marolua

Hello. I am really lonely and I dont know if I am doing the right thing. I have had depression before and I have been ok for three years now. Lately I have been feeling down and even though I am trying to shake myself out of it, it doesnt seem to be helping. I have a very stressful job and all..life as usual. But two days ago I had a panic attack for something really tiny and since I couldn't avoid it anymore, I had to accept that I am a little bit depressed. I am strong and I dont want to be depressed but I also know that it doesn't only take strength, so I called a therapist and got an appointment ofr next week. The problem is I am really not feeling like performing right now, but I have a boyfriend, I lovehim very very much and he is very supportive and nice, but 'he is not depressed'. and I know that its not his responsibility to make me feel better again. I really dont want to lose him because of depression so I talked to him about it and told him that I need some time on my own, so I can work it through. Because if I spend time with him and I just get angry or react in crazy ways to what he says or does, he doesn't deserve such treatment. He said he understands and he loves me, and I can have some time on my own as long as I take care of myself and get better. So what do I do now? is there any way to protect my relationship from depression? I really dont want to lose my boyfriend, and thats partly what is freaking me out. I get depressed over the possibility of being depressed and losing everyone around me..especially my boyfriend.its like a circle...I really need some advice as the best way to get through this, even if its just a week or more. Thanks a lot

This might not be easily generalizable, I am not a man, but I don't fall in love without having sex either.. On the other hand, it also depends on the person about when he will say I love you to you..Does he know that you are a virgin-and that you are planning to stay like that for a while? If he is someone who is willing and wanting to have sex in a relationship, I don't think you can expect him to love you even if you are not willing to have sex..and I don't think you can judge a man's worth by whether or not he is willing to give up sex for the love that he fells towards you. Love and sex come together, if he compartmentalizes sex and love separately, than don't you see another problem?

Hi I totally sympathize with your situation, break-up's are the worst and I too had a long period of depression after my last break-up. I can only tell you what I did to get through it, my boyfriend didn't come back to me, and he never contacted me again and I still think about him from time to time, but it has been three years, and I have had my own life for some time now. 1. Everything happens for a reason, your pain is(will be) your pleasure, there is a lesson in everything that has happened between you and her.What do you need to learn? It is really painful to find out the question/answer..but there is one..If you were your cosmic mentor, what would you think is the reason for all of this? What might YOU trying to be teach yourself? 2. Don't rush yourself, take baby steps, I used to give myself a points out of 10 everyday, if it was 5 I'd try to be happy, if I could act normal even if I didn't feel like it would be 6, if I didn't cry that day it would be a 8..and so on.. 3. and you might need to work on letting it go..It is going to hurt a lot..but once you are OK with the fact that she is gone now..you'll start to recover. Good luck

I am writing this post in relation to the below post, I'd assume that after 6 months you would have a relationship and wouldn't be 'dating' anymore, you would be together so you would need ideas of things to do together, not ideas for dating. I have never been able to understand the line between dating and relationship, so I am asking your opinions to find out to where you draw the line? When do you stop dating and start a relationship?

I don't where you are from, but I am from a similar culture where you live with your family until you are married or have to go to another city for career purposes. But I am no longer living in my home country,moved to US, started grad school, and living with three housemates, who are great, but sometimes drive me crazy too! I am not sure which one is better, at least your mom and dad do stuff for you, like you don't have to pay rent or buy groceries. And in response you give up some of your privacy, but maybe she was only asking you about tha card that she had bought for you, cas maybe she didn't know that you had been buying other cards? maybe she just wants you tell her a little bit about your girlfriend, or what you have been up to, parents sometimes don't know how to be friends with their children, you might need to help her out. Anyway I think after a certain age, the children start taking care of their parents, because as you said they start being childish.it's kind of funny, but its true!

Has the sex been good so far? And more importantly do you think you can have the closeness that you are longing for with a man that is not willing to hold you or cuddle after sex? I would say that you might give it a try, but I also want to remind you of the possibility that being close- but not really close might be a constant reminder of how you are not ACTUALLY close with someone. The reasons that I can think of are, 1. There is an avarage amount of good sex 2. You want to be experienced in sex and you'd rather do this with a single partner than with multiple partners. 3. You want to see if you can manage a relationship based on pure sex.. You just need to make sure that you Really want to do this, so that it is not him exploiting you but you two sharing some kind of agreement! Sex is both the best thing and the worst thing that can happen to you! You gotta be careful!

I can't believe everyone else told you not to tell her! In any case, you are not planning to tell her to get a divorce, if you just want to tell her how you feel and can be content with whatever response/result you get, than go and tell her immediately! By knowing that you have an interest in her, doesn't mean that she will give up her marriage immediateley, and if she does eventually, then it means that that was what was meant for both of you. Please tell her, there is nothing to lose, and loving somebody married does not mean that you are ruining their relationship. If their relationship is strong enough, it wouldn't harm them, but why not just tell her for the sake of letting her know about your feelings? Don't forget, life can be really short sometimes!

Why don't you try to understand the meanings behind the way you feel?How does it really feel when you are feeling like plane spiraling uncontrollably down". Do you have a cycle of thoughts? Does she remind you of something(other than your relationship and how it ended)? What were the meanings that you attached to her? And is there a way to disassociate those meanings? I know that this is not easy, but I also believe that the more you try to convince yourself that you are over, the more you would repress you feelings which would surface and bother you whenever you see her. Maybe just accepting that you STILL care, you STILL think of her, and that YOU are upset would not make you feel confident but at least you would be honest about your feelings to yourself. Just let it go and live with the pain for a while, than it would go away quickly and easily that you wouldn't even notice.

Yes, no relationship is perfect, not only with significant other's, but also with friends or siblings. But, is it really possible to make a cost benefit calculation? I have always hated to hear from my mom and dad that they had stayed together for us, that is, me and my younger brother. If you think you don't have anything common with your wife anymore, and you haven't been able to find a way to create common interests again-assuming that you were willing to communicate these problems with her- than why would you stay with her? Your daughter will eventually leave home, and there is also the chance that you two might get closer or apart when this happens. But please don't give that message to her, the message that you two stay together just because of her, because that is too much for a kid to bear.

How old is she?Women don't know or don't learn what orgasm is until a certain age. I would agree with her that this is something that is about her, and is certainly not because you are not enough for her.

Last week I realized something. Teh reason why my close three female friends circle was able to understand each other was that because we have been all victims of emotional abuse!! I am so sorry to realize that, but I am happy to realize that finally. We all have similar traits, low self-esteem, unability to decide, or to know what is the right thing to do and things like that. But I also read a post about 'avoiding losers'. I have been afraid that I myself may begin to act like a loser when I begin a relationship. Since I have realized that, I also found out that I need improvement, so I have been alone for some time, trying to improve myself by all means, and fighting loneliness. However I also know that some things are FROM family, and I am not sure whether I will get through the memories of my father calling me names, and telling me to go from home, that I am not worth anything, I am a shame and more and more and more. My question is, this forum is all to the victims of 'emotional abusers', I am also a victim but I dont want to be like my father. In my past relationship I had been one. I am so sorry for that It is so shaming to write this even here!! I want to be a better person, and I think that, it is not easy to just behave like you are FINE when you are not! I might be FINE until I have a new relationship, but after that there is a high risk that I manipulate my boyfriend again! I have been doing well for some time now, I can see an improvement in my friendships, but I am afraid for my relationships! There might be some self-control mechanisms for potential emotional abusers? Do you know any? I would very much like to hear from people who have become SURVIVORS after experiencing abuse in their family. Thanks

I know it has been a long time since this post has been posted. But I read it today, and it is soo impressive!! First of all, thank you all, all enot alone users, posting and reading but being there you made me realize that, I am a normal person, feeling lonely after a break-up and fearing that I might end up alone. I think WE are a different type of people, and the WORLD is changing with us. I LOVE all of YOU!!!

Thank you very much Stickman, life gets hard some days. I konw that I am just like the others, strong enough to get better, I will try my best, I hope life gives me what I deserve.

Its all the same story, I am trying really hard to go on. There are too many don'ts that i have to handle everyday.Dont eat too much, dont sit and think, rather go for a walk, dont call any of your exes, dont cry, dont say that you feel loneliness, dont dont dont! There is no big trauma in my life nowadays, there will be positive changes in the days that will follow. but I am not fine, and I can not tell this anyone. Please dont tell me to see a doctor, that not what I mean, I am not in depression, everybody seems to be occupied with their own problems, and no one has a will to spend some extra time. Actually I dont want anybody's help, I just want to feel better. I wonder whether I have been able to change anything in my life for years, actual change! We all say that we must learn from our mistakes, but how do we know whether or not this is a MISTAKE? I dont feel that there will be any hope for my box of 'relationships' . I might be a great career women, but nothing will change. I believe in karma, but why have I chosen such a hard life path! I must have been crazy. I want to lay down in bad all day, but I dont, I know that will open to door to depression. I need to feel connected, nobody bothers to listen to me. All of my friends tell me about themselves, nobody asks "how are you?" I dont know why I have written this post, possibly I wont get much answers, and I realize that this is not a so well written post, anyway, I am somewhere on the earth, and I need some help, thanks for reading.

I think you should. I mean why not? See her, have a few drinks? I cant see what is the problem in this? Are you afraid that she might expect something from you?