Dating a single mom

[Anthony81J]

Ok, I’m kinda trying to figure this out.

I’m 42 year old male, no kids ever I’m childfree 6’5”

She is 32 years old 5’1” and one daughter of 5 y/o

 

we hit it off instantly, fireworks.

we are seeing eachother weekly as schedule and life allows dating. 
 

we been to each-others place I slept with her at hers.

I have not met the child.

married 12 years, recently separated 

dating 5 months after and found me, she initiated the online dating.

hard working nurse with her own condo 

great parent support system 

I just feel that after a marriage that long 5 months is a little quick to enter into a relationship but I just don’t know.

I looked at it a many angles but she’s got her life in order more that I do TBH.

anyone care to share some advice? After meeting her I threw my rule of not seeking dating single mothers out the window, this one really blew my socks off. 

[Capricorn3]

1 hour ago, Anthony81J said:

married 12 years, recently separated 

I just feel that after a marriage that long 5 months is a little quick to enter into a relationship but I just don’t know.

^ I would agree with the above.  Just recently separated (means still married).  This just screams rebound (imo).  I would tread with caution - this could lead to you getting hurt down the track.

[shouldhavelearned]

Tread lightly

Enjoy it while you can

What do you know about the reason of relationship ending?

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Anthony81J said:

’m 42 year old male, no kids ever I’m childfree 6’5”

She is 32 years old 5’1” and one daughter of 5 y/o

Curious what your heights have anything to do with this. 

4 hours ago, Anthony81J said:

married 12 years, recently separated 

dating 5 months after

I think you are right to be concerned. It's unlikely she'll be ready for a real relationship for a quite a while, especially given that there is a child in the picture. 

 

[boltnrun]

Has she filed for divorce? If not, why not? Does her husband know they're supposed to be "separated"? 

And why is she in such a hurry to replace her husband before she's even divorced? 

[itsallgrand]

Why do you have a rule to not date single mothers? Do the reasons apply here? 

I also agree with your caution over her recent separation. 

[Anthony81J]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Has she filed for divorce? If not, why not? Does her husband know they're supposed to be "separated"? 

And why is she in such a hurry to replace her husband before she's even divorced? 

Exactly, I am going to take it real slowly 

[Anthony81J]

6 hours ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Tread lightly

Enjoy it while you can

What do you know about the reason of relationship ending?

Her husband was not very good to her and she left cause she deserves better she said. Good for her standing up for herself. I am enjoy this but not sure why a new relationship So quickly after a seperation 🤷 

[Anthony81J]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Has she filed for divorce? If not, why not? Does her husband know they're supposed to be "separated"? 

And why is she in such a hurry to replace her husband before she's even divorced? 

Yes the divorce will be finalized next March, that is the question I’m trying to understand why a new relationship so soon after the separation.

[Anthony81J]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Curious what your heights have anything to do with this. 

I think you are right to be concerned. It's unlikely she'll be ready for a real relationship for a quite a while, especially given that there is a child in the picture. 

 

The height mismatch and the 10 year age gap are just things that drew us together. 
 

 

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, Anthony81J said:

The height mismatch and the 10 year age gap are just things that drew us together. 
 

Interesting. I personally think height is irrelevant here, but I digress. 

3 minutes ago, Anthony81J said:

he question I’m trying to understand why a new relationship so soon after the separation

Have you asked her? 

[Kwothe28]

9 hours ago, Anthony81J said:

I just feel that after a marriage that long 5 months is a little quick to enter into a relationship but I just don’t know.

 

Some people check out way before marriage officially ends. Ending is just the final nail in the coffin. Though yes, it does seem way too early to start something new.

What is her relationship with ex?Do they hear each other? Does he takes the kid?

From what I see you just started dating. Slow down your roll and dont rush that much.

[smackie9]

She's just thirsty/excited with the change/newness. IMO don't invest your feelings and just enjoy the ride. 

[boltnrun]

59 minutes ago, Anthony81J said:

Yes the divorce will be finalized next March, that is the question I’m trying to understand why a new relationship so soon after the separation.

What reasons does.she give for jumping into something new so quickly?

Are you the first man she's dated since her "separation"?

[Cherylyn]

She is still legally married.  😒

You actually may be better off dating childless women.  It's less complicated and they'll have more time for you with less priorities in their life. 

[tattoobunnie]

1 hour ago, Anthony81J said:

Yes the divorce will be finalized next March, that is the question I’m trying to understand why a new relationship so soon after the separation.

Because she may have checked out of the marriage long before they separated.  My friend started dating her current boyfriend a few months after separating as well, and have been happily together for 3 years now.  Her ex-hubs hadn't touched her in 3 years prior to separating. She was done.  In some states, including ours, you must be legally separated for a year before you can file for divorce.

[lostandhurt]

You are asking the right questions which is all very good.  Don't be afraid of discussing these concerns with her.  If this is destined to survive talking about feelings and concerns will only make things stronger between you two not weaker.

 Some people avoid the awkward or difficult topics thinking if they bring it up it could cause the end of the relationship which is actually just the opposite.  Just tell her you really like her but you don't want to end up hurt because she is rebounding.  See what she says.

 No rush in meeting her child, in fact that is a pretty big deal so let her decide when that happens and how it goes down.

  Lost

[bluecastle]

58 minutes ago, Anthony81J said:

Ok, I’m kinda trying to figure this out.

What, exactly, are you trying to figure out? If she's ready for committed relationships 5 months after separating? Or if you're ready to date a single mom? 

All in all, I think it's wise to wonder if she's ready after 5 months, though not wise to immediately make judgements about what that means. Many people have been done with their relationships, emotionally, long before officially pulling the plug. One of my best friends, for example, got together with his wife of the past decade maybe six months after his previous marriage ended. He was ready, truly. So maybe this woman is ready, truly. All you can do is what you seem to be doing: taking it slow, observing, asking questions without being prying, listening to your gut, remaining open without being naive. 

As for the single mom part? I once dated one, enjoyed it and her so much that today we are partners, a family. My primary advice is to know that her kid, and all that entails, is approximately a million-billion times bigger than you can grasp or imagine. I'm not talking about the juggle or school/activities/co-parenting/whatever, but something deep and emotional that just has to be respected as mysterious, beyond you. Always make room for that, which is to say don't make it all about you—something men, to speak in generalizations, can struggle with. 

And don't be in a rush to meet the kid, which can be hard, since her child is arguably the biggest part of her life. Still, no rush. Let her lead on that. 

Is the dad in the picture? 

[Anthony81J]

43 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

She is still legally married.  😒

You actually may be better off dating childless women.  It's less complicated and they'll have more time for you with less priorities in their life. 

The thing is she just drops her daughter off with her parents and makes the effort and time for me. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Anthony81J said:

The thing is she just drops her daughter off with her parents and makes the effort and time for me. 

How nice for her to have that free childcare.. while her daughter is going through so much upheaval in her life -to make time for someone she's known a shorter time than her pairs of socks.  I'd question her judgment and likely keep my distance.

[Anthony81J]

20 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

What, exactly, are you trying to figure out? If she's ready for committed relationships 5 months after separating? Or if you're ready to date a single mom? 

All in all, I think it's wise to wonder if she's ready after 5 months, though not wise to immediately make judgements about what that means. Many people have been done with their relationships, emotionally, long before officially pulling the plug. One of my best friends, for example, got together with his wife of the past decade maybe six months after his previous marriage ended. He was ready, truly. So maybe this woman is ready, truly. All you can do is what you seem to be doing: taking it slow, observing, asking questions without being prying, listening to your gut, remaining open without being naive. 

As for the single mom part? I once dated one, enjoyed it and her so much that today we are partners, a family. My primary advice is to know that her kid, and all that entails, is approximately a million-billion times bigger than you can grasp or imagine. I'm not talking about the juggle or school/activities/co-parenting/whatever, but something deep and emotional that just has to be respected as mysterious, beyond you. Always make room for that, which is to say don't make it all about you—something men, to speak in generalizations, can struggle with. 

And don't be in a rush to meet the kid, which can be hard, since her child is arguably the biggest part of her life. Still, no rush. Let her lead on that. 

Is the dad in the picture? 

Excellent reply mate, I’m just trying to figure out if she’s ready for a new relationship 

 

She also said that she was done with the marriage for 5 years prior to separation 

So I’m treading lightly still and taking things slow 

[Anthony81J]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

How nice for her to have that free childcare.. while her daughter is going through so much upheaval in her life -to make time for someone she's known a shorter time than her pairs of socks.  I'd question her judgment and likely keep my distance.

She pays childcare just has a good support system with her parents in place is wat I meant 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Anthony81J said:

She pays childcare just has a good support system with her parents in place is wat I meant 

Her parents give her free childcare.  So her daughter is in childcare, then dropped off with grandparents- instead of her spending time with her daughter who didn't ask for all this drama and upheaval -so she can date while still married.  That's what I meant.

[Cherylyn]

6 minutes ago, Anthony81J said:

The thing is she just drops her daughter off with her parents and makes the effort and time for me. 

Sooner or later her daughter will always be first in her life because she is a mother.  Remain realistic and she's still married.  Consider yourself forewarned.  Don't be surprised if she betrays your trust one day.  Beware and be prepared. 

[waffle]

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Curious what your heights have anything to do with this. 

I wondered that too. 🤔