Should I give a woman my number in public if there's an indication of interest?

[psycho magnet]

So before getting to the meat of my question I wanted to give a couple of examples from my life. When I was much younger I would sometimes be studying at a coffee shop and I'd see a woman I was attracted to near me. The rare times I had the guts to say something to her it generally didn't go well. I think one time I asked for her number after an awkward conversation and she gave me a fake number. 

Another time (slightly different context) I was hanging out at a bar with a couple friends and one of their friends came to hang with us. I was attracted to her immediately. Feeling particularly confident for some reason I asked if I could talk to her outside literally within a few minutes of meeting her. She said yes and I told her directly I thought she was hot and would like to see her again sometime. She said she wanted to also and immediately gave me her (real) number. Didn't end up working out but we did date for a few months. 

My question is really about being direct and how direct it is appropriate to be without making a woman feel uncomfortable, which is the last thing I want to do. Rather than trying to talk to a woman in public and work towards asking her for her number, I've been considering lately just giving her my number on a piece of paper. BUT, only if there is some indication of interest. 

I had a couple of recent experiences where I didn't do anything but wonder if I could/should have. In one case I was shopping and there was a woman shopping by herself. She smiled at me as we were on the same aisle together, which of course could just be politeness. But then we happened to walk out of the store together into the parking lot and she turned to me and smiled again, bigger this time. Again could totally be coincidence, but there's a chance it wasn't (so you're telling me there's a chance...). What if I had walked up to her and said, "Hey sorry to bother you but I think you're hot, text me if you're interested," then handed her the paper with my number and walked away? 

My logic is that if she's not interested she can just throw it away. And this cuts down the awkwardness of a bad conversation like the aforementioned one in the coffee shop. But it's also direct and shows confidence. 

Of course I'm only talking about cases in which there is some potential indication of interest, and it's gotta be an informal context - not like a barista who is paid to be friendly. In other cases I've been eating my lunch at the park and exchanged a couple of words with a woman on another bench. Not a conversation but something simple like, "Wow what a nice day to be at the park." 

What about giving a woman my number in cases like these? That's my question. And for any of you heterosexual women who might respond, what would you think if a guy did that to you?

I should add one more thing. I'm a tall, decent looking guy (or so I've been told). And I generally do not have a creepy or intimidating demeanor. I know this stuff shouldn't matter but it does.

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, psycho magnet said:

 What if I had walked up to her and said, "Hey sorry to bother you but I think you're hot, text me if you're interested," then handed her the paper with my number and walked away? Not a conversation but something simple like, "Wow what a nice day to be at the park." 

The small talk approach is a bit better than "you're hot, here's my number".  Try to strike up a normal conversation first. It seems you're trying to pick up random women? Since there's so much information connected to someone's phone these days, many women don't want to hand them out to strangers. 

[Batya33]

I would think most women would be turned off and or creeped out by a stranger cold approaching them with "I think you're hot" - women would appreciate that likely would be looking for male validation about their sex appeal/bodies and/or be looking for a hook up and be happy to hear that sort of comment.

I think it's fine to ask for a woman's number -with small talk - and also for a reason "may I please have your number so we can continue this conversation and hopefully meet again?"

In the early 1950s my dad met my mom at a party.  He wanted to see her again (all told my father was hot! -and my mom was so pretty -they were teenagers).  He instead said "what is your father's last name" -my mom told him.  Then he looked up every one of that last name in the phone book and fortunately he deduced which one was she.  The rest is history.  Imagine if he'd left the party with no information.  And yes from what my mom said they had a nice conversation and it's possible he walked her home or something.  

[lostandhurt]

The cold walk up is not easy these days in a non party/club/bar type scene because the women are not out looking to meet someone, they are just out and about with their noses in their phones.  It doesn't mean you shouldn't chat a woman up and see if she is responsive.  I do it all the time and if nothing else I have a nice talk with a woman.

 "It was so nice talking with you, here is my number if you would like to get a coffee and chat some more"

You have to have formed some connection and seen signs she is at least somewhat interested in you though.  If you have a real business card with your cell on it is the best. It shows you have a job and are willing to expose some of your information to her.  

Lost

 

[Starlight925]

1 hour ago, psycho magnet said:

 I was shopping and there was a woman shopping by herself. She smiled at me as we were on the same aisle together, which of course could just be politeness. But then we happened to walk out of the store together into the parking lot and she turned to me and smiled again, bigger this time. Again could totally be coincidence, but there's a chance it wasn't (so you're telling me there's a chance...). What if I had walked up to her and said, "Hey sorry to bother you but I think you're hot, text me if you're interested," then handed her the paper with my number and walked away? 

No, no, no.  Times a million.

Strike up a conversation.  Ask her if she's enjoying the great weather, ask if she's planning to cook since she just went shopping, comment on something you purchased.  See if she bites into the conversation.

Then, ask if you can continue the conversation, and give her your contact info.  Tell her you'll respect her not wanting to give out her info, but if she'd like, you'd love to have it, and then call/text her later that day. 

[ShySoul]

From a male perspective, if a woman I didn't know or had barely talked to said I was hot and asked for my number I would feel strange and uneasy. I know nothing about this person and all she really knows about me is that she likes the way I look. I would have to politely turn that down. I imagine it would be even worse for a woman as they probably already have to deal with issues of being objectified or valued for their appearance. It's always better to focus on the actual person and find a mutual interest or hobby that can be used to springboard into a further conversation.

Also realize that if you are taking the approach of asking women in public, you are going to be met with a lot of different reactions. These women are generally just going about their day and are not in the mindset of meeting someone. You may run across someone who is open to a conversation or talking to you again. Probably more just want to get done with whatever they were doing and aren't interesting in getting distracted by a random guy that happens to be next to them. So you'll probably get far more no's then you will yes.

Rather then being concerned with getting random woman's phone numbers, maybe try an activity where you can just meet people in general? Find an activity you enjoy and join a group for it. There will probably be women there you can talk to and get to know naturally. And should there be a connection with someone there, you already have a much more natural bridge into seeing if it might lead to more. 

[Capricorn3]

5 hours ago, psycho magnet said:

 What if I had walked up to her and said, "Hey sorry to bother you but I think you're hot, text me if you're interested," then handed her the paper with my number and walked away? 

And for any of you heterosexual women who might respond, what would you think if a guy did that to you?

I would run a mile. I would not be impressed.  The very fact that you would used words like "I think you're hot" would indicate to me that all you're after is getting laid (imo).  Coming from a total stranger?  No. No. No.

[Kwothe28]

Yeah, "I think you are hot" is way too forward. Introducing yourself and asking for a number so you would get to know her further is OK. But "I think you are hot" line maybe would just work on somebody who really, really also likes you physically. All others would just be weirded out by the line. 

I am not against you asking even complete strangers for a number. Just dont think your approach is the best way to do it. 

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, psycho magnet said:

What if I had walked up to her and said, "Hey sorry to bother you but I think you're hot, text me if you're interested," then handed her the paper with my number and walked away?

No - I have had this happen to me, and it creeped me right out each time. 

Don't do this. Lead with something more neutral, like a simple introduction of yourself. Leave your number if you wish, yes.  It is very unlikely a woman is going to hand over her real number to some random man approaching her out of nowhere. 

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, ShySoul said:

From a male perspective, if a woman I didn't know or had barely talked to said I was hot and asked for my number I would feel strange and uneasy. I know nothing about this person and all she really knows about me is that she likes the way I look. I would have to politely turn that down. I imagine it would be even worse for a woman as they probably already have to deal with issues of being objectified or valued for their appearance. It's always better to focus on the actual person and find a mutual interest or hobby that can be used to springboard into a further conversation.

Also realize that if you are taking the approach of asking women in public, you are going to be met with a lot of different reactions. These women are generally just going about their day and are not in the mindset of meeting someone. You may run across someone who is open to a conversation or talking to you again. Probably more just want to get done with whatever they were doing and aren't interesting in getting distracted by a random guy that happens to be next to them. So you'll probably get far more no's then you will yes.

Rather then being concerned with getting random woman's phone numbers, maybe try an activity where you can just meet people in general? Find an activity you enjoy and join a group for it. There will probably be women there you can talk to and get to know naturally. And should there be a connection with someone there, you already have a much more natural bridge into seeing if it might lead to more. 

Alllll of this.  And yes I'd be creeped out/feel objectified if a stranger said that to me.  And in a shared activity you won't tell a woman she is hot - because hopefully you'll know a wee bit more about her from the activity and then it's natural (like to Lost's point about bars) to ask for a number.  

[Lambert]

I don't like the you're hot comment either. 

It is too aggressive, sounds insincere and gives the woman on the receiving end nothing to say.

If you want to approach women in public, you're strategies need to be more in the moment than canned comments. 

For example if you want to say something in the grocery store, strike up a convo by asking for advice on what you're buying.  like- excuse me, do know if this ice cream is keto? lol

Do not approach people in parking lots. That is scary as hell for women. 

Recognize the difference between a male experience and a female experience in this world. Women are more guarded, more likely to think this person is out to harm me, be afraid and flee. 

[Coily]

Since everyone is hung up on the "you're hot" I'm going to skip the heck out of that very minor flaw in this conversation.

Along with refining your approach in striking up a conversation dependent on where you are, i would build on Lost's proposal of the business card. Which is the old fashioned calling card, it's very simple, has your name, phone number, and/or some social media (if that's what you're into). It's a touch of class without exposing your information too much.

The calling card also gives you an opening to ask for her number.

[reinventmyself]

I would wonder how many times you've used this line on other women.  A perfect case in point here, you've done it a few times.

Add in the state of times, women are on alert for all sorts of unsafe situations.  Differing degrees of inappropriateness sometimes on a routine basis.  The other day I had some man grinning at me while on the freeway and then proceeded to pace and follow me.  It made me feel so unsafe I darted over 2 lanes at the last second to exit the freeway.  

A cold approach, "you're hot" and then his phone number would be tossed away.  You can be the nicest guy in the world, but this approach is off putting.

Try activities, clubs, events, online dating where you have the chance to at least engage in some minimum interaction before you go in for move.  A woman would need to get a sense of who you are first before agreeing to any sort of future interaction.

[lostandhurt]

If you are brave enough to do the cold walk up you are more than half way there to having some success but as you have read from the ladies here it is all how you go about it.

 Telling a 20 yr old she is hot is way different than telling a woman she is hot.  If you want to compliment them do it after you have spoken a few minutes.  I will give you a little secret here.  Learn a little about fashion.  If you tell a woman she looks great in that dress or outfit it will go way farther than a blanket "you are gorgeous or whatever.  Don't overdo the compliments though, keep it simple.  If you talk to much about her clothes/shoes she may think you are gay, not that straight guys can't like fashion but it is a stereotype.

  Practice is key.  Talk to all the women you encounter throughout your day. Not just the pretty ones or your age group, all of the women.  Be nice, be talkative.  Ask the clerk or woman behind the counter how her day is going, mention how busy the place is and how well she handles it all.  This will smooth out your conversations with women you are romantically interested in.  

 Talk to them all like they matter and are not just a pretty face and a hot body, if you do that they will notice.

 Lost

[smackie9]

I agree you need to be the man and take the lead...small talk, show interest, if she is receptive and smiling, ask her for her number or exchange numbers. I would get turned off if a man just handed over his number and told me to contact him. 

[mylolita]

Hey OP!

 

I have only read your first post/question! 
 

I think the difference between your two examples and their outcomes were one thing and one thing alone! CONFIDENCE! You said the second time you felt confident for some strange reason? Maybe had your mojo that night?! 
 

The art of making someone else feel comfortable is being comfortable with yourself, then you are comfortable with the situation and able to bounce off and improvise, confidently, however it may go. Also, if you feel confident and assured, you know however it goes, you’ll have fun and if she says no which, she probably won’t (🤣😉) then, her loss and your gain at a nice chat and some social butterfly practise! 
 

Confidence doesn’t mean arrogance or being really loud or pushy! It is a solid belief in yourself! That you can do anything you set your mind to, get anything your heart desires and that no one is too good for you - that they are having the pleasure of talking to you! And not the other way round! 
 

Sometimes as a guy, you just have to give yourself a mental shake and do these things. The more you do it as well; the easier it gets (I’m saying this, I imagine it does, I’m a girl!) but like anything - hard and scary at first and then, the more you do it, the shine wears off and the newness and you start to see the same behaviours and responses, can gauge and read women better… it’s a skill, really. Social skills are very real, and most of them are honed with experience. The more social situations you can put yourself in, the better and more confident you will be at dealing with them! 
 

It’s not easy! Keep going! 
 

x

[mylolita]

Oh! OP! 
 

Just a thought to add - some women are reluctant to give out their real phone number to a stranger. Instead, ask them for their Facebook or instagram maybe? 
 

Ask if you can add them once you have gotten their name in conversation. 
 

It sounds weird, but my husband did this to me when he chatted me up! Instead of asking for my number, he said (it was back in 2008!) “can I have your Facebook?” 
 

This was after some flirting and taking by the way! Not straight off the bat! But I remember we’ve talked about the night we met so much and his reasoning for this was, “I didn’t think you would give me your mobile, so I thought the Facebook was less personal and you were more likely to give me it!” Ha! 
 

I’m not saying this is iron clad but, just wanted to add! Ignore this if it seems not your style! 
 

x

[yogacat]

I prefer when a man gives me his number because:

1. It shows confidence. This man is not afraid of putting himself out there, which is attractive.

2. It allows me to make the first move. As women, some of us are shy or unsure of how directly to approach a man, so this gesture is very helpful. It shows that the man is open and interested, but also gives me the control to either reach out or not.

3. It avoids the potential awkwardness of a rejection. If I am not interested, I can just throw the number away or not reach out. It's a lot less pressure and uncomfortable than rejecting someone directly.

When you give her your telephone number it puts the ball in her court to decide whether or not to pursue something with you. Just make sure to do it in a respectful and non-creepy way, and only if there is some indication of interest on her part.

But ultimately, the worst she can do is not contact you, so I say go for it!

[LootieTootie]

22 hours ago, psycho magnet said:

What if I had walked up to her and said, "Hey sorry to bother you but I think you're hot, text me if you're interested," then handed her the paper with my number and walked away? 

🏃‍♀️ that would be me!

[ShySoul]

Can't believe I forgot this, but I actually did have a random girl compliment me like that. I was waiting at a light to cross the street when a car full of girls stopped at the light. One yelled at me out of the window that I was hot. I ony had a choice to look at them confused before they drove off with the other girls in the car laughing and teasing the one who spoke. I'm still not sure if I should be flattered or it was some kind of joke or dare. So yes, I can say from experience that a stranger saying I am hot is not a fantasy scenario. And if you do say that to someone, make sure to actually have a conversation rather then a hit and run. 😉

I think the ladies are pretty clear in their views - engage in conversation, really pay attention to them as people, and leave the word "hot" to describing the weather.

[Cherylyn]

It would be too creepy to be forward.  Strike up a conversation and allow the conversation to possibly or eventually lead to any phone number exchanges.  Build trust and allow the woman to use her intuition otherwise you're perceived as weird and scary. 🙄 🫢 🥺

[catfeeder]

I don't mind being complimented by a stranger, but, 'hot,' comes off too strong, like you're implying I'm a sex worker and you're trying to hookup. So I'd avoid that term. 

[rainbowsandroses]

17 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

🏃‍♀️ that would be me!

That's too funny, and I hear ya!

And @psycho magnet, lol at your user name and very sorry to hear that!  😅 

Anyway, my advice and what I like?   Take advantage of opportunities to talk to a woman, it should seem natural not forced. 

Like at a coffee shop or waiting on line at the market or waiting for the train.  Be cool, natural, not like you're a dog in heat. 

If you're getting on well and she appears open to your approach, tell her you'd like to take her out sometime and ask for her number.

Stay away from compliments, "wow you're HOT!" especially.  Save compliments for if/when you start dating. 

They sound phony and contrived imo, like it's something you think you "should" do and say. 

$.02

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

42 minutes ago, Divorced_w_3 said:

You should go read Mode One by Allan Roger Currie if you enjoy being direct. Frankly I think it’s the absolutely best approach out there. It’s fair to both involved.

I think my new boyfriend 'Mode One'd' me!

We were in an elevator so he didn't have much time and said as he was leaving  "HH tonight at Xx, stop by I'll buy you a drink."  

Second date (morning of) "you ready?" I responded "I will be at noon," he replied "good see you soon." 

Direct, no nonsense, to the point. He's still that way!   It's just his natural self, which is the best way and a woman can tell, at least I can. 

Works for me! 😍

 

 

[Superstickyone]

If a guy gave me his number.i would throw it out.  This puts the onus on me when it should be the man who follows up.  Anyway saying you are hot is a  "player" vibe and I would walk right past you.  It means you are looking to get laid, not actually get to know the woman.

IOI might happen with eye contact in a bar or coffee house.  But stopping women while they are shopping or just walking down the street is just plain creepy!