TheDoctor

I understand you two talking to kinda see where your lives are at and where your gonna go. But, the situation is laughable. If he sincerley did just get mad and you were completley mature about the situation then this makes things easy. Just don't call or pick up for a long time, let yourself get over him. It seems like he is angry at you because YOUR letting him be angry at you. Just take a bit of a NC sorta path, Im not saying 110% NC but somewhere in the not talking for weeks department.

I guess ill figure out the details of whats goin on first, I think this will keep her from going out all the time and force her to dwell on what happened.

Hi guys, thank you for the responses. The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways, just when I asked God how can I possibly find the strength to do no contact again the situation evolves into something where I can't contact even if I wanted to. I agree with most of you guys, I should just continue the no contact. I can't imagine what a nightmare the next 2 months are going to be for her. I hope she finds the strength, her mom told me she was handling it fine so far but that doesn't mean anything. She just broke up with me, and now this will be the ending of her college career ( she just started community college because I got her into it and for it to end like this so soon in the semester after all the effort I know she probably just gave up on it). I hope she doesn't do anything foolish. Most of you said I should no contact, and I will go with what you say. I may be emotional right now, but I'm not stupid. I can't imagine the hell she's going through, but I know she did everything physically possible to get arrested other than turn herself in because she drove 24/7. It was a matter of time.

OH WOW, as I write this at 7 in the morning I'm still shocked. Last night at about 8 pm my ex kept calling me and telling me she wanted to see me. I have pretty much done no contact for 6 days and she wsa saying how messed up that is and that the conditions when we broke up were that we see eachother and we stay friends. So I decided to go see her at her moms work ( which is 5 miles from me) and tell her once and for all I'm doing no contact 100%. ( My ex always believed if your man enough you'll do things face 2 face). So I get to her moms work and she got dropped off by 1 of her guy 'friends' and she tells me her cars dead somewhere near the movie theatres and her moms bf is waiting to fix it. I tell her this is the 2nd time your car is dead in a week, stop driving it so much on a suspended license your asking for it. She tells me to stop mothering her and being her boss. She asks me why Im so jelous of who she hangs out with and what not I tell her shes just doing the wrong things in life and its a matter of time before they catch up. Then she asked me if I wanted to have sex with her in one of the offices her mom works at ( this is at night and no one is there). I told her no, I dont wanna do this anymore and I'm tired of her problems being mine and Im tired of suffering over her. She told me to just go home and think things through and call her in a better mood. I shook my head and said not this time. So as I get in my car I just start crying ( first time in a while), because I realized the girl I still love with all my heart is headed for a brick wall and whats worst is she doesnt see it. So I text her and tell her I cant do this anymore and I want NC. And I actually say in the text," I don't want to be there the day you fall apart, care too much to pretend like its not going to happen." Initially, she was cocky and texting me back and saying things like whatever you want pal and she said see ya in another life in 1 other text. Then 1 hour later she texts me, myspace messages, and calls me until 1 am and I still dont pick up. She kept begging me not to do this, that she loves me alot and this will torture her. Well, I get a call 5 am and it's a voicemail from her mom saying," She got pulled over while she was following me home and she's going to jail now." I can't believe it, shes going to jail and to my knowledge for over $6,000 worth of tickets. That may be like 3 months or more, ( maybe less I hope for her). Her mom asked me if I could help her return her college books for her, I said sure. I cant believe it guys, she was going to college, all she had to do was not go out everynight...You can read my posts from a week ago and I was telling you guys ( and you guys agreed) shes on her way to the jailhous with the amount she drives. I just dont know what to say....I cant believe it. I still love her alot, but this is proof to me why it needed to end. The question is, do I visit her in jail or leave her there to rot pretty much?

Take my advice, you can do whatever you want but get out a little. I didnt want to either, I was like you cant drag me out of my bed. But I forced myself one weekend and it really got things out of my mind. As of today Im thinking less and less bout her. Trust me, just give it a go.

NSBguy, on a shallower note I'd like to help you with something that you can do at this very moment. First off you sound like me with my ex when I don't get out of the house enough. I am the type of guy that likes to be genuine, and reflect on issues when things are over. I hate clubs, I hate large groups of people, and I hate going out in times like this. 2 weekends ago was the worst time in my life; I decided to stay home Sat, Sun and reflect and accept what has happened to me and my ex in the course of the last year. Somehow though, it turned into a nightmare FAST. It was like pulling nails, I cried, I yelled, I got drunk, I cried, I listened to every sad song in the world and then I drank some more and realized it was 5 am so I slept. Had some nightmares, woke up, listened to more sad music, cried, was sad, didnt even have the urge to explain how sad I am on enotalone, and finally the weekened was over....then the weekend was finally over. Then last week on Thursday I made plans that I promised I'd do. Friday I went fishing on my buddies boat in the morning, then when I got back home I went out with friends to a bar/club. Saturday I had dinner with an old friend that I havent seen in a long time and vented with, then I went to a movie with her, afterwards a club my sisters boyfriend owns and drank with a large group of people (surprise surprise!). By Sunday, I stayed home and read a little for school work, went to my uncles house and had a BBQ. It is now Tuesday and I haven't spoken to her for the first time in this 1 month of breaking up for nearly 5 days now. And I'm not sad at all, I'm completley fine. I'd love to give you specific advice on your ex and all but I'm sure the other members will do that. I will advise you to get out if you can, and when you do dont go out to talk about her, go out so you can just go out and forget her. I know you cant really forget her, and even when your out having fun a part of you wimpers inside like a dog about how you miss them. But just do it, it helps alot bud. Good luck, and get your weekend set up man!!

Hey guys, just wanted to say this weekend compared to last are a world apart. Last weekend I was seriously depressed, down and nearly out. This weekend, I made alot of plans and forced myself to go out and have fun and it has been great. I just wanted to add how funny the human mind is, just last Thursday it dawned on me that the problem with this break up is I'm looking at things too closely. I'm too focused in on what is happening to me at this moment. I looked at the big picture and realized that I don't want this girl as my wife and clearly don't want her as the mother of my children. Once I said those words out of truth to myself everything seemed to vanish. All the pain, suffering, anticipation of what's next deceased. I realized, why stress so much over a girl I truly know wouldn't have made a good wife? I said that not out of ego, not out of pride, but out of truth. Once I saw the big picture I realized what a good decision this is, even though this particular moment has it's challenges. Since last Thursday till today things have been in a really good positive sorta angle with me. I haven't checked her myspace nor have I even gotten the urge too, I haven't called her ( though I never initiate contact), and when she called me yesterday and practically begged me to come over I told her I'm too busy and have things to do. It's fair to say I have suffered alot over the past year with this girl, and I realized why suffer anymore? If all I've done is suffer and that hasn't gotten me very far maybe I need to approach this in a different matter. I'm sure I'll still have my bumps on the road, but I feel like the worst is definitley over...and that is music to my ears considering that I'm only 1 month into this. *If I can recommend anything for newly broken hearts I would say force yourself to go out. You don't have to flirt, get drunk, or any of that. Just go out, let your mind have some stimulant so your not just cooped up thinking about everything that just happened. Vent out, and the best way is getting yourself out of the house. - The Doc

I still think I did one of the harshest no contacts ever. I got into a fight with my ex-gf of 2 years and on the spot we both said in an egotistical way that we want out. We walked away from eachother with our heads in the air and pretending like we were much stronger than we were. The next day she blocked me and all of my friends from the internet. I waited...waited...waited..8 months later I had gotten through enough pain that I just wanted to talk to her. I spoke to her and the convo went great, we ended up venting out our emotions. I got over her almost instantly after the first 2 days of convo. So we tried the friends thing... Then as usual, she started becoming problematic about a month into it. She was upset about a movie I went to without her ( becaues I promised I'd see it with her) and then later we went to get something to eat and she was copping a harsh attitude. Later that night, she imed me and told me we're moving too fast. I found that ironic considering we were only friends and I told her several times I wouldn't sleep with her after she requested it. Then we no contacted for another 3 months and spoke again. Eventually, we just lost contact after going out with other people.

Unfortuantley, 1 of the parts of the depression or what is very hard with the break up is that we have so many dreams that our body doesn't actually rest. I forget the term, but when you dream that much your body isnt sleeping and resting so that is 1 of the huge factors of the stress on the body.

I've learned so much, nothing that you guys haven't already shared. I guess the saying goes that relationships don't neccesarily cause problems, but rather they bring out the problems in you. And whenever I am down in life and feel out, I always remember that those are the best times in life to take note of whats going on inside for self improvement.

Hey, its funny you say that. What motivated me on the decision was a quote I said to myself. I told myself while I was babbling in my head," I feel nothing but negativty with her." So now, I know I'm going to do that. I guess I just got to stay strong this time..very strong. I know if I've done this 2 times I can do it again.

No honestly, it has been about me and how I feel Frisco, and that's why I want to slow things down. It's not like I want to slow down talking to her for a reaction alone, it's also because she doesn't deserve my friendship as well as I want to move away from someone so self-destructive. She told me the other day that I'm just jelous that she hasn't fallen apart, and that she has a life beyond me which she is in right now. Things like that make me feel like I have to stop talking to her.

Yea I know, I agree with that. I guess I have a bad habit of using things like that to motivate me away. I take their immaturities and make it like I need to get the hell away from them.

Wow, this advice is really good. Response to: Friscodj I'm sorry Frisco I didnt mean NC is immature, but in my particular situation if I just disappear for good she will see it as a power trip like she finally 'broke me'. I already sat down and talked to her about this and she ended the convo asking me if Im gonna stop talking to her. I told her Im not going to do that, but I knew I am gonna definitley slow it down dramatically. As far as the misguided notions go, I am not saying I want to see her cry or suffer because she has already done alot of that for me. I just want her to know she cant outrace the speed of this breakup. Im not going to fall apart here and be there for her while she's not for me. It's not that I want her to fall apart, and break down for me, NOT AT ALL. It's not like im hoping she sits down and says to herself,' why I did I lose such a great guy' because I know shes incapable of focusing on self improvement. I just want her to focus on the MANY flaws she has that are obvious to see like her suspended license and the fact she still drives 100 miles a day, her lack of dedicating herself to work or school. This is no joke, she is 1 cop pulling her over away from 2 months in jail with no bail. These are the OBVIOUS things she needs to sit down and think about, but isntead she is just partying 24.7 like a sitting duck. Though they arent my problems they hurt me almost more than they hurt her for some reason. Response to: Iceman85 Actually, she didn't have the upper hand in the relationship at all and I broke up with her in the first place. Infact, she has asked me to get back with her on several occasions. However, you are very close in the sense she had the upper hand with the intangibles such as what needs to be done and what isn't allowed to be done. I did get her to stop clubbing in the duration of the relationship, but it was a huge problem and effort to get her to. I agree with everything you said about how NC isn't immature and that I need to make a final stand, I am not even going to give a big speech because SHE IS THE MASTER OF TURNING SOMETHING HEALTHY INTO AN ABUSIVE ATTEMPT. So if I "announce" my lack of contact effort she will only mock it and challenge it, as well as turn it into a game. No chance!! Response to: NJRon That's exactly the thing, I cant stand to watch her do this. I honestly wish her the best and I hope she lives a good life, I don't want her to fall apart and destroy her. But I also dont want her to just move on instantly, be happy again because she honestly has MANY lessons she should have learned from this break up. This is the girl that crashed my car and somehow just excuses it as 'its just an accident in the past.' Response to: g44 I don't see her as a partner at all anymore, but it hurts me REALLY bad because I feel like this last year was a stupid mistake and I knew it from the get go. You cant say, well you just made a bad choice when I knew it woulda ended bad but I went for it anyway. I have alot of growing up to do as well, but I think somewhere along this relationship I did most of it.

Hey guys, sorry for reposting so soon since my last update. Well it has already been a month since I've broken up and the contact has helped me adjust to the life style and accepting that it's really over. However, this last 2 weeks has really motivated me to dramatically slow down the contact. Last Tuesday she called me and told me that she went to a guy friends house and he offered her a drink and she drank it. She said she had 3drinks and then next thing she knows this guy tries to rub her back and all this stuff and is trying to kiss her so she ends up leaving and said to me she was very upset that he did that. I told her that's what happens when you go to guys houses' 1 on 1 and have drinks and she said that there was a roomate over, another guy so she never suspected such intentions. Then she tells me she has to get off the phone, cuz she's meeting with a cop guy friend at a Denny's and that he's engaged so it's ok to meet him. I told her, I've known you for a year and NONE of these guys ring a bell, and she told me she is bumping into them at clubs and so they're asking to hang out now. So she calls me the next day and tells me her agenda for the weekend is shes going out to a club with a guy friend, then next morning going to magic mountain with another guy. Then she's going to a club that night, followed by an afterparty, then a club the day after. I was disappointed that she told me how much she's going out which is pretty much 24/7. I told her that it isn't my business or problem anymore how much she is going out but that it hurts me that she is going out this much and putting herself out so soon. I also told her, it's hard to keep contact because these things are not only disappointing but very hurtful for me and I can't watch her do this. She asked me what I'd rather her do, stay home? She said she doesn't want to stay home for my sake, I said good point. Then get this, an old ex calls me (out of the blue)that is only a friend of mine and she has just recentley made a very large inheritence from her fathers sudden death and wants to talk to me about it 1 on 1. So then I tell my current ex and she says if I even meet her she'll never talk to me again, and that's not cool with her LOL... So as of today, I'm pretty much at a point where the amount she is going out hurts me, im not sure if im being mature or immature about the issue but I dont think somebody does these things to the degree she is doing them ( 24/7) and expects me to be friends. I don't want to be immature and do NC with her, but I want to slow the contact dramatically and just move on. She has proven her immaturity to me and her lack of responsibility towards life. I'm at a point where I NEVER TOOK A FINAL STAND towards her, and I think I really want to send a bold message that she lost something good. I would really like to know your guys/girls opinion on your position about this. How would you feel if your in my shoes, and what do you think is best? I'm not trying to get vengeance or hurt her, I just want her to know what she lost because she acts as though she hasn't lost much but I know deep down it hasn't hit her yet. Thank you for reading

Been there, the whole martyr/suicide mission on taking someone down with you is a weird thing because once you do it and all is done you are left destroyed as well. Reason being that you 1- invested so much time in hurting them that you lost more life, 2- you break the person so hard that your good and yet inevitable side comes out and you feel sorry for what you've done. Hope you make the right and positive decision

Im slowly moving towards the no contact path, however I just dont like no contact. It doesn't work too well for me lol, I have done no contact for 6-8 months with both my 2 ex's and I didnt get over it until I started talking again. Though, I do think I need room away from her so I can lose alot of feelings. The truth is, the break up cycle and emotions are still in tact right now

Anybody wanna add their take on the situation?

Yes contact her, it's obvious you both have closure to deal with. This is the HUGE PROBLEM with no contact. You become so consumed by it, everyday you wake up and remember how many months/weeks it's been since you've last talked. You become more and more bitter and you just hate life for not throwing something your way so you don't need to make the initiative on the contact part. The reality is, you have feelings you have to let her know and she has to hear you out. I also think she has things to say to you as well, in my experience women are way too scared to initiate the contact but they're so glad when you do so. I'm sure other members will recommend No Contact and they've got their good points. However, a few of my very good and mature friends that I look up to have broken up with girls they've been with for years and just kept contact and gradually broke up. My friend Tim who is a psych. major has done no contact before and he did a contact breakup as well about 5 months ago and he was amazed at the difference emotionally on what it did for him. Yes, there are times you'll be mad and argue with one another but it really helps to ween yourself off someone. Cold turkey is very hard and it scars you about future relationships too! The hurt is so bad when you get with someone you just dont wanna deal with it again so you start messing up. Hope this helps...

Hey don't worry about that, it's a completley HEALTHY feeling and reaction that your having with this new girl. It shows that your not clingy and just need someone there to kiss and be with all the time. That is exactly the way most people feel when theyre fresh off a breakup. About 2 years ago I broke up with my other ex of 2 years and I went out on a date with the most beautiful girl I could have asked for and we ended up making out and I had no fun. I felt the same thing you felt but I realized that I'm sure theres a normal reason on why that is. As far as contacting her goes, I'm not exactly sure what happened with you two so I hope Im not promoting a bad behavior but I don't see why you shouldn't contact her. I don't believe in absoultley 'No Contact' as I've been there 2 times ( I didnt talk to my first 2 ex's for 8 months, not a single email or word) and right now I'm doing a contact thing with my current ex. The times where theres no contact at all is the worst feeling in the world, it gets overwhelming. It helps so much just to give a call from time to time just to let them know. But you have to tell the difference between calling them everytime you feel down and just on occasion when it gets too overwhelming. From a guys perspective, I'd have to say letting her know how much you cared for her is quite a common thing for us to do after a break up. So I can see why you would wanna contact her. I think it's UNECCESARY to just break up with someone and bottle up all those emotions you have. I think NC is for people who are either very strong and are sure they are through with that person or more commanly for people who are emotionally weak and unstable and who need to complteley get out of that environment. Just talk, soon enough you'll see that person from a different perspective and that is what'll make you want to push yourself away from her.

Hey it's me again, I just wanted to update whats going on with me right now as I've just gotten through the first month of the break up. Well, as of the first month I've seen her about 3 times for brief moments and each time has gotten less and less. She is going out alot now, probably everynight to clubs or bars. I didn't say anything at first but just a week ago I let her know that what she is doing with her life is irresponsible and trouble. She laughed at howI was being dramatic about it, but I told her look," You have a suspended drivers license, your driving about 1 hour to get to Hollywood every night...trust me your gonna get caught and you have outstanding warrants for tickets. Your gonna end up in jail." But she wont listen, which makes me just say to myself it isn't my problem anymore. The sad part is she picks up her best friend who also has a suspended license for DUI'ing 2 times in a year. So her cowardly friends use her for a drive, because they aren't stupid enough to risk getting caught themselves. The good news is that she's going to school, so I feel like I helped her make some sorta difference in her life. She hadn't gone to school since the 9th grade before me, now shes going to a community college and taking 10 units. I'm glad I could have helped with something. The other day she and I got into a conversation and we were talking about what went wrong and she cut me off and very calmy yet ruthelssly basically said that I'm too dark, depressed of a character to be with her and that since breaking up everyone is telling her how happy she is and how much more kinder she is to deal with. She says going back out is doing wonders for her ( this woman has a commitment to the club life) and that in our relationship I was pretty much the problem because I didn't FORGIVE her for the things she did. She said atleast she forgave me for the things I did and that she was mature enough to do so but that I wouldn't let go of stupid stuff like her talking to those other guys or the suicide attempts. I told her I didn't do anything major other than be a jerk sometimes for her to have to think about forgiving me. She also said she doesn't want to get back, but she would want to seriously marry me someday. I told her no on that part. Last weekend was the worst of it all, I was an emotional wreck for 48 hours. Reason being, like an idiot I checked her myspace and saw pictures of her with other guys (friends but they were holding her and they all seemed so happy) it all just really started wearing on me. I didn't speak to her all weekend and I ignored her calls. Alot of people around me tell me I'm punishing myself about this break up. That I dont go out enough so I can sit home and dwell on it. I just feel as though I hurt alot of people like my family or friends with this relationship so I dont deserve to just breakup and feel like they should be here for me. Also, I like letting the worst hit me now and getting over it as compared to running away from it by going out and drinking like she does. Last weekend was the worst of it, it was my first nervous breakdown in a long time. Alot of it also has to do with school, I dont like my major and Im not sure what I want to do. So it's getting frustrating, but I got through the first month and other than last weekend everything else has been quite easy. I'm trying to stay strong and just keep telling myself God will never put more on my plate than I can handle. I hope so...thanks for reading. Your 2 cents would help.

Btw, I'd like to stop for a moment and thank you all for your kind advice. I appreciate it alot that you take the time out of your day/lives to help me out. Thank you

Well, I see what you mean but I want to just add that I broke up with her, not visa versa. Also, I had a nice mature convo with her today and it was pretty healthy. I told her I don't wanna hate her and I don't want her to hate me. She told me she feels the same way, and I told her that we should still stay positive and be friends and not lose contact of eachother. We left it at that, we have gone through alot together and I'm not grasping onto her in a negative way at all. Infact, if I feel at any time I am doing that I will proceed to no contact. But, that was what she and I discussed for now. She is going out all the time and doing her thing, however I just want her and I to be on a positive note. I don't want her 100% out of my life forever, I just want to be friends without having to be responsible of her.

Hi there it's me the Doc, though I'm thinking about changing my username to 'The Patient'. I just wanted to update on my situation as it's been a week and a half since my last post. So my ex and I were talking at first and having a contact break-up but we got into a stupid argument online and she told me not to contact her till I 'grow up and get mature' and that I'm a 'bleeping bleep'. Well, just 1 hour later she told me she doesn't wanna do the whole no contact thing and she wants to talk to me and I told her I'm tired of her playing yo-yo with me. I told her I'm going to make her wish come true. So I completley did No Contact for 5 days. Then just yesterday she called me and I finally picked up. I talked to her for about 15 minutes and was a bit cautious on how to act. I asked her what she has been up to and she told me she is seriously contemplating marrying an illegal immigrant for $10,000, that she's been going to clubs for 4 days in a row non stop, shes been heavily drinking, and oh yeah she can magically take her car places now ( she couldn't take herself to work or school when she was with me). I was very upset and told her I don't want to talk to her right now. So after another day of NC and her going crazy she called me and we spoke. Today, she told me she felt like she's losing a best friend and she can lose me as a boy friend but not as a best friend. Then I got hurt when I asked her if she thought I was a good bf and she told me no. I left myself vulnerable by asking but I got this vibe that she thinks I'm just as much in fault as hre. She told me I was a good guy the first 6 months but after when I stopped being SUPER nice about taking her to work that I became a bad guy. I didn't want to get into it but I told her the reason I stopped was because I didn't feel appreciated and I felt like I was a resource, not a friend. A friend is someone you cherish for what they did, a resource is one person to the next. And guess what? She doesn't appreciate it, she says all her bfs did these types of things for her (driving her around) and it's not a big deal to her. As of today, 8.29 I'm REALLY down and sad. The reality is hitting me more and more and I'm having a hard time but I'm accepting it all. I keep having nightmares and I wake up from sleep, I'm pretty down. I know I'll be fine and be back soon but this is a surreal place to be with her. I aniticipated it so long that now that it's finally here it feels strange. She has put a wall up and she's saying things and I'm thinking shes convinced herself that I was a bad bf to her. I can't believe you can do so much for someone and they wont appreciate you for it. Despite it all, I look at where I am as a life lesson and not a scary place. But I am definitley rock bottom emotionally.....Thanks for reading...advice would be appreciated.

Ok I just have to say this because it has been on my mind actually as of lately and I wanted to make a post about it but ill just state it here because the issue was brought up: Ok, I know im going against what people are telling you but this is just my opinion. I have been in 3 breakups my whole life and 2 of them were 'No Contact' breakups that lasted about 8 months till I finally cracked and talked to them. The one breakup I am in currentley is a contact break up and I can say clearly that; NC breakups are very unhealthy. Now, if you talk to your partner and tell them in a positive way that we need to take time apart, and completley sever any means of communication until we are over one another, then by all means go ahead and give it a go. However, 90% of the time this is not the case. Almost all situations including on this site are NC breakups that happen because 1 of the partners is very angry or vengeful. This is an unhealthy type of breakup that gives little to no closure on why it had to happen. Currentley, I am in a contact break up with my ex of 1 year and I can honestly say it feels SO MUCH easier. At this very moment she is in a bar full of plenty of handsome guys which im sure are going to be hitting on her and guess what? It doesnt bother me a bit, because she told me about it and she has my blessing. However, you know how much it would hurt in the initial phases of the break up if I didnt know what she was up to and a friend told me that he saw her at a bar talking to othe guys? ALOT! Ultimatley, No contact creates this severley depressing illusion and almost a mystique (if I may use that word) about the breakup that is just too hard to swallow. If it's possible, talk to the other person and get over them gradually. I can honestly say I had 8 months to work with getting over an ex of 2 years and I just couldn't get over it more than 10-20%. Finally, I broke the NC and messaged her and she and I spoke. Immediatley, I got over all the painful memories and the mystique completley died. I was no longer waking up in the morning waiting, or sad, or wondering why love is like this or like that. In conclusion, keep it simple and as easy on yourself as you can. The harsh reality is there's no healthy no contact break up. The people that say never talk to him/her again are giving a universal rule of thumb which is, if you don't talk to them or see them again then the reality will hit you. However, the reality will hit you anyway once you don't see them as much anymore and you feel that chemistry is no longer there. However, atleast when your seriously down or nearly out you can just give them a call and tell them how you feel. Even me and my ex as ridiculously abusive as we were to eachother are there to talk whenever we are down and missing eachother. It's important that your convos don't turn into blame or jelousy games either. Don't tell them or threaten them about other opportunities with men/women or how great it's to be single. Just be there for them as they are for you. Thanks for reading