Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 45

Thread: Do I tell a possible blind date I'm overweight?

  1. #1
    Member Wafils's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Northeast
    Posts
    84
    Gender
    Female

    Do I tell a possible blind date I'm overweight?

    It's been a million years since I've posted here, or even thought about dating! I've (mid 30s, F) been single for >5 years, not a single date nor have I made an effort. My last relationship was LT ~7 years- and it took a very long amount of time to feel over him. I've focused on other areas of life (mostly career and family) instead. Unfortunately I've also been eating poorly. I'm working on losing weight - have lost 30 pounds in past couple months- but haven't been normal weight in probably 8 years.

    Now some acquaintances are trying to set up a blind date. I agreed they could give him my number. I'm excited, but I'm a bit anxious about my weight/size. I'm much heavier than I've been previously in my 20s while dating so not sure how to approach this. I haven't talked to the potential date yet, but I have a strong feeling I should mention my size. From the sounds of it, he wouldn't be particularly judgemental about this, but attraction (whether we like it or not) is based at least somewhat on appearance! If we have a good chat and he asks to meet up, I'm thinking about saying sure...but just so you know, I'm a bigger lady, roughly #s overweight..something like that.

    For reference -I'm in the 220s (height 5'6") so definitely noticeable. I think I carry the weight fairly proportionately, however. If he asks for pictures I'm stumped! I have zero I like, I look better in person by miles because I'm not especially photogenic. This was to my benefit when I online dated before, but now I'm in a pickle.

    What do you all think?? I've heard contrary opinions - some say don't say anything, it's a "blind" date and see what happens. I've also heard I should describe myself honestly..I'm torn! Thank you :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,170
    Gender
    Female
    Just follow your heart. If you want to be honest then do so. If not, who cares it's just a date.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,161
    Gender
    Female
    I would recommend not describing yourself but actually sending both a full body and a face photo. You forget that attraction is not necessarily only about body size, but a number of things. It's also about the face, someone's smile, fashion sense. I for example can be attracted to fashion sense too because I like wearing bright, colourful clothes. So it attracts me if someone wears that too. He'll see you in real life anyway so why not show what you look like now? Also don't you wanna see what this guy looks like too?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,333
    Gender
    Female
    I'm not all that photogenic either. However, if I were you, I'd ask a friend or family member to take photos of you in different lighting--outside, inside, by a window, etc. and try different outfits. Sometimes there's a good photo in the bunch. I'd probably exchange photos, because I'd rather not waste time and have a big build up if one or both of you aren't each other's cup of tea. Of course liking each other's photos doesn't guarantee success in person, but it's one hump to get over. Take care.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,786
    Gender
    Male
    I say do whatever feels right to you. But my gut opinion? No, you don't tell him.

    Reasoning? Well, it's a few things. One, that's just leading with insecurity, which I don't think does any favors for connectivity. Two, I'd at least trust that anyone that wanted to set me up on a blind date is doing so with good intentions—that they know who I am, what I look like, and have some sense that I might get on with someone. As others suggested, it would maybe be a good idea to have a few photos of yourself that are honest, to be shared in these moments, so the basic, surface-level stuff is more a known than an unknown.

    Most dates don't lead to anything. That's just the hard fact of dating, regardless of the shape and size of the two people. When it doesn't work out? Sure, we're all prone to blame it on something we're insecure about, be it our weight, our age, our bank account, our whatever. But that's the mental mechanism we learn to shake off, rather than indulge, since there is not a human being on planet earth who isn't insecure, working on something they're insecure about. With the right person that's just something you can work through alongside, rather than something you need to solve.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,170
    Gender
    Female
    Blind date, just means what it is...you don't know what you are going to get. That's the whole idea behind it. It's not a dating app....it's supposed to be mysterious, exciting and fun. None of this lets talk on the phone and exchange photos....it's just date and time and you go, that's it. You are making this more complicated than it should be. Put on your best dress, a smile and be on your way.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,060
    Gender
    Male
    If you have mutual acquaintances they may have mentioned things about you to him and about him to you. Just relax, go see what happens. Do not use any sort of preemptive strike. Try to make it a very casual situation perhaps a double date with your friends.
    Originally Posted by Wafils
    Now some acquaintances are trying to set up a blind date. I agreed they could give him my number. I'm excited, but I'm a bit anxious about my weight/size.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,115
    Gender
    Female
    Since mutual friends are setting you up, trust that they've described you and probably know that he would be interested or that you are his type.

    Honestly, OP, please don't vomit your personal insecurities over a person you haven't even met yet. Instead, maybe work on yourself and your attitude. Not every guy is into skinny women and there is a whole lot more to chemistry and relationships than what the scale says. Open your mind and go into the date expecting to enjoy yourself and actually allow yourself to do so. Tell your inner critic to take a vacation.

  10. #9
    Member Wafils's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Northeast
    Posts
    84
    Gender
    Female
    Ok, I like (and greatly appreciate!) the advice so far. I just want to avoid any disappointment or the dreaded 'deer in the head lights' (or worse) look upon meeting. I'm not sure the person who is setting it up is aware of my weight, I haven't seen them in years (a friend of a friend). But my friend did mention my anxieties about my appearance (possibly that I'm fuller figured than when last seen, I don't exactly know) and was assured there shouldn't be a problem. So..I will see what happens! If nothing else I'm getting back out there possibly, no matter how bad it goes it will be an adventure!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,115
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Wafils
    Ok, I like (and greatly appreciate!) the advice so far. I just want to avoid any disappointment or the dreaded 'deer in the head lights' (or worse) look upon meeting. I'm not sure the person who is setting it up is aware of my weight, I haven't seen them in years (a friend of a friend). But my friend did mention my anxieties about my appearance (possibly that I'm fuller figured than when last seen, I don't exactly know) and was assured there shouldn't be a problem. So..I will see what happens! If nothing else I'm getting back out there possibly, no matter how bad it goes it will be an adventure!
    Listen, go into it without any great expectations other than just to enjoy yourself and get to know a little another person. That's it.

    You can't control what someone else thinks or feels. Also, chemistry is something that you can only determine in person - pics and videos won't cut it. You can meet in real life and still be disappointed that you don't feel any real life chemistry even though on paper you should, by pics you should, etc. Basically, don't focus on trying to control what you can't - just go and be fun and that will ensure a good time for the both of you regardless of where it goes or doesn't from there. Also, think more on what you think of him rather than worrying what he thinks of you.

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •