows who... I am thinking loads of drinking. I am sooooo mad. So he left me with the responsibility of taking care of his sister and her baby when they are in town. They are coming from a long way away and have no where else to stay, because well he hasn't contacted her at ALL. I am so mad for her, I am so mad for me. I did everything for this guy and he can't show the courtesy to contact his sister. Or to contact me. And when he did contact me it was to tell me off for contacting his family. I only contacted his sister because she was coming over to stay with us, and he couldn't be bothered. The man needs help. He's depressed, he's drunk and he needs help. I still love the a** and hope he gets it together, but I am not counting on it, I want him to talk to his sister and yes I do want some information. I think I deserve that. OOOOH I AM SO MAD!!!
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What if you regret breaking up with the person...
k33 replied to Tears May Fall's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Well when you are the one that is wrong, I do think it is in your best interest to grovel. I think the dumpee shouldn't grovel... the dumper on the other hand... grovel away. I'd give her a week or so. She is really mad at you right now... so any of your overtures will seem insincere in her eyes right now. At least that's how'd I'd feel. -
It doesn't have to be a career. Me I love to travel. That certainly isn't my job... Unfortunately.
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I can take a hint??? He needs to get a clue. Putz. Take the turkey out of the oven he's done! Let us know if you need anything ... ups and downs are hard.
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...and unfortunately life is pretty boring most of the time. I'm not sure why love is so hard, or heck why life is so hard. But those really fantastic days is what we should all hold on to.... ya know?
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I think love is super... but not true greatness. Greatness is being true to yourself and doing what you love because you love it. That is greatness for me anyway.
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What if you regret breaking up with the person...
k33 replied to Tears May Fall's topic in Breaking Up Advice
The letter was a bad move... Only some serious groveling will help. I mean like flowers, (not to work at home), offers of fancy dinners cooked by you etc... serious groveling. No one wants to get a break up letter... And if she was hurt by the last guy, you are in a real uphill battle here. You should really make sure you want her back, because if you get her back and then aren't a total angel for a LOOOOONG time, there could be problems! Good luck to you. -
Putz. I think your email was great, it had some humor and some tough stuff. I'd just hang in there continue to do your thing, the ball is so totally in his court right now. If he wants to step up great, if not. I guess it says a lot. I'm sorry he didn't jump at your suggestion. I would have, if I were him. Keep us updated! Men... can't live with them can't shoot em! k
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Absolutely awesome! You told it like it is, but you do have to stick to your guns now, which can be hard. But I think you will end up getting what you want out of this. Did you read the "I used to miss him book..", I've got it and am going through it right now. You laid it out there my friend, I can't wait to hear his reply... Great job saying exactly what you want... I just might bookmark it in case my ex/whatever wants to patch things up.... I will give you full credit! Take care and again great job!!!! k33
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A big mess/need help&advice/Need womens advice
k33 replied to Joshua B's topic in Getting Back Together
Sounds like your wife is my husband. Crazy simularities... The alcoholic thing is a nightmare... I am in the same boat, do I want to help or do I want to run... I don't have any real advice, except hang in there and take care of yourself... totally easier said than done.