tristesse

Nice you did goo dto send the flowers..... Oh I am so happy for you...I wish my situation as like yours...I miss him SO much~

It was a great relationship… but I think he's so sure of his decision that he will stick to it even thus he's missing me….. oh when do u guys think he'll start thinking? Oh, I was going to send him a love letter… but I think it would be so desperate! I am so desperate thus! How can he not WONDER? Oh days are just too long and nights are my enemies!

Well….. it's now four weeks since my ex took off without telling me….since he chose his family over me.,… without including me in the decision, since he left leaving me behind…. His dad told me yesterday that he's doing wonderfully good in LA….taking care of his 18 years old sister and 17 years old brother…. !!!!!???!?!? he helped her with her exam and apparently was the best feeling ever !!!!!I am choked how someone could just be so well after breakings someone's heart in such a horrible matter after 4 years of love ???? doesn't he miss me at all… missing him has become a part of my life….. Gosh sometimes I long just fr a last hug, kiss ….to feel him one more time….it kills me ! Why doesn't he call me? Why doesn't he think of me? How? When until last minute he was making life plans for us……Oh my heart hurts so much…I get up at 5 am each morning and can't go back to bed, because I keep on wondering how he walked away fr his whole life and future…and then I'm like"wow it takes courage to leave everything behind you like this" but why…… am in pain!

good luck keep us posted but DON'T TAKE Your son! hugs

Well it's been 26 days now with pretty much no contact except two that gave me the occasion to yell at him m ore and let him know what a coward he is. For those of you who are reading me for the first time, to make a long story short here's my story: My boyfriend of 4 years left me out of blue. He just took off basically. He's mother and siblings live in Los Angeles and his father lives here in Toronto (his mother took off with the four of them after the divorce) he moved back here for me after we started to date….few years after they moved to Los Angeles…I am in Toronto. Anyway, he's Jewish and I am not and he didn't believei in it at all, however his mother is very religious and became orthodox (specially after the divorce, because her husband, my boy friend's father is catholic, so she blamed the failure of the marriage to interfaith and all……so she didn't want her kids to make the same mistake and wanted them to marry Jewish for sure!… So of course the fact that her son had moved to a different country to be with a shiska (term used for girl friend's of Jewish boys that are not Jewish) killed her! Her mission was to break us apart and my boy friend made sure to reassure me all along that if it came to choosing he would to chos me…but I didn't want him to ever chose so I was so nice to his family and tried my best…anyway… 1 month and 2 weeks ago he went to Los Angeles to attend his mother's second marriage to an orthodox man whom she barely knows… anyway, 2 weeks after, a night before he was suppose to come back he called me to tell me that his brother and sisters ( who are 18, 17 and 23 ) need him, he needs to be in their life and stop feeling guilty and how he can't take missing them any longer and how he can't live without me either…anyway, he broke u with me and also another day told me that he knew I wasn't the one… Basically he chose his family over me because he knew he would not be able to stand up for us, and he was a coward and made me believe until the last minute that he loved me and all with no signs…. Well, my whole world changed around since then. I feel different at first I thought I wouldn't be able to survive this, I thought I was going to die….but my sister's wedding is in 2 weeks and she means the world to me, so seeing her sad while she was suppose to be the happiest forced me to get out of bed and to live…. At least to pretend it at first… I cried so much that crying became a part of my routine, like taking a shower and eating…..I started smoking again and I lost so much weight….After just one call, my life turned around, I felt like I was dying inside because it was so impossible to believe it to live with it at to feel so helpless at the same time…It also became a failure to me who has been against religions for so long, I believed that people should all live in peace and I thought that love would conquers everything…. And he made me thing so too…we talked about the whole wedding stuff, last year he took me on a trip to St Martin for our third anniversary to a place to try diamonds … life was just beautiful but then after one call things changed, my life changed… I had to hate the person that I loved the most because even if I tried to tell myself, ok it's his family… I couldn't accept the way he did it and how he was selfish and only thought of how he can do it so it's easier for him…..I asked him to come back and do it but he was like "If I see you I wouldn't be able to leave you"….anyway… today I got up feeling horrible, it was his graduation day fr university and I was waiting this day forever….. and some who since the break up I' was thinking that June 12 was going to be a very emotional day for me…. But this morning was hard…I cried looking at the sunshine and picturing him beside me, picturing how the day would have been if…. And if…….But I got myself busy….I spend the day with myself….. sunshine, tanning, nice cocktails and at blasted the music…. I danced and enjoyed myself…. It was great….. and I feel so much better now…. I also spend a lot of time thinking about this whole thing and I feel so much better…I came to this conclusion that it's not that I should hate him but he's no longer a person who can bring me anything in life…. At one point in my life he was the greatest thing and helped me to learn so much and was my teammate…. But now it's time for me to let go of this team and find a new one…. I mean I should stop thinking about what the does and where he is…. 2 things that are super difficult to do after spending 7 days a week with a person for four years….. even eating reminds me of him…lol Also one thing I find funny is that in this forum people talk about rebound and finding someone else in order to forget. I can't even imagine being with someone else… my sex drive is so low….oh I just miss him but being SO strong…I really think now that every one is right TIME./…TIME IS ALL WE NEED

Hey, Believe it or not but last night I couldn't sleep either. I think we get so involved with each others pain that somehow we all see from each others pain and learn. Well I was thinking about you and how you must feel since your ex was in town. Then I put myself in your shoes and imagined what would have happened if my ex was on town. How would I feel? What would I do? I my body was just shaking. And you know how angry I am at him and how in my case, the best would be to not see him, well even me I think I would have died if he didn't have tried to see me…. I was crying thinking about this scenario. But then I thought why would I have felt so much pain…. Is it because I would have wanted to see him and hold him? To tell him I love him? Or just be beside him? Or for him to tell me something? And the more I thought the more I realized that YES….. Because if I was to see him and to not be able to hold him, to kiss him, to feel the same intimacy we shared for four years would just be horrible…. I can't even picture how weird it would be… but also it would kill me to not see him…. Oh the whole night I went through this…. So in some way I was relating to you and gosh I can just imagine how terrible last night was for you. Another reason why it hurts I think it's also because my them wanting to see us, it gives ud a feeling of security again, felling cared and loves. It's hard for us to imagine that a person we love so much and with whom we shared such a deep and loving relationship could just not feel anything towards us anymore. But it's not that they don't …maybe some people just fell out of love… maybe for some love doesn't not conquers everything. I don't know what it is…. I was thinking last night that it's destiny and our destiny is set we just don't know about it… but then I freaked out because I thought " what if my destiny , our some people's destiny is to live through pain? How can u change your destiny if it's preset. Anyway… I'm blabbing here a lot now…. I miss him terribly today… T's hid graduation day and I had a whole party organized…. I had called all his friends, I wanted to surprise him so they would all show up and we would all go to the beach today and it's such a beautiful day too… Oh I was so excited for this day and I know why now… It was like I was getting a second degree myself… I had done so much work. I had done so many projects for him. And it feels like it's more mine the his….lol Well, he didn't even care to go himself to it … I think I have to start letting go….I know, I know I say that every day… but god it's heard! I miss him, miss him, miss telling him my stuff, miss hearing about his stuff, miss being with him, holding him, miss doing things with him … I miss him so much that it kills me…….. And then I WONDER If he does to? But I know it doesn't matter what he thinks…it shouldn't but It does…. Somehow it does matter to me… somehow I'm having trouble letting go……3 days ago was our 4 years anniversary! And I kept quite about it… but I'm so sad! Deep inside me, I was hoping a note, something…….. but nothing………. It's just so inhuman to think someone could pretend to love you so MUCH for SO long………. Anyway…. I want to hear what happened ….did she end up calling ot text messaging again?

it breaks my heart to hear your story it must have been so painful seeing her drive by….. I'm sorry…. But stop obsessing and make yourself busy this week end… you should not see her even if she wants to see her. Why don't you tell her you had to get out of town for business or something…so that way it doesn't look like you're avoiding her "last minute" but also it will make her wonder a little and she will be for sure disappointed . Also I really think you should AVOID mentioning her name in front of your son. You don't want him to think about her because you don't want your love life and your chase in finding the one interfere in your child's life and growth. I know how you are right now, trust me I can just imagine how badly you're dying to see her. But try to stay strong. Your hear is beating, you can't stop wondering where she is now, what she's doing, if she's thinking of you, if anything reminds her of you…. But you want o stay STRONG remember….. But if you think you can't and u must see her then…. You do what you need to do, but take some time and evaluate this for a second truly…. hugs

you're right as always..... I am so bad! I don't know what I would have done without your help- I would have looked like an idiot a 100000000 times! Thank you fr keeping me strong! I bought a new book today " Women that love too much" It seems like it's a problem.....some kind of disorder....So maybe that will help me Some days I 'm still in denial and I think to my self that he's only on vacation still and coming back soon.... and when I think like this, the world becomes a wonderful place again, and that's when I feel good. But when I realize his gone I hate him and hate him.... hate him for leaving me behind and hate him for who he is now. But then again... you're right I have my ups and downs. I got mad at him when he called because I was still so furious, when I talked to him, I was fuming again and because a part of me still think I'm in this relationship, I allowed myself to get mad and fought with him, without thinking that "wow… this may be the last time you ever talk to him" and I think it's mostly because it was So unexpected and so unreal. But then now when I look back at the conversation, he wasn't even willing to come back still, he was just telling me he loved me and he didn't even ask me to move there or anything… it was just his weakmoment. Today I 've heard from his father again. He talked to him, and apparently his doing great and that he's happy he made this decision now and felling so much better. He told him it has been hard but now he feels good. Specially that his little brother is graduating from high school and he's there for it means the whole world to him and he's so happy that he's included in their lives and that means more than anything else to him. I AM choked every minute of every day! It so unreal….. it feels like suddenly the whole world has turned around. And I am so emotional about my sister's wedding at the same time. I hate him because instead of being happy I get sad and I must pretend that I am FINE…. I can't let this ruin everything. I have become obsessed with him … most of my conversations begin with his name….. I have become so obsessed that I can barely function normally. People tell me to find myself, but I know already who I am… I didn't lose my sense of myself or my self esteem …. In fact I still know what I want in life and where I'm heading to…And he helped me become who I am today. Because of him I am such a greater person, he thought me how to enjoy life, he showed me love and affection and above all friendship and now I lost my best friend, my lover in the worst way possible. My life is going but the only piece missing is HIM! I am so empty because of missing him so much. Time will heal people tell me that all the time… But I wonder if time will make me finally realize this is happening! His whole life was here….. it's so unreal It's really unreal what's happening and it's a very unique situation I must admit it! It's like I 've been living a nightmare for 25 days….. 25 LONG days and nights… 25 days and nights since I got this horrible call… this unexpected call… Have you seen the movie "21 Grams" How the lady finds out she lost her kids and husband just all of a sudden… well this is how I think I felt…. "One call" – One call, and every thing parted away…. Our dreams, our lives together… every thing promised and shared…. Oh I am so pathetic I think even people in this Forum must be tired of hearing me!

I do all thta... But will he ever call me? does he think of me? oh I am so helpless...I wnat him back! I wnat him to come back home..... I wnatto cry and die some days!

Hey, It's been almost a month (in 6 days) since my ex has left our 4 years relationship…. It's been almost a month that I am going crazy ! He left the country and din't come back… he's sticking to his decision to sty there with his family…hasn't contact…. I miss him so much… does he think of me too ? Does he miss me too ? Will he ever call ? does he wonder about me too ? Oh he said he loved me but he had no choice but to do this ! I am so sad…I am missing him so much…. Tomorrow it's his university graduation day and he won't even be there….. Oh I am so sad !

hello, So u're going to see her??????????????????????????????????????? Let her try to see you and if she makes plans... be busy........ I think You should mak her wait a little bit....or if she gives a time try to change it like"Oh I have to do something then can w do it at....."......(without telling her what you have to do then!!!!) Talk to u soon

So Instead of looking signs fro her.. Initiate a conversation yourself… ask questions about her… and show that you 're interested…don't persist and don't spend the whole time around her…… also… look at her once in a while during the night with a small… girl like smooth guys a lot more than the ones that you know and feel they just want get into your pants….lol…. See how she is…if she's interested…she will ask questions back and she will try to keep the conversation going…also when u talk to her look at small signs that could show she 's nervous or flirting signs…like if she plays w her hair while talking, or move her legs…or play with something or just smile and look at you in the eyes… I can't think of anything more…good luck and have fun Ps : if u see she's interested and spend the night chatting and all…ask her if she wants to get together sometime (at the end of the night and if yes give her your number and see if she will give hers too…….or simply ask for it also show that you're a social guy and a happy person!

hmmmm.....I need to know more about her personality firs….is she a shy person or out going etc…..tell us more about her first!

Hi, I feel the same way... I try my hardest but he's in my mind 24 hours a day! And he left the country too…so it kills me to not know what he does or if he thinks of me or not. But What I try to do, is each time I think iof him, I try to tell myself, Ok, I'll think of him in 5 minutes… and then try really hard to think of something else…. Also I don't know the reason of the break up… but try to think of all the bad things and discard the good memories for now. Did you clan all her stuff (pictures, letters etc…)? how long were u with her for?

I think you shoudl tell her how you feel about her but Also you want show her that you respect her decison even if you do not agree with it.... and that if she thinks that's what she wants then you are ready to move on.... You can lether know it would be hard but that if she doesn't think you are the one... then u understand. Leave it to that.... Try to not show u're in a lot of pain! But make sure to let her know how u feel (keeping your emotions togethere)... you need to get it all out in order to get your closure... ask her your questions and all and if she asks if u can stay friends... tell her you will need some time first.... and start the NC rules! Good luck to u we will all think of you

muneca, I admire your way of thinking and evaluating things. You're so right and true! You inspire me!

oh my.... this is almost like my situation....Oh I feel your pain so much...I cried reading your message. I know …please believe me I feel your pain. Oh sweet thing, of course he will think of you, of course he will…I don't know what happened to him? Did u ask fr explanations? But I know you think he's your soul mate, but if he can leave and goon without you then he's not your soul mate. My ex told me beautiful words too… he was the dream boy friend for four years…… I'm not saying he didn't love you or he doesn't love you… but his love may just not be as great as yours…. Do u want to spend the rest of your life and have kids with a man who doesn't love you just as much as you do? I don't know what happened, so I can't tell you if he will come back or anything, but that's not important right now, you are…. You must try to think of yourself…It's hard to have a life when u're so use to worry about someone else all day…I know… but you must try to live for yourself first…find yourself again. I'm sure u're lost. I know u're tired of hearing people who tell you, you'll be fine and that he didn't deserve you and all…. But forget about all that… feel ur pain, but don't let it destroy you, make it make you stronger… each time u feel the pain, pray to become stronger use your pain as a tool to make you a stronger person…. Time will tell you the rest. Good luck "hugs"

when ever you'r ready!

they don't contact becaue they made a choice and they're trying to stick to it! do the same!

YOU'RE ONLY 17??!??!? How did u suffer for 17 years? do u wnat to share with me?

Ok, Here's what you need to do… You need to stop calling his ass.. This guy has way too much ego. He knows he can have you when he wants…. He knoews u will be there for him. He thinks your life depends on him… do you really want someone who doesn't love you as much as you love him. I know it's hard to admit it, because we all have this problem: we all deny the reality. But look at you, you love him and you want be with him… he says he loves but he doesn't want be with you.. That means his love is not as great as yours…. So believe me, one day, somewhere, you will have a greater love. Someone who would want to be with you no matter what! I know it's hard, Believe me, myself I am going through the worst of all. My boyfriend of four years, broke up with me out of blue. He went to visit his family in Los Angeles and decided to stay there a day before he was suppose to come back and told me this over the phone. And since then (21 days) we haven't talked). And I use to see him everyday…. So believe me I know what you're going through… I know it's hard… it's like a drug, you crave it…but remember drugs are DESTRUCTIVE!

TheWolf, We all experienced your pain, as a matter of fact we still all do. What's ur pain? Are you dying for someone who's not doing the same for you? Are you losing yourself for one who doesn't care to lose his? Are you giving and wasting your energy and all the love you have to give in your past? What about the future? What about all the great things waitting for you?

Girl…. When a man promises you something and breaks his promises once he will do it again and again…. Your man is the living proof of this. I know it's hard, I know you miss him, I know you crave him…it's like a drug… but also like a drug it's destructive….. try to not call him, don't let him contact you… move on… try to find your happiness without him and then see if you still need him!

Hey, You're right but I tried all that. I took all his stuff away, cleaned my room, even redecorated and painted my hunted place… but it's driving me nuts…. I can't stop thinking about him and how he left me, his work, his school, his friends and everything else just like that…I wonder how he's not calling and it's driving me insane…. I keep myself busy, so busy that I am tired of being busy, but doesn't matter what I do where I am he's with me…my friends, I don't want to talk about him anymore ( I always thought talking about an ex more than 2 weeks is annoying) so I try to stick to that rule for myself too… but now I can't talk anymore…I have nothing to talk about…I miss his voice so much it's hurting me. I keep on thinking if he had planned to leave or if it was a last minute decision, if he has guilt and fears…I am so tired of thinking about him, but also I can't help myself…I feel so weak and tired… nothing seems to make me happy….. No body talks about him anymore, even his friends think it's a lost case and no need to talk about him any longer…. My family hate him for what he did to all of us, so we can't talk about him…I am just suffering in silence…. Trying to laugh because of my sister's wedding that is coming soon… but life is just so BLACK…. I need him so badly it's killing me… I want him! Please help me!

Hey, It's been now 20 days since the day my boy friend of 4 years called to tell me that he wasn't coming back home from his trip (visiting his family in L.A). I 've had 0 contacts with him since then. I don't understand how he can just leave everything still..it hurts my stomach to think about it. How is he doing without me, not calling me…how is he fine and I am not. Gosh I can't take this anymore….I am so helpless…I'm thinking about him non stop and miss him terribly ! I want him to call me, to try to contact me. I can't sleep at night it' s been 20 days, I am hunted by his thoughts, I'm driving myself insane. how did he do all that? How? What should I do….god it's killing me…. I can't call so what should I do…..;-(