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Thread: Am I overreacting bad?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Short answer: Yes

    Long answer: Yes

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's not as if he picked up the phone during sex and started chitchatting for an hour about what color to paint the kids bedrooms. Your ex from 10 yrs ago sounds like a jerk, but that was 10 yrs ago.
    Originally Posted by Rosie1300
    My boyfriend of 10 years got a text at 10pm from his ex/kids mom saying she got a new job and was excited.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I have a different opinion. 10 pm is inappropriate to be announcing a new job. No one fell or was rushed to emergency or choked. It's not about scheduling for the kids unless she's starting her job the next day and she's supposed to have them. Was this the case? What immediate implications did it have regarding their kids?

    If the job situation has nothing to do with the next day, that kind of text can wait until the morning or during day time hours. The issue with the text is that it suggests a level of familiarity and lack of boundaries between them even if they are co-parenting kids. Gray area? Yes. Are you entitled to an opinion? Yes, also. Should it have devolved to yelling - probably not.

    Talk about this as adults when things are a bit cooler between the both of you. Do you mind me asking if there are other issues in the relationship?
    It could have been 9:40. Who knows. If the kids bedtime is 9:30 or 10, it doesn't seem weird. Its still light enough outside at 9:00/9:30 to go for a walk this time of year.
    At a time of year of summer plans and cell phones, its not a really insane crazy time.

    But BOTTOM LINE - SHE called HIM - its not like he called her. And obviously its not a habit if you are with him most nights because you would have witnessed more

  4. #24
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    It could have been 9:40. Who knows. If the kids bedtime is 9:30 or 10, it doesn't seem weird. Its still light enough outside at 9:00/9:30 to go for a walk this time of year.
    At a time of year of summer plans and cell phones, its not a really insane crazy time.

    But BOTTOM LINE - SHE called HIM - its not like he called her. And obviously its not a habit if you are with him most nights because you would have witnessed more
    It wasn't even a "call" it was one text.

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  6. #25
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    A good parent is always going to choose their kid(s) - meaning they can't undo who their kids came from.
    His ex is going to be in your life as long as you are with him. So ask yourself if you are willing to jeopardize a good relationship with her because of your own insecurities?

  7. #26
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    You have been with him TEN years.
    Why have you not got past the fact that he has an ex and mother to his kids?

    She was super excited! Wanted to tell the world. He likely wasn’t the first to know either.

    If there are issues in your relationship, I’m guessing this was the final straw for you? But nothing actually to do with the mother of his kids?

    Choose your battles but this shouldn’t be one.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I don't think you overreacted given how late it was when his ex texted. Generally, most people think about common courtesy instead of texting late at night when people want to relax after a long day or they're sleeping. No one wants to hear their phone ping every single time there's a text coming in. It's annoying.

    It's very good that he has a good rapport with his ex and the mother of his children. However, his ex needs boundaries and he needs to tell her that texting needs to be infrequent and during daytime hours. It's common sense.

    As for you, work on your trust issues. If your guy has proven to you that he is trustworthy, then give him that courtesy. Keep in mind that you must share him for the rest of your life as long as you're involved in a relationship with him. He has kids, he needs to co-parent with his ex and she will never go away. Either this is what you've signed up for or dissolve the relationship. That's the deal. This is a triangle; not 1:1 with you nor will it ever be, unfortunately. Your guy is a package deal.
    Last edited by Cherylyn; 08-01-2020 at 02:20 PM.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I don't think you overreacted given how late it was when his ex texted. Generally, most people think about common courtesy instead of texting late at night when people want to relax after a long day or they're sleeping. No one wants to hear their phone ping every single time there's a text coming in. It's annoying.

    It's very good that he has a good rapport with his ex and the mother of his children. However, his ex needs boundaries and he needs to tell her that texting needs to be infrequent and during daytime hours. It's common sense.

    As for you, work on your trust issues. If your guy has proven to you that he is trustworthy, then give him that courtesy. Keep in mind that you must share him for the rest of your life as long as you're involved in a relationship with him. He has kids, he needs to co-parent with his ex and she will never go away. Either this is what you've signed up for or dissolve the relationship. That's the deal. This is a triangle; not 1:1 with you nor will it ever be, unfortunately. Your guy is a package deal.
    Agree with this.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    omg people the ex did a one time 10pm text...this is not a regular occurrence so there is no need to "set boundaries". The whole reason for the complaint is that is was unusual for the ex to be sending a text at 10pm. That's it. The OP overreacted because of her past baggage. Not because her BF or the ex did anything wrong...it was quite innocent.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    omg people the ex did a one time 10pm text...this is not a regular occurrence so there is no need to "set boundaries". The whole reason for the complaint is that is was unusual for the ex to be sending a text at 10pm. That's it. The OP overreacted because of her past baggage. Not because her BF or the ex did anything wrong...it was quite innocent.
    This. No need for a big talk about boundaries. It's not that big of an issue.

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