Cute neighbor - how to approach him?

[smackie9]

Sorry but if you want to approach you need to have ballz to do it....ain't no way around it. If you are way too shy, you may have to pass on this one. 

[yogacat]

9 hours ago, mylolita said:

Borrowing or asking for something is actually a really good idea!!!

 

Then it creates another moment where you have to go back to give the thing back or they have to come to you to get it! 🥲

 

x

Oops. I just realized she said in her opening post she doesn't want to borrow anything.🤭

Honestly, however you choose to approach this will come naturally. You know that saying, "less is more".

Well, it's true.  So don't overthink it. Just be yourself and be genuine when talking to him. Maybe start with some small talk about the neighborhood or something you both have in common.

[boltnrun]

A friendly smile goes a long way.

[Jaunty]

I think that in this case, getting in "the friend zone" is the best idea.

Guy is OP's next door neighbor in a small apartment complex.   

This is not a good situation to start off with dating, which might go nowhere, or only someplace casual.

He lives NEXT DOOR.

So @kim42 - I advise you to go a little out of your comfort zone and just be authentically friendly.   Show interest in him - he is new, he just moved in, where does he come from?  The music played could be an entree for conversation - do you like any of what you hear?  If you do, or at least find it interesting, take note of something about it, like lyrics (if you can hear them) or some kind of feature, and ask him "what band was that you guys were listening to last night?"  

I'm not saying you should not date your neighbor but it would be a lot better for your comfortable life if you got there because you got to know each  other first and decided to do it - rather than just try dating and then get awkward if it is not going anywhere really.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 3/26/2024 at 12:05 PM, kim42 said:

However, this week we've talked for the first time - just small talk, nothing personal, and I've realized he's cute!  I don't want to pretend that I need to borrow something or use a similar excuse. I know a friend of mine liked her neighbor too so she baked muffins and offered him some, but that's way too forward for me.

If you feel it's too reserved where you are or you're too shy to be "forward", you should still try to be friends with your neighbors.  Try to take the crush out of the equation and relax and talk to him when you see him like you would anyone else.

Maybe small talk about the apt complex.  Even though you can hear his friends and music, bringing it up could be misconstrued as a complaint, so I wouldn't go there. 

[kim42]

Thanks guys for all your advice!

As I said, it's not common over here to strike up a conversation with strangers or neighbors, random chit chat is not a thing here so some of your suggestions might be too forward.

I like what @catfeeder suggested, and see how he reacts the next time we bump into each other, if he's open to chat.

[Jaunty]

I used to live in a city that is famous for being cold and unfriendly - still, "too forward" is subjective.   

You've described yourself as shy before, but this is probably a good opportunity to take a bit of risk, especially if you are able to "forget about the crush,"  not think of him as a potential date, and sincerely get to know about him.

If you do encounter one another, good conversation starters:  where did he move from?  Why here?  and take the conversation from there.   

The neighborhood - how does he like it?  And segue into maybe suggesting a good place to eat or get a beer etc.  

I promise you that you can approach these topics without comeing off as intrusive. 

[kim42]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I used to live in a city that is famous for being cold and unfriendly - still, "too forward" is subjective.   

You've described yourself as shy before, but this is probably a good opportunity to take a bit of risk, especially if you are able to "forget about the crush,"  not think of him as a potential date, and sincerely get to know about him.

If you do encounter one another, good conversation starters:  where did he move from?  Why here?  and take the conversation from there.   

The neighborhood - how does he like it?  And segue into maybe suggesting a good place to eat or get a beer etc.  

I promise you that you can approach these topics without comeing off as intrusive. 

Yes, these are all good questions to ask, I'm just saying that I have to take into consideration the cultural aspect here. I know most people on this forum are from the US and things are a little different in Europe - people are less approachable and not as friendly. 

[Coily]

Clearly you need to put on your most seductive clothing, knock on his door and ask : "Can I have a cup of you?" Then go full femme fatale.

Kidding

I genuinely think you just need to find moments to say hello, think of a few topics that are low key and no pressure that can spark a conversation. You may have to go out of your way, but nothing wrong with that.

Be willing to ask him about a coffee shop near by, if he speaks well of it, or hasn't been ask if he would like to join you. I agree with Jaunty, there are lots of ways to show interest that aren't like the joke earlier.

[itsallgrand]

38 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Thanks guys for all your advice!

As I said, it's not common over here to strike up a conversation with strangers or neighbors, random chit chat is not a thing here so some of your suggestions might be too forward.

I like what @catfeeder suggested, and see how he reacts the next time we bump into each other, if he's open to chat.

Eastern Europe? Scandinavian country? 

[boltnrun]

Smile and say hello. No one could possibly find that objectionable or "forward". He will likely at the very least reply. If he only says "hello" back and scurries into his apartment he's probably either taken or uninterested for whatever reason (NOT because something is "wrong" with you!), but if he says hello back and makes some kind of comment you can continue the conversation.

[kim42]

25 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

Eastern Europe? Scandinavian country? 

I'm originally from Eastern Europe, I've been living in Western Europe for many years - I don't want to say in which country but the culture here is similar to Eastern Europe in some ways, especially people being less friendly.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you feel it's too reserved where you are or you're too shy to be "forward", you should still try to be friends with your neighbors.  Try to take the crush out of the equation and relax and talk to him when you see him like you would anyone else.

This^^.   I mean, in truth do you even know yourself if you "like" him and want to date him?  

Forget that you have a crush, imo it's tripping you up.  He's an attractive man who has moved next door; simply be natural, genuine and when you see him, ask him how he's enjoying the neighborhood or something similar.

It doesn't (and shouldn't imo) be any sort of "come on," or "approach."  That comes off as contrived and awkward (just like when men "come on/hit on" me or approach me without me first giving them some sort of "window," green light, indication of interest (like a smile and/or subtle eye contact).

You don't know his story, he could have a girlfriend, hell he could be gay for all you know!

Since he's your neighbor, you don't want to create an uncomfortable/awkward situation, simply be yourself - friendly, natural and genuine. 

Smile, make sure you have good eye contact when speaking with him.  I dunno for me this all comes very natural when I am attracted to a man, they will usually pick up on MY signals and make a move themselves.

JMO, let us know what happens!

 

[boltnrun]

I don't understand the context as I am indeed American. Are you saying no one in Western Europe says hello to their neighbors? And it would be regarded as intrusive or strange if someone did say hello?

I watch a few traveling YouTubers and they all talk about how friendly the people they encounter in their travels are, in all the countries they visit. So I'm confused TBH!

[kim42]

14 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't understand the context as I am indeed American. Are you saying no one in Western Europe says hello to their neighbors? And it would be regarded as intrusive or strange if someone did say hello?

I watch a few traveling YouTubers and they all talk about how friendly the people they encounter in their travels are, in all the countries they visit. So I'm confused TBH!

No, saying hello is completely okay. But things such as inviting him for coffee, bringing him cake, or even asking several questions too soon would be too intrusive since we don't know each other at all.

Also, it varies from country to country in Europe, and I also think it's diferent when you travel and actually live somewhere.

[itsallgrand]

54 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I'm originally from Eastern Europe, I've been living in Western Europe for many years - I don't want to say in which country but the culture here is similar to Eastern Europe in some ways, especially people being less friendly.

How do people typically get to know each other and get together? 

[boltnrun]

Gotcha 

Yes, definitely different when you're traveling.

So could you smile and say hello and if he says hello back and pauses, could you mention something about the weather or a recent event or something you observed about the apartment complex? The other residents of my apartment complex and I often talk about what's going on at our buildings such as the recent roof replacement. I mean, it's not scintillating conversation but at least it's a start. 

[kim42]

3 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

How do people typically get to know each other and get together? 

Usually they create strong friendships at high school and university that last a long time. Then sometimes you make friends at work but it's not very common either. 

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, Coily said:

Clearly you need to put on your most seductive clothing, knock on his door and ask : "Can I have a cup of you?" Then go full femme fatale.

Kidding

I genuinely think you just need to find moments to say hello, think of a few topics that are low key and no pressure that can spark a conversation. You may have to go out of your way, but nothing wrong with that.

Be willing to ask him about a coffee shop near by, if he speaks well of it, or hasn't been ask if he would like to join you. I agree with Jaunty, there are lots of ways to show interest that aren't like the joke earlier.

Or maybe, when he’s passing; fall into his arms; then when he catches you, looking up into his eyes to say, “Sorry… weak ankles.” 
 

🥂🤣

[kim42]

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Gotcha 

Yes, definitely different when you're traveling.

So could you smile and say hello and if he says hello back and pauses, could you mention something about the weather or a recent event or something you observed about the apartment complex? The other residents of my apartment complex and I often talk about what's going on at our buildings such as the recent roof replacement. I mean, it's not scintillating conversation but at least it's a start. 

Yes, this sounds like a good idea, thank you! I think I'd be more comfortable starting with a general kind of discussion before moving to something more personal, if he reacts well of course.

[boltnrun]

2 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Or maybe, when he’s passing; fall into his arms; then when he catches you, looking up into his eyes to say, “Sorry… weak ankles.” 
 

🥂🤣

What if he drops her?? Or just stands there and lets her fall?

😉

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Smile and say hello. No one could possibly find that objectionable or "forward". He will likely at the very least reply. If he only says "hello" back and scurries into his apartment he's probably either taken or uninterested for whatever reason (NOT because something is "wrong" with you!), but if he says hello back and makes some kind of comment you can continue the conversation.

Sure, if he scurries, he may just be in a hurry that day. Doesn’t mean he’s not open another time.

I’m curious about this closed culture—what country is this?

Every European or Scandinavian traveler I’ve known or read speaks of the generosity of the people, so I’m stumped to know whether it’s your culture that is cold, or whether that’s your personal perception through your lens of shyness?

I live in a large complex with hundreds of units, and I’ve never met a neighbor who wasn’t happy, at some point, to share greetings and chats about their experiences, past or present, with work, pets, kids, travel, commutes, shopping, weather, moving, jobs or life in general. These topics are pretty universal, so I’m sure you’ll have no trouble drawing out some conversation with the new guy.

Yay!

[kim42]

29 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Sure, if he scurries, he may just be in a hurry that day. Doesn’t mean he’s not open another time.

I’m curious about this closed culture—what country is this?

Every European or Scandinavian traveler I’ve known or read speaks of the generosity of the people, so I’m stumped to know whether it’s your culture that is cold, or whether that’s your personal perception through your lens of shyness?

I live in a large complex with hundreds of units, and I’ve never met a neighbor who wasn’t happy, at some point, to share greetings and chats about their experiences, past or present, with work, pets, kids, travel, commutes, shopping, weather, moving, jobs or life in general. These topics are pretty universal, so I’m sure you’ll have no trouble drawing out some conversation with the new guy.

Yay!

I don't want to say in which country I live because I want to keep some privacy but yes, it's just how people interact over here in general, there are some exceptions of course. It doesn't surprise me that much to be honest because it's similar to Eastern Europe where I grew up.

[catfeeder]

24 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I don't want to say in which country I live because I want to keep some privacy but yes, it's just how people interact over here in general, there are some exceptions of course. It doesn't surprise me that much to be honest because it's similar to Eastern Europe where I grew up.

Oh, dear, this is funny. It's a country so small, there might be someone who will recognize you... "Hay, that's Kim from down the street! I always thought she was a bit too friendly...." 🙂

[mylolita]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

What if he drops her?? Or just stands there and lets her fall?

😉

It’s the test of true love - haven’t you seen the Disney film Hercules?! 🤣

 

x