Do I tell a possible blind date I'm overweight?

[SherrySher]

Tell him. Or ask the mutual friend to give each other your contact details and share a picture beforehand (full body).

I cannot tell you the number of times I have heard on either end of someone going on a date and finding out that their date wasn't honest and they are now trying to find a way to leave asap.

 

Don't do that to someone. Weight can be an issue for people, yes, it's true. Even though some like to ignore the fact or push it under the rug. Personality is great, but a huge part of dating is physical attraction and anyone that tells you different, is lying.

 

Be honest, be straightforward. You want someone to like you for those traits and not because you fooled or tricked them or left out information at any point.

Because no one would want someone to treat them the same way.

 

At least when you send pics to each other for the first time (before meeting), you will both know what to expect and you yourself won't be scared to see him because you will know that he already knows what you look like and still wants to meet.

[abitbroken]

If your friends set you up, they know you are fat. Its not a secret. They would not set you up with a guy if he knew he flat out wouldn't date a fat woman. So just go on a date. Dress in a way that flatters your figure - don't dress in too small clothing, etc. and fix your hair and makeup.

[Billie28]

It’s a blind date!!! Enjoy!!

Do not look him up on social media.

And do not tell him about your insecurities unless that’s the first impression you want to give him!?

 

Trust your friends and go with the flow!

[lostandhurt]

I would think your mutual friends already described you to him wouldn't you?

 

I am all about honesty but in this case it isn't about that because you haven't misrepresented yourself to him or anyone. Go into with no expectations other than getting your feet wet in dating again.

 

Also you do need to address your unhealthy eating habits. As you get older it is so much harder to keep the weight off and stay at a healthy weight so this could be the perfect catalyst for a eating habits make over of sorts. No matter what happens in your dating life being healthy is for you, not some guy you are trying to attract.

 

Best wishes

 

Lost

[abitbroken]

I would tell your possible date that you're overweight. Revealing your weight and height could actually save you a lot of time and trouble in the first place. Why go out on a date if he judges you on the first date based upon your physical appearance? I wouldn't want to go through the hassle of a first date if my weight and pounds are an issue with him. If he's unfazed by your weight and height, this is a good sign! I'd be honest and upfront before going out on a date with him. I would want to know now what he prefers; 220 pounds at 5' 6" or someone else. I wouldn't waste my time, energy and resources on a date who would dump me at first glance. If he's going to reject you, better now than later IMHO.

 

For blind dates, MANY blind dates do not end up with second dates due to many factors aside from weight - the two people didn't "click" conversaton-wise, someone who is a real head turner picked their nose the entire time, couldn't find common ground or one reminds the other one physically of an ex. Maybe he hasn't dated women who are overweight, but her personality/similar outlook and smile/facial beauty influence him and he decides its not important.

 

I don't think her friend would set her up with someone who would reject her from first glance - he would at least see how the date went

[catfeeder]

Why not ask your friends whether they have told him about your size? If so, then green light. If not, then speaking only for myself, I'd want to put it out there before wasting my time on anyone who doesn't find a full figure attractive.

 

There are people who PREFER fuller figures. Learn whether he's on board or not, and if not, you can spare yourself some troubles over the guy.

 

Head high, you deserve to find the right match for you.Indulging your friends can either be a benefit or a nuisance--you get to decide.

[Wafils]

I'm so grateful for the variety of perspectives! I'm leaning towards it not being a big (ha) deal, but I did take some selfies which are honest reflection of my general appearance. Not glammed up or using "myspace angles" (gah I'm old). I think they look ...daresay I look..pretty good! I'm happy about that feeling alone.

 

Truthfully I've been overweight for so long it's probably better to meet someone at this stage in my life /size versus those one-off times I'm actually somewhat slender (140ish). Not that i won't quit trying for my health, but honestly my plan was always to lose weight (ideally be under 165) and then put up a Match profile. Seeing as my weight fluctuates constantly my whole adult life, I deep down wonder if that's the best approach.

 

My most long term boyfriend/fiance had a strong disdain for excess weight...he never came out and said directly to me, but made it clear with his opinions about others and his emotional distancing which grew proportionate to my size! I don't think I ever weighed more than 185 when we were together but he it appeared he just couldn't handle fat. Not going to judge, attraction is beyond everyone's control but knowing my propensity for weight cycling it may be best to find a partner more amenable to a bigger size!

 

So...I'm prepared to see what happens. I haven't heard from him yet but expect it may be a bit. I'll keep everyone posted about what happens! For my part, if we get to the date, I decided that rather than focus on his feelings / reactions to me, I'm going to try to stay centered on my own. Particularly, if I'm A) having fun, B) attracted to him, C) comfortable. I'll try to keep in mind for future dates to, because this little event has pushed me to decide to give dating another go! Fat or no! :)

[Batya33]

How is your general health? A number of overweight people also have health issues which a potential partner might be concerned about too - especially if you yo yo diet a lot.

[Wafils]

Hmm overall I'm in "good health," on paper that is. No diabetes, heart, etc issues. But I definitely don't feel as great when heavier- more lethargic, less motivated, more headaches. I worry about future issues of course as I slide closer to middle age! The time is definitely now.

[dias]

Hmm overall I'm in "good health," on paper that is. No diabetes, heart, etc issues. But I definitely don't feel as great when heavier- more lethargic, less motivated, more headaches. I worry about future issues of course as I slide closer to middle age! The time is definitely now.

 

Relatively tasty low calorie dense foods, cardio and a bit of discipline, that's the magic recipe behind weight loss and weight maintenance.

 

Enjoy your date :)

[SherrySher]

Just try to stick to the same advice as most receive on here. Don't get caught up in emotions or get attached too soon.

Dating should mean just that...dating, without running a million miles forward and wondering if he's "the one" or marriage material or if you will fall in love with him, or become a couple etc.

Just try to keep it at a slower pace so you won't get too upset or hurt if it doesn't work out and focus on just having a nice date.

 

As for the weight, that is completely your decision, however it is true that excess weight will cause health problems as we age.

It doesn't mean you have to starve yourself or suffer it out. It just means smarter choices, taking care of your body better and looking after yourself.

 

Keep portions smaller, healthier food choices, drink lots of water, and a decent amount of exercise each week even if it's just walking 15 mins to half an hour a day.

It will do wonders for the body.

[abitbroken]

Hmm overall I'm in "good health," on paper that is. No diabetes, heart, etc issues. But I definitely don't feel as great when heavier- more lethargic, less motivated, more headaches. I worry about future issues of course as I slide closer to middle age! The time is definitely now.

 

Sounds like you aren't in good health -- you just have not developed a major disease yet. If you are lethargic and have headaches now, it will be worse as you get older. If you are lethargic -- people might not mind dating someone who has a few extra pounds but they don't want to date someone who is sedentary and unhealthy. There are people who are overweight that ride their bike, go hiking and lead an active lifestyle - its just that genetically, they are a bigger person. It sounds like you "lose weight" in spurts ether by dieting or whatever rather than having a healthy lifestyle all the time -- it sounds like your "skinny weight" is not something you can maintain. if you have a healthy lifestyle, but end up being slightly above your "skinny weight" permnantly (like if you end up being 152 instead of 140), then that would really impact your health positively but its better to adopt healthy changes and see the weight come off and energy come back gradually vs "dieting"

[Spawn]

You are normal hope the date works out. Go with a open mind, not all are meant to be with us. Just remember don't feel pressured to be in relationships, if things work out fine if not then also fine, smile and let go.And who is perfect here in this world, even the most successful beautiful perfectly build human beings have their own issues and battles.

Why worry about future issues that has not happened? I am 42 if anybody had a look at my relationship history it will sound like big disasters with seasons to last 10 years lol.

[Billie28]

My best guess is that when you look back on photos of yourself at 160 , 185 lbs , etc, you wish you were that weight now.

Yet back then you looked back on photos of yourself at 140 lbs and wished you were that weight.

 

This is basically your own lack of self esteem based on your weight.

And yet you know you look great in your selfies you just took!?

 

I don’t think it’s your weight that’s an issue but more an issue of acceptance from others regardless of your weight.

 

If you tell this guy your weight before even meeting him you are doing an injustice to yourself.

Not wasting your time like someone else suggested.

 

Really it’s you judging him , thinking he is all about the superficial without giving him a chance!?

Why not give him a chance?? What’s to lose??

 

I have been on plenty of online dates , my main concern was always what if I don’t like him / not attracted to him?

Because that was harder for me to deal with than being rejected by him/ them!

 

Rejection is only ever personal to the person rejecting.

Everyone is rejected more than accepted.

 

Meet him!

The worst case scenario is that you are not interested in him. Middle is that he is not interested in you.

Best scenario , yuu have a ball and catch up again.

[Seraphim]

I would lose the weight before menopause hits. For me menopause hit and 30 pounds appeared out of nowhere and while I have lost weight and inches over the last year it is a monumental effort.

[Batya33]

I don't think it's superficial in a dating context to care about weight - lots of attraction is based on superficial characteristics -with rare exceptions. And some is not -I cared a lot about weight when I was younger and later I didn't as much but still cared about health.

 

I am in menopause I think and I have lost weight over the last 11 years during which time I had a baby It depends. My mom and sister and I have never been overweight and both of them have gone through menopause. My mom and sister are underweight.

[Rose Mosse]

When was the date? Was it this past weekend? How did it go?

[Wiseman2]

Lol. Hopefully the date will be long before menopause.

[Wafils]

Haha nothing to report as of yet. We haven't spoken but I will update this post if anything happens/what happens!

[Rose Mosse]

Sounds good. Good luck and have fun!