thegoodgirl04

Thanks Vx I know he wasnt ready for someone like me, its a bruse to the ego but I am happier with out him (minor set backs happen but thats expected). I also heard something similar to your analogy, my friend told me. It goes something like the good apples are the ones at the top of the tree and they are the hardest to reach, while the rotten ones are at the bottom, easy picking. She said we are the good apples and we just have to wait for someone who's patient and persistent enough to bypass the rotten ones to get to the top of the tree!

So I'm doing ok, go to happy hour have fun, come home watch a movie with a friend. Go to sleep and have an awful dream about him! It goes... I see him at his house and he admits to me that he is back with his ex (the ex he couldn't stop talking to when he was seeing me and lied about) of course he's being really cold in the dream. She pulls up in this hunk of junk and I go to the car and ask why are you doing this, can't you see your just his fall back girl? She says that he really loves her and they are getting back together so I should get over it. I know it's a silly dream, but the wake up in the middle of the night with this awful feeling, the feeling that what I was thinking the whole time came true! It seems silly now though. But now I can't help to think that this was some kind of omen and the whole time he was dating me he wanted her, which is another silly statement cause why date me right? Ahh so confused now, stupid subconscious!

Thanks everyone!

well I think I'm finally starting to get it, there is someone, somewhere out there for me who will respect and love me for who I am, not someone who is afraid, or too much of a jerk to know what he has. I will get there, it's still hard and it's still fresh in my mind, but I've gotten over this sort of thing before, I'm better for it now. Now I know what mistakes not to make the next time. Don't ignore that "feeling" next time, just cut it. I'm 31, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be an old maid, I have a lot to offer someone who deserves it. I can't change how someone is, it's just too bad for them to go through life that way. At least I know what kind of person I am strong, fun, outgoing, smart, active, creative, caring and that there is someone out there who will appreciate all of this. Sorry to sound like I'm tooting my horn, but this is how I feel today (although I can't say I won't be crying later lol!)

Thanks KellBell, your advice stings a little but it is true! I will eventually get over it, it's just hard because I see all of my friends in these great relationships and here I am, just coming out of a relationship where the guy didn't even respect me (pity party!).

Thanks, I've already been doing NC for a week and a half, if I didn't do it, he would have just gone on like nothing happened. He is very passive and very insecure I feel and never gives him self to anyone because he doesn't feel like hes worth it. It stinks because you put so much into a relationship only to have it back fire, I guess I can look at it as I wouldnt do what he did to me, I'm definaltly a different person than he is. One question, was he always wanting to be with someone else, or is it just how his is? Hurts!

Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like I'm a skipping record not able to get over this hump..

Hi I am trying like heck to move on, I just can't help to think (from the advise I have gotten from friends) that he is probably just going to jump right into another relationship with either his ex or someone else, from what they say guys usually have rebounds. It also bothers me a lot that he doesn't seem to care that we are broken up, I know this is silly thinking. I guess I'm just hurt, maybe I liked him more than he liked me, that would make it easy to get over. I'm just hurt that he basically pushed me away from the beginning of the relationship by keeping a fall back person just in case. I guess it's kind of sad for him, always keeping one foot out the door just in case. Of course I would pull away eventually, who wouldn't. PS if you read my earlier posts they talk about two guys, one was a real gem I broke it off, I them started dating someone else back in july 04, that's who I'm talking about here.

Raykay your awsome! Thanks so much! Too bad we live in different countries! I'm going to check out the links you posted, I also started searching for a womens clinic. Funny how I came on here totally frustrated and now I feel better!

I do yoga too and some running too! I live in Pennsylvania near Philly, I'm sure there are some clubs I just have to find them!

I do mtn biking, it's hard because I don't know any other girls into it, I'm kind of a beginner. I did a race last year (rode 33 miles!) and I finished so I was happy!

Thanks raykay, I totally hear you, it's just so hard to see right now, it's hard getting out there and doing these things that we both enjoyed by myself now. I rode a loop that we both used to ride and I couldnt help looking at the tire tracks wondering if they were his! How pathetic! I'm laughing about it now, but at the time I just wanted to cry, guys can be such jerks sometimes, its just hard to keep hope that there is someone else out there who enjoys everything I do and even treats me with respect and commitment (some sort)!

Thank you guys, you've given me hope, I think I may give it some time to see if he contacts me, I want to give him time. I'm just so confused!

We broke up for two reasons, my reason is he lied to me about talking to an ex, I don't think anything was going on with them, but it was the fact that he lied. His reason is that he wasn't sure if he wanted to get married or not. I do miss him, very much, I feel like he lied to me because he's afraid of confrontation. I just couldn't get over that fact that someone who supposedly cares about you would lie, made me feel very small and insecure. The last time I saw him, I asked him if he still had feelings for me he said he did, I asked why and he said well things arent black and white are they. He's a very poor communicator and I don't believe he will ever call or wright reguardless of the way he feels, He has also made it a point to say that he has never gotten back with an ex, I feel that hes just trying to protect his feelings, that's what I did.

Ok so it's been a week since I've talked to him and even though I think that he didn't treat me the greatest why do I still miss him, want him to call me, email, anything! It's kind of sad that I feel like this because I know he is moving on or at least pretending very well. I think of all the things we did together (I am very outdoorsy and so is he) and think about what a hard time he's going to have finding a girl like me and that he'll be sorry (it was a mutual break up of sorts we had been growing apart but now I regret it sort of and all my friends are saying "are you sure your broken up and not getting back together?") I'm sorry to sound full of myself that's not my intention, but why isnt he missing me like I miss him, we were together most of the time and had so many common interests and fun together, what the... Thanks for letting me vent, very confused right now!

Thank you so much, you post really helped, plus it's good to know that there is hope. Yeah I can say I am kind of feeling freaked out, especially since all of my girlfriends are either married or engaged. I just have to remember to take my time and don't put up with that crap again, it's just hard right now.

Hi everyone, I was in a relationship for about two years, me 31 him 32 both never married. We were both unhappy more and more, and one day after a fight he said it, he didnt want to see me anymore, I had been thinking the same thing and felt relieved at first, now I feel lonley scared and afraid that I won't meet anyone like him again. I know it's for the best, he didn't make me happy and did things that pushed me away. In the first two months, he lied to me about an ex. We went to a party and never told me an ex would be there, she acted strangley to me all night no eye contact stc, a week later I wasnt around so he went on a bike ride with this person, I was angry because by that time I had figured out that she was an ex and was not telling me that she was. I finally confronted him about her and he said they were just friends and that there was nothing to worry about, but I worried about the lying, not cool. This happened two or three more times over the period of the relationship. He would hang out or talk to this girl and lie about it, then when I would find out about it he would say it's nothing to worry about she was just a friend! WHY LIE ABOUT IT THEN!!!!??? Well needless to say it brought out my insecurities and I began pushing him away, and he did the same, by the end I resented him and hated him for lieing to me. We broke up last week and were still talking, he seems to be fine going about his business like nothing happened, while I'm hurt and saddened that I have lost a good friend and companion. I talked to him last night and told him I can't talk to him or see him anymore, I felt like I was turning into his the ex that he was hanging out with, pathetic and willing to take any thing he would throw me. I am not that person! Why am I so upset? I didn't even like him so much at the end and I was starting to be attracted to others and thinking I couldn't marry him ever. Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks

Hi everyone and happy thanksgiving but I need some advice. this is kind of a long story but all the details are relevant to the whole story. I am 31 and have been dating a guy for a year and a half, he will be 32 next week. We have both never been married or have kids and I think we are both obviously afraid of commitment. We do love each other but our relationship moves very slowly because of past pains in our lives. My boyfriend was cheated on by someone who he took back and who cheated on him again in college which I think makes him not very trusting of girls and on guard a lot. Kind of like that simon and garfunkle song " i am a rock, I am an island..." My mother committed suicide about 2 years ago for reasons unknown to my family. This has left me with some after effects like fear of abandonment and sometimes I don't like to be alone because at certain times of the year I tend to think about my mom and what happened a lot. My boyfriends family lives about 4 hours away and he usually goes home for holidays and I go with him sometimes, but when I don't go with him, I have a hard time dealing with being alone during the time he is gone during the holidays, I cry and feel very lonely, I know this is silly and need to suck it up but it's hard. This also starts a fight between me and my boyfriend because I get very mean before he leaves which he doesn't understand, and I often say when I am acting like such a brat that he might be better off with someone else who wouldn't through fits when he goes away for a few days. I would like to get married someday, but I don't want to inflict this kind of treatment on any one, because if it were me and someone who I was dating did this kind of thing, I would probably say "knock it off"! I feel awful not only lonely, but after I through a hissy fit I feel even worse because of how I have treated someone I care for. Sometimes it's like I have a split personality, good one minute and angry the next over nothing. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement? I could really use it right now...

Hi everyone, I was seeing my ex off and on for the past few months, I think it was because I wanted to see proof for myself that he had been lying to me and I wasnt crazy like he said I was. Anyway, in the beginning of June I had a weird outbreak in my groin area, I thought it couldnt be a VD because my ex was the only person I had slept with in the past year and a half, well after having two blood test its confirmed I have herpes. Needless to say i am a bit pisssed off at him cause that's the only way i could have gotten it was from him. And there is an incubation period of 2-10 days! He said he got tested the same time I did after I told him he should, and he "says" the test came back neg. But he's always been a big liar and to tell you the truth I dont believe a thing that comes out of his mouth unless he has the results in writing from the DR himself. I kept asking him the whole time we were seeing each other if he was seeing someone else, he would get defensive and say no, cause i wanted no parts of that if he was. so the other night he was really drunk ( and I know I shouldnt have done this but under the circumstances...) i took his phone (which i might add he is very protective of and keeps it on him at all times) and started to look through it to see if there were other girls numbers etc, well i came accross quite a few and text messages that eluded to the fact that he'd been on dates. I FREAKED. Needless to say he's out of my life, the phone numbers and text messages were enough proof for me. But now I feel like such a fool and now I have this to live with the rest of my life, I feel so stupid for being sucked back into his games and now this is what I get. I am smarter than this!!! I feel like printing up flyers with his picture on it saying "WOMEN BEWARE!!!!" and distributing them around.

I use Ivory soap, it works really well to dry them out!

Thanks whoopsy, I know I'll be ok. As they say...that which does not kill you, only makes you stronger....

I really think that it comes from this guys childhood, he was always trying to please his demanding father, so I think it carried over into adulthood, ANYTHING to please someone, even if it involves lying over and over which I don't understand, I would rather have the truth!!! It's too bad for him, cause he's 35 and he's not going to change, I feel bad for the person he ends up with, very scary situation there!

Hi Stacy, That's a tough situation and maybe he does just need time. He might be going through a rough time in his life, and not that he doesn't care about you and want you to be there for him during this rough time, but maybe he jsut needs to go through it by himself and he doesnt want to bring you into it. My advice would be, as tough as it is, to just let it go for now, he'll talk to you when he's ready. I know it's hard, but this is something you might have to do, and you have to remember to take care of your self and not let it get to you. Concentrate on your work or school or a hobby you have, then when and if he's ready to come back you'll be stronger. Take care of your self and good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

Thanks whoopsy, that helps, it's just hard to accept that someone who supposedly cares about you so much would lie.

Hey Pip, I feel your pain The best thing the do, although you do want to tell him what a pain in the a$$ he has been, is to just try to move on. You'll be proud of yourself and feel good that you didn't stoop to his level. Best of luck!!