Cute neighbor - how to approach him?

[LootieTootie]

Well you know what music he likes, so maybe you can say "Hey I heard that song you and your friends were listening to. I thought it sounded familiar and realized it's one of my favorite bands 🙂  Did you know they're going on tour?" 

I know its lies but hey wouldn't that make a great story later how much you were willing to lie to get his number? It's better than stalking or waiting endlessly for the right moment.

 

[boltnrun]

This might be a "woman" thing but I wouldn't want my neighbor admitting he's listening in to what I'm doing in my apartment. That would feel forward and intrusive. 

[Jaunty]

8 hours ago, kim42 said:

I'm originally from Eastern Europe, I've been living in Western Europe for many years - I don't want to say in which country but the culture here is similar to Eastern Europe in some ways, especially people being less friendly.

Seattle, Washington, USA,  is world famous for "The Seattle Freeze."  I guess it's from the heavy Scandinavian influence - though when I spent time in Sweden I had no problems connecting with the people.  Same in France, Netherlands, Germany  and Italy.  Made friends there over the years which are still going strong.  

Why not  stop letting the culture wherever you are prevent you from being friendly to your neighbor.  No one is seriously suggesting that you waylay him and lassoo him into your apartment.  

If you're not willing to talk to him then there is really not much that we can offer here.

[rainbowsandroses]

35 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Seattle, Washington, USA,  is world famous for "The Seattle Freeze."  I guess it's from the heavy Scandinavian influence - though when I spent time in Sweden I had no problems connecting with the people.  Same in France, Netherlands, Germany  and Italy.  Made friends there over the years which are still going strong.  

Why not  stop letting the culture wherever you are prevent you from being friendly to your neighbor.  No one is seriously suggesting that you waylay him and lassoo him into your apartment.  

If you're not willing to talk to him then there is really not much that we can offer here.

Omg took the words, I just made a post saying literally the same thing but lost it when switching pages.

Here's a version of it Kim.

I'm American and when I traveled through Europe, I never allowed the culture to influence my nature and personality which is also shy in some ways, but I enjoy meeting and talking to people.

People loved it, they were drawn to me because of it. Especially in England but other countries as well.

I'd  hear them say "here comes the American girl"!! Even though they knew my name, they still called me the 'American girl.'   Or rather American "gull" with their British accent. Lol. 

I stood out because I was 'different,' and people are drawn to different in my experience.  

I realize you're not American but it doesn't matter, always be yourself, dance to your own drummer, you may be surprised how positively people respond to you. 

I mean what choice do you have? As @Jaunty said, if you won't talk to him, then nothing is gonna happen and you may as well call it a day..

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Omg took the words, I just made a post saying literally the same thing but lost it when switching pages.

Here's a version of it Kim.

I'm American and when I traveled through Europe, I never allowed the culture to influence my nature and personality which is also shy in some ways, but I enjoy meeting and talking to people.

People loved it, they were drawn to me because of it. Especially in England but other countries as well.

I'd  hear them say "here comes the American girl"!! Even though they knew my name, they still called me the 'American girl.'   Or rather American "gull" with their British accent. Lol. 

I stood out because I was 'different,' and people are drawn to different in my experience.  

I realize you're not American but it doesn't matter, always be yourself, dance to your own drummer, you may be surprised how positively people respond to you. 

I mean what choice do you have? As @Jaunty said, if you won't talk to him, then nothing is gonna happen and you may as well call it a day..

My friend and I were tourists in Rome -female friend - in 2003 and we were walking near a tourist attraction and heard a local call out "It's Thelma...... and Louise!!!" (we never figured out which of us was which character - we kind of look alike!!)

I agree with this.  How about -ok maybe silly - here we have BOGO deals- buy one get one free - could you drop off the second item -like maybe good coffee or some overpriced gourmet cookies with a note saying -I don't need both -enjoy! And -sign with your name and contact info).

[rainbowsandroses]

@kim42I hope you don't take offense to this but I was thinking about your reluctance (fear/discomfort) to speak with your neighbor in person, face to face and how it possibly relates to your dislike of phone conversations and your preference and comfort with speaking on line/messaging as with the long distance guy for example? 

Is there any correlation between the two?  Have you thought about this?  Why you appear to be so comfortable with on line interactions but not so much in real life? 

 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

@kim42I hope you don't take offense to this but I was thinking about your reluctance (fear/discomfort) to speak with your neighbor in person, face to face and how it possibly relates to your dislike of phone conversations and your preference and comfort with speaking on line/messaging as with the long distance guy for example? 

Is there any correlation between the two?  Have you thought about this?  Why you appear to be so comfortable with on line interactions but not so much in real life? 

 

But she said she had a great time with the LD guy in person at their lunches, etc.

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But she said she had a great time with the LD guy in person at their lunches, etc.

Yeah but it's long distance. As such, easy to let down your guard for one day. Or even two days knowing he or she will be leaving.

Her neighbor is right next door!  There is no escaping if she begins to feel suffocated or simply needs to be alone which she enjoys. 

I think there are issues below the surface at play here that are preventing her from extending herself and having a conversation with him that could possibly lead to dating.

Other than it's not the culture there.

JMO

 

 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yeah but it's long distance. As such, easy to let down your guard for one day. Or even two days knowing he or she will be leaving.

Her neighbor is right next door!  There is no escaping if she begins to feel suffocated or simply needs to be alone which she enjoys. 

I think there are issues below the surface at play here that's preventing her from extending herself and having a conversation with him that could possibly lead to dating him.

Other than it's not the culture there.

JMO

 

 

I think it's harder to ask someone out who you then have to see constantly.

[rainbowsandroses]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think it's harder to ask someone out who you then have to see constantly.

Agree but we're not even talking about asking him out, we're talking about saying "hi, how are you enjoying the neighborhood"?  

A casual friendly conversation between neighbors.  Which Kim is apparently reluctant to do for some reason. 

I'm not buying the "it's not the culture" excuse, there is something deeper at play imo that might be worth exploring.

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, kim42 said:

 the culture here is similar to Eastern Europe in some ways, especially people being less friendly.

If you are from a more reserved culture than you're used to it. I'm not sure why people don't believe that some cultures are more reserved, formal and have better boundaries. That doesn't make them unfriendly, it's just the local etiquette. It's not like being a tourist. 

[boltnrun]

Some people think it's weird that I say hello to the people in my neighborhood when I go on walks. I know one person in particular who posts on this forum who says they never, ever speak to their neighbors. And this is in the US. 

I can't speak for other cultures. But we're quite diverse in the US. Some of my childhood friends had parents who threw the doors to their homes open and let any neighbor kids who wanted to roam in and out. My parents, OTOH, weren't super comfortable with hordes of kids running in and out.  My son played with a couple of little girls in our apartment building who were of different ethnicities and they had never eaten dinner at a home other than their own. The idea was completely foreign to them.

But I would imagine a friendly hello is pretty universally appreciated.

[rainbowsandroses]

On 3/26/2024 at 9:05 AM, kim42 said:

However, this week we've talked for the first time - just small talk, nothing personal, and I've realized he's cute! 

@kim42since you were comfortable enough to talk with him the first time^^, why your reluctance now?

That's what's confusing.  And if the culture there is such that people keep to themselves, don't speak to each other and are reserved, how did your first conversation happen? 

I'm sorry if it seems I'm giving you a hard time, some things just aren't adding up and hoping you will clarify.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, rainbowsandroses said:

 I was thinking about your reluctance (fear/discomfort) to speak with your neighbor in person, face to face and how it possibly relates to your dislike of phone conversations 

Wrong thread. She has already asked on that thread to please skip the psychoanalysis.  And yes it is cultural.  It's invalidating to simply not believe someone who's correct about their own environment and culture and replace it with unnecessary reassigned motives. 

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Wrong thread. She has already asked on that thread to please skip the psychoanalysis.  And yes it is cultural.  It's invalidating to simply not believe someone who's correct about their own environment and culture and replace it with unnecessary reassigned motives. 

Read my previous post.  If the cultural issue were true, how did their first conversation happen? 

I think it goes deeper, jmo.  I respect that you have a different opinion.  And don't appreciate the "psychoanalysis" comment.

We are all here giving opinion, that's all

 

[Wiseman2]

On 2/1/2024 at 9:39 AM, kim42 said:

.'Im happy to read the advice on here but I don't think it's helpful if someone starts to over-analyze 

Here's where she begged you to stop analyzing 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Here's where she begged you to stop analyzing 

I know she has mentioned this in her previous threads.

My feeling is if we can't ask questions and suggest she dig a bit deeper into why she reacts in the ways she does, what's the point of creating the thread in the first place, asking for opinions?

Again, she had NO problem having that first conversation with him, it makes absolutely no sense that her reason for not feeling comfortable having a second casual conversation is for cultural reasons. 

All I am asking is for a little clarification into why that is.  I was/am not accusing her of anything, I am asking questions for better understanding.

If that's over-analyzing @kim42then I apologize and will leave you to it.

Good luck.

[mylolita]

Evening Kim! 
 

I’m British and I’d like to think we’re all pretty barmy and friendly for the most part here! But, we’re I think, safe to say, not European. Well, especially not now, technically 🤣 but we’ve always been our own tiny strange island doing our own thing! 
 

I get the cultural difference causing boundaries and difficulties because as a Brit, sometimes I find I’m lost in translation on ENA because this site is pretty much majority American and British culture is quite different. 
 

Be great to have an update! 
 

Being shy is really cute by the way! Nothing wrong with being shy, the only problem being shy is if it stops you doing what you want to do.
 

As fellow Brit Morrissey put it:

—-

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?

Coyness is nice, and
Coyness can stop you
From saying all the things in
Life you'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?

Spending warm summer days indoors
Writing frightening verse
To a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg

Ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Because if it's not love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
The bomb, the bomb
The bomb that will bring us together

Nature is a language, can't you read?
Nature is a language can't you read?

So ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me

Because if it's not love
Then it's the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb
The bomb, the bomb
The bomb that will bring us together

If it's not love
Then it's the bomb
Then it's the bomb
That will bring us together

So ask me, ask me, ask me
Ask me, ask me, ask me
Oh, la-la-la-la-la-la,-la-la!

——

 

 

x

 

[kim42]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Wrong thread. She has already asked on that thread to please skip the psychoanalysis.  And yes it is cultural.  It's invalidating to simply not believe someone who's correct about their own environment and culture and replace it with unnecessary reassigned motives. 

Thank you @Wiseman2!

@rainbowsandroses I didn't say that I don't want to or won't talk to him again. I just said that some of these suggestions are too forward for this culture as people are simply reserved. I've lived here long enough to know how people interact and what's appropriate. It has nothing to do with my dislike of phone calls, I don't know why you keep bringing this up, it's just a personal preference.

Also, it's totally different when you just travel and when you actually live abroad.

Also, can we please leave the long-distance guy out of this thread? There's already one with 20+ pages about him, and this one is about my neighbor. Thank you.

 

[kim42]

4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Agree but we're not even talking about asking him out, we're talking about saying "hi, how are you enjoying the neighborhood"?  

A casual friendly conversation between neighbors.  Which Kim is apparently reluctant to do for some reason. 

I'm not buying the "it's not the culture" excuse, there is something deeper at play imo that might be worth exploring.

There is nothing deeper going on, and I don't understand the need to overanalyze everything.

[kim42]

4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Some people think it's weird that I say hello to the people in my neighborhood when I go on walks. I know one person in particular who posts on this forum who says they never, ever speak to their neighbors. And this is in the US. 

I can't speak for other cultures. But we're quite diverse in the US. Some of my childhood friends had parents who threw the doors to their homes open and let any neighbor kids who wanted to roam in and out. My parents, OTOH, weren't super comfortable with hordes of kids running in and out.  My son played with a couple of little girls in our apartment building who were of different ethnicities and they had never eaten dinner at a home other than their own. The idea was completely foreign to them.

But I would imagine a friendly hello is pretty universally appreciated.

Yes, a friendly hello is totally okay here. The conversation this week went well so let's see how the next one goes, will keep you posted!

[rainbowsandroses]

24 minutes ago, kim42 said:

There is nothing deeper going on, and I don't understand the need to overanalyze everything.

Again, I apologize if you feel I was over-analyzing.  I explained the purpose of my questions in my previous post.  Believe it or not, I was trying to help, we all are.

That said, I won't be asking questions or even responding again, clearly you don't find my input helpful as you have mentioned my "over-analyzing" previously (which is fine, you are entitled to your opinion) so I think that's best.  

I truly do wish you the best of luck.

 

[itsallgrand]

I think being approachable is half the battle. If you are relaxed and don't over think it, he will get the message that you are open to conversation and such. It will come about naturally if there's mutual interest there. 

 

 

[catfeeder]

35 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

That said, I won't be asking questions or even responding again, clearly you don't find my input helpful as you have mentioned my "over-analyzing" previously (which is fine, you are entitled to your opinion) so I think that's best.  

I hope you'll reconsider feeling stung over a simple mistake. One person misstated that Kim was not willing to talk to the guy. That was never the case, but a few posters took that ball and ran with it, and the whole discussion ran off course.

It happens, nobody's fault.

[Batya33]

Kim - are there common areas in your apartment building or complex where people hang out - is there an outdoor space like a backyard sort of?  Any places where you could run into him? Are there stores right nearby where your neighbors go? Obviously you'd never stalk just wondering if there are additional opportunities to run into him.