Cute neighbor - how to approach him?

[kim42]

Hi guys,

Unlike most of my posts, this will be a more light-hearted one but I'd still like to hear your advice!

 

To give you some context - I live in this small apartment complex and don't really know my neighbors, most people are rather reserved here and it's not very common for neighbors to interact with each other.

 

I've noticed that the tenants have changed in the apartment next to mine early this year but I didn't pay much attention to it. I knew I had a new neighbor but we only said 'hello' to each other a few times.

 

However, this week we've talked for the first time - just small talk, nothing personal, and I've realized he's cute! 

 

We're around the same age, I think he might be single, he lives alone. I don't know anything else about him, not even his name. He often has friends over and they listen to music a little too loud sometimes.

 

I'd like to approach him/talk to him again without coming off as weird or creepy. I'm usually rather shy but I've been trying to come out of my shell lately. I don't talk to my neighbors so I have no idea how to start a conversation with him. I'm a foreigner here and I speak the local language fluently, and that usually breaks the ice when I talk to people for the first time.

 

I don't want to pretend that I need to borrow something or use a similar excuse. I know a friend of mine liked her neighbor too so she baked muffins and offered him some, but that's way too forward for me.

 

 Any original ideas how to do this? Share your neighbor stories!

 

[Batya33]

I dated a neighbor once over 20 years ago -same situation except huge highrise- I asked my mom whether I should put a note under his door and my mom said it would be too forward lol.  We had chatted briefly.  I was really lucky -another female neighbor I chatted with in the building laundry room happened to mention that she knew him and - he'd asked about me! So she was the go between. We went out a few times and ultimately he wasn't a match.

Here's what I would do -google him and find out who he is and what he does, etc.  So you have context.  Then when you see him ask him if he knows about - and you fill in the blank - like a festival going on/coming to the neighborhood, an exhibit at the local museum etc - see where that leads. 

(I did add a male neighbor here on linkedin but we'd chatted in the fitness room and we're in the same field so I asked if I could add him -yes i'd mentioned my husband and I think by then he'd mentioned his girlfriend -all fine)

[Wiseman2]

49 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I don't want to pretend that I need to borrow something or use a similar excuse.

Inviting a new neighbor for coffee seems like a nice idea. Just friendly. 

[smackie9]

Bake him a pie and welcome him to the hood. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Bake him a pie and welcome him to the hood. 

I like the idea but her country is rather cold one with interactions. Dont think it would be productive and they would just look at her weird if she does that lol

Why dont you just strike up a conversation when you see him again?

[boltnrun]

If you know about what time he gets home from work you could "just happen" to be outside at that time. Then strike up a casual conversation starting with a simple "how was your day?"

[kim42]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Bake him a pie and welcome him to the hood. 

That's a lovely idea but I don't think it would work here, people are kind of reserved over here.

[kim42]

15 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I like the idea but her country is rather cold one with interactions. Dont think it would be productive and they would just look at her weird if she does that lol

Why dont you just strike up a conversation when you see him again?

Yes, that's what I'd like to do, I'm just not sure what to talk about since I don't know him. 

[kim42]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If you know about what time he gets home from work you could "just happen" to be outside at that time. Then strike up a casual conversation starting with a simple "how was your day?"

I have no idea when he comes home from work, I usually get home late in the evening myself.

Casual conversation sounds good, when we talked this week it was very spontaneous.

[kim42]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Inviting a new neighbor for coffee seems like a nice idea. Just friendly. 

Unfortunately not where I live, it would be too much for a neighbor situation.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, kim42 said:

That's a lovely idea but I don't think it would work here, people are kind of reserved over here.

Agree don't bring gifts or hang around and stalk looking for faux coincidental small talk. That's kind of creepy

. Instead forget the crush a moment and just be a good neighbor. It's always a good idea to be friends with your neighbors.  A cup of coffee is neutral and sincere without being over the top acting like a welcome wagon. 

[smackie9]

8 minutes ago, kim42 said:

That's a lovely idea but I don't think it would work here, people are kind of reserved over here.

Ya you can. You just knock on his door and say, "I saw this left here at your door, you must have an admirer." I'm _____ btw, you must be new here.....

[Kwothe28]

5 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Yes, that's what I'd like to do, I'm just not sure what to talk about since I don't know him. 

Well, you dont know anything about the guy. So you could ask from where he came. Or even what he works as he maybe relocated because of the job.

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Ya you can. You just knock on his door and say, "I saw this left here at your door, you must have an admirer." I'm _____ btw, you must be new here.....

This wouldn't go over well with me. I would find it quite intrusive and OTT, TBH.

My neighbor saw me getting groceries out of my car the other day. I have a license plate frame for my favorite sports team and he asked me about it. You can find topics to discuss just using whatever is in front of you, such as a clothing item or his car or something he's carrying. 

[itsallgrand]

Music...you already know his taste lol. 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Ya you can. You just knock on his door and say, "I saw this left here at your door, you must have an admirer." I'm _____ btw, you must be new here.....

This^ is very bold!  I could see you saying this @smackie9 😉 and having it sound natural but @kim42 said she's kinda shy so it may sound forced, unnatural and awkward.  Jmo.

2 hours ago, kim42 said:

Casual conversation sounds good, when we talked this week it was very spontaneous.

Spontaneous is my style too, natural, an easy flow.

If me, I'd wait to run into him (don't stake him out lol or force it), and simply say very casually "how are you enjoying the neighborhood, where are you from"?

A good starting point anyway, key is to make it look natural..

Even though inside you may be a nervous wreck! 

May take some patience on your part waiting for that "right" moment.

Good luck Kim, keep us posted! 

 

 

 

 

 

[mylolita]

Evening Kim! 
 

They say if you want someone to feel bound to you, or in service to you, you should ask them for help! 😉 Just a very tiny ask is suggested.

 

In your case; maybe a more subtle “could you help me and be of use thank you” approach would be to ask him something. For example, “Hey ****! I’m looking to go see a band this weekend! Do you know anywhere good to go watch a gig?” 
 

Or, “Morning ****! Do you know where the nearest farmers market is? I’ve never been yet!” 
 

Or! “Hi ****! You don’t happen to know where we put this recycling do you?” 

Anything! Although the music one might open further conversation more! He might get the chance to feel useful, and like he’s helped you, and it might open up a conversation, and it might also open up a line of communication where he could say “Yeah! There’s a bar two towns away. Do you want to come with me this weekend?” 
 

I’m like, rom com’ing it a bit here but you never know 🥲

 

Talking to him in a small way everyday I bet would be enough! Or every week! I’m not sure how often you see him! You could ask him how he’s settling in? If he’s had to relocate for work? You could ask him how come he moved, what brought you here? Anything!

 

I mean, you could even be like, “Sometimes I hear music! Do you play guitar?” 

 

I wouldn’t try to over think it sweet Kim! Just be yourself and say hi and strike up a bit of small talk now and then! 
 

A social tip as well for nerves - when we are nervous, we tend to think very inwardly. Our inward monologue is loud and critiques hard when we are socially conscious. So while you’re taking to him for example, you might be thinking, “Oh God; what do I say next? Oh no! What did he mean by that? Oh man! Did I say something stupid, did that sound weird? Oh no! I’m embarrassing myself, he can’t like me!” Etc etc! 
 

Instead, try turning that inward focus regarding shyness - outwards! Focus on him!l instead of how you feel! His tone, his face, his gestures. Turn your thoughts outwards to what he’s doing! Like you’re no longer looking in but from the outside! And try and take clues from his responses, or how he looks. Try relax. He’s probably nervous too! 
 

Anyway, I think it’s great you get to have a crush on a cute neighbour!!!!!!

 

x

[ShySoul]

Kim, I was the male in this situation a couple years ago. My downstairs neighbor apparently thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me, but was too shy to say anything. One day I returned home from work to find a note taped to my door saying she liked my hair and wanting to know about me. After some initial confusion (wait, this is really happening to me!?), I thought about it and found it sweet and charming. We exchanged a few letters that way. Unfortunately she stopped communicating when she found out our age difference, eventually leaving one last note. Oh well, at least I will always have a neighbor story to entertain people with now. 🙄

If you are nervous in person, you could leave a note. You don't have to be as forward as in my situation, maybe just ask if he needs anything or offer your assistance. Maybe say you enjoyed talking with him and to say hi if you see each other so you can chat some more. 

As far as talking in person, I'll second mylolita's tips. Try not to be nervous. He's just a guy and may be just as nervous as you. Ask open ended questions to get him talking. That can help take some pressure off of you. Hopefully you can find something in common and use that as a jumping off point for future conversations.

Hope things go well. Relax, breathe, and remember you can do it.

[catfeeder]

Talk about extremes, you go from a guy too far to one who's too close.

Don't sleep where you live!!

(kidding...)

I think now that you're aware of him, you'll recognize him whenever your paths cross in surrounding areas. You'll likely sense at any given time whether he seems open to quick chat or is more hurried. You'll build some familiarity over time, and I have faith in you for good judgment.

EnjOy!

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Kim, I was the male in this situation a couple years ago. My downstairs neighbor apparently thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me, but was too shy to say anything. One day I returned home from work to find a note taped to my door saying she liked my hair and wanting to know about me. After some initial confusion (wait, this is really happening to me!?), I thought about it and found it sweet and charming. We exchanged a few letters that way. Unfortunately she stopped communicating when she found out our age difference, eventually leaving one last note. Oh well, at least I will always have a neighbor story to entertain people with now. 🙄

If you are nervous in person, you could leave a note. You don't have to be as forward as in my situation, maybe just ask if he needs anything or offer your assistance. Maybe say you enjoyed talking with him and to say hi if you see each other so you can chat some more. 

As far as talking in person, I'll second mylolita's tips. Try not to be nervous. He's just a guy and may be just as nervous as you. Ask open ended questions to get him talking. That can help take some pressure off of you. Hopefully you can find something in common and use that as a jumping off point for future conversations.

Hope things go well. Relax, breathe, and remember you can do it.

This is so sweet Shy! 
 

Funny enough, the first thing my husband said to me when we first met is “I like your hair ☺️” with a big grin. I’m a redhead with curls. 
 

I always think a compliment doesn’t have to be really sophisticated!

x

 

[yogacat]

16 hours ago, kim42 said:

Any original ideas how to do this? Share your neighbor stories!

My next door neighbor offered me carrots today. 🥕

She's female, not quite the same but similar idea. I thought it was sweet of her!!

Borrow some sugar....

[mylolita]

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

My next door neighbor offered me carrots today. 🥕

She's female, not quite the same but similar idea. I thought it was sweet of her!!

Borrow some sugar....

Borrowing or asking for something is actually a really good idea!!!

 

Then it creates another moment where you have to go back to give the thing back or they have to come to you to get it! 🥲

 

x

[Mason Parsons]

You could leave a friendly note on his door introducing yourself and mentioning that you're shy but trying to be more outgoing. Just keep it light and natural, and who knows, you might make a new friend or more!

[Dancer Candy]

I say just ask him for coffee.  It's ok if you are visibly nervous - guys like that.  And then when he (hopefully) says yes, you can both have a little chuckle as you exchange names, and info etc.  Honestly, I bet he'd be into it?

[tattoobunnie]

On 3/26/2024 at 12:05 PM, kim42 said:

I don't want to pretend that I need to borrow something or use a similar excuse.

 

Nothing wrong with being Captain Obvious.  No need to get in the friend zone.  Don't ask him to coffee.  Buy fancy coffee you've wanted to try, and see if he'd like some.