alicat216

I met this guy at my work, he's a waiter and I'm a waitress. We automatically hit it off, but I never thought in a million years that he'd like me or that anything more than a friendship would ever sprout. He started visiting me at my other job, and was calling me every day; whenever I called him, he'd pick up the phone and say "Darling!" before anything else. I didn't really hang out with him outside of work until a few weeks later, and when I did, he didn't seem at all into me. We were watching a movie at his house and he didn't want to cuddle or touch me at all, even though I was trying everything in my power to do so with him. The second time we hung out, though, we shot pool for a few hours, where he wouldn't stop complimenting me and kissing me. We went back to his house so I could hear a song he'd written with his guitar for his band, and that led to us making out, then messing around, and later, going to the park where we broke in the brand new tennis courts of an elementary school. Now I can't stop thinking about him, and every day with him is more amazing than the next. I never let myself get attached, not even if I'm dating someone for an extended period of time, but only a month after meeting Mike, I'm seriously falling in love with him. I try to occupy myself with friends, work, and other guys , but when it comes down to it, all I can think about is him. Someone please tell me if this is a sign that I've finally met a good guy or what I should do to prevent falling deeper in love and just getting hurt!!! Please!! Alyssa

It seems like God's trying to tell me something though. He seems to be telling me that I'm not supposed to be alive, I'm not supposed to be happy. I don't know a single person who has haad so much happen to them in such a short period of time, and I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, rather, I'm trying to determine the reason behind it. It just seems like God's telling me, "Ali, your time is over. You can keep trying to survive the things I throw at you, but eventually, you won't be able to." I know this is a very negative view; actually, optimism has been described as my greatest and most obvious character trait. I'll never do what my mom did and take my own life, I could never be that selfish. I'm all out of optimism and it makes me feel like half a person. Thanks for the advice, though, you both are helping me immensely.

Hey all I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like everything that was good in my life is gone, and nothing's left at all. It started over the summer, when my mom committed suicide. My dad blamed me for it because she said in her suicide note that I'd completely destroyed my family, and moved to Santa Fe to get away from me. I'm 17 and trying to live on my own. I lived with boyfriends and friends over the summer, and now I'm renting my own place. I can't afford the rent, and got an eviction notice today. I get 3 hours of sleep a night, because I'm at school from 7-3, and then I work from 4-12 and have to come home and still do all of my homework. I'm in all AP classes and college classes, so I usually have 4 hours or so of homework a night. I have no time for my friends anymore, because on the weekends, I work all day or just want to sleep, and my boyfriend broke up with me last night because I'm throwing my life away. I'm trying so hard to get on top of things and get on my feet, but I find myself looking more and more to alcohol to rid me of my problems. I've stopped doing my homework so that I have time for friends, because they're the only family I've got, and my grades are slipping because I'm getting drunk every night with them and going to school hung over. I'm about to lose my job, I haven't talked to my dad since he left, I have no brothers or sisters, and the rest of my family refuses to talk to me because they blame me for my mom's death. I don't understand that though, I was a good kid when she was alive. I got straight A's, never did any drugs or alcohol, made curfew every night, was actively involved in sports and music...and then I got a tattoo and everything changed. I wasn't good enough to associate with my parents and their friends, because I'd branded myself as someone of the lower class, as my parents saw it anyway. I was brought up in lots and lots of money, and now I'm in debt to my eyeballs, and I don't know how to handle it. My dad got all of my mom's insurance money, and I'm not seeing a penny of it. I've been emancipated, so I'm technically an adult, but I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm 17 years old. Not even old enough to go into a porn shop...and I have to fully support myself AND go to school. I'm mourning the anniversary of my best friend's death this week; she died in my arms 3 years ago. My uncle was murdered a year ago last week, I was brutally raped and impregnated two years ago as of the 12th. My aunt was murdered on the 4th of this month on my mom's side of the family. I don't know what it is about Octobers that just put my life to hell, but something tragically major has happened every October for 8 or 9 years now. I just got diagnosed with cervical cancer; I developed it so long ago and it's so severe that I'll never be able to have kids. So now I'm left with the guilt of knowing that the only kid I could have had, I aborted because I was raped. I'm going so backwards in life...went from having a great family, good grades, a Jaguar to drive around in, a huge house, a great boyfriend of 2 years, tons of friends, properly placed priorities, and abundancies of money to a poor alcoholic with no family, bad grades (actually looking at dropping out...my life will be completely destroyed if I do that though), no car, a tiny apartment that I can't afford, diminishing friends because of what I'm doing to myself, single...This isn't what I was brought up to be. I was once planning to go to Harvard; now I'll be lucky if I can find time for a community college. I know it doesn't sound like a very big deal, but it was all pushed upon me overnight. I was forced to grow up overnight and I wasn't ready for it. All I want to do now is sleep. I've lost all motivation, all determination and excitement about making on my own. I can't do it. Please help me.

I don't think it was anything you did. I don't think he's acting this way because you slept with him too soon; I think he's acting this way because he feels like he took advantage of you. You told him no 3 times, and you still had sex with him. We all realize that he didn't pressure you into having sex with him, but I've been in your position, and when I talked to the guy, he said that he was embarrassed because he felt like he had taken advantage of me. So he's not shady anymore, since you had sex with him again? If I understand that right, then he's realized that you don't feel taken advantage of, and that it's ok for your relationship to be somewhat sexual. Tell him if you want to slow down, but make sure he knows that you don't feel taken advantage of. Unless, of course, you do...

Okay, this might get kind of confusing, and for that, I apologize profusely. So I've been seeing this guy Dan for a few months now, and everything's been cool. For the first two months of the relationsip, I actually lived with him in his house with his roommate and his roommate's girl, but then they moved to an apartment, and his roommate's a shady, paranoid drug dealer, so no one could know where they lived. I just found out that like 2 or 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend moved out of the apartment and into his best friend, Ashley's, place. No problem, they're best friends...nothing sexual about their relationship whatsoever, and I know that for a fact (his best friend, Ashley, is his ex roommate's [the drug dealer] ex fiancee of 3 years, and he would be KILLED if anything sexual EVER happened between them). The thing is, Dan never mentioned it. All of our friends knew, and he didn't bring it up once. I had to find out from his brother's girlfriend, who only told me because I thought it was strange that his bed was in his brother's apartment. So here's what I'm wondering: if him moving in with Ashley was completely innocent, why wouldn't he tell me? I'm not the jealous type, I'm not the type to go and accuse anyone of doing anything. If he'd told me that he moved in with her, I would have said, 'oh that's cool, I can finally know where you live again" or something along those lines. So what do you think? Is he sleeping with her or is it really as innocent as he says it is? It's a 1-bedroom place...but supposedly she sleeps on a bed in the living room or something and he has the bedroom...is that fishy too?

Something that's important to keep in mind is that you can't be rough right from the get-go. Start off gently, playing with her clit, and even when you slip a finger or two inside, still be gentle. You can increase your roughness from here, depending on how she likes it (you'll be able to tell from her expressions and noises what makes her feel good and what hurts or makes her feel uncomfortable), but make sure you're doing what she likes, not what you would like if she were giving you a hand job. Don't forget the clit when you slip the fingers in. Massage it with your thumb while the index and middle fingers are inside of her.

Dude, go for it. I was 14 and went to prom with an 18-year old. As long as you think she's mature enough, that's really all that matters. Age is a number, maturity is what's truly important. And, depending on what she wants afterwards (wink wink), go for it, too. Just make sure she's comfortable with the age difference too, and don't worry about what everyone around you thinks about it. If you want to ask her to prom, do it! Good luck, I'm sure she'll say yes.

Dude, senior year is all about having fun. Parties, parties, and, uh, parties? Yeah I'm a senior this year too, and I couldn't IMAGINE having a boyfriend right now. With all the stresses of college applications, graduation stuff, moving out of your parents' house (maybe...I did it last year though)...you really don't need the stresses of a girlfriend. Take it from a girl, we're a handful. So don't sweat it, just have a good time and when you meet a girl that's worth your time, you'll know it, and go from there. But seriously, don't sweat it. Your time will come. Ali

You have to just wait it out. If it's meant to be, then you guys will get back together when he has more time for you, but until then, he's right, you DO need someone who'll give you the time you deserve. As long as you keep in touch with him, which shouldn't be a problem, considering you're best friends, he can't forget you, and probably won't get another girlfriend for a while, if he does at all. Give him his distance, let him build his career, wait it out, and hope for the best. Really, it's up to him whether or not he gets a new girlfriend or if he comes back to you, so don't piss him off by being too needy or desperate. And that crying thing, it'll pass. Don't feel ashamed of it, cry your heart out if it makes you feel better. I'm going through your exact position right now, and I'm just now starting to get to the point of accepting the breakup and being grateful for the great things the relationship offered, and not dwelling so much on why it didn't work or whether or not he'll come back. Oh, and from experience, they usually come back. Good Luck! Ali

I have been seeing this great guy, Dan, for four or five months. From the beginning, we agreed that things wouldn't get serious; we'd be slightly more than friends with benefits. Things were going great for a while, and even when I moved into his apartment for a few weeks as I was finding myself a new apartment, we were fine. Until about a month ago, we hadn't even had so much as a disagreement. We both new that eventually we'd become an official couple, but we didn't want to rush it and we knew that being good friends first was the healthiest and most likely to succeed dating option. Then, one night, everything fell apart. My friend and I went over to this guy she was interested in seeing's house to watch football. I got drunk and blacked out, and apparently had sex with some guy named James. When I found out what really happened the next day, I was furious, and felt truly violated, to the point where I almost considered it a rape. I told Dan what happened, and he was pissed. Really, really pissed. I didn't blame him, and I quit getting drunk because of it. He cooled off and forgave me a few days later, but it seemed like every weekend we had another quarrel. He became really shady; he wouldn't call me anymore, and when I'd call him and we'd decide to go out and do something (like see a movie), he'd turn off his phone and just go to bed instead. We've been drifting apart for about a month, but now something's come up that I think has completely destroyed our relationship, and it's all a lie. Dan's best friend, Eric, is also one of my really good friends. He's the father of my friend Tiffany's babies, and he's dated all of my best friends. I have never done anything sexual with him, and I have never considered it because of these facts. I was at a kegger on Tuesday night, though, and I called up all my friends to come out and party with me, and Eric came, but Dan didn't. Most of my friends had classes the following day or had to work, so they didn't come either. Again, nothing happened whatsoever between Eric and me. Yesterday, Dan's sister, Emily, who is also Eric's most recent ex girlfriend and one of my closest friends, called me up, yelling at me for sleeping with her brother AND her ex boyfriend. I just stood there in confusion; I'd never slept with Eric, I'd never done ANYTHING with him. Well apparently everyone in our crew has heard this rumor, including Dan, and while I'm convincing most of them that it's not true, Dan won't talk to me at all. He refuses to listen to what I say; he rejects all my phone calls or just hangs up on me when I call from a different number. I have developed relatively strong feelings for him, and while I still don't want a serious relationship, I DO want what we had before all this BS blew up. How do I convince him to talk to me, and how do I get him to believe that I'm telling the truth???

Yeah, that would suck if she said no. But what if she said yes? It's nearly impossible to read girls, because they're very rarely 100% honest, 100% of the time; believe me, I'm one of 'em. She might say something or act a certain way around you that would make you think that she likes you, but she doesn't really. Or, she could act a way around you or say something that would make you think that she doesn't like you, but she really does. Really, you've got nothing to lose, and quite possibly, so much to gain. If she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her, she'll still feel flattered. Not to mention that if she doesn't feel the same way, you're wasting your time and need to move on to someone who does! Take the plunge, and good luck!! ~Ali~

Aly, First of all, don't go jumping off that cliff, even if you're a "pooooooony," cuz you're way too good for that. Give him a little while. It might be a day or two, it might be a month or two...but whatever it is, if you've been with him for that long and he can't honestly put his finger on why you're breaking up, he'll come back. In the meantime, don't just sit around and cry and wait, have fun with your life. Hang out with your girl friends, date around, and definitely find out if you're pregnant. Wow, you sound so much like me, and you know what? We even have the same name. I just went through your exact situation a month ago, and you know what? My ex called me last night. From experience, I can tell you, they always come back. It's just a matter of time. Give him that, and he'll give you himself. Good luck, I have faith that it'll all be okay. ~Ali~

Okay, about a week ago, my best friend and I went over to our friend Ben's house to drink and party. Well she's like in love with Ben, but he doesn't like her. We ended up getting pretty drunk, but I didn't black out or anything, and I remember the entire night. I decided to take a hot tub, and yes, i was wearing a swimsuit, and then, all of a sudden, Ben and his friend Sean decided that they were going to make a porno, so Ben got into the hot tub, naked, and Sean was videotaping everything. I refused to do anything with him; I wouldn't even kiss him, because I knew how hurt my best friend would be. Not to mention that I wasn't even interested in him anyway. So absolutely nothing happened. When I got out, she was mad at me, and I was like, "no, I swear to you, I didn't do anything with him, and I told him to get out of the hot tub, let's go watch the tape of it", so we watched it, and there was only the beginning of the hot tub scene because apparently it ran out of tape. She believed me, though, so it was all okay. Then, just yesterday, a guy at school came up to her and told her that he'd seen the videotape and that I did things that were so dirty he would never be able to talk to me again. Ben and Sean go to a different school than we do, and they'd told their friends Andrew and Angel that Trish (my best friend) and I were over at Ben's drinking. So Trish refuses to talk to me now, even though there is no tape, and I have proof of that , and even though Ben, Sean, and now even the guy who initially told her about it, have repeatedly told her that nothing happened. She won't believe me. It doesn't make it any better that people at school are saying that it's probably true, either. She says we can regain our friendship only when I apologize and admit it. What do I do? Do I lie to her and admit something that never happened so that we can still be friends? Do I stay firm in the fact that nothing happened, and risk losing her friendship forever? It means so much to me though!! Ali

Hey girl Hang in there. The only men who are worth your tears are the ones who will never, ever make you cry. He's not worth it, especially if he was willing to cheat on you. My boyfriend slept with my best friend while I was sleeping, only 10 feet away. I know how you feel; you're wondering what the other girl has that you don't that made him want to do this, you're wondering exactly what you did wrong...but you know what?? You did nothing wrong. He's the one who messed up here, so why are you willing to punish yourself? This is going to hurt, but if he was willing to cheat on you, he didn't care about you as much as you did about him. Committing suicide would only make him see that he won the war. The way to handle it is just to find someone else, who's cuter, sweeter, and will know how to take care of you, and rub it in his face. You're better than him, sweetie, you're better than anything he could ever make you want to do to yourself, including suicide. ~Ali~

Okay, I was dating this guy Justin back in September, and we got really close. We were only together for 2 months, and we broke up because we just lost communication. Anyway, he moved back in with his ex-fiancee (the only girl, besides me, that he's ever slept with), and I thought they were getting back together. So I stopped talking to him alltogether, and he never called me, either. Then he showed up at my work, where he used to work as well, but I wasn't there, so he left a message for me to call him. I called him that night, and we talked for like half an hour. Here's the deal with him: When we were dating, he worked 5 jobs to be able to pay for college, and they were all little dinky jobs, including Subway, Jamba Juice, and Blockbuster. His parents wouldn't pay for his college because he wasn't going to a mormon college. He lived with his brother Jesse and Jesse's fiancee, he didn't have a car, and I didn't see him sober but once the entire time we were dating. If it wasn't pot, it was alcohol (he's 22). When I talked to him the other night, he'd gotten a great job that pays him in 3 days what he was making at all 5 of his other jobs combined in a month. He bought a brand new Rodeo, and he's putting a down payment on a house next week. He quit the drugs, and he only drinks about once a month. Also, he's not back together with his ex. They do live together, but as friends, and he hasn't kissed her once since they moved in. The next day, he called me in school and I talked to him for a good 45 minutes, and we agreed that he'd come over and we'd hang out that night at my house. As soon as he got here, he gave me a huge hug and the whole night he kept talking about how good I looked and how much he missed me. But when my brother asked us if we were dating, he said, "NO. We're friends. FRIENDS." So I'm wondering: does he want me back, or does he just feel bad about not talking to me for 4 months? Was he ashamed of himself when we were together, and so now that he has his life on a steady track he thinks he's good enough for us to be more than just friends? I don't get it...I only want to be friends with him for now anyway, but will he want more in the future??? ~Ali~