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Thread: How do I help my friend?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I think you can offer kind words of moral support and advice if your friend asks for it but I wouldn't offer money. This is your friend's wedding and HER responsibility even if her plans went awry. It's certainly not your show nor your problem. Let her handle her own special day. You're in the bridal party and doing above and beyond as it is with your time, resources (dress, transportation, wedding shower gift, wedding gift) and participation.

    Know your boundaries with friends and everyone for that matter.

    I want to do a lot for others, too whether it's neighbors, friends, family, extended family, etc. My mother advised never to go overboard nor get too involved in people's lives otherwise other people's problems become your stress. There is unnecessary drama from getting too close and everyone needs to basically mind their own business and take care of their own personal problems.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I tend to think of destination weddings as designed to thin the herd, because most people beyond immediate family are not likely to be as invested as any given couple may imagine.

    The only people needed for a wedding are the bride and groom and two strangers willing to sign as witnesses. Beyond that, if a couple wants to throw a big party, that's terrific, but choosing a destination that's not practical or desirable for a majority of their guests comes with an inherent need to adjust fantasy expectations.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I tend to think of destination weddings as designed to thin the herd, because most people beyond immediate family are not likely to be as invested as any given couple may imagine.

    The only people needed for a wedding are the bride and groom and two strangers willing to sign as witnesses. Beyond that, if a couple wants to throw a big party, that's terrific, but choosing a destination that's not practical or desirable for a majority of their guests comes with an inherent need to adjust fantasy expectations.
    I agree and for me personally I would not go to this party in the DR. You can be there for her in other ways and be direct with her that you simply cannot risk you and your family's health to attend her wedding ceremony. You'd love to celebrate with her when she returns.

    I agree that destination weddings are fine and the expectation should be that those who can afford it and feel comfortable attending will go and that because it's a destination wedding the risk is high that people might not be able to go last minute (meaning illness of a family member or work emergency or other issue so they cannot be away for that long, etc). Some people are more risk averse than others-I wouldn't blame anyone for avoiding the DR right now. Friends of ours are now pretty sure that their illnesses over two winter vacations in the DR -given the symptoms and circumstances -are just like what has happened to the others. It's really scary. And selfish of her to expect anyone to go.

    No I would not give $ - everyone takes the risk that a destination wedding won't work out.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Some people are more risk averse than others-I wouldn't blame anyone for avoiding the DR right now. Friends of ours are now pretty sure that their illnesses over two winter vacations in the DR -given the symptoms and circumstances -are just like what has happened to the others. It's really scary. And selfish of her to expect anyone to go.

    No I would not give $ - everyone takes the risk that a destination wedding won't work out.
    The OP said that they're changing the country. However, the people who have cancelled are likely already out a large amount of money. So expecting folks to just pony up for ANOTHER trip makes no sense.

    OP, I'd suggest to the couple that they bring the wedding home to celebrate with loved ones if that matters so much. Otherwise, accept that it's down to the skeleton crew who can afford to make the switch.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    The OP said that they're changing the country. However, the people who have cancelled are likely already out a large amount of money. So expecting folks to just pony up for ANOTHER trip makes no sense.

    OP, I'd suggest to the couple that they bring the wedding home to celebrate with loved ones if that matters so much. Otherwise, accept that it's down to the skeleton crew who can afford to make the switch.
    I really didn't understand that - I thought her husband would not go because it's in the DR.
    "My husband is no longer comfortable with going either but I feel like we should be there no matter what (we are in the bridal party) and just be careful in terms of consumption of food, drinks etc. "

    I also would understand if he wouldn't want to go to the expense of a new venue.

    I agree with you.

    OP - she can have a post wedding reception at a destination in the future, too.

  7. #26
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    It hasn't been proven yet what caused the deaths. Being careful with food and drinks might not have any affect on congestive failure (listed as cause of death; method not clear.)

    I would not go.

    I also would not pay to go to a different location.

    A follow up reception at home sounds like a great solution.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It hasn't been proven yet what caused the deaths. Being careful with food and drinks might not have any affect on congestive failure (listed as cause of death; method not clear.)

    I would not go.

    I also would not pay to go to a different location.

    A follow up reception at home sounds like a great solution.
    Yes great point. Others have referred to potential pesticides or other chemicals being used etc. And sure some could have been coincidental/natural causes.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    A destination wedding is impractical. Whenever an event is expensive and an inconvenient hassle such as traveling afar, most people will decline quickly. It comes as no surprise. Then couple that with an overseas wedding? Forget it. This is unless you're a TV show paying for the bridal party plus every guest's airfare, hotel, dine out meals, entertainment and transportation such as rental car. Even then people are still very busy with their jobs, family commitments, obligations and households. Not everyone can afford to get away.

    My sister and her husband had a destination wedding. However, they and two stranger witnesses were the only ones at the shoreline ceremony. She has lovely photos framed in her home. Upon arriving home, she and her husband hosted a backyard BBQ and they still received the same toaster they would've received had they hosted a lavish wedding.

    I wouldn't offer money to your friend. It's her problem. You can offer kind words of moral support and be a good listener but your friend's wedding is ultimately HER responsibility, NOT yours.

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