Jump to content

Am I overreacting bad?


Rosie1300

Recommended Posts

My boyfriend of 10 years got a text at 10pm from his ex/kids mom saying she got a new job and was excited. And though he’s never done anything or crossed a line with her, me being a girl of course overreacted because of the late time. I just had a flashback of an ex that used to text girls all night and it messed with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being a girl doesn’t “ make you” overreact. If you have issue you haven’t dealt with from years ago and nothing to do with him you need to deal with them.

 

This. Being a girl has nothing to do with a tendency to over-react.

 

Having said that, it would be helpful if you provided more context. What did you say or do when you learned his ex texted him? How long have you been dating and has he ever given you a real reason not to trust him? What's the general relationship like with between him and his ex?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I kind of freaked out a little and thought it was weird that it was late and my reaction caused him to get defensive and angry because he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. He even showed me his texts. We all have a good relationship With her but I just think a late text not about the kids is weird and thought the worst due to my past cheating exes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I kind of freaked out a little and thought it was weird that it was late and my reaction caused him to get defensive and angry because he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. He even showed me his texts. We all have a good relationship With her but I just think a late text not about the kids is weird and thought the worst due to my past cheating exes.

 

Meaning what? Did you yell? Accuse?

 

Please more specific so we can better understand his reaction to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I kind of freaked out a little and thought it was weird that it was late and my reaction caused him to get defensive and angry because he’s never given me a reason not to trust him. He even showed me his texts. We all have a good relationship With her but I just think a late text not about the kids is weird and thought the worst due to my past cheating exes.

 

Well, I think it's a natural impulse to feel some concern. But you have to put it in the context of your current 10-year relationship with this guy and the mother of his children.

 

You've got to let go of the whole "cheating ex" justification. You've had over 10 years to get over your cheating exes. That should really be put to bed right now.

 

Maybe your concerns about the text are justified, but you have to identify the actual reasons for them. Your previous relationships can't be an excuse anymore. It won't help you solve your current problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So basically you took your unresolved baggage from years ago and ran him over with it.

 

All I can say is that you owe him a huge apology and you owe it to yourself to deal with that baggage, resolve it, and let it go. Whatever happened in the past is not an excuse to punish your current SO with.

 

Also, please do not use bs like "being a girl" to justify horrible behavior.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If they regularly text about things other than their co-parenting, you can point out that you believe that with exes, communication should solely be about issues relating to the children. He will either agree or disagree, and if he doesn't agree, then you can leave the relationship if that would be a dealbreaker to you.

 

You've only spoken of this one text in a 10 year period, so I'm assuming it isn't the norm for them to engage in those sorts of conversations. If that's the case, what's done is done about you being upset and it will blow over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Meaning what? Did you yell? Accuse?

 

Please more specific so we can better understand his reaction to you.

 

I yelled how I thought it was weird for her to text him so late When it has nothing to do with the kids which caused him to get defensive

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A change in her employment situation IS about the kids. 10pm is not some sort of bootycall time.

 

It's a time when the kids are in bed and she can discuss news that may affect visitation, custody, child support, etc.

 

You need to curb your baggage and insecurity and jealous rages. Some therapy to sort out why this persists could help you feel happier.

his ex/kids mom saying she got a new job.

 

I just had a flashback of an ex that used to text girls all night and it messed with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You should be appreciative that they have a good relationship, and are respectful of each other. This would be great news. As the others mentioned, this does make a difference with custody, and their children's lives. You need to be more positive with your outlook on things. Better work on getting rid of that black cloud you have hovering over your head.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you happy in this relationship, generally speaking? Feeling pretty solid in your own core, during these turbulent times? I ask those questions to get a sense of how things were going—how things were feeling—before this text came through.

 

Just going from what you've offered, your reaction strikes me as a bit misguided, more about you than him. The degree to which it's all about your past or your present—well, I'd need more information.

 

As it happens, I was in similar shoes just the other day, when my girlfriend told me about something related to a potential new job of her ex-husband. Not sure when they were texting about that, but I wasn't thrown. They share a child, have an active and amicable relationship as co-parents, so his work, just like hers, is a pretty important part of that system, an understandable thing they'd touch base on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A change in her employment situation IS about the kids. 10pm is not some sort of bootycall time.

 

It's a time when the kids are in bed and she can discuss news that may affect visitation, custody, child support, etc.

 

You need to curb your baggage and insecurity and jealous rages. Some therapy to sort out why this persists could help you feel happier.

 

AGREE 100%. And in telling him, if the kids chatter about it, he doesn't say "what?" and contradict their story or can be prepared to be happy with them. Or if it involves changes for them, can be a buffer. It makes the parents look like they are working together vs keeping secrets or undermining the other.

 

 

 

 

BTW, if you weren't so insecure, maybe he wouldn't be your boyfriend of 10 years. He would be your husband of 1-5 years and you would be their stepmom. Just sayin. Unless he was still involved with the ex when you met

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I yelled how I thought it was weird for her to text him so late When it has nothing to do with the kids which caused him to get defensive

 

Wow. You chose to date a father who thank goodness is involved with his kids. Why would you yell at him about a text being received? Please see this broadly -jobs and finances are totally related to kids including logistically.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I yelled how I thought it was weird for her to text him so late When it has nothing to do with the kids which caused him to get defensive

 

Well, most people will get defensive when they're being yelled at, Rosie.

 

You need to learn to communicate you concerns more maturely.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I missed the yelling part. Girl, you are out of line.You need to apologize to him big time. Seek counseling to work through your issues right away. YOUR issues, not yours together. He also deserves to be with someone who accepts his children fully - and the fact that they have a mother

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a different opinion. 10 pm is inappropriate to be announcing a new job. No one fell or was rushed to emergency or choked. It's not about scheduling for the kids unless she's starting her job the next day and she's supposed to have them. Was this the case? What immediate implications did it have regarding their kids?

 

If the job situation has nothing to do with the next day, that kind of text can wait until the morning or during day time hours. The issue with the text is that it suggests a level of familiarity and lack of boundaries between them even if they are co-parenting kids. Gray area? Yes. Are you entitled to an opinion? Yes, also. Should it have devolved to yelling - probably not.

 

Talk about this as adults when things are a bit cooler between the both of you. Do you mind me asking if there are other issues in the relationship?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, it's not as if he picked up the phone during sex and started chitchatting for an hour about what color to paint the kids bedrooms. Your ex from 10 yrs ago sounds like a jerk, but that was 10 yrs ago.

My boyfriend of 10 years got a text at 10pm from his ex/kids mom saying she got a new job and was excited.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a different opinion. 10 pm is inappropriate to be announcing a new job. No one fell or was rushed to emergency or choked. It's not about scheduling for the kids unless she's starting her job the next day and she's supposed to have them. Was this the case? What immediate implications did it have regarding their kids?

 

If the job situation has nothing to do with the next day, that kind of text can wait until the morning or during day time hours. The issue with the text is that it suggests a level of familiarity and lack of boundaries between them even if they are co-parenting kids. Gray area? Yes. Are you entitled to an opinion? Yes, also. Should it have devolved to yelling - probably not.

 

Talk about this as adults when things are a bit cooler between the both of you. Do you mind me asking if there are other issues in the relationship?

 

It could have been 9:40. Who knows. If the kids bedtime is 9:30 or 10, it doesn't seem weird. Its still light enough outside at 9:00/9:30 to go for a walk this time of year.

At a time of year of summer plans and cell phones, its not a really insane crazy time.

 

But BOTTOM LINE - SHE called HIM - its not like he called her. And obviously its not a habit if you are with him most nights because you would have witnessed more

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It could have been 9:40. Who knows. If the kids bedtime is 9:30 or 10, it doesn't seem weird. Its still light enough outside at 9:00/9:30 to go for a walk this time of year.

At a time of year of summer plans and cell phones, its not a really insane crazy time.

 

But BOTTOM LINE - SHE called HIM - its not like he called her. And obviously its not a habit if you are with him most nights because you would have witnessed more

 

It wasn't even a "call" it was one text.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A good parent is always going to choose their kid(s) - meaning they can't undo who their kids came from.

His ex is going to be in your life as long as you are with him. So ask yourself if you are willing to jeopardize a good relationship with her because of your own insecurities?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...