Duffymoon62 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Been dating this woman for three months,all is good apart from this one issue.We regularly go out for drinks and buy alternate rounds which sounds good Howver her drink costs twice as much as mine.Am I being a skinflint if I bring this subject up,I dont want to ruin what we have.How do I approach thid issue if I was to mention it in conversation? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Both of you buy your own drinks then. Easy. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Plan better dates that don't revolve around bars and rounds of drinks. Problem solved. Use some imagination/creativity.We regularly go out for drinks and buy alternate rounds which sounds good Howver her drink costs twice as much as mine. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 The only thing you do is go for drinks? How boring!! Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 If this is straining your budget, then simple solution is just buy your own drinks instead of rotating tabs. Better yet, come up with more creative dates that don't involve spending and drinking. Overall, when you are already keeping a running tally of who spends how much and beginning to resent things so fast....that kind of attitude doesn't bode well for any relationship for you. Link to comment
RedDress Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I agree. If this is a big problem, I do question if there is something else amiss? To illustrate: It’s not uncommon for beer to be about $5 It’s not uncommon for cocktails to be about $10 So - if you are going out once a week and having 2 drinks each (what I would consider “normal”), your bill will be about $15 instead of about $10. Over the course of a month, that’s an extra $20 over what you would have spent anyways. I would not raise an issue about $20. Relationships are supposed to comprise of a lot of things - sometimes you are more on the giving end, sometimes you are more on the receiving end. Now... if you are going for drinks more than once a week (ie: you aren’t doing other things) - I would consider this a problem in itself. And if you are having much more than 2 or 3 drinks a night (on a regular basis) when you are going out - this also seems excessive? Why are you going out and getting smashed all the time? The fact that this is a problem should be raising other (different) alarm bells. Link to comment
j.man Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Just ask if she wouldn't mind if you each open a tab for yourselves rather than take turns paying for every round. I can vaguely understand folks who would prefer taking turns rather than splitting when it comes to a weekly dinner, but it sounds kinda obnoxious playing hot potato every time a round of drinks comes out. I don't see where this is all you guys ever do even if it's regular, but if it is, yeah, try to diversify. Though that doesn't let her off the hook for not suggesting different environments. And as far as whether you're being cheap, $20 not needing be spent will mean different things to different people. And my opinion would be different between whether you were kicking back $3 Miller Lites and she was throwing in a few extra bucks for something that's actually palatable, or if she's opting for the añejo in her margaritas. Link to comment
maew Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I agree. If this is a big problem, I do question if there is something else amiss? To illustrate: It’s not uncommon for beer to be about $5 It’s not uncommon for cocktails to be about $10 So - if you are going out once a week and having 2 drinks each (what I would consider “normal”), your bill will be about $15 instead of about $10. Over the course of a month, that’s an extra $20 over what you would have spent anyways. I would not raise an issue about $20. Relationships are supposed to comprise of a lot of things - sometimes you are more on the giving end, sometimes you are more on the receiving end. Now... if you are going for drinks more than once a week (ie: you aren’t doing other things) - I would consider this a problem in itself. And if you are having much more than 2 or 3 drinks a night (on a regular basis) when you are going out - this also seems excessive? Why are you going out and getting smashed all the time? The fact that this is a problem should be raising other (different) alarm bells. Agreed. 3 months in and you are already keeping score about what you are spending on drinks? Aside from all of that, you asked how to bring it up... just be straight up and say you want to pay for your own drinks while she pays for hers because hers are more expensive. And suggest some other activities as an alternative to going out for drinks. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Buy a cheap bottle of wine and make dinner at home.We regularly go out for drinks and buy alternate rounds which sounds good Howver her drink costs twice as much as mine.Am I being a skinflint if I bring this subject up,I dont want to ruin what we have. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Been dating this woman for three months,all is good apart from this one issue.We regularly go out for drinks and buy alternate rounds which sounds good Howver her drink costs twice as much as mine.Am I being a skinflint if I bring this subject up,I dont want to ruin what we have.How do I approach thid issue if I was to mention it in conversation? She buys alternate rounds? It sounds like she is open to being fair, but I think comparing the cost of hers would be in poor taste. If it bothers you, tell her. By no means is my opinion right. It's just my opinion. I am very fair minding and try to keep things equitable. I am often generous at times. But if you wanted to split hairs over the cost of my drink, I'd have problem with it. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 She buys alternate rounds? It sounds like she is open to being fair, but I think comparing the cost of hers would be in poor taste. If it bothers you tell her. By no means is my opinion right. It's just my opinion. I am very fair minding and try to keep things equitable. I am often generous at times. but if you compared the cost of my drink to yours, I'd have problem with it. I think so too, except I don't think it will make a good impression if you mention this bothering you. You'd be better off steering dates in other directions. And if you go for drinks, have something to do afterwards so it's a nice drink or two and you're off again. Just my opinion. Link to comment
Clio Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Are you living on a tight budget or is it a matter of principle? If it's a matter of you having to live on a tight budget, you could explain the situation and suggest either going to cheaper venues or going Dutch on the venue(s) that you currently frequent. If on the other hand it's a matter of principle rather than income-related, again it would be better if you two found out sooner rather than later whether your views match on this subject...In that case, you could ask her what her views are on this subject and take it from there. There are many different views on this subject. I would not consider someone who has to live on a tight budget a skinflint in this scenario but I would find it unattractive if that person had no money problems and it was a matter of principle. I don't keep tabs like that unless I am on a tight budget (if ever) and I would prefer a like minded individual. Link to comment
thisisrichey Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 start ordering more expensive drinks than her and see if she still insists on alternating rounds. If she suddenly drops it - you know what this is about. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Instead of alternating rounds, keep a tab that you split after you order more food than her. Just kidding. If a few bucks difference per round harms you financially, then hanging in a bar isn't exactly prudent when you can find hundreds of cheaper and more interesting things to do. If you're that focused on drinking, why not take turns hosting one another with packaged goods and home cooked meals? Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Been dating this woman for three months,all is good apart from this one issue.We regularly go out for drinks and buy alternate rounds which sounds good Howver her drink costs twice as much as mine.Am I being a skinflint if I bring this subject up,I dont want to ruin what we have.How do I approach thid issue if I was to mention it in conversation? I usually have a speech that goes something like this. "I don't believe chivalry and equality are mutually exclusive, and I like being generous. However, there are economic realities that limit my generosity. If we are going to continue dating we need to discuss how we collectively fund our dating." Her response will tell you everything you need to know. Link to comment
dias Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 "I don't believe chivalry and equality are mutually exclusive, and I like being generous. However, there are economic realities that limit my generosity. If we are going to continue dating we need to discuss how we collectively fund our dating." Nice and diplomatic. I like it. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Why not do something other than going out for drinks. its cheaper to go out for pizza than it is to order rounds of drinks Link to comment
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