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Thread: How to tell if he is genuinely interested or is grooming me for sex?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I dont mean to stir the pot. right as you seem to feel comforted...

    but.... I always listen to my gut. If you feel he is only hanging around until you have sex, I would not just dismiss it.

    Follow your own compass... do, say, act in accordance with your feelings. It makes no difference what others think, do or say in their relationships.

    Your relationships are yours. You determine what works for you, with the other person of course...
    Have to agree with this. We are not there to see the whatever it is that you see or sense, that can't really be described well in any post you are writing.

    You have to learn to trust your own instincts. Sure, a guy who is interested in you is also interested physically. That's all normal and above board. However, if you feel that much doubt about his intentions, if your gut is screaming at you, better that you listen to it.

    I don't know how many guys I've met where I couldn't tell you exactly what sent me bolting away from them - it might be the nth date and they invite me over and my gut screams "heck no!". Then again, I've dated guys where I was invited over fairly quickly and no problem, no doubts, no questions, totally comfortable and no unpleasant surprises from them either.

    As for players in general, it's not about time or effort, it's about winning. They can invest months just to score if that's their goal with that woman. Different mentality and not much to do with efficiency. Sure they can get laid elsewhere today, but that's not the point, the point is winning over that woman. It's a game to them. So again, goes back to listening to your gut and being smart about dating. If it's too good to be true, it probably is. If something you can't quite put your finger on feels off, it probably is.

    Don't rationalize away your personal alarm bells. Nobody here can see and read his body language. Only you and something about this is obviously triggering doubts. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Only time will tell, so take it slowly and enjoy dating and getting to know each other.
    Originally Posted by elyssac
    I am questioning whether he is only interested in a hookup or a relationship.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    OK, it really is simple. Are either you or the guy in question dating with the hope for a chaste relationship?

    Would you prefer a man who expresses no sexual interest in you?

    Good luck in finding that in a dating situation.
    Exactly everything. If you were not defensive, you would see this.

    Any man interested in you romantically is interested in a sexual relationship---at some point.

    Any woman interested in a man romantically is interested in a sexual relationship---at some point.

    I think you were framing yourself as potentially a victim of a sexual predator.

    Not warranted!





    Originally Posted by elyssac
    What does this have anything to do with the original post?

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    I think you were framing yourself as potentially a victim of a sexual predator.
    That didn't come through to me at all.

    My interpretation was (and is) that she doesn't want to find herself used for sex.

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  6. #35
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    In this day and age it’s pretty easy to get a hookup for sex just by swiping right enough and being direct if that’s what he really wants.

    Do you think there’s a possibility that he’s somebody who enjoys the “conquest” at the expense of someone else’s feelings?

    Based on your responses to everyone I will say this: if you were my daughter I would absolutely trust you 100% to make a healthy decision in the scenario you have laid out here. You seem to be an intuitive and thoughtful woman.

    Keep us posted??

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    In this day and age it’s pretty easy to get a hookup for sex just by swiping right enough and being direct if that’s what he really wants.

    Do you think there’s a possibility that he’s somebody who enjoys the “conquest” at the expense of someone else’s feelings?
    I think you are right that if he just wanted a one night stand, he could probably find other options that are easier/quicker to get to (i.e. other people who are also interested in hookups). I think he comes across as a really nice and responsible person but he did mention that he has slept with women that he saw no potential with before. But I don't know if these women knew he wasn't intending on pursuing them any further afterwards when they agreed to sleep together. So to answer your question: I am not really sure.

    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    Based on your responses to everyone I will say this: if you were my daughter I would absolutely trust you 100% to make a healthy decision in the scenario you have laid out here. You seem to be an intuitive and thoughtful woman.

    Keep us posted??
    This was such a supportive and heartwarming response, thank you very much! :)

  8. #37
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am going to take a chance and say he already knows you aren't an easy mark.

    We need to give him some credit here. You've given all the indications that you aren't someone who's going to jump into bed with him.

    Men are pretty good on picking up on whether a woman is up for a romp or not. You clearly aren't. And he's still asking you out.

    It goes both ways. While you are trying to get a read on him, he's busy sizing you up.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by elyssac
    So to answer your question: I am not really sure.
    Personally, I wouldn't be sure, either. There are so many differences in people. It takes more than 2 - 3 months to get to know someone.

    Some guys are very direct. Some aren't comfortable enough with their own desires to be so direct.

    Some guys enjoy the thrill of the chase. They love the challenge and can't resist running one down.

    Some guys like to keep a couple irons on the fire at all times, which requires steady and consistent emotional 'maintenance' of women (or men).

    Some guys actually enjoy the "love" experience and believe everything they say at the moment they say it. But then they find that they're not really up for what they thought they were.... awkward...

    That's why you have listen to and trust your own intuition. Don't let anyone else rubber-stamp someone for you. You are the one who will deal with the consequences, not them.

    When many or most conversations with a guy somehow seem to end up sexualized, it's a good indicator of his priorities. I speak from experience.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    My interpretation was (and is) that she doesn't want to find herself used for sex.
    Yep, this was exactly my thoughts/concerns.

    I think my choice of word for "grooming" was wrong and although I tried to clarify that earlier, it's possible that's why jimthzz feels like I act like a victim of a sexual predator.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I am going to take a chance and say he already knows you aren't an easy mark.
    You've given all the indications that you aren't someone who's going to jump into bed with him.
    It goes both ways. While you are trying to get a read on him, he's busy sizing you up.
    I think you are right here. I think I have been clearly presenting myself and he knows that I am interested in him but not interested in hookups.


    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Personally, I wouldn't be sure, either. There are so many differences in people. It takes more than 2 - 3 months to get to know someone.
    When many or most conversations with a guy somehow seem to end up sexualized, it's a good indicator of his priorities. I speak from experience.
    I think this is also right Trying to synthesize it all now, I think he is interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship (seems to enjoy our conversations even when it isn't sexualized) but I'd say sex is indeed a priority for him based on his recent behavior and I am alright with that. I think I am still trying to gauge if this is a good fit or not and I guess that's why we are dating.
    I'll admit that I am probably overthinking way more than he is :P

    Thank you all again :)

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