My boyfriend says I'm not pretty 😢

Hi, my other half says I'm not pretty, I'm good looking but not pretty as that would mean I'm naturally pretty, I feel hurt, and in the past he has also said he doesn't find me attractive my bum and legs need to be bigger and I need to grow my hair 😢 he keeps saying he wants to leave but the changes his mind, he says he loves me and wants me but I feel he's just settling, I need to know if I'm being silly or does he really not want me. I feel I should walk but when I hear he loves me I just hope it will go back to being good. Please help x

Sounds like you need to find someone who truly likes/loves you for who you are.

Time to exit that disrespect.

Time to exit that disrespect.

Absolutely. I'd never put up with someone who says that.

Get out.

Why have you allowed this? He is a bully who likes to hurt you. I'm sorry, but he does not like or respect you.

Silly? Do you not have any self esteem, girl??? GET OUT....leave him, don't ever look back.

He degrades you, he humiliates you and he treats you like you're leftovers...good god, get the heck away from this fool. not all men are abusive like this.

It's time to tell this gem to hit the road.

I know deep down your right but that small part wants him to just want me, how can you love someone and don't like the way they look?

I know deep down your right but that small part wants him to just want me, how can you love someone and don't like the way they look?

This is not about the way you look. He enjoys tearing you down and hurting you. Period. You are with an abusive man. You need to address why you want someone who treats you like sh*t?

He does not love you. If he did, he would never say these things.

I ask him how he feels that's when he tells me, I say don't you think I'm beautiful and his reply is sometimes, but then tells me I'm not the most beautiful women in the world, I know that but I don't need him to tell me. And to me he is with me so shouldn't he think I'm amazing? Do you get with someone and not like the way you look? I feel I'm making excuses for him but I want to be honest so I can get real advice I don't want to make him sound bad so I get people feeling sorry and take my side I want honest. I love him and it hurts that he would feel that way about me, and what's worse is that I have worked on my body since getting with him and I look amazing to what I did and for him to say he's gone off me a bit is heartbreaking all I want is for this man to love me, find me attractive and care for me, when we are arguing about it he says all this but as soon as he thinks he's getting some sex he didn't mean it, he does say he loves me and finds me attractive but I can't shift what he has said out of my head, I think back and I then question him again we go round in circles, I feel it's over but find it hard to say good bye 😢

What I'm trying to say it doesn't feel abusive, he doesn't go on all the time to me about it, it's me because of what's been said I can't just forget, I wonder why he would be with me if he feels this way, I feel he's just making do and I'm second best

And to me he is with me so shouldn't he think I'm amazing?

Interesting question.

He wants to be with someone who is pretty. But instead he is with you, and you are (according to him) merely good-looking.

You want to be with someone who likes the way you look, but instead you are with someone who is settling for second best.

It sounds like you two actually have a lot in common. You are both settling. And you both seem enjoy a certain amount of misery in your romances.

Can I ask how old you guys are and how long you've been together?

I'm definitely not telling you advice based on feeling sorry for you. I wonder why on earth you want to be with a guy who is never going to find you amazing.

Do you get some kind of enjoyment in letting him throw you small breadcrumbs about your looks but then turns his back on you again?

I agree with Jibralta, you both seem to be getting something out of settling and remaining in misery, perhaps the drama keeps you coming back for more?

It's extremely toxic behavior and if you truly wanted better you'd walk away and find another guy, it's not complicated.

Do you think he is amazing??

Do you think he’s the most handsome guy in the world?

Attraction is the whole package not just superficial.

No one is perfect or amazing in another’s eyes.

Love is loving someone despite their flaws.

But we generally don’t point out flaws to someone we love and instead comment on the positive.

It’s odd that you want some sort of confirmation of admiration from him.

Why are holding a gun to his head?

Guys tend to respond to questions very literally.

Women tend to respond emotionally.

You probably aren’t the most beautiful woman in the world and that’s ok!

This issue is yours not his.

This guy has told you he doesn't find you attractive, and you say he's wanted to leave you on more than one occasion.

Why are you still there, OP? There is no future with him.

Spend too much longer with him and your self esteem will be in the gutter. When he finally leaves you for someone who has the prettiness and big butt that are so important to him you will get compliments on your looks from other guys but won't believe them.

I doubt very much that he's the world's most attractive man either, so who is he to put you down. Get rid of him because someone else WILL think you're perfect the way you are.

You need to leave. For all the reasons everyone has covered. It sounds like this is part of a power thing and, by staying, you hand him far more power than he deserves. I think this will only get worse.

This isn't about your rude bf. This is about asking your parents to take you to a doctor/therapist to help you feel better about yourself and treat any problems with depression, anxiety and body image issues before the problems you have with that get worse. You also need to dump this idiot.

You shouldn't be with someone who tells you these things.

This isn't about your rude bf. This is about asking your parents to take you to a doctor/therapist to help you feel better about yourself and treat any problems with depression, anxiety and body image issues before the problems you have with that get worse. You also need to dump this idiot.

Is the OP under 18? As in you suggest asking her parents to take her for help?

I must have missed that somehow.

Hi, my other half says I'm not pretty, I'm good looking but not pretty as that would mean I'm naturally pretty, I feel hurt, and in the past he has also said he doesn't find me attractive my bum and legs need to be bigger and I need to grow my hair 😢 he keeps saying he wants to leave but the changes his mind, he says he loves me and wants me but I feel he's just settling, I need to know if I'm being silly or does he really not want me. I feel I should walk but when I hear he loves me I just hope it will go back to being good. Please help x

Tell him not to let the door hit him in the a$$ on the way out... that should be a relationship deal breaker!

I ask him how he feels that's when he tells me, I say don't you think I'm beautiful and his reply is sometimes, but then tells me I'm not the most beautiful women in the world, I know that but I don't need him to tell me. And to me he is with me so shouldn't he think I'm amazing? Do you get with someone and not like the way you look? I feel I'm making excuses for him but I want to be honest so I can get real advice I don't want to make him sound bad so I get people feeling sorry and take my side I want honest. I love him and it hurts that he would feel that way about me, and what's worse is that I have worked on my body since getting with him and I look amazing to what I did and for him to say he's gone off me a bit is heartbreaking all I want is for this man to love me, find me attractive and care for me, when we are arguing about it he says all this but as soon as he thinks he's getting some sex he didn't mean it, he does say he loves me and finds me attractive but I can't shift what he has said out of my head, I think back and I then question him again we go round in circles, I feel it's over but find it hard to say good bye 😢

So he’s not saying any of this unprovoked? I ask because I’m confused why you would ask if you should leave someone who tells you hurtful things, I’m not convinced that’s what’s going on though so i hope you clarify, I mean you say, ‘I know I don’t need to him to tell me’ and then go on to explain why it matters to you so I really do wonder if this is an issue with you needing reassurance.

if you’re fishing for complements and he’s not biting, then I get asking if you should break up and I get the confusion. If this is what’s happening, his job is not to feed your ego, his role as your boyfriend is to be your boyfriend not your fan. Again this is if you are the type to need reassurance. Me personally, I am terrible at giving compliments, my love language is acts of service, I get hella annoyed when someone fishes for a compliments so much so that I might actually give a similar answer that your boyfriend did just so they don’t do it again, that doesn’t mean that a I don’t find my partner attractive, it’s more, I don’t like to be manipulated into giving compliments, they are from my heart naturally not because someone asked, that’s just how my mind works though so if your boyfriend is the latter that may be his too.

To me there’s a huge difference between:

*Sitting on the couch together in silence*

Him: Gosh you’re normally not that attracted to you...

And

*Sitting on the couch together in silence*

You: Do you think I’m beautiful???

If he’s being a jerk just to be a jerk girl...get out. But again if it’s the latter I personally also do not respond well to fishing so to me his response doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care it just means that he’s not a fan of how you’re going after reassurance

I wasn't fishing for complements, he said before that he didn't find my body attractive, somehow we got on the conversation then all this came out, then when he sees how upset I am he changes it back, my question is can you be with some one and not think they are attractive? Am I being silly for being upset that my partner thinks that way of me. I love him and I wouldn't change him but I feel he would me

I wasn't fishing for complements, he said before that he didn't find my body attractive, somehow we got on the conversation then all this came out, then when he sees how upset I am he changes it back, my question is can you be with some one and not think they are attractive? Am I being silly for being upset that my partner thinks that way of me. I love him and I wouldn't change him but I feel he would me

So again context matters, the more you explain things the more it’s coming off that you keep asking him to tell you you’re attractive. In what way does the conversation go that he randomly says he doesn’t find your body attractive?The only context I can think of is if you asked, in which case is defined as fishing for compliments. Again context matters what type of conversation happened that he said those words?

Look you sound super young so being a bit vain is just natural and at the end of the day he’s not the best guy for you during your teen years but you gotta grow out of asking partners if they think you’re pretty, because you will encounter people like me who do not like it and will answer in kind.