Am I overreacting bad?

[Billie28]

You have been with him TEN years.

Why have you not got past the fact that he has an ex and mother to his kids?

 

She was super excited! Wanted to tell the world. He likely wasn’t the first to know either.

 

If there are issues in your relationship, I’m guessing this was the final straw for you? But nothing actually to do with the mother of his kids?

 

Choose your battles but this shouldn’t be one.

[Cherylyn]

I don't think you overreacted given how late it was when his ex texted. Generally, most people think about common courtesy instead of texting late at night when people want to relax after a long day or they're sleeping. No one wants to hear their phone ping every single time there's a text coming in. It's annoying.

 

It's very good that he has a good rapport with his ex and the mother of his children. However, his ex needs boundaries and he needs to tell her that texting needs to be infrequent and during daytime hours. It's common sense.

 

As for you, work on your trust issues. If your guy has proven to you that he is trustworthy, then give him that courtesy. Keep in mind that you must share him for the rest of your life as long as you're involved in a relationship with him. He has kids, he needs to co-parent with his ex and she will never go away. Either this is what you've signed up for or dissolve the relationship. That's the deal. This is a triangle; not 1:1 with you nor will it ever be, unfortunately. Your guy is a package deal.

[Rose Mosse]

I don't think you overreacted given how late it was when his ex texted. Generally, most people think about common courtesy instead of texting late at night when people want to relax after a long day or they're sleeping. No one wants to hear their phone ping every single time there's a text coming in. It's annoying.

 

It's very good that he has a good rapport with his ex and the mother of his children. However, his ex needs boundaries and he needs to tell her that texting needs to be infrequent and during daytime hours. It's common sense.

 

As for you, work on your trust issues. If your guy has proven to you that he is trustworthy, then give him that courtesy. Keep in mind that you must share him for the rest of your life as long as you're involved in a relationship with him. He has kids, he needs to co-parent with his ex and she will never go away. Either this is what you've signed up for or dissolve the relationship. That's the deal. This is a triangle; not 1:1 with you nor will it ever be, unfortunately. Your guy is a package deal.

 

Agree with this.

[smackie9]

omg people the ex did a one time 10pm text...this is not a regular occurrence so there is no need to "set boundaries". The whole reason for the complaint is that is was unusual for the ex to be sending a text at 10pm. That's it. The OP overreacted because of her past baggage. Not because her BF or the ex did anything wrong...it was quite innocent.

[MissCanuck]

omg people the ex did a one time 10pm text...this is not a regular occurrence so there is no need to "set boundaries". The whole reason for the complaint is that is was unusual for the ex to be sending a text at 10pm. That's it. The OP overreacted because of her past baggage. Not because her BF or the ex did anything wrong...it was quite innocent.

 

This. No need for a big talk about boundaries. It's not that big of an issue.

[Acolyte2020]

I've actually been on the other end of this before. I communicate with my daughter's father and most of the time it's to do with her. I had been used to he or I calling or texting whenever but it's not like we chit chat much. One night I called him to ask how much him and his GF pay rent for their apartment because my bf and I were looking for an apartment in that area at the time so I was getting an idea of price ranges in the area. I didn't think anything of it and I didn't realize that I called at 9pm. I didn't even think about the time or of it inappropriately. The next day he told me his GF didn't like that I called "so late" and then for months he proceeded to only call me when he was at work away from his GF and mentioned to me things his GF would say or be uncomfortable with. It painted her in a bad light when I had wanted to have a good co-parenting relationship be with her as well... And the fact that he felt now he has to be sneaky about something that wasn't even an issue or shouldn't have been made me see how awful that must have been for their relationship. I did make a point to respect her wishes and not contact him unless I felt I could when he was at work so I didn't have to deal with drama or cause that for then unintentionally.

 

Reason for mentioning all of that is because I do think you overreacted a bit. I understand being a bit uncomfortable but she was probably just sharing info she felt he needed to know. If my daughter's dad got a new job I'd want to know. Maybe it's not done urgent info I'd need to know the moment it happened but I'd like him to inform me. I'd tell her dad if I was moving, in a new relationship, got a new job, etc... These are all things that effect my child and those that are co-parenting should be informed just so that they are in the know.

 

She may not have thought about what time it was when she sent the text or maybe that's why she texted it instead of calling. If there aren't past trust issues related to then having innapropriate conversations or cheating or whatever between them then I don't see why you need to worry. If this reaction was because of your past and what someone else did... This isn't your boyfriend's fault. He even shared the texts with you to prove his point.

[j.man]

I say you make him call her up and tell her that if she's gonna have the sheer audacity to inform him their child now has two parents able to securely provide for him/her, she needs to not be such a floozy about it and do it before 10:00pm. I don't know how he didn't do that already. No parent I know still cares about their child's financial stability after dinner time. She needs to keep that crap to business hours.

[Cherylyn]

I say you make him call her up and tell her that if she's gonna have the sheer audacity to inform him their child now has two parents able to securely provide for him/her, she needs to not be such a floozy about it and do it before 10:00pm. I don't know how he didn't do that already. No parent I know still cares about their child's financial stability after dinner time. She needs to keep that crap to business hours.

 

Spot on j.man!

[Cherylyn]

Agree with this.

 

Thanks Rose!