TheDoctor

114 days...it's getting better some days and others it feels like its taking forever. This process is so brutal...I've been here before, I know it takes 6-9 months to really get back on your feet. Praying to make it in one piece as this break up has cost me a lot.

Ok thanks for the info, I joined a local toastmasters that starts this Tuesday. Can't wait

So do you think its beneficial to go for the purposes I stated above?

I'm 22 years old, and I have to take a speech class and I'm really nervous. I just want some practice, the debate class is for advanced orators.

Hey there, someone on this board recommended I join a Toastmasters Club to help me with overcoming the fear of public speech. So I called and am gonna go tomorrow to check things out. But I heard from a friend it's run by scientologists, and it's just a conversion tactic. Now, I don't have anything against anyone but I just want to know if this is true. The guy did tell me they are holding the meeting at a Scientology center...hmmm. Are there any other groups or associations that are purely for helping overcome fear of public speaking, etc? Thank you

I had the same problem, but this is what helped me. Go to your college career center, then take some tests that are about 30 minutes long. Then when the results come in you will be evaluated by a college counselor in which they will discuss your personality traits and which top jobs suit you. Give it a try

Awesome advice, thank you. I like what you said about if your prepared you wont choke, that's probably the best way to approach it. That's why I dropped that first class, because I was totally unprepared for a 5 minute introduction speech

Yea I know Scout, dang anticipatory anxiety. LOL, all this Zen and Power Of Now readings have really given mea new perspective on life but I get scared over speech LOL

That is exactly what I planned on doing for the first teacher until he said get infront of class and introduce yourself for 5 minutes. I'm a pretty mentally strong person, I know im gonna do this. I'm just wondering if any of you can share comforting stories, or advice? And by comforting stories I mean of taking speech class and seeing people freak out but it worked out in the end sorta thing.

I am taking it at a community college, and I have to take speech 101, the link removed and my counselor told me theres no way out. I guess im S Outta luck

Yea, but a few years is so far away

My fear is that I will embaress myself, choke on stage, pass out, vomit, etc. The funny thing is, I do socialize with people often at parties/clubs/ and amongst friends. But with this class, it just feels like an OMG! The only thing working for me is it's my last semester here so I wont have to see anyone ever again, but im utterly terrified.

When I got into my dream med school 2 months ago, I couldn't believe it. I was so happy, and felt so positive, especially since it happened recentley after a break up with a girl I was with for a year. So all was well until I get a letter from my school telling me that I have 1 more general education class I have to take before I get in, and the words in the letter spelled SPEECH101. All I could think to myself was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! The one class I purposely avoided all of my junior college career is now the only thing standing in my way of getting in. So, ok I signed up for the speech class, I had a positive outlook going in. I get to the class, and I had heard good things bout the teacher off link removed, so I'm sitting there mingling with people, etc and the teacher tells us," After this video I put on everyone has to go on stage and introduce themselves for 5 minutes." I CHOKED! I freaked out! I walked out to go think what I should do, I couldn't believe the teacher would make us do this on the first day!! I just refused to do it, and instead I just walked away with my tail between my legs. I dropped the class and now I'm taking one that starts in the 2nd half of the semester instead, which might motivate me more as it is only a 1 month class. My question is, I'm utterly terrified of speech. I have given 1 before in junior college but the teacher turned the lights off and gave us powerpoint so I didn't feel like all eyes were on me. I just feel so psyched out over this, but if I dont do this I can say BYE BYE to my dream med school. I know im going to do this, but I just need advice on how to use the fear and transfer it into an energetic speech. Any speech students, or people who work in fields where they give speeches wanna help me out?

Hey guys/gals, I broke up with my ex of 1 year 8 months ago. I believe I am over her now and it was not too difficult to get over this one, and she and I are friends now. But I have a question, I still haven't even gone on 1 date since my break up which is bizarre for me. Let me explain why; 2 relationships ago, I came out of a 2 year relationship and began IMMEDIATELY dating. I overly dated, probably about 50+ girls in a year, did my 'physical' experience if you get my drift, and realized it's not for me. That I'm a sappy, romance loving type of guy. When I broke up with my last girl, I knew I needed time. I also wanted quality dating with someone I can see myself with over just dating someone for the fun of it. I'm only 22 years old but man have things turned around for me since the break up, I got into my dream med school, I've gotten straight A's since the break up, and my future seems bright. But now it's been 8 months and I realize I haven't even gone on 1 lousy date! I know I am at a good place, but the loneliness is seeping in. My ex moved 5 hours away to her dads, my best friend moved to college, and my sister is busy with her wedding plans. I have never been this alone before and I'm trying to just accept it but the loneliness is overwhelming, I guess what Im trying to ask is do you feel like I'm waiting too long? I have never had problems with women, but I just dont feel INTERESTED enough to date right now. Does that mean I still need to heal? Thank you for reading

As my philosphy teacher used to say," Failure is the biggest key to success, without failure there is no way of knowing what direction you need to go."

Hey guys/gals, for those of you that don't know anything about me, I'm 22 years of age, I've lost 3 relationships, 2 of which I have posted on this site about 3 years ago. 1 of my ex's was a 2 year thing, and the previous one we lived together for 1 year. I've been on this site now for 3 years and I had a sudden urge to go back and read some of my old posts and I came to think about how funny it is that I was so worried a few years ago about losing my ex, if I would ever find anyone again, and if I could ever fall inlove again. 2 years ago, I remember being super stressed, I had at that point been single for a little over a year, I was dating many girls but none of them were going anywhere, and worst of all I was emotionally motivated by my past breakups to find true love. My insecurities were growing as I kept going from one failed dating experience to another, I'll never forget being so anal retentive and not calling girls back even though I wanted to and playing those stupid childish mind games (forgive me I was 20). A few months later, I found a girl that I really liked, things were going very well and I couldn't be happier. I finally found someone that gave me purpose, and we both enjoyed eachothers company alot. Suddenly, only 2 months into it, things went sour very fast for no apparent reason and suddenly I just emotionally collapsed. I went into a DEEP saddness for 2 weeks, I didn't talk much, I wasn't eating, I would go out on drives at night time. I finally accepted my fate, and I really felt a monsterous amount of weight released within myself. Throughout that experience something VERY positive happened, I let go of trying so hard, I let go of expectations, I came to a realization I will never be at peace with myself or with anybody else as long as I make relationships and love 'ends meet'. I finally came to peace within myself and truly let things be. Suddenly, in a very quick manner things started happening that I couldn't have written out better for myself, my dating life was very well, the same girls that were playing games this time were truly acting in a positive manner towards me, and even those girls that tried to play games got bored and left, sensing that's not something they can feed off with me. I no longer had an urge to push myself, no longer felt the need to try hard in making things work, and I no longer felt that I needed someone in my life to be at peace. Then just a month later I met a beautiful girl I fell for hard, yet I wasn't losing myself in any way, shape or form. Things were going very well with the girl, and suddenly a familiar fate came when things fell apart and she decided to travel Europe for 3 months because she felt she wasn't ready for a relationship. However, this time I didn't react, I wasn't upset, nor did I manipulate her to stay. I let it go, and 3 months later she called me and LONG STORY short we ended up being a couple for 1 year and unfortuantley I broke up with her 5 months ago. So, here I am again in 2006, single, vulnerable, and feeling somewhat of the same emotions of 2 years ago. My insecurities are somewhat brewing, I haven't dated a girl since my break up, and I have barely gone out of the house because of the tremendous amount of units I'm taking. And yes, similair feelings about being lonely are back. Yet, there is still an inner peace about all of this, I came to a realization that life is about losing yourself and finding youself all over again. So I say this to you, let things be at this particularly difficult time in your life. Take this short period of time that you are alone and lonely and appreciate it alot the way you would appreciate a loving relationship, because just like you don't get alot of opportunities at love in life, the flipside is you don't get alot of opportunities with these type of emotional journeys (ie breaking up). Just let things be, truly surrender and watch how life will start to become more about the journey, and less about the ends meet. Thanks for reading, hope it wasn't too much of a waste.

I call her psycho because she was 'dubbed' psycho by all the members that responded to my post a while back about my relationship while I was with her, she totaled my car, she went to jail, etc. Hence the reason I say it so people remember my post. But I see what you mean

Ok alot of you know my situation, it was 3 months ago I broke up with my psycho ex. After we broke up she insisted on maintaining a friendship and I continued contact with her. There were times I was upset and cut off contact for 2 weeks but other than that we always remained friends. We even saw eachother every 2 weeks just to update eachother on everything and she kept telling me she wants to get back, she misses me etc. Well I finally said I want to know what you want so I can move on, Im tired of holding onto 1 another because I feel like a sitting duck and I don't want to wake up one day and realize Ive been going down the wrong track again. After saying that she finally admitted she's been lying to me and shes been going out with another guy since 1 month after the break up. So this means she's been seeing a guy for 2 months, while she's been talking to me, seeing me, manipulating me to feel like she's 'lost' without me and she wants me back. I knew in my heart she was going to do this, but again I continued contact because of her persistancy and desperate measures to get hold of me. Finally, after she told me she has a rebound guy (Ironically,whoes a police officer, ironic because my last post here was about how my ex went to jail) I had ENOUGH! I changed my phone #, blocked her from everything I could possibly think of but my myspace. She tried a fake sn to IM me the next day but I blocked that too. It has now been 6 days and she hasn't contacted me, I'm not sure why but I know I've made the right choice. I guess I'll ask you my questions in this order; 1- Is it immature to do NC after she found a rebound? I just can't bring myself to talk to her after decieving me yet again! 2- It isn't important to me because I don't want to be chased, but what made her finally stop contacting me for the first time ever? She is still capable of sending me myspace message, yet she hasn't which is quite shocking. Not even 1 apology, NOTHING! On the Instant messages the next day she told me she doesn't wanna lose my Im the most important person in the world to her but she just did this to get over me, because she cannot alone. She also said she'd like to start a new chapter of her life with me and let go of the old one. 3- This is the first time I've been down about the break up since the 1st month, do you think it's wise to date other girls and stuff right now? I went to a club last weekend and talked to alot of girls and they gave me their # and what not but I just felt wrong still. Why am I so loyal to this relationship that is long gone? Thanks, any help would be HIGHLY appreciated

I always thought an interesting cycle in the break up was that your pretty confident in a relationship and once you lose that person, on a long enough time scale(1 week-3 months) you start to become insecure again. We start to become more self conscious, start working out more, maintaining ourselves again, and ultimatley start letting those old questions back into our head ( Am I really worthy of companionship? have I been lying to myself? Would anybody else want me ever again? ETC) Other than the OBVIOUS reasons, why do you think it is we get insecure when we're single? I have made it a personal agenda not to get like that this time around and I've done a pretty good job, yet I still find myself self conscious at times.

I love fishing and I do it alot. Actually Ive passed the screw them all phase already, infact I dont expect anythin from anyone anymore. I guess its jus takin a toll to feel that way now.

Angeleyez, it's nice to hear from someone who has to focus on work too, however I forgot to leave 1 major part of my story out. My sister, cousin, and I all had really close relationships. We were REALLY there for one another and then my cousin basically is now a club promoter and is lured into a really unhealthy life style that Im not involved ( drinking, womanizing, driving drunk, party to party), and my sister is 29 so she's in a rush to find out if her current bf of 2 months is "THE ONE". So my point is I find myself EXTREMLEY ALONE! They used to be there for me and it hurts me that in my most vulnerable of times in my life they aren't here, I truly think I'm so much stronger because of it. I feel like in Fight Club when he lets his hand burn and no one helps him out of the pain, he finally accepts it and is enlightened. Weird analogy but im sure you guys know where my head is at to a degree.

Hi there everyone, I have a quick situation to throw at you and I wanted to know what your perspective is. I got out of a really toxic relationship of 1 year just 2 months ago and I'm over her 90% I'd say and definitley doing amazingly well with that. However, I am seriously confused about something in my life right now and I just want to know what your perspective is. I'd say for the better part of the past 4 years the theme to my life has been having a "great relationship" with a woman or finding the right girl to be with. When I broke up with my OTHER ex of 2 years I felt very lost and focused on finding the right girl. I spent about 1 1/2 years and finally found someone I really loved from the get-go until that too ultimatley failed 1 year later. Now, although I do strongly believe in love I just don't feel that particular interest in finding a relationship anymore. But what's confusing is if not that then what? I mean I love dating and going out but I seem to be just focusing on my college work to graduate as a veterinary major. It seems that's all I do but this past 2 months have been really a big question mark on where to go from here. I don't feel scared, I don't feel hurt, or upset I just feel nothing inside right now. I feel as though I'm on the right track in life, but there's this clear feeling that I can't see any woman as of right now as anything more than dating material or friends. I know the obvious response is give it time and it'll come to you, but I'm just wondering that if I clearly feel I'm not interested in anything like that anymore than what is left to focus on. Kind of a hard thing to explain, but responses will be appreciated. THANK YOU

I think your last question is the most valid one, which is will it be worth it to get back with her. I must say if you search hard enough in my history of posts you'll see 2 years ago I posted almost the same EXACT THING. I was with my ex for 2 years then I broke up and didn't talk for exactly 8 months, then I broke NC. The difference is when I saw her I felt so wrong and felt like I really didnt wanna see her anymore. I used the time I was with her quickly to gain closure and move on and I did so. HOWEVER, that was me and her and perhaps this girl is the one u wanna be with. So I guess you have to cut the games out with her or stop being scared and just go for it and ask. Ask, and get the answers and that's all you can do. What more can you do? Trust me, the more you get to the core of the truth the easier it is. It's when you don't ask and you just figure it out one day that makes things complicated.

THREE DAYS GRACE: Gone Forever Don't know what's going on Don't know what went wrong Feels like a hundred years I Still can't believe you're gone So I'll stay up all night With these bloodshot eyes While these walls surround me with the story of our life I feel so much better Now that you're gone forever I tell myself that I don't miss you at all I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now That you're gone forever Now things are coming clear And I don't need you here And in this world around me I'm glad you disappeared So I'll stay out all night Get drunk and * * * * and fight Until the morning comes I'll Forget about our life I feel so much berter Now that you're gone forever I tell myself that I don't miss you at all I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now That you're gone forever First time you screamed at me I should have made you leave I should have known it could be so much better I hope you're missing me I hope I've made you see That I'm gone forever And now it's coming clear That I don't need you here And in this world around me I'm glad you disappeared I feel so much better Now that you're gone forever I tell myself that I don't miss you at all I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now That you're gone forever And now you're gone forever And now you're gone forever