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Guy I’m dating cancelled on me again and I would really like an opinion since I’m feeling stressed and sad.


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Posted (edited)

Hi! I have been dating this guy for 2 months and it has been nice but the problem that I have it’s that last week, he asked to see me on Saturday only to cancel on me hours before because he had a situation with his family….
He immediately asked to see me next day and I even met his mom.

This week, he said “let me know if you have any available space this week because I would like to see you” so I said Friday and today he asked me if it was possible to reschedule it for tomorrow….

I got upset and now I just don’t want to see him this weekend because I feel he doesn’t respect my time.

I don’t know if I’m being too strict or difficult. He is really sweet in person and he also told me today that he wants something serious with me but it was important for him to resolve some situation today.

He is also not a good texter and doesn’t even have social media. I don’t care about social media and I’m also not the best texter but he cancelling on me is making me feel unwanted.

He has been also dealing with some family issues. His little brother it’s in some kind of mess. 

 

 

Edited by Alana_cl
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1 hour ago, Alana_cl said:

 he cancelling on me is making me feel unwanted.

Sorry this is happening. Is he in an other relationship on/off with an ex or dating others?

People make time for what is important to them. The "family problem" story sounds like BS.

He's too flakey, unreliable and frustrating to bother dating.

Free yourself from this timewaster.

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I don't think he respects your time either and is trying to juggle too many things at once. Whether it's his brother or dating other women (not just you), he's not doing a very good job of things. 

When you got upset today, how did he react? 

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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I don't think he respects your time either and is trying to juggle too many things at once. Whether it's his brother or dating other women (not just you), he's not doing a very good job of things. 

When you got upset today, how did he react? 

That would be terrible since he told me he is not dating someone else and he has not been in a relationship since like 1-2 years ago.

Then, why he keeps asking me if i want something serious with him? that is something so mean to do 😞

 

And basically... he just apologized, asked me when i was free and just dissappear. He has not been online.

Edited by Alana_cl
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Meh, he's possibly lying about the "family issues". Many men do it to cover up the fact they are seeing someone else. They know if they are honest about it, any woman would dump their a$$.

And, he surely doesn't respect your time. This is just dating the stage where he's supposed to put his best foot forward and put in efforts.

I advise you to focus on men who respect you and who are available. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt and go out again, do it. But just do it with no expectations.

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23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Is he in an other relationship on/off with an ex or dating others?

People make time for what is important to them. The "family problem" story sounds like BS.

He's too flakey, unreliable and frustrating to bother dating.

Free yourself from this timewaster.

Hard to know but he did tell me he is not dating someone else.

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3 minutes ago, Alana_cl said:

Then, why he keeps asking me if i want something serious with him? that is something so mean to do

I agree. But he might just say this to keep you hooked.

You are now seeing the difference between his words and actions. Always follow the actions.

He's not that into you. And honestly, he doesn't sound like a catch.

Time to date more available men! Thank you, next.

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3 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I agree. But he might just say this to keep you hooked.

You are now seeing the difference between his words and actions. Always follow the actions.

He's not that into you. And honestly, he doesn't sound like a catch.

Time to date more available men! Thank you, next.

I know he is not lying about the family issues because last week he had to take a week off from work because of that.

But you are right, i have the feeling that he is not that into me and he is also a difficult person sometimes. I am thinking at just stop replying at his messages.

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36 minutes ago, Alana_cl said:

That would be terrible since he told me he is not dating someone else and he has not been in a relationship since like 1-2 years ago.

Then, why he keeps asking me if i want something serious with him? that is something so mean to do 😞

 

And basically... he just apologized, asked me when i was free and just dissappear. He has not been online.

I think he is wasting your time. He will have to spend more time sorting his personal issues before trying to date as this would make a poor first impression on most potential partners. He doesn't seem to understand that others are affected by his decisions or what's going on in his life if he can't stick to dates or appointments early on. 

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At 2 months in he should still be on his best behaviour and keen on making a good impression.  If he is acting this flaky now, it's a sign of how he really is.  Do you want to keep getting cancelled in favour of something or someone supposedly more important?  Things happen, sure, but if he's cancelled then it's on him to arrange the next date and stick to it.  He didn't do that - it says a lot.

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Posted (edited)

My opinion might be a bit different, but I dont think him resheduling 2 dates for tomorrow means he doesnt want you. Its just your own insecurities. Because he still has strong desire to see you and tries to make that happen so you shouldnt worry about that.

I do think however that he should respect your own time more. And that you should said to him something along the lines of "You know, I moved some stuff for Saturday so we could see on Friday, so now that Friday is off  we will see each other some other time". He does need to know that your time is also precious. And that is on you to install on him. So in the future it wouldnt happen again.

Edited by Kwothe28
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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Alana_cl said:

. I am thinking at just stop replying at his messages.

Good call . Just tell him you're not a match and delete and block him.

This frees you up for men without drama and excuses.

Anyone can tell you they have "family issues". Or any other excuse. 

Edited by Wiseman2
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3 hours ago, Alana_cl said:

But you are right, i have the feeling that he is not that into me and he is also a difficult person sometimes. I am thinking at just stop replying at his messages.

Pardon, difficult how so? 

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I think it sounds like there's more issues than the flakiness and early on.  What were his reasons for rescheduling this time? I have less and less patience for any flakiness as I get older and I value highly people who are reliable save for an emergency.  Twice is borderline -but if it was a true emergency (or for example these days he was concerned he was showing covid symptoms) then I'd understand.

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5 hours ago, Alana_cl said:

Hard to know but he did tell me he is not dating someone else.

He may not be dating another woman, but that doesn't mean he's not going out with other women or trolling for hookups.

You are feeling anxiety now, and I think you should honor your feelings. Go ahead and give him another chance or two if you want, but don't waste any time putting up with something that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable. 

Bottom line:

58 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

"feeling stressed and sad" is a red flag that you're in the wrong relationship.

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Sometimes we meet people and for whatever reason, they can jerk us around. Whether they mean well or not the results the same:  Mixed signals, confusion, unhappiness, sadness.  When you find yourself feeling bad, you have to decide to get away from the cause.  You don't want to waste more energy trying to fix another person.  That NEVER works.  Never say never, right?  In this case I say, NEVER.

A good rule of thumb is to always take mixed signals as a no.  Someone that is interested in building a relationship must act on that, not just say it.   And if they aren't acting on it, it's like everything else in life-- people talk a lot.  Talk means nothing.  One time something comes up, ok.  2 times in a row?  Walk away.  The person is not a good candidate.  You're wasting your time.

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You told him when you were available, which was yesterday or today.  So, no, you do not fall back on that.

He had a choice.. mentioned today - and that fell through, then I guess he isn't seeing you this weekend.

Don't always 'give in' to suit others.

As mentioned, if you're feeling sad/stressed like this & his actions etc, don't let it carry on forever... IMO, if you're important to him he needs to show it.

 

 

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9 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

... I dont think him resheduling 2 dates for tomorrow means he doesnt want you. ...

...you should said to him something along the lines of "You know, I moved some stuff for Saturday so we could see on Friday, so now that Friday is off  we will see each other some other time". ...

I agree. Rescheduling is far different than cancelling or ghosting, and not a big deal. However, I would teach him through Kwothe's suggestion above that YOUR time isn't as flexible as he has come to assume.

If you are getting some other vibe from him beyond a couple of reschedules that cause you to feel lousy, then follow you gut. But if you're stressing over these 2 instances alone, I'd suggest that you're poisoning your own happiness with perfectionism, and that's not about him.

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16 hours ago, Alana_cl said:

 i have the feeling that he is not that into me and he is also a difficult person sometimes. I am thinking at just stop replying at his messages.

^ I think this is an excellent idea.  I can't help but get the impression that all he is after is sex.  I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. Trust your gut feeling.  This guy is not for you (imo).

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I’m in a popular belief that if something is too difficult or makes you feel crummy. It’s best to get rid of it. There’s always good reason it’s not something you want to pursue. 
 

Maybe he has legit reasons or he’s just telling lies. I would focus on the bigger picture. He’s not making time for you. 
 

 

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20 hours ago, Alana_cl said:

Hi! I have been dating this guy for 2 months and it has been nice but the problem that I have it’s that last week, he asked to see me on Saturday only to cancel on me hours before because he had a situation with his family….
He immediately asked to see me next day and I even met his mom.

This week, he said “let me know if you have any available space this week because I would like to see you” so I said Friday and today he asked me if it was possible to reschedule it for tomorrow….

I got upset and now I just don’t want to see him this weekend because I feel he doesn’t respect my time.

I don’t know if I’m being too strict or difficult. He is really sweet in person and he also told me today that he wants something serious with me but it was important for him to resolve some situation today.

He is also not a good texter and doesn’t even have social media. I don’t care about social media and I’m also not the best texter but he cancelling on me is making me feel unwanted.

He has been also dealing with some family issues. His little brother it’s in some kind of mess. 

 

 

So how often were you seeing this guy the last two months? Was he making time for you and not cancelling before this? I think some of the other posters here seem distrustful judging by all the advice everyone was giving.

I understand it's upsetting when someone rescheduled twice but if he didn't do that before for two months then maybe this could be a temporary thing. Not everyone lies so if he told you that he had some bad family issues going on and he even took a week off work because of it, maybe it's true.

Also when he asked to see you the next day, he did see you the next day and he introduced you to his Mum. I think if he wasn't that into you, he wouldn't introduce you to his Mum. Especially if he actually lied about the family issues, I don't think he'd want you talking to his Mum in case you realised there wasn't actually anything going on. You also said this guy is sweet to you in person and if you'd been seeing him for two months, obviously it was going fine.

To be honest if I was seeing someone for two months and I really had something going on and I told them but they didn't believe me, I wouldn't be that happy. I think maybe you could give this guy one more chance. Maybe just say to him that you understand he's got something bad happening but it's just a bit frustrating when he asks to reschedule because it interferes with your own plans. Let him know he can talk to you about what's going on but you need him to be more committed to your plans. Then see how things go from there. If he reschedules again then yeah that's too much.

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