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Thread: Good first date, slow contact afterwards, advice?

  1. #1
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    Good first date, slow contact afterwards, advice?

    I recently went on a date with a beautiful lady saturday night. She let me pick her up, she wanted me to facetime with her mom so she could meet me, so we did for a minute or so. We went to eat then we went to a mountaintop with a gorgeous view. Dinner was awesome, 45 or so minutes, good conversation. On the way to the mountain top we talked about family, goals and other things.

    We get to the mountaintop, park and get out to see the view. It was cold so I held her from behind, then walked to the front of her where I guided her chin up to me and I kissed her for a good 2 minutes. On the way back to her place she was getting sleepy and she wrapped her arms around my right arm and laid her head on my shoulder as she was stroking my arm. She was talking about her son, family and culture, shes hispanic. She would mention her family and say "you will see" when talking about meeting her dad, son and mother.

    We get back to her place, walk inside and sit on the couch, had another makeout session, started getting a lil more physical and she would guide my hand away, no big deal, one step forward, 2 steps back. I tried once more, and she teased me by saying "you cant stay tonight mister" It was getting late so we both agreed that I needed to head home and she needed to sleep. She walked me to the door, kissed me and said to text her when I got home. I get home and I call her to let her know, instead of testing her, say our goodnights and hang up, She says "talk to you tomorrow"

    This is where I think i messed up. I went with a friend to pick up a car the next morning, so I texted her that I was heading out of town with my friend. She says "good morning, have a safe trip" we send 2-3 text back and forth but her response is 2-3 hours later. The last text she sent was a smiley emoji, I didnt respond and went to bed.

    Any advice or thoughts? I dont want to mess this up with her. She is everything that I have been looking for. I didnt sleep well the night after the date bc I was thinking of her alot. I want to text her or call her all the time now and shes always on my mind. I dont think i messed up too bad by texting her the next morning but I should have waited for her to text first.

    What to do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds great. Was all this on one date? Slow down. She has a son so respect that and don't expect her to be texting all day instantly. Simply ask her out again for next weekend and don't try to fast forward things if she is this family and culture oriented. Try not to push this hard or come off like a player. Get to know her and take your time.
    Originally Posted by 2005TAHOE
    We get back to her place, walk inside and sit on the couch, had another makeout session, started getting a lil more physical and she would guide my hand away, no big deal, one step forward, 2 steps back. I tried once more, and she teased me by saying "you cant stay tonight mister". She says "good morning, have a safe trip".

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds great. Was all this on one date? Slow down. She has a son so respect that and don't expect her to be texting all day instantly. Simply ask her out again for next weekend and don't try to fast forward things if she is this family and culture oriented. Try not to push this hard or come off like a player. Get to know her and take your time.
    Yes sir, all on the first date! I mentioned that her son was her priority and that I wanted to get to know her more. I just have anxiety with texting and talking to her, I feel like I have to do something to keep her into me, which i know its my own mind playing tricks, I just need you and others to tell me that im doing the right thing and letting her come to me.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sounds great. Was all this on one date? Slow down. She has a son so respect that and don't expect her to be texting all day instantly. Simply ask her out again for next weekend and don't try to fast forward things if she is this family and culture oriented. Try not to push this hard or come off like a player. Get to know her and take your time.
    How do I ask her out now?

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2005TAHOE
    How do I ask her out now?
    This was all two nights ago? First: inhale, exhale, slow down your nerves so you can slow down with her. Then send her a text saying you'd like to see her again, and ask what day is good for her. Simple.

    Also, she is not "everything" you have been looking for. She is a woman you have gone on one date with. You'll have an idea if she's right for you in about three months, assuming you both want to keep seeing each other. Remind yourself of that, as it's important. Treat her as the mythic missing piece of your life and you won't be able to get to know her, and really get to know how you two get along, because you're turning her into a character, which is fancy talk for "object."

    It's a trick human brains are fond of playing on themselves, but it's one that makes genuine connection next to impossible. So see the trick, but don't fall for it, and then see about seeing the actual woman again.

  7. #6
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Totally agree with @bluecastle you are way too attached to a woman you have only had one date with. If it was a Tinder date, there is a strong chance that she is dating other people too, and so should you. I know it's a messed up dynamic, but that's modern dating for you.

    In any case, you are over-thinking things way too much, micro-analyzing every text, the interval between texts, looking for clues and reassurance from memories of your date...
    Take a big step back, see the situation for what it is, a nice first date with a woman you enjoyed the company of, no more, no less. If you start putting her on a pedestal, falling in love with an idealized version of her in your head, extrapolating from the minimal interaction you have had with her so far, you are going to come on too strong and she is going to smell the neediness and insecurity from a mile off. That is not attractive and it will turn her off instantly.

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This was all two nights ago? First: inhale, exhale, slow down your nerves so you can slow down with her. Then send her a text saying you'd like to see her again, and ask what day is good for her. Simple.

    Also, she is not "everything" you have been looking for. She is a woman you have gone on one date with. You'll have an idea if she's right for you in about three months, assuming you both want to keep seeing each other. Remind yourself of that, as it's important. Treat her as the mythic missing piece of your life and you won't be able to get to know her, and really get to know how you two get along, because you're turning her into a character, which is fancy talk for "object."

    It's a trick human brains are fond of playing on themselves, but it's one that makes genuine connection next to impossible. So see the trick, but don't fall for it, and then see about seeing the actual woman again.
    So, i thought about sending this now. "good morning, I hope you had a good night. I had a good time saturday night and would love to see you again. WHen are you free?"

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Yeah, that sounds great. Here’s the thing: she is allowed to not be into you, as you are allowed to discover in another week or two that she’s not right for you. Remember all that, get a little cozy with that. It’s not a verdict on you, as she’s just a person you hardly know.

    While dating is invariably anxiety inducing, it’s important to remember that the thing most of us want from dating—a relationship—is way more intense. So if we can’t be genuinely open and patient during these early stages—open to it working, to it not—we are likely to be a wreck inside of any relationship, as that’s when the projections end and the real feelings and real connections begin.

    This is the flight-simulator stage, where nosedives into mountains play out on screens and don’t cause real damage. Low stakes, in short, to prepare for the real flight. For that you need a co-pilot who is down to join you, and that isn’t something you’ll know about her, or anyone woman, this quickly.

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You are over thinking things. Ya just say you had a great time, then ask her out specifically...like "so would you be available Friday for _______." If she really is interested she will jump at it. btw she put the brakes on for sexy time...be more of a gentleman next time. Making out is fine....the ladies like to build up that sexual tension/romance first to feel that connection.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Take a deep breath, don't start running a million miles ahead planning your future together etc. It might not go that way at all.
    You can't tell for sure if someone is who they say they are this early on, or if your connection is real. Give it time, at least a few more months.

    This is what they call the "honeymoon phase" where everything seems perfect, but that doesn't mean it is.
    Just concentrate on one date at a time and go slow.

    btw she put the brakes on for sexy time...be more of a gentleman next time
    Totally agree! Go slower with this too. It sounds like you were starting to make her feel uncomfortable with too much kissing and touching.
    Ease off and focus more on a goodnight kiss and not a makeout session.

    You will ruin this if you force it or rush things.

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