TheDoctor

I dunno, I talked to her today and she is really closed herself up badly. That's fine with me, the good news is she's going out alot and I have a feeling she is talking to other guys. I really don't care at this point, I just dont want to do NC again, been there 2 times and it sucked really REALLY bad. It didnt help me at all, infact I didnt get over the girl until 6-8 months later when I finally talked to her and got everything out of my system. Honestly, I know NC breakups like the back of my hand, infact check some of my older posts from years ago you'll see how tough it was for me to let go of a girl I was with for a long time after a fight and we no contacted for 7 months! Off subject but, unless you sit down and tell the person it's best if you never talk again NC break-ups are very unhealthy because they often are motivated by pride and vengeance. It's a matter of who breaks first, not about moving on. Again, if you sit down with the person, have a nice healthy 1-1 with them about how it's best to move on then go ahead, but it's very VERY hard for two people to attain that status. NC, is a good thing to do for the first few weeks, but again I have been there and it just isnt for me. For example, I was with a girl for 2 years, we broke up out of anger and pride and did a NC thing for half a year +. I got over some of it, but everyday I woke up sad, and just tried to forget but I couldn't. Finally, I realized I have nothing to be ashamed about and I called her, once I did and she and I began talking I got over it LITERALLY that night. I felt so at ease and I just let it all out of my system. Since then I realized what a waste of time no contact break ups are. I like what I'm doing with my ex right now, I feel like i'm getting over it and at the same time not messing with myself by causing speculation and all those other malicious things. But then again, Ive never been on this side of the field so I'm not sure how good of an idea this is either. I do know this much, NC are uneccesary.

Bad teeth, or if she is hairy.

Thanks, it has been 4 days now and she keeps asking me to hang out and I keep telling her not now. We are still friends and are having a pretty humble and positive friendship so far. I just have a bad feeling that might end, but who knows.

Well, despite all her ranting and raving she gave up quiet quickly when it finally hit her that we're not getting any better. It's a very sad, crazy story her and I but I hope I can find the strength to get back to reality because all I can say is this last year has been so abusive and surreal that normal is a very hard and strange place to be for me.

Ok well I'm a guy and my ex girlfriend hit me hard for a total of 3 times. That was 3 too many for me but I forgave her all 3 times because she would cry and I'm a guy who used to box so I was like whatever. But you know what, physical abuse to me symbolizes somebody who has so much disgust mentally that they expose it on the physical level and someone like that has no place to be in a relationship. You are capable of forgiving him just like I forgave my ex, but you know there are more problems you have to focus on like this guy is clearly not ready to step up and be the man that is there for you. That is why me and my ex ultimatley broke up, there just isn't enough stability going on inpeople like that.

Your not fooling yourself at all, 11 years is a very long time and you can't just get over it without the natural feelings of sadness and missing him. On the flip side, neither can he. Infact, he has put himself in a much more conflicting situation because NOBODY can just get over 11 years with someone else. A relationship like that takes alot of time to get over and because he hsant allowed that for himself I wouldn't be surprised at all if you move on way before he does becaues the realities have hit you already, not sure if he knows what he is doing. In other words, you don't breakup with somebody after being with them more than a decade and just replace them. It is impossible, and I'd much rather be in your shoes where you have the room to break down, be sad, etc as compared to him whom I'm sure if he shows any signs of sadness his gf will give him lip about it because nobody wants to be with someone who hasn't moved on. Hope my advice helped a bit.

Hey thanks for your strong words, here is a link to update you on the situation. I did end up breaking up with her :

I am going to stick to those things for sure, as far as talking to her to be honest with you. I broke up with a girl ( whom ironically was the 1st girl I ever posted about years ago on this site) and her and I didn't talk for nearly 8 months in a no contact type of break up. The experience was traumatizing for me and literally the minute I talked to her 8 months later I got over her. I felt like a load was lifted and all my emotions drained in the course of a night. I just don't want to go down that route and not talk to her for months, I'd much rather it be this way where we are at peace with this and have no animosity towards one another. I hope that it doesn't blow up in my face though.

Hey guys, it's me again, and I just wanted to update you guys on what happened like I promised. Me and her broke up 3 days ago after we got into another huge argument and I basically told her that I'm dying for this change in my life and I know she is somewhere deep down inside. Since then this is what has happened each day Night 1- She IMS me and tells me she's sick of her life that she's going to kill herself. She posted a message on a suicide forum asking the easiest way out and she said she was just gonna take a bunch of sleeping pills and put a bag around her head in the bathtub. Her mom was out of town on vacation and she was all alone there so I began to become a bit concerned. So, I lied to her and told her the police are coming and instead I secretley just called her mom's friend whom went there and just calmed her down. She then called me 3 am and asked me if we can just be friends atleast so it can be easier on the two of us, I said sure but no more than that she said ok. Day 1- She called me and told me she is really at peace with this break up that while she is very angry and empty inside she juts doesn't want this anymore. She said she wants to move on as well, but at the same time she wants to talk to me for therapeutic reasons. These are the times her beauty really comes out where she is very humble, mature but unfortunatley these characteristics disappear when we are together. Day 2- She shows up at my house in the morning to give me a hug and tells me she just had to pick up her dogs kennel (which she did) and that shes sorry she just showed up but she was hanging out with her friend who lives like 2 miles from me. She left and told me she'd call me later. She went out to a bar that night, and ended up back home with her girlfriends and hung out all night. Day 3- Today, she is planning on going to another bar or club and doing her thing. She has already made a myspace which states she's single. Seems like she's doing everything to get over me which is good news. I guess that's about it so far, as far as how I'm doing well, it's very difficult. I am having my moments where it is very painful all the way to moments like right now where I'm feeling at peace with all of this. Either way it's a very tough life change, and I hope I can find the strength to move on and not lose my steam. I feel all the usual symptoms, however I've been going back to running at nights alot to get energy out and I'm going to the gym as well. My cousin is a club promoter and literally dates a billion women so he has promised me we're gonna go double-dating alot but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that just yet. I don't want to move on too fast or slow. Other than that, thank you guys alot for your support and advice. If it wasn't for members like raykay, and you guys who posted on my posts I wouldn't have done what I did. I'm sure I'll be posting in a few weeks about how depressed I am so see you guys then! LOL

Yes, I agree. I have attempted taking a break two times though and both of those times 1-2 days into the break was when I found out she was talking to other guys. It's almost like she just constantly needs male attention 24/7. I know she loves me behind it all but it isnt a true love, it's a very roller coaster up-down type of love. I am her drug, and when my high is no longer effecting her she's going to throw me away. The thing is, as long as I act emotionless towards her and push her away I supply her with some sort of high. On a side note, she makes up every excuse in the book to smother my life with bogus excuses like her car doesn't work so I have to take her everywhere, or she lives too far, etc etc. I just see it like she doesn't care enough to help change the anatomy of the relationship. The sad part is, everyone in my family and friends that I've seen over this weekend are telling me I look really depressed. I don't really feel depressed but if everyone is telling me that then....I dunno. I am definitley out of it, I sleep till 1 pm, things that I don't normally do. I am sad, with or without her. I feel like there's only one thing left to do, and that is to break up because waiting for her to be normal and stable is BEYOND unrealistic.

Ok thank you guys alot, I'll let you know what happens soon.

I know shes a loser, but that's what makes me feel bad. She is self destructive and I feel without me she will explode so bad, but I see now even with me she is doing the same except shes bringing me down with her as well.

Honestly, the biggest factor is that we've been through hell and back. Everytime we are down she acts so genuine, so like,'hey you and I have both been through hell and back you better not even think about it.' Wish it was for real though

Yea that's pretty much how the cookie crumbles I think.....I dont think we have any other destiny than that.

I'm only 22 years old, and I live with my parents. Or else I would have packed a long time ago and just disappeared. My family supports me on the relationship, however everyone has distanced themselves from me and I dont blame them at all. They are all scared of her, other than my dad who hates her because she totalled my car a few months back and my dad ended up with the bill. This is definitley worst than fatal attraction, she is obsessed with something that this relationship offers her but I dont think it's me! She has hit me before, and used to hit me when we would get into heated arguments. Then I would walk out and leave and she would call me 1000000 times crying hysterically on the phone about how sorry she is. (I used to be a boxer so I would always take it and say dont hit a girl) but now I restrain her very aggressivley if she pulls any of that crap. Anyway, I dont want to character assasinate her and make you guys feel like she's evil or messed up and I'm good because I feel like a bad person too. It's just that I want help because I feel like this is how addictions begin, when you least suspect them of being there. The denial is starting to settle in as well where I am talking like a crack addict who is telling people I can drop the habit if I really wanted too. The thing is me and her (believe it or not) recovered as a couple for a while after she crashed my car and all that crap. After a bout a good month what happened was I busted her on 3 different occasions in her talking to other men and giving her number out. 1 time was on hotornot she was meeting good looking guys and giving her number out. Some guy said hey I dont know if you want to be serious with me or not, I keep calling but you wont pick up. The 2nd time was the same sorta thing, and the 3rd time was with an old fling that she gave her number too and said she missed him. Since then I have turned off my emotions, I told her I want to take time off and she was crying and said ok she deserves that but then she just showed up at my hous 4 am crying telling me how were gonna marry some day!! This isn't the first time, I cant tell you how many times she has told me she just wants to be friends or something sending me home sad only to see by the time I get home she's there infront of my house! She just doesn't get it! Lastly, there are those rare occasions where I get her so upset she calls it off and has me drop her off on a 4 hour round trip to her moms house. The thing is, I always give in 3 or so days later because she acts like the girl that I met and remember falling in love with. Sweet, caring, etc. I guess it's hard because she was love at first sight for me, and actually to be honest she was a girl I had a crush on and she wouldnt give me the time of day but I eventually ended up with her. It was a dream come true, how often do you end up having a relationship with your crush? However, I CLEARLY see that I am being a stupid guy and I need to stop this cycle I have started. I have already discontinued my cell phone services just so she cant get a hold of me, I have deleted my myspace, I have changed my screen names. I have pretty much arranged for it to happen. Now I just gotta go through with it.

Thank you guys so much for your advice. IT GETS WORST, the thing is this, I have already called the police on her before....but she's a monster and worst of all she is a drop dead gorgeous girl ( the blonde bombshell type). You wonder how that effects? Well let me tell you, she gets out of EVERYTHING!! Cops were sympathizing with her when they came and told me it's gonna be hard to prove that your being stalked by a gorgeous blonde girl. I said cmon man I just want her out and they told me that there is nothing they can do. Let me explain in further detail, she wont go away, she has told me already I can't kick her out because anyone who has lived in a place for more than 2 weeks with or without rent has legal residency and has to be given an eviction notice. So, when I called the police on her one day after a huge fight and her refusal to leave, the cops arrived and told me THAT THIS IS TRUE AND THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING!! I asked the officer about a restraining order and he said I'd have to prove infront of a judge that she is an imminent threat and that it's a little hard to prove that considering she is seriously a beautiful blonde girl. My friends are creeped out because shes so pretty but they tell me how can such a pretty girl ever be on any guys jock strap 24/7 like that?! Here is one hard part, the 2 times I actually broke up with her she tried to kill herself. The 1 time I broke up with her her mom called me and told me she has taken 2 bottles worth of painkillers ( hydrocodone) and she is in a hospital. That is 22 pills of hydrocodone people!! That stuff is powerful, 1 pill and I'm knocked out for a day. I went to visit her and she told me without me she promises me she'll kill herself. The second time which was a few weeks ago I broke up with her and I found her in my house trying to break my gun case open to shoot herself!! And no, she wasn't bluffing because I was supposed to not be home that day and she knew it so she broke into my house and wanted to scar me for the rest of my life. I thank God that I came home coincedentally that day. I was like omg how can you ever think this will work when your so clearly unstable?! She was trying to break the case open with a hammer but thank god it is secure and locked up. I couldn't believe how stupid she was for doing this. Now look, don't get me wrong, beyond the victimization she has caused on herself she is very cruel to me too and curses me out, and tells me she is losing her feelings for me, and she embaresses me CONSTANTLY in public by yelling at me or hitting me infront of people. YES, hitting me. But I think despite her telling me she doesn't want to lose me her actions have clearly shown she wants to lose me. It's funny, I went into this post thinking I can someway make it sound like there was a chance with this relationship, but I see how badly I need to move on. The reality is, I know if I HAVE to I can break up with her. It's just such a life change that it feels hard and it will take an amazing amount of courage and strength to do it. I know I have that in me, but this is the first breakup in my life where it is literally ALL THE WAY or none at all.....very difficult. PS I have already discontinued my cell phone service with SPRINT just so she can't contact me anymore. Currently she is at her dads house for the weekend ( the first time off in months). I feel like it's a good opportunity now.

Hello, I posted about my current relationship about 5 months ago. At that time, the girl and I were in a huge obvious conflict. However, things did change but not neccesarily for the better. Most of you advised that I break up with her and that she is clearly mentally unbalanced. Where we are at right now is really nasty, every day we basically wake up next to eachother, go to school with eachother, go get lunch together, go to my house, I study while she keeps bothering me with stuff I need to do for her like take her to eat for dinner, or basically things that distract me from studying. This is my life 24/7 for the past year. I am being smothered, and I have explained to her 100 times that our problem is we don't have room in our relationship. She keeps saying the problem is im too mean or aggressive and that I just don't care anymore when it's CLEARLY that we just don't give eachother the room to breath. She hsa become a cancer in my life that has spread violantly and I just can't get rid of her. When I break up she refuses to leave and she lives about 2 hours away so I can't tell you how many times I've dropped her off home ($50 bucks worth of gas) and broken up only to find her at my house by the time I get back because she drove her moms car illegaly(suspended license) there. However, even the few times we have broken up I've given in after a few days and her persistently emailing me begging to get back. It is clear I am part of this unhealthy cycle. It is very bizarre that we are at this point in the relationship becaues prior to me and even now this girl is a veryyyyy outgoing girl. When I first met her she was out at bars/clubs/parties 24/7 and infact that is why I didn't want to be with her. Now, she wont get away from me because for 1 she doesn't have a car nor a license (suspended). Let me give you an example of our relationship; last night we were at Tony Romas. I felt feverish so I didn't wanna go out to eat dinner but she kept waking me up from my naps pretending like she was talking to a guy on the phone that wsa going to pick her up and go out to eat with her. So finally after not letting me sleep I just took her to eat Tony Romas ( in which she complained about for half an hour). We ate there and didn't say a single word to eachother until the end of the meal. At the end of the meal she asked my why I have to be such an ***hole all the time and I told her it's because I don't have a moment away from you. She started yelling in the middle of the restaurant and cursed at me more and walked out. The manager asked us to calm down, and people were laughing. I felt HUMILIATED! Then I walked out after paying the meal and she was waiting for me near the car. We went in and as we were driving I did something dumb, I went to grab her hat to throw it out the window, she turned around and socked me in my shoulder and my face and I just pushed her hard against the car door. NOW, I know your thinking dude! Why even question anything, but it isn't that I'm questioning it it's more that despite all this crap we do to eachother she knows how to manipulate me to make it where I forgive. Like after that restaurant scene last night she wakes me up today telling me how me and her need to go camping together again and that shes going to the mall today to buy me new clothes ( which she does all the time). I don't know what to say because I know I sound really stupid...but everytime I break up with this girl after 2-3 days I find myself back with her because of her persistent begging. This is my 3rd failed relationship so I'm not scared of breaking up...but I just can't make that transition towards breaking up. I don't know what to do, my grades are slipping, I feel as though I can never be the bio major I want to be with her around. Yet, despite all this I love her and have been with her through alot. Unfortunately for me, I'm not scared, anxious, depressed or anything! I'm sturdy and I'm not reacting in the positive manner that I need to to get out of this relationship. What would you do if you were me? ( Besides slapping me a few times)Please help, any advice would be highly appreciated. Thank you- The Doc

Yea, you know I've tried so hard to help her get out of this situation with the tickets. The biggest drain is the fact she doesnt have a car. It has put a HEAVY burden on the relationship because there are nights where I need room for myself and I cant have that because the amount of work I get done wouldnt be enough if I drove 1:30 mins away to drop her off, come back here study for an hour, then drive back to pick her up. The thing is I know she loves me, but I think for the wrong reasons. I think she loves me because Im here to help her with her baggage but the thing is although a bf's\gf's job is to help there partner in life it isnt to run their life. Like I said, there isnt any weight I've put on this relationship. In the past 7 months shes never pulled me aside and said, hey this bugs me about you or youve done this to me. NOTHING! I've been so good to her but I can guarantee you that she has put so much pressure on me, my family, etc. My family dislikes her alot because they see her as someone who is ruining my future\life. My father asks me everyday, IS it over yet? I know my heart stopped investing in her after the accident because I realized how uncaring she can be. According to our insurance claim she was 92% at fault of the accident. She went joy riding with it instead of going to the designated area. However, she only took it 2 miles out...HOW CAN SOME1 BE SO CARELESS? I regret it big time because my father told me if I ever let her drive the car he'll kick me where the sun dont shine but I never thought if she just took it a block away she'd total it like she did. My father has forgiven me but really wants her out, my mom and sister both feel bad for her but the theme seems to be that everyone feels as though if she loved me she wouldn't put so much weight on my shoulders. It also saddens me deeply she got the dogs with me in the beginning knowing she isn't the type of person who can have these types of responsibilities. A dog is alot of responsibility and she just brought them into her life no matter how many times I told her not to because they would become a burden on us she still did it and now we got rid of the dogs we loved with all our hearts. I sit and wonder...am I like those dogs? Was I something brought into her life that she cant handle that will ultimately pay at the end? I kept those dogs at my house for an extra week just so they can go to an extra good home. I've put our relationship into retrospect since, it seems to me everything she touches goes to hell. I feel bad for her but I am making the fatal mistake of staying for sympathy. I also dont get how someone who makes $2000 bucks a month couldn't take care of the car tickets situation already. Out of the 5 she has paid for one already which I helped her pay for. This seems like a joke...I know she loves me but as Tina Turner says whats love got to do with it? All I ask for is a little time to myself to study, relax, etc. However, I never get that. And oh yeah, my favorite part about this relationship is the fact that I literally cannot find time to sleep, even on my days where class starts at 12 she wakes me up 8 am to drop her off and I just dont have it in me to go back to sleep again after that. You know these may sound like petty little things but its that stuff that breaks a person down....and Im def. falling apart

Why was it too late? How long were you in the relationship before the damages were permanent?

Yea you guys are right. I know in my heart I should breakup, this has been definitley a series of unfortunate events with her. What can I say? I tried my very hardest to be there for her but each and everytime it's been a slap on the face. I really appreciate all your logical opinions, thank you. I will update you and let you know how things go.

Ok I'm a 21 year old guy just trying to live the normal college life with my gf....but....where do I begin? Well, I was dating this girl for about 4 months until she and I decided to be a couple. We became official in September 12th\05. Since day 1 I knew she was trouble, but not a single clue on how bad. The problem is shes a typical broken home type of girl. No real family support, bad morals, bad upbringing. She has a millionaire dad who neglects her and only takes care of the daughter he had with his 2nd wife ( while my gf is the daughter from his 1st marriage) and she also lives with her mom. Ironically, I come from a very sweet hearted, good moraled "upper class" family. Anyway, here is the situation. She has 5 outstanding tickets she hasn't paid for and has a suspended drivers license. At first, her mother used to give her a ride to work and what not but since then I have become her designated driver. This means I gotta wake up every morning, drive her to work and pick her back up. I would never let her drive my car until last January she asked if she could take the car just around the corner to get cigarettes. Well I had a terrible fever and was knocked out tired so I told her go ahead be SUPER DUPER SAFE. BIIIIIIIG MISTAKE...she calls me crying saying shes totalled my car. My family has disowned her since. They see her as bad news and a loser that brings everyone down. She has cost my family thousands of dollars. It gets even worst, she had her own place with 2 dogs that we both raised since we first met. Meanwhile, her mom was forced to move to a new place so my gf decided she should move back in with her to help her out. Again another mistake, her mom moved 1:30 mins away from my area which forced us to have to get rid of the dogs because she doesn't have a car and I dont have the time to drive up there everyday to maintain the dogs her mom can't stand. We loved those dogs with all our heart. Because she lives 1:30 mins away she stays over here everynight so I can have the great fun of dropping her off every damn morning! Yes...it gets even worst. Lastly, before this relationship I was very healthy, had unlimitted time to myself, had plenty of time to study. I worked out 4 times a week and my life was going places. Now with her, I never go to the gym, I get sick alot more because I never have time to workout, and WORST OF ALL I never have time to study in which I'm trying to become a veterinarian and have my upper Bio classes currentley this semester. So you must be asking yourself, why be with her then DUMMY? Because I've been in 3 relationships and this is the 1st girl I've ever had or even heard of that doesn't play mind games, that doesn't mess with me as far as stupid little arguments, she loves alot of the same things I love and most of all she never threatens to leave and is super clinged onto me in a healthy way. Overall, I feel trapped, it seems as though the life I live now and all the baggage and stress has been put on my shoulders. I have to wake up and take her to work, bring her back. Give her a ride to wherever she asks for. She never leaves me alone, even when I tell her I need to study and want to drop her off home for a day or so. I'm not use to this, I mismanaged the balance in this relationship and now I'm really paying for it BIG TIME. I want out but I feel really bad that she may lose her job due to no ride and she has a really good human resources job now near my house. I want to end this because I feel in my heart I miss being with my family, having time to myself, and most of all Im sick of the stress. The stress is 110% her life stresses. I dont bring any stresses and she would agree first hand with that and she apologizes to me for that but it just isnt fair that I do so much for her but she doesnt absolutely nothing for me physically just emotionally. She just came into this relationship and dropped a thousand pounds on my shoulders and basically said can you give me a helping hand with all this? I havent laid a single pound of my life stresses on her. I never ask her for school help, money, ANYTHING!!! I feel ripped off and the stress is killing me. I know she loves me alot and Ive had a billion talks with her but as the saying goes, guys born round dont die square (IN OTHER WORDS: She aint changing pal) It's just not fair, I didnt sign up for all this crap. Im just her boyfriend, not her damn dad whoes supposed to take care of all this drama. I need to get back on track, but I dont know what to do anymore. Im not scared of breaking up at all as my last breakup was so difficult that I have a HIGH tolerance for this stuff now. Its more of a sympathetical reason Im still here....because I feel if she doesnt have me she'll become a nobody. But maybe Im fooling myself...perhaps.....People....am I being stupid for not leaving already? Remember, Im only 21. I should be living my life and having a healthy balanced relationship. I dont even have time to go to the bathroom without her next to me..... Sincerely, an exhausted man.

well we were doing the NC thing it lasted 8 months until I decided this isnt worth it, just went back got my closure and moved on. It plays out on its own and it's inevitable for you to get over it and be happy wether u like it or not. Theres no formula I can give you other than truly surrendering and accepting what is, once you can do that you are free of all of it. To resist, be negative, deny and not accept is where ur wrong

I haven't written in here in a long time. It's funny reading some of my old posts about the breakup because I feel like it's a lifetime ago or a different person. Two years ago I came onto this site really emotionally "destroyed" ( so I thought ), saddened, shocked, confused over it all. I had broken up with my girl of 2 years. I felt like I wouldn't get over it, well it's been a little over a year now and I've been over it for quite some time. I just wanna let you all know for any of you losing hope DON'T. I thought it was going to be so hard, I was scared terribly of it all. It honestly isn't so bad, you learn so much through this breakup about yourself and life you never could imagine. I just want to say you do get to a point you absolutley forget about the experience as a sad thing and you just talk about it from time to time but you are truly over it. Just surrender to what is happening and what life has put infront of you, don't be here yet you wanna be somewhere else kind of attitude, all is well now and if you truly accept your present moment life will be enjoyable. I say this to those who are new to the breakups, or tired of life after relationships, etc. In my journey I learned that we are all on our own in this life and you have just learned the cruel reality that nobody is here for you in this lifetime like yourself. I hope you all the best but I know you will all be alright, keep your heads up.

Dude what else can it mean? She's saying she would like to go eat with you there sometime, and the reason she didn't give the name of the place is because it doesn't really exist shes just gonna make it up after you say hey lets go out. Why're you emailing her? Just call the damn girl and say hey wanna go out to eat sometime, dont even mention that seafood place as its kinda corny to mention it just say hey lets go eat out sometime.

I say it doesnt matter what it is, it sounds like you have something special infront of you. Don't waste time trying to label it, the mind loves labeling things so it can assume its past, present, and ultimate dissolution. The reality is, you found someone, its been a shortwhile but it feels great, just keep it going and enjoy. Don't put labels on it though because when you do your not accepting her just the situation and when the situation changes suddenly you attack or defend. You seem like you got a catch but its only been 2 weeks, dont get too attatched so soon because you might end up trying to make it somehting its not