tristesse

Thank you all for your kind words of support.I'm seeing him in 3 days, I'm confident, look great and tan ;-) and look forward to make him go insane after seeing me..lol I have changed so much grown so much and learned so much from this expereince, I'm now following my dream and I'm happy and I won't have to try hard to show him that bec i'm glowing and he will see it. Thank you all I will update you after the big day. I'm sure I will be surprised and asked myself why I loved him for that long and my heart is 100% guarded;-) Love

Thank youuuuuuuuuu - OMG i'm so scared!

thank you all - but I have talked to him already he knows I'm no longer depress and I am the one telling him to keep it together... funny enough.. he's very excited that I'm going he wants to show me the whole city but i'm planning to see him once only - Closure time! Ray.. I think I'll be calm, maybe I'll get emotional but god this is the guy I loved to death and it's justs ooooooo weird! I'm not sure but a part of me wants to leave him breathless... it makes sense right??? and also I'm scared to fall for him all over again.. i won't right!!?! I justhope I won't but I need to see himbec otherwise I will always wonder" what if..." - so I thinkit's for the best but gosh I'm terrified - 15 months is a long time... this is the guy I spent 24h a day w for 4 years and now I haven't seen him fr soo long.. I'm sorry I'm just blabing but I'm so nervous!!!!! what can I do, say act... to make him go crazy...lol?? lol so many things in my head.. I'm going insane..lol

Hello all.... For all of you who have been following my story, 15 months have passed by and I have not yet seen my ex. I actuly never seen him as not being my b'f bec I never saw him and he left to states and called me to end a 4 years relationship bec of religions reason and end up choosing the family over me.. and refused to come back to Canada to face be saying that if he sees me he wouldn't be bale to leave me - anyway few months ago we started to talk a bit.. he's depress and not over me and still and I know he truly loves me. It happened that for a friend's wedding I 'll have to go there this summer and I'm planning to see him… I'm very stressed, nervous, anxious………. Any advices?????

hi, U are right I should not wnat to hurt me.. since I still love him so much. I will always .. after being w someone for 4 years how can u hate them after all??!??!?! whats hould I reply? I don't wnat him back.. but i shoudl forgive! pls help when should I REPLY? he wrote on Friday - when should i send a reply?

Hello Hello every body, From those of you who remember me… I have a news: My ex finally wrote to me! 9 months after the sudden break up. Here's what he wrote: I'm sorry! I'm thinking about you! I never wanted to hurt you… I constantly wonder how you are doing…. I just wanted to say hi…. I think about you… I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I put you trough so much pain.. I'm sorry ..I'm thinking about you….. I think about you all the time.. anyway just wanted to see how you and you family were doing.. I'm sorry… Thinking about you Very short yes I can see that too…. But I still want him to regret and get my revenge- what should I di? Should I write back? If yes what to say? I still love him but want him to feel the pain I went through…. Pls advice me! Munca are u here!!??!?!?!?

Munca as always mon amie you are right! You know I feel strong but sometimes a lose it all you know not in a drastic way but what I mean is that I feel the pain and miss him and want to just hug him tight. And then make myself believe that we were meant to be and that he would come back. But I know I should drive these thoughts away, I should stop them right away. I have to be stronger I know. And you always remind me of this. THANK YOU. It's hard, it's true but so much better than 2 weeks ago or 2 months ago or 4 months ago. and it would get easier. I am strong I stay awa, I keep away for things that remind me of him, haven't looked at a picture or anything... I know it sounds silly...lol But Yes I will be stronger and stronger and stronger and I will concentrate more on me...me...me....me. I do thinkof me but I do tend to stop fr a moment and think of him ,,,lol u know what I mean... Oh this is a real therapy! Sorry! Thank you all.... WE CAN ALL BE STRONGER.... LOVE

Munca, You think he knows that? I know it wouldn't matter but do u think he will on eday come and ask me to take him back? He knows what he lost, but doesn't want it enough u think? I am not sure! U know sometimes I wonder if I would be srtong enough to say no to him if he did ask me to! his letter gave me a feeling of confort - but yet I don't know if he truly regret leaving me or the way he left me! I mean do u think he regrets the way he ended it or the fact that he ended it? love

kungfumaster I am so touched by your kind words. My friend you can do it. LIfe is full of surprises and Fear is a fake evidence appearing real. You can do it my friend. Lots of love

DragonGirl724 Stay strong... I know how u feel, my ex proposed to me a month before the break up!!!! There's not much u can do, but to heal urself, the energy u invested on him should now be invested on you. You will get over this bec u are truly a strong girl and one day, if not him, a better MAN will make u his bride. Love

DragonGirl724 I know how you feel, but as you said they are cowards. It's true they don't know who they are, But in my case, there will be no comingback to anything, because he is sure about his feelings towards me, it's a religion and family issue that time will not change. Try to move on, I know the anger most likely is holding you back, because you wantto know he's hurt. Take comfort in knowing that yo are stronger than him and that he knows it. I know it's a lot easier than said, but I think your ex cousldn't meet your expectations and he knew it. You deserve someone better, someone at your level who knows who they are. Next time you will love, you will love like a true complete women, and will love a true complete man. Lots of love to you stay strong and PM any time too

Michael, Thank you for ur kind words. You are right, I might feel the joy once again, maybe with stronger man…oh no sorry I meant maybe with a MAN…and not a kid this time. I did close it. I kept his good-bye letter and I will keep it forever. I think there's no need to reply or do anything.. Now I'm going to lean on time, because one thing I learned going through so much pain and sorrow ids that TIME IS THE ANSWER TO ALL You're great. Lots of love

Wow, Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate every single one of them so much. RayKay: Thank you, you have been a great help, you walked me trough this and I am forever thankful to you. It's true, I didn't get an answer as to why he took this road, but at least I know it's hard for him a as well. Also I am really glad that he has that great image of me, that shows me that I did reflect the best of me and I have no regrets. I truly hope that from now on it will not be easier for him, I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want him to forget me, I still think that he needs to pay the consequences of his actions. I still miss him of course, I think a part of me will always miss him and love him, but in a very different way now. I have not done anything, and I don't know if he did made the best decision for him, but now there's no point of thinking about it. I am closing the chapter, but I am keeping a little hope. Not a hope that will keep me from moving. But I am letting him free now, and letting myself free….I think if we are truly meant to be, and he is meant to be mine, then he would come back to me one day, and nothing would stop it from happening if we are meant to be. But that doesn't mean that I will hang on to that thought, no I will explore, and who knows maybe I'll find someone else, who I would love more and who would love me just as much.. but my destiny doesn't lie in my hand. Caveat: You are absolutely right, a big part of me is very disappointed, because he did made me believe that he will stand up to all these and that he wanted to show the world that we were not animals: dogs w dogs, cats w cats….. Thank you fors sharing your dad's experience with me, your dad is a TRUE MAN he STOOD HIS GROUND AGAINST TRADITION, RELIGION, FAMILY AND CHOSE LOVE OVER ALL ELSE. I admire him for his strength. My ex wasn't strong like your dad, he was and is very weak.. one thing that I underlined in my letter and he confirmed in his. I do want a strong man who will stand up for me and his beliefs. It's all hard, but it's getting easier each day. Now I just miss him, a feeling that is normal to feel I guess after spending 4 years with a person. I am also sad because a part of me knows that we could have been maybe happy if there was no religion! But life is not easy and we can't get it all I guess. I am also sad, because I know we both love each other and his decision doesn't really match mine…lol But what can I do, nothing else but to close it. I have the beautiful sad good bye that I wanted… now it's time to let go. I have tears in my eyes, they never go away, but I keep hoping that one day, I will once again feel the joy that I once felt in his arms. Love to all of you

please comment

Hello every body, Following the letter I sent to my ex,(in French) he contacted me( letter in French as well), didn't give me any explanations. I have decided to summarize the letters and simply translate them so you can all give me some inputs. Thank you to all of you for reading it My letter basically said Dear J We have laughs and cried and much of my emotions remained unsaid as and I never had the chance to share them with you, and I finally decided to write them to you in this letter which was very hard for me to compose and I thank you for agreeing to read it. I always knew that you were in a difficult situation between me and your family and despite all your empty promises, I understand incontestably that you dealt with a very important decision each person has one day or another make fundamental choices, choices for life. But I hoped that instead of promising the world and to declare your extreme land burning love for me to my family, that you would have been honest with them and me! A dishonest man creates a hell for other people, and that is what I reproach you! I regret that you didn't includes me in your decision, I am sorry that you did not speak to me a little more about the circumstances and reasons behind this choice so that I can understand how you could make de me wrong while disappearing when I needed you the most and to neglect us all, right before the wedding, without a goodbye, without a word! You became suddenly the victim of black thoughts and ran to hide in the deepest of your cave. I wanted to hear say that you were worried and that you did care and that it was hard for you too. But your regrettable and heavy silence made it possible to decipher your detachment towards us. made it possible to accept that you did not have any regrets and that you had not felt the disappointment that I felt. I know that surely you were ready for the rupture and you had emotionally detached yourself from me in advance, and you surely decided to make it when you knew that you were going to easily assume the consequences of our separation. I know that you even began a new love relation, or can be that it was the reason of your departure... I know that you rebuilt a new life and that you no longer think of your past I felt the lapse of memory in you and that tore me completely. It is true that for me it was much more difficult, I felt your absense . I had to relearn to smile, to enjoy and to love without you. I laughed so much with tears in the eyes and gradually, I saw the indifference settling in me. The sorrow is not as present and vivid but the scars left will never disappear entirely. I would have wanted to be able to erase all the sorrow and betrayal and to keep only the good times. But too long = in my life, I tended to standardize the weight of any kinds of betrayals, to turn it into a simple momentary thing possible to forget but I can't do this and, and unfortunately I cannot erase it all. What I cherished more about you, was your sincerity, honesty and your golden heart and I realize that they are non-existent in the man who you are today or in the image that you offered to us. Because henceforth I do not have this image idealistic and pleasant that you reflected me. You have left us with the image of a self-cantered and selfish person which I had never known before and it is with a great regret and much of sorrow that I admit that the man whom I loved so much is not at all who I had believed that he was. I suppose that I had never considered you so weak or I did not want not accepte your weakness or I believed you being too sincere. But I know that the image that I had of you is far from reality. Today I accept this break up with confidence because I know now that they are not only our values and beliefs which separate us. Thus I write to you today because I close this chapter of my past and I begin my new life with a sigh of relief. And I will keep in my memories the beautiful pages of this chapter which we wrote together during the 4 years without any regrets. And all the time passed with you, our holidays, our joys, our laughter, our tears will be engraved in my heart for always. I will remember this magic love I felt with you and I also thank you for the friendship that you gave me, even if it was momentary, it gave me the possibility to learn so much. I am sorry that we never had a beautiful goodbye. I hoped that if you loves me at least a little, you would have come to tell me good-bye, but you never did and I suppose that for you it is better like that. But me, today, via this letter, I say good bye to you and I close this important and special chapter of my life without caring it in my future. And thus, J I tell you good-bye and who knows, maybe we will find each other soon in another life. I wish you to lead an honest life His letter Thank you for your letter, I read it and read it many times. I know it wasn't easy for u to write it and took a lot of courage and thoughts. You are a lot more courageous than me, because I am still scared to talk or to write to u, but I wanted you to know that I have received your letter and I accept everything you said,' You are right, I have not always been honest with you and your family, because I wasn't honest with myself, and that's something I regret from the bottom of my heart. You are right when u say, a dishonest man creates a hell for others and that's exactly what I did to people that I love so much. I am weak, but I never wanted to hurt you like this, I wanted to be strong and be honest with you and to tell you everything, I tried but I wasn't strong enough. I am sorry. Sorry for all the empty promises even thus they were not empty when I made them. I am not going to try to lie and to defend myself because you are right, You know me better than I know myself. But you must know that every time I told you I love you I meant it. That you have done nothing to push me away and that I didn't pretend to love you. It's very important for me that you know this, because you are such an important person. You must know that anybody who has the honore to know you or to get the smallest piece of your love is the luckiest person in this world. I regret many things in my life, many decisions and many thing that I said, but I will NEVER forget the 4 years I spend with you. There not even a day that I regret not even our fights. When I think of you , I always have a smile, and a few tears bec you have taught me t o love, the friendship and joy and above all you loved me for who I was, even thus at the end both you and I didn't know who I was or who I am. I look at our pictures and laugh, smile and cry… I miss it all…I miss you. My head hurts and my heart beats fast all the time, every time I think of the way I left things it kills me. But I know there's nothing I can do or say to change the past. I 'm not asking you to forgive me but please know that you and your family, god how do I say it, there are no words no describe it. You guys are amazing, I didn't deserve to have people like you in my life, and I'm sorry that I wasted your love and time, but I never took advantage of you or your family, and I never forgot what you all did for me. To be honest with you, there are still many thing s I'd like to tell you and do, but it's still too early for me, and I ma still a lost kid. I don't know what I would do if I hear your voice on the phone! I never wanted to neglect you or ur family, I thought about your sister's wedding a lot, and again I was ashamed, broken promises once again. But I never wanted to hurt you the way I did on purpose. I think of you every day, if you can believe it, I don't know if it's the guilt or the love I have and will always have, but I think of you every day and I ask myself so many questions…… I am such selfish person.. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know many things. Yes maybe we will find each other in a another life, maybe I'll be stronger and less selfish. You deserve the best from everyone and everything. You are the strongest person I have ever met. I am sorry for everything….. please help

To all of you and especially to those who have been following my story, and to to those people who I am eternally grateful. Today is a new beginning for me. And I'd like to share with you my feelings and what is marking the beginning of a new chapter in my life. After months of crying, wondering and trying without any contact, seek closure and forgiveness myself, I finally got it! I realized that I can find lots of reasons to hate my ex and be angry at him because he id not who I thought he was, then in some way, I hate him for not changing to what he was I guess, or to what I once thought he was. But I realized that I can't be angry with people who don't have the capacity to change, or share with me, or love me. It's their limitation. Through out this break up, I had no power; in fact it was so sudden that it took me a long time to accept it. Also I never said good bye to him, neither did he, he just disappeared without a word of explanation, I spend many night wondering why? Wondering how he just walked away from 4 years of happiness and away from the future with had once planned together. But all these sleepless nights didn't give me the answer I was looking for, instead I got my own answer! Meaning that I realized that I only have power on thing: Closing it myself! I thought about what was bothering me so much, and first thing was the way it ended. I never thought that J and I will every break up, in fact I was sure he was the one, so was my whole family and all our friends… but also I knew that if it was to end, I would have wanted a nice good bye, because the truth is that even thus he left like a coward, he was a great guy to me for 4 years. I shared so much with him Our laughter, our tears, our trips all of them are great memories that were shattered by my anger. I could no longer look back with a smile; the anger was holding me back from moving for changing from enjoying my life. Also my ego was holding me back from contacting him. I understand the no contacting rule and fully encourage it. I have not talk to my ex or e-mailed since the beginning and also he no longer lives in my city since he ran away and moved to Los Angels… he never came back in town to tell me on my face this, his last words were " if I see you I cn't leave you". But the no contact rule, as hard as it was, because it left me here in my sorrow without any answers, but as painful as it was, it helped me to look deeper, it helped me to search inside me. And yesterday, I finally send him and e-mail, which I had written and was waitting the day that I would be totally ready to close the chapter to send it to him and in fact I did it last night. In the letter, I shared with him my disappointment, I told him my emotions, but above all I told him that the image that he has given me is far from the one I once loved. I finished my letter by telling him good bye in my way, and by wishing him to lead an honest life, as he was dishonest with me. But I told him that I am closing this chapter without caring it on in my future and that the beautiful pages of this chapter that we wrote together will stay with me. The letter is very powerful and straight to the point and very obvious that I am done and do not wish to hear from him ever or to see him again, as this chapter will be forever close now. After I pressed sent, I felt like a basket ball was sitting in my stomach, so I decided to mediate and feel my feelings and pain. I spend the night alone, I closed my eyes and tried to remember all our laughter, all our joy, trips, days, nights, tears, trips, fights…all of them… and it was great,, I lived each moment all over again but this time without any regret, I had a smile on my face, because I learned and shared so much with him, and mostly because I had loved him and he had loved me back for theses years and that love was great to me. Then after a few hours, after reviewing each moment spent with him, I felt as if the book was closing… I actually visualized a huge book with dust on it and it was closing. As I saw visualized this, I realized that this chapter was finally closed, I had a great time, I learned so much, I loved so much and nothing that I regret! I feel relived, I have not forgiven him or forgot him but he is just now, a great piece of my past. And I no longer hold on to the end, I only think of what we shared… like a blast from the past! I feel free, it'd true. I will miss him most likely always, but I am no longer sad about it, I am no longer waitting or holding to it. I have let go. Pressing send was like the beginning of my new life and there is no going back or looking back anymore. I am happy, it feels weird when I think about it, but this is t he best thing I have done for myself only and not for him. Maybe he wouldn't even read it, maybe he'll never receive it… but non of it matters, as for me the chapter is now CLOSED. I Want to thank you all for ur support and wish that you will all get the closure that you are seeking for, but know that you have the power of getting this closure inside of you. It's up to you. Ok so here's some updates about me Love to all

Hello to all of you. I have finished writing the good bye and closure letter to my ex, and now thinking about sending it.. but a part of me is waitting I know once said, I can't no longer look back an will have to move n. It hurts, it's been almost four months since I last saw him and it kills me. I miss him so much, and a part o f me wants all the things we had back. I know he's starting his life in Los angels, looking for a job and even has a new girl friend.. not officially but u know what I mean. And I ma here missing the one I once knew so much! Sometimes I wonder if the pain ever goes away. If they ever do miss us too! Anyway, just feeling sad and wanted to vent here a bit. Kisses and hugs to all of u

did u guys get my letter???

Hello to allof you, I have finally wrote a letter to my ex. I have the inttention of sendingit and wanted to knwo if any of u can read or understand French. Bec him and I only communicated in French (both of us are French). Plesae let me know..I need your inputs. love Tristesse

First I am sorry I was having computer problem and I couldn't post on the first one that Ipost ..so I had to make a new post. I do not wish a reply. in fact I know he won't. I am just clsoing the doors w this letter w a beautiful good bye. I no longer wish to hearfrom him. And to me our 4 years meant a lot and the lesson was important. I think I can share that w him, bec we are no longer kids and what we had was special even thus it's over and even thus now I ma happy that it did ended. It still hurts don't get me wrong, but Iknow it's for the best. Thanks for all your inputs.. Ilove reading you

Thank you for ur posts..I don't wantto send a hursh letter about how I hate him, but one where I tell him GOOD bye.. which I nvere did!

oh I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW.............................

u think so? Because I refused to post it - but she thinks I need too.. U see I have not shared anything w him other than: I HATE YOU ;-)

Beec I agree with you, But I also have so much to tell him.... And also I want to let him no that no doors will ever be open for him to come back.. as I know he might come back.. and I want him to feel the lost! U know what I mean..or maybe I have just been too brained washed by my dr....I don't know!

Hello to all of you who saw my last post about sending him a letter as advised by my psychologist…: Last post: link removed oh la la, it sounds so sad, when I have to actually admit that I had to seek help to move on and to let go! Well I guess I am glad I did. My relationship of four years ended so suddenly and in such a inhuman way. Basically my ex just moved back to Los Angeles. I live in Toronto. He didn't tell me anything about his plans, in fact in was suppose to be a 2 weeks vacations but a day before he was due back in Toronto, he called me and told me that he will not come back. This is basically a very very cut and edited and short version of my most horrible nightmare ever. I wrote 14 pages it's true, but once I met the psychologist she had a lot to say about that letter too. She read it before we met and she was very touched by what I had to say. I explained to her my fears, and how I feel giving him a letter will be like giving him another piece of me. Also I was scared, because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to know how I felt and how miserable I have been. But she made some great points and I want to share them with you to get your inputs on it. My ex has been telling everybody that he hopes to be my friend one day, when he no longer thinks of me every day and when he no longer loves me. (He didn't come back to break up face to face, because according to him, if he saw me he wouldn't have been able to leave, also I should maybe mention that Judaism was the big issue and the reason of the break up, since I am not Jewish and his family didn't approve of me and he was not man enough to stand up to what he believed in. Basically he didn't give me any explanations or closures and he hopes to do it in a year or tow……Also he might seem like a monster now, he was the best thing every and the best b'f, and nobody could have guessed this as every body, including me thought he loved me more than I did love him. Every body was always amazed by our love and great friendship and our unique relationship. We were like a married couple, without being married and we shared 4 great years together… then ending was the last thing I was excepting.. I really didn't see it coming, as things were just perfect between us! But I also resent the person he is now, it's like I have discovered another aspect of him that I never knew about. By him leaving the way he left, he didn't only hurt me but , deeply hurt my family who loved him as one of us. My sister who was his best friend and was getting married a month after the break up, he was the MC and he didn't even send a note.. he just vanished like a thief! My Dr think that I should write an letter where I explain my feelings but also a good bye letter, since I never said good bye to him! She thinks that each person had to live the consequences of their actions and that my ex, like ant other human being had to learn the lesson ! There are a lot left t o say, which she thinks, I have the right to share them with him Also, as much as it hurts and kills me, I know that he no longer can be my friend or anything because he is a dishonest person. My dr wants me to say good bye to him forever. Letting him know that I will keep him and his memories in the past without carrying it with me in the future, that I no longer want to hear from him , see him or anything. Not tomorrow, or in 1 year, not even in 10 years…. She is right in a way, because she truly think that in his head, he can come back in a year and two and start where he left out, also he knows me enough and knows I forgive easily…… By writing this letter, I can thereforeeee explain to him my pain, my love, sorrow, disappointment, and also say good by in my way to him. To her, the day I'll decide to sent that letter, my true journey in the path of recovery will start, as I will decide myself that I will never never and never again see him and I will truly end it! So basically she thinks I should send a letter, not 14 pages but maybe 1 page! Also she doesn't think in my case burning the letter will do angry good, bec he has done bad and I need to let him know how his behavior affected people's life, emotions and all.. he need to see how his actions have consequences. Let me know what you all think. Kisses to all of you