TheDoctor

Whoa go easy man what the hell? My goodness, no wonder your single. Anway, its very simple, I only know 1 person that has ever been in my situation ever and he went back to talk to the girl and he felt relieved after he found out shes still immature and isnt ready for a relationship. He was able to move on from that point on. I broke up with my ex cuz I just couldnt handle her problems anymore so I went to find my own thing. I got over it after 5 months and I said ok if Im over it why not go back to just talk and see how everythings been? Why're you being such a jerk? Seems like my post is contradicting a belief you have of yourself and your ex and your only upset because you've probably been there before.

I understand...its just I havent spoken to her in so long and I had enough. I just needed to talk...simple as that. I was tired of dealing with it like a death like Ill NEVER see her again or talk...it wasnt normal....VERY FEW have gone through this NC crap the way I did. To breakup over an argument cuz ur sick of it and just walk away from it all forever left sooooo many question marks. Im not going to be mean to her.

BTW, Im not going back to her and im pretty sure I wont get coffee with her either.

Hey everybody I finally did it...I broke my NC with my ex. And it couldnt have gone any better! She told me she hasnt been with any guys since our break up ( not that it matters), that she hit depression cuz of our breakup, that she never wants to be with anyone again, and at the end asked me to go get coffee with her tomorrow. She said she hasnt spoken to be since because she knew I was very mad at her and I asked never to speak to her again. She said she dearly misses me and my friends and shes at a point in her life she just doesnt give a damn and shes the key to her own happiness and she doesnt want anyone. I cant believe she asked me to go get coffee with her....this is so surreal right now. This was the best decision ive made...I finally got my closure. Im happy it turned out this way and not full of drama. What you all think? Im overwhelmed right now but Im feeling good that I can finally get my closure and move on...wow Break up forum...how life changes in just a split second eh?

Ok some of my questions are, why she holds such animosity against me when I didnt do anything to her. Why she went and spread rumors that I was such a terrible guy and to stay away from me when I was the opposite to her. Why she blamed a girl that had ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING to do with our breakup for all our problems. Now do you see my motives?

I dont want her back, I just have questions. Thats all.....

Hey friends! You all know my story by now. My ex of 1 1/2 years was with me and she wasnt over her ex and she totally messed me over one day and we got into a fight over the fact she wasnt gettin over him and just mutually broke it off in a fight fashion. Meaning we didnt say ok u do ur thing ill do mine it was more of chanting and raving. The worst part is since our breakup we havent spoken nearly 6 months now ( wow how it goes by so fast..yet so slow huh?). Ive been on this forum since the 2nd month of my NC breakup! And you know what I realized today? I am ready, to talk to her. I have questions to ask. Like why she broke up and blamed this girl that had absolutley nothing to do with our breakup over this whole mess, and why shes so bitter at me yet worships her ex who messed her over. I have alot of questions I just want to get out and get over this. Its been 6 months and this is bothering me and I AM READY to finally be the bigger man and talk to her. But Im sure of this if anything? I dont want her back, I dont want to talk to her much afterwards, I just want 1 convo and thats it. Tonight, my life changes forever I believe........Wish me luck, Ill tell you all how it goes!

For me its breaking the habit by linkin park. Because, it was a band I really enjoyed listening to with her and the times I had with her but now its so symbolic. The lyrics for me mean word 4 word what Im going through. Just stopping the compulsive thinking of her and how she feels. and just trying to break the habit of missing the memories and picking myself apart. Does anyone else feel like this? Here are the lyrics: LINKIN PARK LYRICS "Breaking The Habit" Memories consume Like opening the wound I'm picking me apart again You all assume I'm safe here in my room Unless I try to start again [bridge I don't want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused [Chorus I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I know it's not alright So I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit Tonight Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again I hurt much more Than anytime before I had no options left again [bridge I dont want to be the one The battles always choose 'Cause inside I realize That I'm the one confused [Chorus I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream I don't know why I instigate And say what I don't mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So, I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit Tonight [bridge I'll paint it on the walls 'Cause I'm the one at fault I'll never fight again And this is how it ends [Chorus I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream But now I have some clarity to show you what I mean I don't know how I got this way I'll never be alright So, I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit I'm breaking the habit Tonight

Its only been 3 weeks my good man! Don't even worry about it. Its been 5 for me and I still have my moments where it feels like month 1! Dont worry, keep your headup, try to take your space and not talk to her everyday. I recommend you sit down and tell her youd like 1 month of space not because you have anything against her infact its because you love her so much you need to get back on your own 2 feet. Just wait that 1 month and you will be able to have alot of clarity. Best of luck! You'll be fine, its an incredibly interesting phase I'll never forget. I almost miss the times of recovery.

Hey guys, sorry to bug you again but just had a question. It's been nearly 5 months now of absolutely no contact and I was just wondering what you think her state of mind is? Is she over me? Is she over her own problems? Will she ever be? Basically, my story is my ex met me and wasnt really over this guy she had only a fling with. She calls him her ex bf he calls her a fling, if even that. He slept with her and went and spread rumors in high school that she was awful in bed and he messed with her mind so bad when I first met her she told me he raped her yet she was still talking to him. I should have known then that I shouldnt talk to her at all! And I did for 1 month I ignored her and confronted her and told her she wasnt over her ex and I dont want to get involved. In the meantime, I found a new girl whom I dated for 2 months then I left her and wanted to talk to my ex whom at the time was mad at me and I to her. I spoke to her, we met up then we began dating. I knew her from high school I had a crush. She was a sweet innocent girl who couldnt harm a fly or so it seemed. Slowly, she told me stories of how she was a victim. I encouraged her to fight back! At first when I didnt love her these problems did not bother me such as talking to her ex. Then problems began to occur. She has childish friends that called the cops on me and she began to tell me her distant friends were talking behind my back ALL THIS WHICH IS NOT TRUE! Eventually, I found out she was still talking to her ex behind my back and I finally told her it was over. I broke up with her and after 1 day I cried as did she and we went back with eachother. She promised me she never will talk to him again and she really hated him for doing this to her. That she was so mad at him for squeeling on her about their "friendship" behind my back and she refused to ever talk to him. Well all this worked for a few months then her grandmother passed away. She began to act funny and I softened up on her. She began to become very emotionally unstable. She took something such as a blessing in disguise ( her grandmothers passing) and turned it into such a negative thing by talking to people that are harmful to her. Then her ex emailed her and she asked if she could thank him for the email. I requested she ignore it as it was just another sucker trap to lure him into her life again. During new years eve she broke up with me ( this coming from a girl who would threaten to kill herself if we broke up ever! and said if we didnt marry shed die!) and said she needs space and after she saw I bent over backwards to stop this breakup she said OK sorry i gotta go dont worry about it. The next day I confronted her in tears begging for a reason on why we broke up and I said lets break up to her. She said so sorry I love you so much dont leave me I love you everything will be ok. After a few months she began talking to him again after I said I am ok with it considering she needs to talk to him. She clearly wasnt over him and eventually we problems occurred again. The day before we broke up she saw I was sad and she was very intensily sad holding my hand and saying dont be sad but happy etc etc. I had realized her mother had turned against me. The very next day we broke up! Since our breakup in mid march she has blocked me from online, made an online journal talking a little funny. For example one of her posts said thank God she is free after 1 1.2 years of being "locked up" basically saying I was hell. Then, a few days later she made this long post about how sad life is and that life is too short to dwell on the past or future and that she needed to leave me and my friends because she needed her own friends and totally talking out of her ass. Dont dwell on the past yet you block me and all my friends? HuH?! Finally. she posted something stating that she is "busting a Mariah" ( like the singer who had a nervous breakdown). Then, the next day after our breakup she imed some girl who had absolutley nothing to do with our breakup and blamed the entire thing on her. This girl had nothing to do with anything! It has now been nearly 5 months, I am over it as much as I can be for now but sometimes I am so tempted to just IM her and talk but I just see no reason to. I am almost intimidated of doing this because there is no point. I know your not a psychic but Im just wondering from what I stated what you think her state of mind is and how you would approach the final stage of moving on if you were in my shoes. I was so good to this girl, I'm not a victim but I find it so hard without waking up in the morning without thinking about the past and how much I miss truly being happy and Im frustrated with myself about why I have a pain in my heart that just wont go away. I try so hard to stay strong but my heart is bleeding and I just cant help it. It gets less and less but will it ever really end? It's getting weaker and weaker but something eats away at me inside. What to do? What has she gone through? Does it even matter? Do you think she'll ever atleast come back to talk? How does a girl or anybody love you to death and say dont ever leave me I'll die then go 4 and a half months without you? I have grown so much since my breakup but I find myself alone and hurt. I didnt ask for this, she knows it. Why did this turn into a war? I wish this would all finally end. I have been stressing about her since Mid December.

I had a break 3 months before my breakup....and it's true. Its the phase of the collapse. However, my cousin had a ridiculous break where his gf let him cheat on her basically and they did and they are both happy....for now.

I think you need to take some space and figure out what you want for yourself. You dont seem like a relationship kinda guy at this stage in your life from what you've stated.

The big TWO 0..lol Im 20 today and wow....its been a while. I have someone new so I wont celeberate it alone. But I actually think its symbolic in a positive way. This time last year I was less than 1 month in finding that my ex had gone behind my back to talk to her ex and say negative things about me. Supposedly, she even talked to him on my birthday and I had a bad time that day. I will enjoy this day with my NEW friends and family. I came here to thank all of you for your advice and suggestions. I truly think you give hope to us all. Thank you

I had a 4 day break a few months before my breakup and we ended up breaking up anyway. Breaks mean breakup...it really does

Hey Chai...me and my ex broke up 3 days before her birthday and I didnt go back to her to say happy birthday nor did I go back to say anything. But if she really saw how I felt, the agony I went through, the tears I cried and the care I still had for her afterwards. It would have brought a tear in her eye. My point is believe me when I say all exs sometime in the dark or maybe even in broad day light expose their love to you

That's very true. One night I was in my car with a group of friends and I was thinking about her non stop and it had been 3 months and there was nothing left. I just had the strength but I was lost in knowing what to do. So I finally put my foot down. Again, this excersise isnt for people who just got out of it or are still in a chronic situation of drama. This is for people who truly know its over and they need to move on as HARD as that is to understand.

Yes you may add that. Infact I encourage everyone to add their own personal scenario to this excersise. For example for us NC'ers we just cant dwell on it, but for those of you that still talk to your ex's on the phone you might want to add the fact that you might have to slow that down. The reality is, 3 months after my breakup and not one sound from her ever again I really was wondering would I ever stop thinking about it. And a voice in my head one day said," You know what you gotta do." And it works! We DESERVE better than to sit down and dwell, cry, worry, be anxious, depressed, numb, naseus, weak, or anything for some loser Ex. The truth is THEY WERENT THERE FOR YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP, YOU THINK THEYLL BE THERE DURING THE BREAKUP? Nope....good luck to you all. You must give it a try if you are like me and chronically dwell on the situation and find yourself just grabbing your head and begging for mercy. Your mind can be a weapon against you if you cant control it.

As I posted a few days ago about an excersise that I'm sure I didn't invent but I would like to popularize is the controlled thinking excersise that has helped me SO very much in 1 month. It works like this Days 1-2- You wake up and you tell yourself no matter what I wont think about my ex until 3 P.M. today. After that I can think all I want but nothing until 3 P.M. When 3 P.M. is up sit down and think all you want, ask all your questions, your why's and why your better off. Most likely at this stage your questions are at a blur and it's a stressful thinking. Day 3-5- This gets a little harder but none the less you need to FIGHT IT! Tell yourself, no matter what I wont think of my ex from 12-6 P.M. After that, I can sit down all I want and think but everytime I even mention him/her I'll say NO NO I'm not getting into that right now. At 6 o' clock. You will begin to notice how much you enjoy your afternoon because you are truly free and there is a cause behind it. Day 6-9- It really begins here where you fall into habit and your enjoying this excersise very much. By now this should be fun but challenging at the same time. Again this time we don't have any hours but rather we say we wont think of the ex until 8:00 P.M. After that I can think all I want but I wont think of him/her until then. At this point you begin to realize the truth about yourself, the reality of the situation with your ex, and you have rationalize thinking of your status in life overall. Finally Days 10-12- This one is very simple, by now you don't need to tell yourself when to not think or think. It comes very naturally and you have such a rationalized understanding of your breakup that you are at peace with the situation. Try to not even hear, read, or listen to anything that associates with breaking up. I know this is hard because your losing identity with your status in life which is that of someone who has just come out of a breakup. But believe me, within just 3 days you'll see the results. Overall, before this excersise I couldn't help but to talk about my ex over and over again. By the end of the week everyone asked me what has changed? Have you found closure? Because I wouldnt talk about it anymore. You will notice especially from days 3-5 that this excersise is so much fun and you are finally free. The PURPOSE of this excersise is simple. No Contact is just not enough. Sometimes, you need to not hold onto the status of being broken up. Face it, how often do WE wake up and go," My name is _________ and I just got out of a breakup. Let's see how my day will be today." Also, one important factor is getitng into the habit of forgetting about them. I know it's so fun especially for us NC'ers to sit down and dwell on why this was good but IT'S TIME TO LET GO AND BE AT PEACE! And Lastly and most importantly, this excersise is crucial for those of us whom really truly need the truth about what happened. As crazy as it sounds 3 months after my break up I still had no clue on why we really broke up. After just 1 month of this excersise I am at peace, I understand, and I laugh at the idea that I ever gave her the time of day. So please, I say this to you as a friend. Give this excersise a chance. You will be thanking yourself later! Good luck, be strong, and god bless.

Hey Carter I dont think I invented that idea but I posted a topic about that the other day. That's a really good practice and it's all but healed my life. To Wicked: I went through the exact same thing, exact same numbness, and most importantley the exact same disappoint that I still feel. I basically was pushed to a point that I had to leave my ex of 1 1/2 years that lied to me and told me shes over her ex, only to keep talking about the guy everyday for our entire relationship. Everyday, we'd talk about the memories they had, the pains she went through him. I was innocent and naive and didnt really truly understand what was happening. But I finally understood that someone can truly be sick enough to be inlove with one person but at the same time be with another. Its not that she loves him...its that she desperatley wants to continue what they had. This guy physically, mentally, abused her. And she even claims he raped her. I will not associate with a loser...i havent made 1 attempt since our breakup to contact her nor will I ever. As for her, shes back with him and SO BE IT. Who cares seriously? I know your thinking...well Doctor I care because she was my everything. But trust me....you learn that you have alot to offer and once you see what she lost because of the people surrounding you you'll realize that this was a blessing in disguise. My only regret in this breakup was I didnt slap her upside the head for putting me through all the drama.

RayKay...cant help but to ask since my situation relates so much to what you said earlier. My ex and I dated for 1 1/2 years. We were closer than anything and even though she meant it out of insecurity and low self esteem she wanted to marry me, she always told me she could never do as good as me, and how all the girls like me and how she hates that and how come no guys like her like girls like me,etc etc. Then she left me for her ex without really saying she was doing this but it was obvious to me because shed alllllllways talk about him. Finally, a few months after our breakup I see her car infront of his place ( he is my cousins neighbor Im not keeping tabs) and shes there on saturday nights etc etc. The sad part is this guy that shes seeing her "ex" uses my ex for sex and for his own insecurities. Infact, he laughs at the fact hes her ex bf and has a saying that she needs to find a hobby because chasing him wont cut it. He plays mind games with her and she loves it. Its been 4 months and 7 days.....I wonder if shell ever realize what she really had with me. I only wonder because thats all Ill ever have

Wow my situation with yours was a little different but the breakup was identical. I too told my ex I never want to see her again and I now slightly regret saying it because CLEARLY I didnt mean it. But she knows I do want to see her and talk to her again. So she should come back to talk ....maybe some year. Anyway, any guy willing to put up with that crap isnt strong hes stupid. The truth is you did the right thing and you got the perfect result. Her crying and stressing. The message youve sent and need to keep sending is I love you but I have self worth and I wont let you use my love like a voodoo doll....sorry honey. If that turns her on and it stops all the problems great...if not bye bye. Itll save you the heartache anyway. So enjoy your already good success youve had with her calling back

Pebek she isnt running away from you. Shes running away from herself.

Damn man what an $$#%$^%^%^$&^%&^%&^%~!!!!!! Seriously...is there a word in the dictionary for a cold hearted snake like that? You gave her 4 years of your life and she gave hers and one day she just changed? God dont you just love that my man! Same here with my ex except it was 1 1/2 years. The truth is this bro....none of us can imagine our lives without our exs. But guess what? Remember 4 years ago before you met your ex? You can barely remember and feel it I know but from infantile-22 you didnt have your ex in your life and you lived and you can do it again and find someone even better. The truth is and this will be a hard pill to swallow and I hate to be the person to deliver it but it's over in my opinion. Its not so much the kissing its the lying about it and saying she has no feelings for the guy. Girls arent like guy....when they kiss there is always feeling to it. I dont know what has happened to her.....and its ironic because my ex lost her grandmother a few months before we broke up and she began acting weird too. Now onto what you should do for YOURSELF and how to get your ex back and your LIFE BACK ON TRACK! Dont neccesarily jump on the NC bandwagon but ignore her. Let her know your not some coat she can just grab out of the closet whenever she wants! As long as your bending over for her shes gonna treat you like that because she knows she owns you! The day you put her lil rear end back in place shell either come back crawling or just run away. The truth is this is your only bet of anything good happening. Believe me, I sat there and cried and asked WHY IM SO GOOD TO U WHY WHY WHY?!!!!!! But it just makes them guilty and it gives you an extra week or two MAX. Just let go.......enjoy your freedom. I feel for you so much because its such a stressful place and time to be in but believe me feeling alone without her is a different pain but it sure as hell beats loving a girl who is keeping your heart in her back pocket. Remember this pain today and in a few months when you forget why you wanted to breakup remember this and say OH YEAH! Best of luck to you

Beec to be honest...I agree. You dont leave NC situations assuming theyll come back. I left because I needed to get my state of mind back together.

Sorry my Private messages arent sending i dont know why...it just send to inbox but this is what I wanted to say: First off were in a similair situation. My ex is back with hers and he has a gf so dont ask me how that works. Its just neither of us have chased eachother and I sure as hell didnt go back to her. Now onto you, first off the journey of breaking up is alot like the alphabet. It's A-Z. Your probably at step P right now and the reality is your a little more than half way finished. The truth is no matter what you do your going to get to Z so why make it so much harder on yourself? In other words, time will truly heal you and all your wounds. Second off, you sound very negative. Your saying things like your "ship has passed" and your just "stuck". The truth is your setting a standard and not respecting your own time it takes to heal your breakups. Breaking up is such a bizarre thing that truly exposes our hurt and makes us feel naked and in the dark cold. You will learn to move on. Third, and most important. I have began this practice as of recent. Go home and say to yourself ok as of right now 12:00 pm I will not think of my ex till 3 pm. After that I can think all I want but I will force myself not to think until 3 pm NO MATTER WHAT! Just remember after than you can think all you want. Then after a few days of trying this move onto 12-6 o clock. Then eventually once you find your COMFORT rate say to yourself I will not think anything of my ex until 8 pm. Then I will think of him from 8-9:30. I will say my piece, what I think, what is going through his mind, why this was best for me. Eventually, youll fall into habit of forgetting him. This is very hard....none of this is easy but just remember. All of mankind has gone through this and all of us if we stick around long enough and not kill ourselves will get 110% through this! Its not so bad...just remember to say I came out this relationship with nothing negative other than sadness, depression, anxiety, etc. It sure beats coming out of a nasty relationship with a kid, STD, pregnancy, injuries, drug addictions, etc. Depression is normal but it will pass. And always remember....the problem with pain is it ALWAYS fools us into believing its here to stay forever. It'll end and one day youll look back at this loser and laugh and say your so happy to be with your new guy. Feel free to PM me anytime