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Thread: Mixed emotions after a night with someone

  1. #1
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    Mixed emotions after a night with someone

    I met someone online and was invited over to her place for the night super late. She had set the expectation that she wanted company and I agreed and we met up. The 'company' turned into me sleeping over and us staying up all night messing around in bed. After a while, we began chatting about things and she revealed to me that she had never invited someone over so spontaneously before. Considering the expectations she set at first and the way she presented herself upon meeting up, I was under the impression that she had done this before. She also mentioned that she mainly dates women (I'm a male), and isn't looking for anything serious at the moment (neither am I). I totally understand her situation and she said that after this visit for me to not reach out to her and that she doesn't want to see me agin.

    As we later continued to be together for the night, we found that we were really enjoying ourselves and the company that we provided for each other. We began laughing and smiling and couldn't keep our hands off each other. There was definitely a spark and I began to realize that I was pretty interested in her.

    The following morning, we both realized that maybe we did like each other and entertained the idea of meeting up again. She gets nervous about texting and being with men, which I totally get. She's obviously more comfortable around women, but I'm still thinking about if she would ever want to see me again, considering we really enjoyed the night. I'm not sure if I had changed her mind on the whole situation, but she did tell me that if she wants to see me again, she will reach out to me and told me not to reach out to her. I gave her my phone number, on the odd chance our dating app matchup expires or something and she seemed ok to receive it. She's in total charge of the situation.

    I'm not convinced that we'll keep in touch, and if that's the case it's no big deal. However, that night is still on my mind. Is there a time window that people usually reach back out to after a night like this? Maybe if 2-3 weeks pass and I don't hear from her, would it break the promise I made if I sent her a message just saying hi and not trying to initiate anything? Would she be excited to hear back from me?
    Last edited by OneRainyDay; 12-02-2019 at 04:50 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like a fun one night stand. Why doesn't she want you reaching out? Is she involved with someone? Leave things open, maybe she'll call for another hookup.
    Originally Posted by OneRainyDay
    She also mentioned that she mainly dates women (I'm a male), and isn't looking for anything serious at the moment (neither am I).

    she did tell me that if she wants to see me again, she will reach out to me and told me not to reach out to her. I gave her my phone number

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds like a fun one night stand. Why doesn't she want you reaching out? Is she involved with someone? Leave things open, maybe she'll call for another hookup.
    She feels more comfortable with women. She doesn't like the pressure she feels from texting/connecting with men. I'm thinking maybe that she is nervous to get attached to someone, because she doesn't like the whole 'labeling' process of being with someone or having a partner; maybe being with women make her feel more free. She may be interested in having multiple partners, but with no strings attached. She does live alone and gets lonely being by herself all the time.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If she calls again, bring condoms.
    Originally Posted by OneRainyDay
    She may be interested in having multiple partners, but with no strings attached. .

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Could you be projecting some of your own fears of getting “attached to someone” onto her? Or could your own fear of becoming attached be part of why you’re attached to someone like this after such a night?

    I mean, this is as cut and dry as it gets: a sensual, surreal night that ended with a woman telling you that she’ll call but asking you to not call her. One of those “movie scenes” of singledom we all have on a reel in the mind’s attic. What does trying to “figure her out” get you, save for something to do with your brain and place to put some feelings where the odds of them going anywhere are slim to none?

    Maybe she calls, maybe she doesn’t. That would be my take, end of analysis. If she does, you can see about another game of emotional hide-n-seek with some physical intimacy and fluttery confessions mixed in, as that seems to be her bandwidth, and if a second night leads to a fifth night you can see what’s what then. If she doesn’t reach out, there are many versions of this experience to be found with rightward swipes, if this is what you’re into right now.

    That said, I can’t help but feel the desire to decode this might be connected to you wanting something a bit richer and less ephemeral.

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    She told you not to reach out so yes, it would break the promise you made if you message her. You said you are not looking for anything serious so your question doesn't match your words. You need to reflect why, of all women, you want to go after someone who mainly dates women and asked you not to message her? Why are you attracted to a situation that reeks of potential rejection?

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sounds like a fun one time sex buddy, no strings - awesome to have for spontaneous days/nights but not a priority.

    My gut feeling tells me she's dealing with more than her sexuality or shyness. I think she's dealing with other issues and is in transition (maybe a job situation or living situation or even inbetween relationships/on-off with someone else). I think you should chalk it up to a fun night and start meeting other people. This isn't relationship material and the way she's regarding you is not of mutual interest. It should get pretty boring from that standpoint real fast. Snooze. Don't wait around.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What an odd situation. I wonder what her game is? Why go on a dating site and connect with a man when you don't want anything after all.

    I don't get it.

    Either way, she told you and I would abide by what she said, she'll get a hold of you if she's interested, if not, move on. I personally think she is a game player and has done this to many men. She might even have had a spat with her boyfriend and you just happen to be the revenge.

    I would call it a day and find someone else.

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    Originally Posted by Clio
    She told you not to reach out so yes, it would break the promise you made if you message her. You said you are not looking for anything serious so your question doesn't match your words. You need to reflect why, of all women, you want to go after someone who mainly dates women and asked you not to message her? Why are you attracted to a situation that reeks of potential rejection?
    Good point here, there's something about that night that is pulling me in. I found her situation fascinating, that she's relatively open about her feelings and needs and what not. Maybe it was the fact that we got along so well on such an impromptu visit after barely messaging each other for like half hour..

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    What an odd situation. I wonder what her game is? Why go on a dating site and connect with a man when you don't want anything after all.

    I don't get it.

    Either way, she told you and I would abide by what she said, she'll get a hold of you if she's interested, if not, move on. I personally think she is a game player and has done this to many men. She might even have had a spat with her boyfriend and you just happen to be the revenge.

    I would call it a day and find someone else.
    Well, she was out with friends earlier before we met. Maybe something about her evening out caused her desire for company..

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