Pyralis

It's hard to tell really. I think that most girls misinterpret shyness as lack of interest. I know that when I'm shy towards a girl I'm interested in I'll find myself looking at her, but the second she looks at me I'll look away or look down at the floor. I also find that I'll get really nervous when trying to talk to a girl I like. I'll usually find my hands wandering looking for something to play with. I discovered that little habit of mine one night at a bar/restaurant when I subconsciously managed to fold my drinking straw into a knotted mess. I also find that my shyness also has a paralyzing effect on me as well. I'll want very much to be able to approach her, but I find myself unable to move. As if something was literally holding me back. I also find it very hard to start a conversation too. Once the ice is broken I can carry on a conversation, but my problem, and I'm sure it's true for many other shy guys too, is breaking the ice to begin with. These are just a few of the more noticeable things that I've caught myself doing. So if you notice any of these things from a guy you suspect is shy there could be a good chance that he's interested, but just too shy to make a direct approach. If you are interested in him then make the first move and approach him. I'm sure that you'll make his day.

Don't worry about it, man. I'm 23 and I'm still a virgin. I've never gone on a date or even had a first kiss yet and the way I see it it's not a huge deal. I mean, sure, you see all of this sexual content around you every day from friends, acquaintances, the media (that's a big one) and it does have the effect of making you feel as if you are inadequate as a man, or whatever. It's all in your head. My advice is just to not let it get to you. Just block it all out. I agree with everyone else's responses that you should not seek out the services of a prostitute. You DO NOT want an STD. I intend on waiting for a very special lady to enter my life before I even consider loosing my virginity. I want my first time to be meaningful and special. Some people can easily separate love from sex, but I know that I'm not one of them. Not by a long shot. For me there has to be love before sex. No exception. Try working on yourself first. Try to overcome your shyness and then concentrate on trying to meet that special someone. Get some professional help if you think that will help you. I know that's what I'm going to do. I suffer from depression and low self-confidence and extremely low self-esteem and I know that's what's keeping me from meeting that special someone. Once I defeat those demons then there will be nothing stopping me. I know that this has been said on this forum many times, but you are still very young. Don't compare your "relationship/sexual history" to anyone else's. Everyone progresses at his or her own rate. I'm 23 years old and have a '0' count in almost all areas and it doesn't bother me as much as you might think. Just remember, don't compare. Concentrate on improving your own situation. I hope this little rant of mine helps. lol

Hey, I noticed that about the video the first time I watched it too. That bunny does have a 1 on his chest. So of course that makes his very much repeated statement that everyone has had more sex than him false. What about us virgins? Actually, I think that there may have been one virgin bunny in that entire video. The bunny in the mask playing the keyboard looks like he may have a big 0 on his chest. You can only see the top of the number, but it definitely looks like it could be a 0. I think that's my favorite scene in the video. I think that I can identify with that masked bunny. He represents how society tries to make us feel about being virgins. He is ashamed of being a virgin. He probably has very low self-confidence and self-esteem. It would make sense that he would hide his identity by masking his face. He doesn't want anyone to know who he is and he doesn't want anyone that could recognize him to know that he's a virgin. Also he probably doesn't want to show his face because he thinks of himself as being unattractive. Being sexually deprived all your life as all of the other bunnies your age seem to effortlessly explore their sexuality with others could do that to a bunny. That's my interpretation of that scene anyway. I know that I cannot say that everyone else has had more sex than me because there are a lot of other unfortunate people in this world besides me. I do know that I can say that no one else has had less sex than me with confidence. At least I'm pretty sure that it's not physically possible to have had sex a negative number of times. lol Oh well, I still stand by my morals. I'm not going to compromise them just for the sake of experiencing sex. I want my first time to be special. I want it to mean something, even if I have to wait another 23 years.

I agree, don't cover them up. If a guy is going to dislike you for having freckles then that's his loss. He's not worth your time. Some people are so shallow it makes me sick.

I know how it feels, I'm always upfront and honest about stuff and I've been burned for it many times. I even told a friend at work that I really think that I should try to change myself, but I do not like the idea of doing that at all. I like being honest and caring. It's so hard to live in a world that always stomps on the "nice guy."

Hi Keep45, I know how it feels, man. My Cyber-relationship of 3 months ended out-of-the-blue as well, but in time your broken heart will mend. When I met her I wasn't looking for a relationship either, it just happened, and when it ended I was devastated. But now I can look back, not in sadness, but with a smile on my face and in my heart, remembering all of the late nights we spent talking to each other and how very special we made each other feel. I have come a long way in getting over the initial pain of our parting. Don't get me wrong, I still love her and she will always have a very special place in my heart, but I have come to accept that what we had is gone. There are times that I wish I could turn back time and even knowing how it will turn out I'd still do it all over again if I could, but unfortunately the past is the past. Don't worry; you'll get over it, man. If I can do it, I know you can too.

My LDR, which so far for me has been my only relationship to date, started as an LDR and didn't have the chance to become anything more. At the time I was 100% convinced that it could work, but now that I look back I see that it was most likely doomed from the start. You know what they say, "hindsight is 20/20." In fact I dunno if I should even classify it as a relationship at all. She even said to me at the end that nothing was ever "official." If anything I think it would have been better classified as a very close online friendship. I dunno, I guess it sort of depends on your personal definition of what classifies as a relationship. All I know is that I don't think I'll be trying the long distance thing again any time soon. It still hurts too much. It's like burning your hand on the stove; you learn very quickly not to do it again.

I dunno about LDRs, a recent LDR failure has made me lose faith in them. At least for the time being anyway. That's just my view on the subject.

You described my mindset perfectly. I know that I shouldn't give up and I know that there is a possibility of finding (or even just crossing paths with) someone in the future who will love me, but it is that very mindset that you described that makes the future seem so lonely for me. Every time I meet a woman I tend to think that she could do so much better than be with me. I have very low self-confidence and extremely low self-esteem. I see no value to myself. I think that there is nothing that I could possibly offer a woman in a relationship. Sometimes I even feel as if my life may have a negative value. That way when I'm gone, society will end up experiencing a net gain. Anyways, I've only given up searching for someone. If I were to meet someone one day and fall in love then that's great. In fact that would be wonderful. But I'm not going to drive myself insane and advertise my desperation by trying to search high and low for someone. I might as well just hang a sign around my neck that reads "I'M DESPERATE. WANNA GO OUT WITH ME?" I figure that love is not something that can be forced. If it happens, it happens, if not, then it was never meant to.

I know the feeling man, I really do. I wouldn't call it hate though, more like frustration, lots and lots of frustration. lol I know I will probably meet someone one day, but after 23 years of nothing it gets frustrating and very discouraging for the future. Yes, I like wallowing in self-pity too. It's kinda comforting in a weird way. I dunno. lol

That's not true, ReadyorNot. I'm just trying to help. You have every right to come to eNotAlone and ask for advice. That's what eNotAlone is all about. You are welcome to post and you are most certainly not a bother to me or to anyone else here. If that were the case, then I'm sure no one would be trying to help, and it looks like you have a lot of people willing to spend their own free time to help you with your problem. I'm sorry if my previous post came accross like I was mad. I'm not. I just want to help, as does every one else responding to your posts. Please don't stop posting, please continue. You are very welcome here, ReadyorNot. You take care. Okay?

Look ReadyorNot, you need to let go and forget about him. If he treats you badly and plays these awful games then the relationship is not worth it. It's not worth the pain and heartache. Let him go, but don't close the doors either, just because you've had bad experiences in the past doesn't mean that your next relationship will turn out to be the same. There are a lot of good guys out there. Don't shut them out of your life because you've had a couple bad relationships. I know what you are probably going to say. "Easier said than done." I know, it's not easy. It's never easy to forget about someone you've fallen for, but if you think about it, it makes sense. Try your hardest to forget about him and move on, there is someone out there that will treat you with all of the love and respect you deserve, you just haven't found him yet. But remember, if you close the doors to other guys, you never will.

Don't worry, Tom. Your thread didn't get me depressed, this has been bothering me for quite a while and this thread was an opportunity to get a few things off of my chest and out into the open. In fact, I feel a little bit better now that I've talked about it. That animation did put a smile on my face and now it has a home on my HD. Thanks for sharing the link.

It's nice to know that there are some women out there that like to meet virgin men. I think I tend to get really down about being a virgin because I just can't see myself as being attractive to women. Growing up through high school and university I never received any compliments about my looks, or about me as a person in general from girls. I guess without that kind of support I've grown to doubt my ability to attract females. One of my co-worker's friends came through my shop one day as a customer and the next day my co-worker said that her friend thought I was cute. My first reaction was to dismiss it. I figured to myself that since no girl has ever expressed any sort of interest in me or even just given me a simple complement, what are the chances of her actually liking me? Especially since we never really talked. (All I did was cash out her invoice.) I figured that the comment was most likely made in a joking or sarcastic manner. It seemed like just one small anomaly in a long history of disinterested girls. I don't plan on waiting for marriage. I'm just waiting for that special someone to enter my life. Someone I can really feel close to and comfortable enough with to allow for such an intimate expression of our love to take place. Unfortunately that hasn't happened yet, and I'm just not sure it ever will. I thought it happened at one time, but it ended before we had a chance to meet in person. (Met on the Internet.) I know that I'm probably being too hard on myself, but that's how I really feel sometimes. Sorry If I've strayed off of topic. I just wanted to get that off of my chest. We now return you to your previously scheduled thread, already in progress…

I know what you mean, lillady, but it is society that makes us virgin guys feel as if there is something wrong with us. I'm 23 years old and I'm still a virgin. I know that I shouldn't get myself upset about it and I know that I'm doing the right thing by waiting for someone special. But it's the constant bombardment of sexual content from the media, and even from friends and acquaintances that make me feel as if I'm the only person on this planet that no one wants to be intimate with. At times it makes me feel that there must be something seriously wrong with me. I know it's all in my head, but sometimes the feelings are so intense that I cannot help it. For example, I know for a fact that I'm the only person at my workplace that is still a virgin. Even the people 4 or 5 years younger than me have more sexual experience than I can wrap my mind around. They all talk about their past sexual experiences and about sexual topics so casually, like it's just another part of life, and it drives me insane. It only serves as a reminder of how truly pathetic I am when it comes to intimate relationships. Like I said, I know it's all in my mind, but it makes me feel as if I'm somehow defective as a human being.

I do the same thing. I find it very hard to talk to a woman I'm attracted to too. It's like I'll put a woman I'm attracted to up on a pedestal, out of my reach. I tend to think that any woman I'm interested in (or pretty much any woman) is way out of my league. I look at her, then I look at me and I think, "there is no chance in hell that she'd be interested in me. She deserves much better." I know that it's all in my head. It's my extremely low self-esteem. I feel as if I'm not worthy of the attention of any woman. So yeah, it's definitely just in your head, man. I have been and still am struggling with this problem and it makes me always want to shy away from women that I'm interested in. But I think I've been making progress, well, slow progress, in overcoming it. I think the advice that you try to view the girl you are attracted to as "just a good friend" is good. Try to relax and as Eh? Im Canadian said, she is only human too. I know that I'll need a lot more practice before I have this problem licked. It's a long road ahead. lol

I understand where you're coming from. I'm 23 years old and I'm also waiting for that special someone to enter my life before I even consider having sex. In fact I recently made a post about this. I understand that the human sex drive is a very powerful force and it can be very frustrating waiting for so long. But I believe that it will be worth the wait. I don't plan on waiting for marriage, but I'd much rather share my first sexual experience with someone very close to me rather than some cheap one-night stand. That's just where I stand on the subject anyway. I guess some people are weak and can't wait to experience sex. They have their one-night stand and almost always end up regretting it later. I dunno why most people do what they do. lol.

Hey everyone. Today I checked out my benefits at work and I found out that I am covered for visits to a clinical psychiatrist. It's not much, only a max of 3 visits per year (at $100/hr) then 50% coverage up to $150. So yeah, not much, but at least it's something. I really am considering going that route. I am also rethinking my position on the medication issue. I'm beginning to think that it may not be so bad. Boomer, I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering from both depression and ADD. Do you feel that they are two separate issues or do you think that the one is a direct cause of the other? I ask this because I'm almost 100% certain now that my depression may be caused by a much bigger, all encompassing problem that is several magnitudes more intense than just a simple depression. At least it feels that way. I know that a lot of people say that it's not a good idea to self-diagnose, but I have come to the conclusion that I must have at least some form of Avoidant Personality Disorder. I came to this realization almost half a year ago originally, but an online girlfriend that I had between then and now tried to convince me that wasn't the case. But now that she's gone and I've taken another hard look at myself I am almost certain that this is the case. For anyone not familiar with AvPD, here is a brief description... (Everything I put in bold is something that I struggle with on a constant basis.) Avoidant Personality Disorder Avoidant Personality Disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarrassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence. So as you can see this description fits me like a glove. My depression is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how seriously messed up I am. This is the reason I have no social life and have almost no friends and haven't been involved in a serious relationship yet. I need to figure out how I'm going to slay this demon of all demons before I can grow any further as a person. This affliction has bound me for too long. It has to end, now.

Hey man, I know the feeling. It'll happen one day. At least that's what I keep telling myself... Hey, I have to keep myself sane somehow. Giving up won't help, you have to keep trying. Okay? Doing nothing results in nothing.

Look guys, I know that life can have its rough times, but that's no reason to end your own lives. I've been suffering from depression, social anxiety, low self-confidence, and probably a few other things that I can't remember at the moment. I have on many occasions in the past considered doing myself in, but they have only been passing thoughts. I would never consider ending my life now. You know why? Two reasons; my family, and myself. Every time I feel low enough to consider ending it all I think of all the people that I'd be devastating if I were to kill myself. I would never do anything to harm my family; these are the people that love me unconditionally, no matter what. I could never forgive myself for doing such a horrible thing to them. And what about myself? Think about all of the experiences that I would be denying myself by ending my life at only 23 years of age. Assuming that I'll live to be at least 80 years old, I'd be throwing away ¾ of my life. That's 60 years of experiences, gone. Experiences and memories are what make life worth living. They help us to learn and to grow. Ending your life would mean denying yourself of so many good times. Besides, how would you like to be remembered, as a person who took the coward's way out, or someone who persevered through tough times to lead a wonderful and rewarding long life? So please, don't do anything foolish. You will get through the tough times and will be glad that you did not take the coward's way out. Trust me, things WILL get better. Tater_nutz, I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure things will be all right if you are willing to hold on and brave through whatever may be causing you to feel so very low. Funkatron, chin up girl, if your boyfriend is treating you badly then let him go. I know it won't be easy, but you have to realize that you deserve much better. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship. I know it will hurt, there is no denying that, but there will be other guys in your life if you are willing to move on and keep your chin up. Okay? You'll be fine. Look guys; don't give up so early in life. You'll be denying yourself so much if you do.

Hi Angel, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't working out great with your guy. I've recently had a long distance Internet relationship fail, so I don't consider myself an expert on the subject, and since I don't know your b/f, most of what I'm saying is coming from assumption and personal experience… I too have had a tough time growing up and I'm fully aware of how the scars can remain even through to adulthood. I assume that your b/f has had bad experiences during childhood that has resulted in him having low self-confidence/self-esteem. I think that he may doubt his own abilities to keep you interested over the distance. I know this feeling all to well. About the distance being a factor… No doubt in my mind that this could be a problem, but not as big a problem in your case than it was in mine. You two have already taken the first step in meeting each other face to face and have already spent time together and have had a wonderful time doing so. I don't see it being too much of a problem since you have already made it over that first hurdle. In my case the distance was too great (4,000 km) to make casual visits possible. Unfortunately our relationship didn't last long enough for a first visit to take place. I know how hard it is, always having to say good-bye. When talking to my ex-g/f online that was always the longest, most drawn out and most difficult part of our conversation. The pain of separation was just too great. That may be another reason for him being reluctant to enter into the relationship. He doesn't want the heartache of always having to be apart from you for extended periods of time. Well, that's my take on it anyway. It may be pretty inaccurate since I don't have all the facts. All I can suggest for when you see him next is to try to reassure him that you love him and that you are very much willing to give the relationship your very best effort. He's probably scared of loosing you over the distance and doesn't want to take that chance. Let him know that you will be willing to stick by him and that you won't be leaving him. I'm sure that he would very much like to hear that. I hope this helps, Angel. And welcome to eNotAlone. I agree, this is a wonderful site with many great members that are always willing to give advice and support to people in need. I hope you will be as pleased with this forum as I am.

Does it ever end? That's a question that I've been asking myself for years. It's been so very long since I've been happy with any aspect of my life. I look to the future and see no end in sight. I feel like it may never end. I've been fighting depression for quite a while now and I'm getting tired, so very, very tired. I think I'm really starting to loose the battle. I look at my life and I am disgusted by what I see. My job? I hate it. My personal life? It sucks. Anything really good going for me in my life? Not really. Most people have their share of good and bad days. I only have bad and worse ones, and lately the worse days have been far outnumbering the bad ones. I look at my life and I notice a severe imbalance. Most "happy" or at least "content" people have a balance between the positive and negative aspects of their lives and it's this balance that makes life bearable. It's not that I have an overwhelming amount of negativity in my life. I don't feel as if I have any more crap to deal with than others around me. It's the severe lack of anything positive in my life that is causing the imbalance. Most people have positive things in their life that help to counteract all of the negative B.S. that gets thrown in their faces every day. Unfortunately I feel as if I have nothing to relieve me of the negativity and it just builds to the point of becoming overwhelming. I don't think I can stand this any longer. I just don't know what to do. I'm becoming desperate. Before when anyone would ask what was wrong if I looked depressed I used to say "nothing" and pretend nothing was wrong. I'd just hold the pain inside. Lately I've been finding it harder and harder to contain. Going to work is getting to the point of being unbearable and when I come home I'm too depressed to go out and do anything. I find myself just wallowing in self-pity. I finally admitted to my mom and my co-workers recently that I've been depressed and my mom was completely surprised. I thought that she would have at least suspected that something was wrong. The first thing that my mom and co-workers asked when I told them I was depressed was "why?" I told them that if I knew exactly why I was depressed then I would have probably fixed the problem by now. One of my co-workers suggested that I need a girlfriend to make me feel better, but I doubt that that would be a solution to my problem, I mean sure, it would help alleviate some of the loneliness, but it would only be a band-aid solution. I know that the problem lies with me and I wouldn't want to drag someone else down with me. That wouldn't be fair to her. I know the problem is with me. I need to fix the problem with myself before I even consider trying to look for a relationship. I just don't know where to start. My aunt suggested that I go to a doctor and try to get medication, but that idea just doesn't sit right with me. I don't like the idea of pumping myself full of "happy pills" as a way to cope with this. What happens when my prescription runs out and I come down from my "happy place" in the clouds? If anything I'll probably end up feeling lower than I did before. I would go to a shrink and get my head examined, but I would be so embarrassed to do so. I guess it's a pride thing. I hate to admit to others that I need help. Having to do so makes me feel even worse. On a number of occasions I've even considered suicide. That solution has only ever come up at my lowest points, but I know that it would cause way too much collateral damage. I'd end up hurting my family by killing myself, so that one's out of the question. I don't know. I'm at a loss. I've tried to help myself by trying to dig myself out of the hole I've fallen into, but I feel that I'm getting too weak to fight it anymore. I don't know what to do. Has anyone else had to deal with this kind of situation before? How did you deal with it? Fighting depression… Does it ever end?

I second that. I find myself doing the exact same things too. I guess that's the shy guy's universal signal set. I'm not really sure about the kinds of signals that I would send out. A lot of that stuff is sub-conscious, so you don't really notice yourself sending them at all. There have been some times though that I have caught myself doing things that I think could be seen as signals of interest. If you're just in the same room as him (not conversing): If you see a guy who can't keep his eyes off of you but as soon as you look at him he looks away or looks down to the floor, trust me, that's a sure fire sign that he likes you. He's just nervous. Go up and talk to him, you'll most definitely make his day, week, month, year, decade, etc… While conversing: If you give him a big smile and his face lights up and he gives a big smile back, bingo, he likes you. (I read about that one somewhere, but I've caught myself doing it too.) Hmmmm…… sorry, but I can't think of anything else right now. Like I said, these kinds of things are usually done sub-consciously.

Hey, Ceema-k. It's good to find someone on here that has had a similar relationship experience to the one I've just been through. ** It was a good learning experience for me too. I'm very happy to hear that you have managed to overcome your shyness. I have the same shyness and confidence problems and I hope to conquer them one day too. I'm sorry to hear that the low self-confidence is still a lingering problem. I guess when such a trait develops at a young age it makes it all the more difficult to change in adulthood. My demons have been with me ever since elementary school. They've managed to sink their claws in deep and it's not going to be easy to shake them loose. I am just beginning my journey to improve myself and I thank you for sharing your story. Reading your post has helped add to my determination to break from old habits and look forward to a better life through a better me. A friend at work as been talking to me about how to go about improving myself, my image, my confidence, etc... He's a good guy and I really appreciate his concern for my well-being. He's noticed how very depressed I've been and I think that he's genuinely concerned. It's good to know that people like him still exist in this world. Anyways, I gotta go. Thanks for sharing your story, man. Cya around the forum. **(Still a virgin though, our relationship never came close to that. Not ashamed. Keeping it for a future special someone.)