Taomagicdragon

If I were to make a list: 1 - Love (emotional connection) 2 - Intelligence 3 - Humour 4 - Conversation 5 - Hobbies 6 - Physical intimacy

To me, that "data" could imply that they were going for convenience or a release, void of emotional or even long/great physical attraction. It also can not be discounted the chance that they do it as an insult to their partner in the cases of spiteful cheating.

Most relationships fail due to a lack of trust fostered by a lack of communication, this can lead to cheating, issues in compatibility, and jealousy. However there is a choice in cheating, an independent element where you choose to go behind someone's back and exploit their trust knowing the consequences (alcohol or "being in the moment" are excuses I hear often from people who engage in this behaviour and, honestly, those reasons are as fake and contrived as the relationship they're in). No, I'm not referring to any specific poster on this thread so, moderators, this isn't a flame. (Love having to give disclaimers)

So long as both people hold that to be true then yes. After all, if sex means nothing to a couple than they have another aspect as their barometer. Replace sex with intimacy (of any kind pertinent to a relationship) and I agree fully.

I shall break it down then. The part I quoted was the piece of your post I was initially refuting. It wasn't placed in the context of what you would want but, instead, was given as a truism, especially with the do in caps. I was overjoyed to hear that what you said and what you meant weren't synonymous and thought that phrasing it (in the future) so that people don't take your words as a mandate instead of a personal anecdote would be beneficial. On a plus note it'd get me off your back which, I feel, you'd enjoy.

Didn't get you wrong by the above quote's indication. I'm overjoyed to hear that this line wasn't intended to be a mandate though perhaps a preface stating your above reply would've been a better way to word it.

With any respect that is due, you do not have to have sex with a person if you love them and just because your experience taught you that does not mean it holds true to someone else. Sex is a powerful expression of love but it does happen that one person, or both, may be incapable of having sex. Does that mean the love will die because sex is no longer an option? Of course not. Sex is a great thing but is by no means any more mandatory than any other part of a relationship in that it's up to the discretion of both parties, not the opinion of a divorcee with ten years of experience because I am certain other people have other experiences with more years to back them that are different than yours; doesn't make theirs any more right than yours but it is just as wrong as yours in the context of what other people "should" do: each couple, and the importance of sex for them, is different.

Last night Aviator was seen fleeing his residence from a half naked woman wielding a frying pan. More details tonight at 11pm on your local news channel. Now back to your regular ENA programming.

The comedy sketch by Dane Cook called DJ Diddles chimes through my head reading this thread..

Not everyone masturbates (I don't). For me, it's because I have no interest in it and feel no drive for it (same with sex). As for the OP, Masturbation may not be your thing, nothing wrong with that at all. As for the making love aspect, perhaps you have some stress or are thinking about something. The body reacts to thoughts. But, if you're in the mometnt and relaxed/comfortable, then I would consult an OB/GYN to be on the safe side. I;ve heard of this before with two of my friends and they tried role playing, getting their minds in different mindsets seemed to help, so try that if it helps (they share way too many personal expeirences with me, heh, they tried the teacher and student roles). To cedar, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to masturbate and if he;s depressing you or calling you abnormal, then you need to have a serious talk with him about it. You are perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you. As for the sex, make him buy the condems. Just make sure he stops cutting you down (same with his family) becuase that doesn't make for a bright future. You are perfectly normal and are not somehow psychelogically off just because you don't want to masturbate.

"So... Jesus sure has big wood" You could open a talk with that if you really wanted to The important thing is if you have an interest then let her know at a church function or some time after service.

Thank you all for the concern given thus far.. I just feel that abuse that has gone on for a decade is jsut too much... I fgiht it make progreess than a week later I'm bback to square one.. it happens time and time again

Growing up my family has never been particularly nice people though they weave an illusion of it for the public. I never subscribed to that illusion for I have been abused in different ways since I was old enough to walk. My father did things to me and my body I will never forget... He also physicaly hurt me with every device he had in possesion and would laugh manically has he had his way with my mutilated living corpse... My mother allowed it and even at times I feel as though she cheered it on... for I was the child born into the role as the son they never wanted. I was silent about all that happened up until I was `16. Then I met people that were truly my friends and I told them about it. They were i ntears over it and they did their best to get me through it. But it failed. I am now 19 and and am truly a miserable soul waiting to die. My mother has refused me a loan to go to college for this spring smester and that leaves me in a feeling that i have hit a dead end. All I seem to do is ocmplain about what has and waht is happening to me because that's the only thing that ever kept me from hurting myself... it was m only release for it.. I clsoe my eyes even now and feel his hands on my living corpse. I have a girlfriend finally but I can't put her through al lthe msiery I've wasted my friendships on. I've complained ot the point where one firend doesn't believe me and another friend simply doesn't talk as she has nothing else to say to me. My other friends are to certain degrees sick of me and fall in ranges between not caring and feeling utterly spent trying to help me. I failed them truly and I wish I never told them to begin with.... I never complain to people that don't know. But here I am a miserable lonely soul who wasted all his friendships... I;ve seen therapists and social workers (all I rally can do without my mother being involved somehow) but nothing they have done works.... I;ve done personal self-help but that works for a week tops.... I;ve tried the advice of some of my friends... that's to no avail.... I am simply broken and am beyond repair.. people that think otherwise give me far too much credit... I have been honest tohugh with my friends.. no hyperbole.. no lies... infact if i did it for sympathy i owuld have given up when they started getting isck of me and not to thepoint where I am reluctantly invited to things liek parties (i tend to sit off ot the side and watch... i'm an observer by nature and it's how I feel comfortable at parties). I have taken jobs in the past and every cent I make goes to my mother for her "to take care of" meanign I rarely see a cent of it. I don't go out usually... In fact last time I;ve been out was at a new year's party that I basically spent sitting on a couch watching them dnace and sing and play little gmaes. All fun for mt to watch but seeing as it disturbs them... i probably should not have gone. Unless a miracle happens I will have to break things with my girlfriend and "pack up" my emotional baggage and let my friends go... let thme live their lives while I slowly die for that is all I feel I have left in me to do. Resign myself to the fact I am broken and that no soul can save me.. not even myself.

Open your mouth. Let the words vibrate through your voice-box. Use your mouth muslces and tongue to shape the noise into words. That's how you talk to a girl. Oh... you want subjects? Find some common ground and build on it. Talk aobtu the job.. the pay... the boss... interject some wit and watch ehr body langauge and her replies for any feedback noting interest.

You're petrified of her because she is a friend and you'd rather not risk it or are you petified because you've put her on a pedastal? Here's a clue: She's human! She is capable of being as nimwitted and bumbling as you appear to be and for all you know she's feeling the same. Though for all we know you're seeking permission of anonymous people in order to feel like you are allowed to do something... that's why most people ask for advice actually; to get permission and to feel validation in their want to pursue something to drag them out of their present rut. You like her then let her know in your own fashion or pray for the vice versa to be true and that she gets her act together if you're not going to bother. If you're not going to do something with your feelings then there is no point in having them. Unrequited love went out with jousting and the Thirty Years War. Go for it or you shall go for nothing and when you do the latter rest assured you'd get it.

If you both had enough interest than she would have made the move if you hadn't (the garbage that maintains guys must make the moves first always is as out-dated as all black people can't swim and and all women should be bare-foot and pregnant). Sometimes confessing your feelings is the way to go if it's inline with your personality afterall it's how I go about things and I do just fine. Trying to be something you aren't is a real problem so if you're shy then be shy as lying to her by acting extroverted can have far worse ramifcations.. I'd rather be rejected for who I am than be accepted for who I'm not. You both have some feelings but if neither of you step it up they will be just feelings. So either you or her have to make the first move and seeing as she doesn't seem to frequent these boards then I'll give the advice to you you lucky dog. Ask her out in your own way (movies.. coffee.. a walk in the park on a fine autumn eve... some even like shopping as a date (you each spend your own money obviously) and with Black Friday coming up it makes a perfect shopping day). The best thing you can do is take all the advice here with a grain of salt and measure against your own personality and don't change who you are or try to deny it in order to take the advice.. if the advice can't be applied to you then it's not good advice... Look at the opposite of shy.. being socially confident. From there you can either be proud of yourself and assertive... or you be full of hubris.. both rely on the same quality but it depends on how you use it to end in vastly different results.. the same goes with being shy. Shyness is as valid a personaility type as any other and anyone that claims it to be more akin to sometihng that needs to be fixed is.. quite franky.. wrong. (note: don't try include sociopaths or bigotry in this group as those are not personality types but prejudices and off shoots of other nuetral personality types) It's how you use that shyness that can make it beneficial or detrimental to your emotional health. I am a shy guy but use it to be unassuming and receptive.. to listen and observe all things around me then give my opinions in a well thought out manner without prejudice becuase a fact is a fact no matter if you're cocky or withdrawn. I take it for what it's worth but be you and be it well.

Using anger to find love.. Choose your wording more carefully as I tihnk you mean determination or resolve not anger. Also what if you are friends with someone of the opposite gender then through time develop feelings. Do you ask your friend out automatically upon the discovery of such feelings? Your friend will inquire on the change of behaviour... is that when you lie (a half-truth is a full-lie) or tell her what's on your mind in an honest and open way? All relationships require open communication and if soemthing you say break the friendship then it wasn't a real friendship to begin with (sme goes for marriage and all other ofrms of relationship (barring things like betrayal where telling it will cause damage but even then it's better than hiding it). Also if you're one who wears their heart on their sleeves then hiding a feeling or playing it down is against who you truly are. If telling someone outright is in your nature than do it regardless of what anyone says. Being open about who you are and being true to that is what needs to be done.

If you do there is a chance it will push him away indefinitely or it could be the one act to prove your words and make things a bit more bearable. If you don't then the slippery slope will degrade the situation.

If it's not love, it;s more than like... OO OOO how about loke?

Well, the other guy has no chacne, and me forcing him to back off is just stooping into competition with him, which is beneath me and I will not turn this into two guys fighting over a girl, because right now, the girl wants neither. It seems I am down to the last few cards the deck that Life has dealt me, and I doubt I have another trump card left.

Well, it all began with a friend of mine, her and I would, over time, go on movie dates, cuddle, hold hands, be over the other's house, and generally spend time together. Things seemed to be progressing and I thought, for once, that my "be friends first, then build from that" policy might be working. With her, all life's conflicts were calmed, they ebbed away whenever she was around. With her not there, I felt secure in that I would see her again, and maybe tell her how I truly feel so we can take the next step in earnest. Then concerns, mutual friends, and life itself came into view and I was all of a sudden too aware of the stares from people, the nay-saying of others, I believe she was too, for we both, somehow, cut it off without so much as a word as to explain why. Six months past, and another guy attempts to seduce her, she recoils into anger towards him and towards me, now she does not want to even speak to me, it seems the friendship is waning like the sun's reach into a moonless dusk, the stars veiled by clouds of doubt and uncertainty. Telling her how I truly feel, at this point, is a lost cause. She has told me and this other guy to go away, but I know the other guy will persist, driving, still, the wedge deeper between me and her. What I must do is show my love by denying myself what I want, and do as she wishes in this example. I have to disengage, and maybe, then, the tensions will cool, the firendship can reform, and maybe we can build up again. The chance, though, of that plan succeeding are very slim, the other end of the spectrum is to make an emotional appeal to her, to make it clear my intentions are not to "have her" or to merely "seduce her" liek the other guy, but to earn her trust, her friendship, to earn the knowledge of what she likes, dislikes, and to then, if we both consent, move on so that we both could share in the other's heart. The other guy has a set goal, but a goal entails a guarantee that if one does A,B, and C, then they will achieve something. Love does nto work liek that, because no matterwhat YOU may do, the other still must want it. I know I waited too long, squandered a year of chances, 525,600 of them, in fact. I can only hope for this winter's thaw to come soon, if at all.

Try this: Hey, i lost my pin number, can i ahveyour phone number so at least it's not a total loss? You have to do something direct at her workplace because she is suppossed to be working and can't spend 10 minutes on subtlites, hints, and innuendo (no, not sexual ones). Just ask her, she will likely say yes if you're being truthful in your post.

First of all, there ARE such things as guy friends, whomever thinks differently REALLY needs to get out of the cave sometime. A human is a human despite the presense of a Y chromosome or not. /end rant Now, about this guy, to say he likes you is like saying the surface of the sun is balmy. However, that does not mean he'll make a move because he has been hurt in some way before when he let someone get that close, likely with that girl he almost proposed to, it was an almost for a reason afterall. As to your assumption that love must be a guy asking for a date that he has planned, that's about as old as the "a girl and a guy can't just be friends" belief. If you want sometihng to happen, you'll have to do some work too, even something as simple as leaning yor head on his shoulder, sititng closer to him, making it easier for you two to be together, or jsut talking about how lucky you are to have him. Thos will defiantely not be lost on him, we hope. If so, then say "Kiss me, you fool!" :splat:

You could try this pick-up line: "Hey Baybeh, you got your tetnus shot? *grin shinily*" Yes, shinily is a word I just made up. Braces are a part of you for now, no more different then hair colour, eye colour, skin tone (pale - dark), hobbies, religion, etc etc. Would you date a girl that hated your hobbies? doubtful (at least, not for very long). Some people don't like braces, but that is no reason for you to be ashamed of them. Now, for more humour. Girl - Oh, are those braces? You - No, these are the tracks for the love train! Girl - Are you wearing braces? You - No, I ate my tuna sandwhich and forgot to take off the foil. You - I'm into heavy-metal

Answer to your title: Go on another. You really are giving that slip-up about the holding hands "flop" more credit than it deserves, I forgot about it by the end of that short paragraph for all intents and purposes. If everytime you slipped up a little and quit, how much would you actually have done in your life? Not much as learning means makign mistakes and growing from them, if not yours then others'.