What am i doing wrong?

[kevon]

hi there, not sure how to write this up...

iam a nerd usually staying in the basement until i finished studying at a university and moving out of my parents basement. now i live by myself and i realized i would love to have a gf. intimacy. someone to cuddle. unfortunately at the end of my studies all "asking out a girl" never went into fruition. usually i got wrong numbers from women or they never showed up at a date or they cancelled the date last minute. i had 3 dates in the last 5 years. nothing more than "you are a nice guy but..." no kiss, no 2nd chance. nothing. i feel thirsty for acknowledgement and nearness.

my friends from school and uni are all married and declined to help or go out with me to search for a potential partner. iam now 35 and i think i have lost all hope.

never did a woman approach me. the moment, i would love to step up and ask a woman out, i feel like "cmon i have  1000s of rejections" and i cant bear to go through another one.

i go to the gym 3xtimes a week, i went for vacation to a few countries the last 2 years after covid, i had talked to women and they find me funny, but never attractive enough to be interested in me romantically.

isnt this frustrating? somehow iam already in therapy because of depression and suicidal thoughts. i cant stand to get rejections anymore...

how are you guys dealing with this?

[Batya33]

I'm glad you are in therapy for your mental health struggles and I am sorry you are struggling.

I had to be proactive about dating to find a husband -the only reason I dated after around age 20.  I was ridiculously busy with my work and studies and life responsibilities and - when I could do so I moved out of my parents' house 9 miles away to a city teeming with singles.  I attended many singles events, parties, professional networking events. events at my place of worship.  I went to a gym, I volunteered in my city regularly. Later on I joined a book club -all women but women who knew men to introduce me to. I took some swing dancing classes. 

  I asked friends to set me up and I set them up.  I did ask out some men but when I was dating asking out a man -as opposed to showing interest in other ways- was not an effective way to find a marriageable guy.  And I didn't want to waste time.  

Be in as many environments as possible where "approach" isn't forward -approach is part of the activity - where people typically gather to mingle, socialize, talk.  Then there's no approach in any agressive sense -it's expected and natural.  I routinely went over to men and introduced myself, started up conversations and asked men to dance.  

I also was on dating sites and answered personal ads.  I met over 100 men in person.

I met my husband originally because I approached him first and nothing to do with any romantic interest. It was my 42nd day of work  give or take and his first.  30 years ago.  I walked across a crowded room to greet the shy newbie who had not been a summer intern at the same time as most of the other newbies so he didn't know anyone.  I knew from the bios they sent around that he was my age and grew up near to where I did.  He never would have approached me given how shy he was back then and we didn't work in the same department at the huge company.

We didn't marry till many years later but that is how we met.  But if I'd skipped the welcome breakfast and stayed in my office -no meeting.  Right?  So you have to get out there.  And develop a thick skin.  Dating is hard and there are no guarantees.  But especially if you want a partner - so totally worth it IMO.  

 

 

[smackie9]

It's your vibe. If you are not a happy well rounded person with interests and friends....They feel your sadness/awkwardness/lack of confidence. Therapy is good....get your mind set adjusted. Make new friends, possible through work. The more you say hi and engage in getting to know people, your life and personality will grow. The more you put yourself into social situations, the easier it will get.

[yogacat]

My cousin is a doctor and he was socially awkward with women. Has a ton of friends, handsome, into running, highly intelligent, cultured, but only just got his first serious girlfriend at age 40. It's a combination of hard work and luck, you sound like you're working hard. Maybe just need to get lucky. Passion can be attractive.

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with finding a romantic partner. 

One thing to remember is that there are many factors that go into finding a romantic connection with someone, and not all of them are within our control. Sometimes, it's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time, or meeting the right person who is ready for a relationship. 

If you feel like therapy is helping you cope with the depression and suicidal thoughts, I would encourage you to continue with it. 

[graphicdesigner]

57 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's your vibe. If you are not a happy well rounded person with interests and friends....They feel your sadness/awkwardness/lack of confidence. Therapy is good....get your mind set adjusted. Make new friends, possible through work. The more you say hi and engage in getting to know people, your life and personality will grow. The more you put yourself into social situations, the easier it will get.

It's funny because I have a friend who is JUST like this. I don't even talk to him anymore because he is so damn depressing. All he talks about is how he doesn't have a girlfriend, or never got married or had kids. He's 49, unemployed and still living with his father in the house he grew up in. I keep telling him to get a job, and then he'd meet people—friends and/or someone to date. He doesn't have hobbies other than play a few video games, he think he's going to become a 3D artist—with no degree or portfolio—so he's relying on his "talent" to get him a job. He's delusional. He's an OK looking man, but he needs to take care of himself more. Every time I would see him, he smells. He's very dirty looking and doesn't seem to have good hygiene. 

You need to go out and maybe find a hobby or two, and meet people that way. Do you have any friends at all that you could spend some time with? Have you tried joining dating sites?

[yogacat]

2 minutes ago, graphicdesigner said:

It's funny because I have a friend who is JUST like this. I don't even talk to him anymore because he is so damn depressing. All he talks about is how he doesn't have a girlfriend, or never got married or had kids. He's 49, unemployed and still living with his father in the house he grew up in. I keep telling him to get a job, and then he'd meet people—friends and/or someone to date. He doesn't have hobbies other than play a few video games, he think he's going to become a 3D artist—with no degree or portfolio—so he's relying on his "talent" to get him a job. He's delusional. He's an OK looking man, but he needs to take care of himself more. Every time I would see him, he smells. He's very dirty looking and doesn't seem to have good hygiene. 

You need to go out and maybe find a hobby or two, and meet people that way. Do you have any friends at all that you could spend some time with? Have you tried joining dating sites?

Right.

It's disheartening to hear you lament about being trapped in a FWB situation.

Some people struggle more than others.

[graphicdesigner]

9 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Right.

It's disheartening to hear you lament about being trapped in a FWB situation.

Some people struggle more than others.

Why bring my FWB situation into a totally different thread that's irrelevant? 😐

[Andrina]

I wouldn't attempt to date until the therapy brings you to a better mental state. And then when that happens, I'd try a process where you're gradually getting to know women at events where many of the same people meet up regularly, like in Meetup.com groups. Look to see what's available in your area. There are some geared to anyone who enjoys a particular hobby/interest/activity, and some specifically for singles within an age range, usually a 15 year span.

That might be a good change for you versus cold hits, or the higher stress of OLD.

If you volunteer at a zoo, museum, environmental cleanups, etc., you never know if you might click with another volunteer or a visitor who enjoys your personality and passion for whatever you're volunteering at.

Take care.

[kevon]

9 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'm glad you are in therapy for your mental health struggles and I am sorry you are struggling.

I had to be proactive about dating to find a husband -the only reason I dated after around age 20.  I was ridiculously busy with my work and studies and life responsibilities and - when I could do so I moved out of my parents' house 9 miles away to a city teeming with singles.  I attended many singles events, parties, professional networking events. events at my place of worship.  I went to a gym, I volunteered in my city regularly. Later on I joined a book club -all women but women who knew men to introduce me to. I took some swing dancing classes. 

  I asked friends to set me up and I set them up.  I did ask out some men but when I was dating asking out a man -as opposed to showing interest in other ways- was not an effective way to find a marriageable guy.  And I didn't want to waste time.  

Be in as many environments as possible where "approach" isn't forward -approach is part of the activity - where people typically gather to mingle, socialize, talk.  Then there's no approach in any agressive sense -it's expected and natural.  I routinely went over to men and introduced myself, started up conversations and asked men to dance.  

I also was on dating sites and answered personal ads.  I met over 100 men in person.

I met my husband originally because I approached him first and nothing to do with any romantic interest. It was my 42nd day of work  give or take and his first.  30 years ago.  I walked across a crowded room to greet the shy newbie who had not been a summer intern at the same time as most of the other newbies so he didn't know anyone.  I knew from the bios they sent around that he was my age and grew up near to where I did.  He never would have approached me given how shy he was back then and we didn't work in the same department at the huge company.

We didn't marry till many years later but that is how we met.  But if I'd skipped the welcome breakfast and stayed in my office -no meeting.  Right?  So you have to get out there.  And develop a thick skin.  Dating is hard and there are no guarantees.  But especially if you want a partner - so totally worth it IMO.  

 

 

first of all: thank you very much for this big answer.

yes, that is also my approach, being as present and being in everything trying to be seen as much as possible, even tough i know i might dislike it.

so far, i had no luck with this.

[kevon]

7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

It's your vibe. If you are not a happy well rounded person with interests and friends....They feel your sadness/awkwardness/lack of confidence. Therapy is good....get your mind set adjusted. Make new friends, possible through work. The more you say hi and engage in getting to know people, your life and personality will grow. The more you put yourself into social situations, the easier it will get.

yes, it went awkward in work, where i tried to approach newbies and one line manager said to me, since everyone is married/divorced/significantly older than me in a bad way. he told me, please keep it professional and let the newbies alone. another line manager already approached him and told, that iam too friendly and the female coworkers disliked me asking if they want coffee or getting into small talk with me. since then i stopped doing so at work.

[kevon]

6 hours ago, graphicdesigner said:

It's funny because I have a friend who is JUST like this. I don't even talk to him anymore because he is so damn depressing. All he talks about is how he doesn't have a girlfriend, or never got married or had kids. He's 49, unemployed and still living with his father in the house he grew up in. I keep telling him to get a job, and then he'd meet people—friends and/or someone to date. He doesn't have hobbies other than play a few video games, he think he's going to become a 3D artist—with no degree or portfolio—so he's relying on his "talent" to get him a job. He's delusional. He's an OK looking man, but he needs to take care of himself more. Every time I would see him, he smells. He's very dirty looking and doesn't seem to have good hygiene. 

You need to go out and maybe find a hobby or two, and meet people that way. Do you have any friends at all that you could spend some time with? Have you tried joining dating sites?

i stopped hanging out with friends, who are black-pilled or delusional just to keep myself sane.

i always cared about hygiene and i would not leave the house with at least putting on some deoderant.

i know it is hard work, but thinking that my nerd friends got their girlfriends in school and uni while iam not 35 and not even have grasped anything closely to a romantic relationship is just soulcrushing.

[kevon]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

I wouldn't attempt to date until the therapy brings you to a better mental state. And then when that happens, I'd try a process where you're gradually getting to know women at events where many of the same people meet up regularly, like in Meetup.com groups. Look to see what's available in your area. There are some geared to anyone who enjoys a particular hobby/interest/activity, and some specifically for singles within an age range, usually a 15 year span.

That might be a good change for you versus cold hits, or the higher stress of OLD.

If you volunteer at a zoo, museum, environmental cleanups, etc., you never know if you might click with another volunteer or a visitor who enjoys your personality and passion for whatever you're volunteering at.

Take care.

i did this for a time span of 3 years. just tried to get casually into talking but nothing stuck. usually the female volunteers gave me wrong/faulty numbers or never answered my texts.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

wouldn't attempt to date until the therapy brings you to a better mental state. And then when that happens, I'd try a process where you're gradually getting to know women at events where many of the same people meet up regularly, like in Meetup.com groups.

You are right and I revise my response above.

[kevon]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You are right and I revise my response above.

i am in therapy for the last 2 years, because dating and the severe cancelling of anything near a date wore me out. atm i dont feel like comfortable anymore. i feel degenerating, i dont feel happy as i was a kid playing videogames in my basement or studying back then in uni.

the dating and being an adult is making me sore and i dont know how to solve this. due to therapy iam more outside and iam working out at a gym, but so many "advices" have not brought me anywhere, which is why iam becoming more and more desperate. my friends dislike me for being single and telling me enjoying my life in freedom. female friends tell me, that iam no marriable but a funny guy, which i see more as an insult... somehow iam at a dead end, which is why iam suicidal and depressed. going to the gym and seeing fit women who sometimes smile back, but i have also talked to them. they simply politely decline my smalltalk and tell me, they are simply happy, that others acknowledge their workout.

i dont know, maybe it is what someone said... my vibe is simply off.

i heard from another friend, that indian guys are gullible and no potential dating partners. might this be true? is this something women or people in general think? i would not date an indian since iam adopted and i dont have much in common with them.

[ShySoul]

Fellow geek here who gets where you are coming from. I've always preferred staying in. Stayed at home for college to save costs, but at the cost of social life. Had no one interested in me until I was 22 and it's been rare since. At 41 I'm still waiting for the one and dream every day of having that connection and closness. So you're not alone in your feelings. 

2 hours ago, kevon said:

but so many "advices" have not brought me anywhere, which is why iam becoming more and more desperate.

People advise what they know. They advise based on their experiences and their feelings, what has worked for them. Problem is, you are not them. What is good for someone else, might not be good for you. 

I struggled with the same thoughts. I looked to others and wondered what they were doing right and I was doing wrong. I wondered what they had that I didn't. I blamed myself. All that did was feed my depression. That dragged me down. At times I felt bitter and resentful. And it sabotaged any hope that I had. No one was going to like me if I carried a chip on my shoulder all the time. 

So I decided to ignore everyone else and look within. I stopped looking to others to tell or show me what I should be doing. I focused less on what was missing in my life and what I was lacking, and more on all the natural strengths and good qualities I possessed. I highlighted the postives. That and the kind words of a remarkable women pointed me in the right direction. I promised myself to do things my way, basically the opposite of what most people said I needed to do. 

You know what happened? Within a couple months a woman was telling me she liked me. Women were making the first move and flirting with me. Yes, it's never been able to reach the forever status, but that's been timing and circumstances beyond my control. It's been more then if I had kept feeling desperate and defeated.

You don't need to follow others advice. You don't need to do anything to get a relationship. You need to focus on you. You need to work on healing within your own soul. Love yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Find joy and happiness in your own life, doing what you love. The relationship will come when the time is right and probably sooner then you think. But it won't come until you are fully able to embrace and be happy as just you. 

[ShySoul]

3 hours ago, kevon said:

i am in therapy for the last 2 years, because dating and the severe cancelling of anything near a date wore me out. atm i dont feel like comfortable anymore. i feel degenerating, i dont feel happy as i was a kid playing videogames in my basement or studying back then in uni.

the dating and being an adult is making me sore and i dont know how to solve this

When you are in the gym and a part of your body is sore, do you constantly continue to work on it? Does pushing yourself harder to exercise that one area help it or hurt it? Isn't it better to go easier on that part and focus on a different part of your body? 

If dating and focusing on relationships is making you sore, maybe it's time to put less pressure on that part of your life. If asking people our, fearing rejection, and being cancelled on is only serving to make you more depressed, why do it? Dating is suppose to be fun. When it's not fun, it's not worth the effort. It's doing more harm then good for you. 

Have fun. Find that thing that makes you happy. If you enjoyed studying, find something you're curious about and start studying up on it, for fun. If you like videogames, there is a vast world of gaming out there and plenty of online groups to talk to and play with. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. Do what makes you happy.

Oh, and my brother found his wife playing videogames online. Anything is possible.

[kevon]

On 5/27/2024 at 4:12 AM, ShySoul said:

Fellow geek here who gets where you are coming from. I've always preferred staying in. Stayed at home for college to save costs, but at the cost of social life. Had no one interested in me until I was 22 and it's been rare since. At 41 I'm still waiting for the one and dream every day of having that connection and closness. So you're not alone in your feelings. 

People advise what they know. They advise based on their experiences and their feelings, what has worked for them. Problem is, you are not them. What is good for someone else, might not be good for you. 

I struggled with the same thoughts. I looked to others and wondered what they were doing right and I was doing wrong. I wondered what they had that I didn't. I blamed myself. All that did was feed my depression. That dragged me down. At times I felt bitter and resentful. And it sabotaged any hope that I had. No one was going to like me if I carried a chip on my shoulder all the time. 

So I decided to ignore everyone else and look within. I stopped looking to others to tell or show me what I should be doing. I focused less on what was missing in my life and what I was lacking, and more on all the natural strengths and good qualities I possessed. I highlighted the postives. That and the kind words of a remarkable women pointed me in the right direction. I promised myself to do things my way, basically the opposite of what most people said I needed to do. 

You know what happened? Within a couple months a woman was telling me she liked me. Women were making the first move and flirting with me. Yes, it's never been able to reach the forever status, but that's been timing and circumstances beyond my control. It's been more then if I had kept feeling desperate and defeated.

You don't need to follow others advice. You don't need to do anything to get a relationship. You need to focus on you. You need to work on healing within your own soul. Love yourself and be comfortable with who you are. Find joy and happiness in your own life, doing what you love. The relationship will come when the time is right and probably sooner then you think. But it won't come until you are fully able to embrace and be happy as just you. 

thank you very much for your answer. if i stopped caring, i think i would stop clinging to life. iam sore of living. through therapy i realized i was abused as a child and there are so many more things just unearthing. i dont think it is worth continuing this suffering at this moment. i think this is the nature of life, survival of the fittest. if people or women despise and ignore you, there must be severely wrong with you, iam 35 and iam not sure, if fixing is even possible. if friends stopped caring or helping, i feel like i overstepped my time on this planet and feel absolutely devastated and worthless.

[kevon]

On 5/27/2024 at 4:24 AM, ShySoul said:

When you are in the gym and a part of your body is sore, do you constantly continue to work on it? Does pushing yourself harder to exercise that one area help it or hurt it? Isn't it better to go easier on that part and focus on a different part of your body? 

If dating and focusing on relationships is making you sore, maybe it's time to put less pressure on that part of your life. If asking people our, fearing rejection, and being cancelled on is only serving to make you more depressed, why do it? Dating is suppose to be fun. When it's not fun, it's not worth the effort. It's doing more harm then good for you. 

Have fun. Find that thing that makes you happy. If you enjoyed studying, find something you're curious about and start studying up on it, for fun. If you like videogames, there is a vast world of gaming out there and plenty of online groups to talk to and play with. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. Do what makes you happy.

Oh, and my brother found his wife playing videogames online. Anything is possible.

thank you for the answer.

true. but i have the feeling, if i dont engage with the outside world, i would only hang out online or inside the flat. atm i dont have much, which is fun and engaging. there are severe depressed episodes of mine, which is why iam just glad i have enough money just to support myself. work, gym, sleep, nothing else. i sometimes get excited about a woman only to get rejected and the depression cycle begins again.

never did someone approach me or gave me the feeling of being seen.

 

oh and about videogames... i only play offline, i sometimes discuss about videogames online in boards, but i dont engage in toxic online behaviour.

[TeeDee]

Kevon 

Please don't give up. 

I think you could use a moral boost.  Consider starting a gratitude journal.  Every morning wake up & write 3 things you are grateful for.  Write 3 more different ones at night.   Once a week read your journal. 

They don't have to be profound but they can be.  For example in winter my down comforter makes the list a lot.  🥶  Sometimes it's a beautiful sunset; other times that somebody gave me a compliment. 

I can start your list for you if you like: 

1.  You have a university education 

2.  Your parents let you live at home during uni

3.  You have a job 

You may want to consider the services of a real life matchmaker and/or dating coach.  I am not talking some PUA, reb/blue/black pill BS.  I am talking about a flesh & blood person who you can see & who can assess you in the flesh & give you tips, nothing through a screen or call.  

[ShySoul]

Please don't give up. As painful as life can be, there can be moments of happiness. I agree with TeeDee, focus on having gratitude for the bright spots. Make a list. They don't have to be huge, life altering things. Start small. Find anything that makes you smile. It can be a song that puts you in a good mood, a show that makes you laugh. It can be a peaceful walk or relaxing bubble bath. Point is to fill your mind with postive things that uplift you rather then drowning in your misery.

I'm sorry to hear you were abused. No one should ever have to put up with that. I don't know the details and won't pretend I understand what you are feeling. But I do understand two things. One, it wasn't your fault. You did not cause it to happen, it was the other person that choose to do so for whatever reason. And two, you survived. If the world is survival of the fittest, then that must be a sign of how fit you are. You didn't give up and roll over. You are still here fighting, no matter how tiring the fight is. I actually think those who undergo adversity, who find themselves struggling like you are, are the strongest people of all. Those who have it easy don't often appreciate all they have. But those who struggle for it, can appreciate it better. One day things will turn around and when it does you will know just how special it all is because of everything it took to get there.

9 hours ago, kevon said:

if people or women despise and ignore you, there must be severely wrong with you, iam 35 and iam not sure, if fixing is even possible. if friends stopped caring or helping, i feel like i overstepped my time on this planet and feel absolutely devastated and worthless.

I've had a couple people who I felt despised me. It wasn't me though. It was there jealousy of me and their own insecurities. That was backed by the fact that these people had problems with everyone around us. Meanwhile, no one had a bad thing to say about me. Likewise, I've had friends and family ignore me. Sometimes I feel as if I'm invisible in the world. But I do know that at least some of them care about me, even if they aren't always good about showing it.

One of the hardest things I've learned is that often things that happen to us have nothing to do with us. Often people become so focused on them that they don't realize the effect they might be having on someone else. People become busy with their own lives and struggles. They don't understand the issue because their mind cant wrap itself around what we are feeling or going through. They are just too tired to deal with it. But that's on them. It doesn't mean we are worthless or responsible. 

You can't control what others do. You can only control what you do. So focus on doing what makes you feel better.

[ShySoul]

10 hours ago, kevon said:

true. but i have the feeling, if i dont engage with the outside world, i would only hang out online or inside the flat. atm i dont have much, which is fun and engaging. there are severe depressed episodes of mine, which is why iam just glad i have enough money just to support myself. work, gym, sleep, nothing else. i sometimes get excited about a woman only to get rejected and the depression cycle begins again.

Go at your pace and do what you feel you have the energy for. If that means online and inside, that is fine. There was a time that's all I had the energy for. I still prefer to do that. Most days for me are work, solo activies at home, sleep. And that's also fine because I am enjoying that time alone. It's better for me then forcing myself into social situations that I don't have the energy to deal with. 

Do what you want. Don't feel pressured to do anything if you aren't up for it and don't do things because you feel you need to. Trying to force yourself into something because you fear how you would feel if you don't is likely to backfire and make you feel worse. So find one thing, no matter how small, that is fun and engaging. 

Oh, and I agree there can be a lot of toxic behavior online. But there are also a lot of really good people. You might have to be careful about where you go or who you are around, but I'm sure you could find some people into the same things you are.

[rainbowsandroses]

Hi @kevon and welcome!

I just had a chance to catch up with this thread and in addition to all the wonderful responses already given, I just wanted to say that there were times I felt exactly like you, I considered taking my own life even (which may be a shock to some here) but it's very very true.

Like you I was also abused (by my late mom whom I have since forgiven, more on that below).  I was never left to live in the basement but she did lock me in a small locker once for several hours after catching me reading a book she disapproved of.  And many other types of abuse.

I think it's great you are in therapy but one thing that has not been mentioned and that has helped me tremendously is considering joining a Church in your area.  I recently within the past few months joined a non-denominational Church not too far from where I live; I attend services every Sunday, I have met with the Pastor privately who is quite enlightened and as such has provided the support and guidance I was not able to get in therapy, although I am still in therapy as well.

There are also support groups and activities to participate in, no pressure to do so, it's up to you if you want to take advantage of those opportunities to meet people and stay active which is extremely important imo.

ANYWAY, what has happened to me after many many years of resenting my mom, wondering IF I ever even loved her, depression on and off over the years and other mental health issues, I have FORGIVEN my mom and doing so has literally changed my life!

I am not sure what happened exactly, some divine intervention or something although that sounds quite hokey, but I have truly forgiven my mom and found a deep love for her I never even thought existed until now!   Even though she's gone from the world we live in may she RIP.

I cannot tell you how powerful forgiveness and love is and I don't think I would have found this had I not found a wonderful Church and Pastor.

I highly encourage to at least consider this @kevon.  I cannot say you won't ever experience the dark demons and dark place you're in now but speaking from experience, it's turned my life around.  

I feel much more at PEACE, with myself and others and accepting of all the "lemons" life might throw my way.  

It will change the energy you project to others as well and you might find your new more positive attitude/energy will draw others towards you without you even having to try, or try so hard.

I will say a silent prayer and wish the same for you as well.

((Hugs))

 

[ShySoul]

Kevon, Rainbows gave you some great advice. I've also known people who have been helped through a Church community. Sometimes just having more understanding and supportive people around you in no pressure situations can be a great benefit.

In case you are of a non-religious nature though, I'd recommend just volunteering in general. Take the bad experiences you had and use it to motivate you to help others who are also struggling. That's helped me when I wanted to give up. I wanted to make sure no one had to feel the way I felt. Plus it reminds you that there are good people out there and things with living for.

[rainbowsandroses]

23 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

In case you are of a non-religious nature though, I'd recommend just volunteering in general.

I would not consider myself a "religious" person per se, I know this sounds cliche but I am more of a "spiritual" person, I believe in the power of the Universe, in energy, how every living thing is connected in some form or fashion, things like that.

That is why I joined a nondenominational Church, it is not specific to one particular religion it encompasses all, whatever are one's beliefs.  There is no judgment, only acceptance.

Anyway @kevon please check back in and let us know how you're doing!  And I hope these posts are serving to be of some inspiration and comfort to you.

[Sindy_0311]

18 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I have met with the Pastor privately who is quite enlightened and as such has provided the support and guidance I was not able to get in therapy

I also think sometimes therapy is not enough to really find a meaning in life or uplift yourself spiritually. I'm not a believer, I don't believe in god and don't go to church. I have been through therapy for many years and took a break because I needed to find something else to help me. Among other things, it is philosophy that helped me in the last month. I've read books, listened to podcast, joined online communities. Specifically I recommend Stoicism which can help you develop specific virtues and gives some practical keys to live accordingly to them... 

Hope you will be fine...