Pyralis

I see that we guys are supposed to show just enough interest while not showing too much, but how exactly do we go about performing this fine balancing act? Where does the border lie? As Pineapple girl said, there is a fine line that must be walked between showing just enough interest and showing too much. Could someone draw me such a line, please? I know the placement of the line will vary with individual responses, but at least I can get an idea of where to find it. I can't walk a line that I can't see clearly.

I agree. Before my first relationship I was an emotional wreck. It's not really that bad now. Don't get me wrong, I still have a lot of baggage and it still sucks, but it helped answer some of the questions I had about myself.

Hey, Jan. You have been a very big help, thank you very much. I really am considering going back to school next year. I know that I have to pick up a credit for MA240, which is a probabilities and statistics course. But I think I really should go in and talk to a member of the Physics and Computing department to be sure that I'll be meeting all of the requirements of my program. I know that MA240 won't be offered again until next year or maybe during spring term or intersession. Either way it'll be a while until I'd get back in. When I do register I'll also have to fill out a request to re-register form along with an intent to register because I haven't completed a course in over 18 months. About the job at Jiffy Lube, I know that I'm too smart for that job. I am the only person left there from when I first started. Everyone that I started with has either quit or has managed to get themselves fired. I have no idea how you can possibly get yourself fired from such a simple, straightforward job as Jiffy Lube. We've gone through so many idiot employees it amazes me. lol. I know that Jiffy Lube is beginning to wear on my nerves. It's so very repetitive and there is very little room for advancement. I could move up to assistant manager and then manager, but it's too much of a headache for not enough pay. Also not to mention the endless barrage of unappreciative customers who would rather spit in your face than smile at you. It's amazing how many people think that you are trying to rip them off when all you are doing is informing them about the manufacturer recommended service intervals for their vehicles. They don't trust me because they think that I'm making a fortune on commission when in fact I don't receive a single dime for anything I recommend or sell. But I have to do it anyway, because it's my job to help customers maintain their vehicles. (sorry, I started to rant there. lol) I guess I really should keep my eyes open for new opportunities. That way I can at least say that I'm not working at Jiffy Lube anymore. I'm pretty sure that I could do much better. Hmm, I wonder if McDonalds is hiring… (just kidding, lol Once again, thank you very much for your help, Jan. It's very much appreciated.

I dunno. I guess a person that is typically tease-able is someone who is light hearted and does not take him or herself too seriously. I guess it just depends on the person. I'm not much of a teaser, but I used to tease my online girlfriend all the time and she used to do the same to me. It was great fun! I guess as long as you make it clear at first that your teasing is light hearted and that you make sure not to go too far and hurt anyone's feelings, then it should be okay. What I used to do when we were first getting comfortable with the whole teasing thing was that I made sure to make it clear to her that I was just teasing. I would say things like. "I know, I'm teasing you again, sorry, I couldn't help myself. " Once we got comfortable with the idea of teasing each other it became more natural, and even more fun. Well, if others think that you are too harsh when you tease then maybe you should tone it down a bit. At least until the person you are teasing gets comfortable with it and realizes that you are just being friendly and that you are not trying to make fun or put them down. Like I said before, if you think that they are getting offended, let them know in a friendly manner that you are just playing around. I think that they should understand. Also, if you are teasing them about something that they may be very sensitive about, I would probably recommend not teasing them about it at all. Even if you are being friendly about it they could end up taking it the wrong way. Again that will depend on the person. You have to try to figure out how far you can take it before you start "stepping on toes."

People have told me that they're surprised that I haven't been out on a date yet, but that was from family members mostly. Every time I visit one of my uncles he keeps asking me if I have a girlfriend out there in Kitchener yet. lol. I just keep answering... "No, Uncle John, not yet." I guess they are the only ones that are genuinely surprised to hear that I haven't been out on a date yet. Then again, they're family. I guess they've always seen me as being more than others can see. I guess to anyone else I don't seem to be the dating type, because if I would tell anyone else I've never been on a date, they never seem to be the least bit surprised. So yeah, I know that frustration too. I know that my family and the few close friends that I have see me as being a great guy, but no luck on the dating front, that's for sure. P.S. Does spending an all-nighter talking to a long distance girlfriend over MSN Messenger count as a date? lol

23 years and still nothing.

Well, I am thinking about going back to university next year to finish my degree. I left school a while ago for financial reasons and to sort out some personal issues. Who knows, maybe that will help. Until then, I dunno. lol I hope everything works out for you too, K8tie. Take care.

Thank you for posting, Jan. I thought that this thread had died out. I know that I need a life change. The problem is building up enough courage to actually do something about it. I've been depressed for quite a while now and have pretty much lost all confidence in myself to make a change for the better. I've gotten kinda comfortable here in my rut and I fear that if I try to change anything, I'll just end up upsetting the balance and end up making things worse than they already are. I was a university student from fall of 1999 to spring of 2003. But due to family and personal financial problems, and my ever-present depression causing my marks to plummet and causing me to even fail some classes. I decided that I needed a break from school and made my part time job full time. I've been thinking about going back, but I need to wait until the course I need to take is available again, that may not be until next year. I've already failed that course twice already. Of course there is the fear that I may end up slipping back into depression which will probably end up affecting my academic performance again. I'm also afraid of trying to change jobs because the one I have is stable. If you were to have asked me about 5 years ago where I thought I'd be right now, I can definitely tell you that I wouldn't have said "working at Jiffy Lube." But since the job is secure and I know that they have no plans of getting rid of me any time soon. I've stuck around. Originally the job was just supposed to be part time to make some extra cash for school. But I ended up going full time and I'm now paying half of the rent on a townhouse along with other expenses. I live at home with my single mother and I'm scared that if I try to make a job change, and if it doesn't work out, I'll be without an income, and my Mom's job doesn't pay enough for her to pay all of the rent by herself. So I'd end up messing up both of our lives. I dunno. I feel as if I'm stuck at the moment. Do you have any ideas? About the popups: If you have recently upgraded to Windows XP SP2, Internet Explorer should have a built in popup blocker. It's not perfect, some popups can slip through every once in a while, but overall it's pretty good. If you are not using Windows XP or are using a browser other than IE, there are plenty of popup blocker programs out there to choose from. Try searching for some at sites like link removed. Also, this may not be the case, but you may have some adware on your system that may be popping up windows with ads. You could try a program called link removed[/i] Personal to remove adware and spyware. It's a pretty good utility program.

Yes, very good post, RayF. Thanks for sharing that with us, man.

Exactly, thank you for bringing that up. I think that's so very true. It can happen, but it's rare.

I used to think that I'd never be in a relationship. My first relationship just ended a few weeks ago and it only lasted three months, but at least it was something. It was a long distance "cyber" relationship that ended on good terms. I know exactly what you mean, man. I have the same shyness, the same anxiety, the same low self-confidence, and the same irrational thoughts that keep me from meeting women. It's a curse that has long haunted me and will probably still linger for quite a while. My past relationship did help to boost my confidence a little bit. Heh, at least now I know that it is at least possible for a woman to like me. Before I had no evidence that any woman would be interested in me at all. I tend to only believe what I can observe. What can I say, I'm a scientist at heart. lol. Well, even though my first and only relationship to date was pretty limited by distance and through the Internet. It helped disprove my long-standing theory that I would never be able to attract the attention of a woman. I didn't think about myself as being interesting or attractive before my relationship and to tell you the truth, I still kinda don't. I still think that the chances of me being involved in another relationship any time soon are pretty rare. Like I said before, I tend to base my beliefs on observations. So far my record is one relationship in 23 years. At this rate I should be due for my next one by the time I hit 46. I figure I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning. lol! (j/k) I dunno. I've pretty much stopped trying. I figure, if it's meant to happen, it will, if not, it won't. I guess only time will tell.

Wow, yeah, I'd definitely say that whoops mine for distance. lol. Wow, that's like half way around the world! Amen to that! lol Nope, I'm talking about link removed. That's link removed from you. Mine was from link removed. I'm glad to hear that the two of you still keep in contact with each other from time to time. I haven't heard from my friend in LA for quite a while now. I just hope she's doing okay. Edit: New Sig and link error corrections.

I feel as if there are lots of options out there, I just have a hard time getting out there to do anything. Working full time and coming home all tired and stinking of oil and grease (I work on cars btw) kind of makes me just want to stay in for the night. Also being pathetically shy and having almost no friends that I could go out with doesn't help either. I think those are the main things that hold me back from getting out there and getting a life. lol. I'm glad to see that you are keeping a sense of humor about the whole thing. I think that says a lot about a person. If you can take a step back every once in a while and have a good laugh and not let things get you too down in the dumps then I think that shows someone with good character. As for trying to decide on what you want to spend your time doing... I dunno... all I can recommend would be to just try a whole bunch of new things and then decide what you are the most comfortable with and interested in pursuing as a hobby. Maybe you could ask some friends who know you well what they would recommend to get you started. Then you could take it from there. I hope I'm being helpful to you. If you have any other questions, just ask.

I think I'll tack on a little side question to this thread. I'm curious. For anyone here that has had their cyber-relationship fail due in part to distance, how fart apart were the two of you? I have a feeling that I may have one of the longest ones at approximately 4000 km (2500 miles). How about you? Yeah, it's late here and I'm tired and bored. lol!

I would like to hear some opinions on this topic as well. I too think that I'm boring. Heck, I'm as dull as a rock. I can very much identify with most of what K8tie Kool has said and I feel as if I've hit a brick wall when it comes to personal growth too. Thanks in advance for your replies.

I didn't say that I would give up cyber-relationships completely. I'd just be really careful about starting another long distance one. I'm really shy in person too, and I feel that is one of the major things that make it so terribly difficult for me to meet women IRL. I always shy away. The Internet makes it easier to meet someone because it allows you to have some anonymity at first. It also gives you time to think out your responses to questions or comments as you type them out so you aren't tripping over your own words. (Something else I tend to do a lot. Also it helps if you are insecure about making a first impression, especially if you are concerned about how you look. (That's another thing I worry about too. I don't think I'm ugly, just not eye catching enough to attract the attention of the opposite sex. In fact sometimes I think I'm invisible. lol) *Anyone in Kitchener/Waterloo/Cambridge, Ontario out there?* lol

I met my cyber-ex through eNotAlone. It lasted only 3 months and ended about 3 weeks ago. The distance, lack of free time, and the long wait until we could've been together were all contributing factors to her deciding to end the relationship. I didn't want to, but to avoid hurting each other we mutually decided to back off. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I miss her so very much.

Hello everyone, I don't have any answers either. I just figured that I'd share my story here. I've been fighting loneliness for a very long time and I feel with the way I am, I may very well be doomed to loneliness for the rest of my life. I'm a very shy and insecure guy and a little on the sensitive side too. I have a big family on my mother's side that loves me and I have a small dog too, but I feel as if I have a big hole in my life that needs to be filled. I don't see myself as a good catch at all, but I still long for a relationship. A long-term relationship. No flings or one-night stands, thank you! =; It disturbs me to see that a lot of women think that all a guy is after is sex, because in my case that is not true at all. I know many guys that see women as nothing but walking sex objects and it sickens me. It also sickens me that these guys are perpetuating these male stereotypes and are making women so very suspicious of a guy's intentions. I'd hate to think that a woman would think that all I want is sex if I do something as innocent as just walk up to her and say "hello" and try to make conversation. I think that this may be one of the reasons I don't go out looking to meet someone, because this is how I think women will end up seeing me. I'm afraid that all they'll see is some guy who is just desperate for sex, which is absolutely not the case at all. It's a relationship that I want, or at the very least a good friendship. I'm not ashamed to say that I have very little relationship experience and no sexual experience whatsoever and I'm not in a rush to lose my virginity. In fact I don't plan to lose it any time soon. At least not until I find "the one." That is of course if I ever find her. I dunno, I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up on guys just yet. There are some good ones still out there. They're just few and far between. Me? I've pretty much gotten to the point of giving up, I mean, after 23 years of pretty much nothing it's not very encouraging for the future. I know the problem is with me. I need to work on fixing what's wrong with me before I go looking for anyone else. I think I'm starting to ramble, so I'll just end it here.

I don't think I'd ever want to be all bulky with muscle. Unless your lifestyle requires the need to be super strong, there is no point. And besides, a lot of women do find the huge bulky muscle look to be unattractive. I wouldn't mind better definition of the muscle that I have. I don't have much, I'm pretty skinny, and so with only 8% to 10% body fat I have pretty much no definition. Yep, I'm a toothpick. lol So if I want to look better I think I'd have to concentrate on building muscle mass (not too much though) rather than trying to lose body fat. 8% to 10% is already on the low side, I think that they say about 15% is good for a man.

I think that antzca2000 has got it right. You could have the most toned muscles in the world, but if there is a layer of fat over top of them, you aren't going to see much. If you want extreme definition you have to have a very low body fat percentage, that's for sure. Hopefully these might help: link removed link removed I don't know about their accuracy, one said I was 8% the other said 10%. There are other methods too, like fat caliper tests and hydrostatic weighing and body fat scales / analyzers etc...

Hey ai244, I know exactly how you feel because almost the exact same thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago, only mine was a long distance "cyber" relationship. We had been writing emails and chatting and having voice chats through MSN for almost 3 months. Everything was going great. We even had plans to meet each other in person. She was on a break from school for a couple weeks and when she went back she saw her academic advisor and found out that it would take her much longer to graduate and that her course loads would only get more difficult. I suppose that not having enough spare time to go online and the thought of us having to wait so long to be with each other scared her out of the relationship. (Either that or the picture of me that I sent her a few days before did it. I guess the timing of me sending the picture and her calling it off a few days later has made me a little insecure. ) She said the same thing to me, she told me repeatedly not to blame myself, that it was not because of me. She said that it was the lack of free time and the idea of us having to wait for so very long for each other. I still consider her a very close friend and hope to hear from her in the future. Unfortunately I haven't heard from her in a while and I just hope she is doing okay. She said that she would be willing to re-evaluate our relationship in the future, but since we have almost no contact with each other anymore I feel as if we may just end up drifting apart. I really don't want that to happen because I think she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yeah, I definitely know how it feels, man. Even though we had never met in person and we were separated by many miles, those 3 months were the happiest I can remember. Her "dear John" email hit me like a ton of bricks and if we do drift apart it will take me a very long time to get over her. She meant the world to me. I wish I could give you some advice on what to do, but I don't think there is anything you can do. The ball is in her court. I don't think that love is something that you can manipulate. It either happens or it doesn't. It's like a force that cannot be harnessed or controlled, only experienced. I don't even know if I'm making any sense anymore, so I think I'll just stop here, if you would like to talk more about this, reply or PM me.

That's a good idea Bestinclass, I'll add those to my list of things to look into. I don't know about public broadcasting or theatre though. I'm a pretty shy guy. Getting up in front of an audience frightens me. lol. These are some pretty good suggestions everyone, thank you very much. Please keep them coming if anyone has any other good ideas.