what should I do?

[candynercka12]

have been seeing a  guy for 2 months we got along so good we are perfect together but he doesn't want a relationship with me he has told me from the start he just got out of a 20-year relationship which he cheated on her for 20 years because he says he did it because she was not intimate with him but he tells me that he has changed that he never wants to hurt any other women as he hurt her, I don't trust him 100 percent we care about each other a lot but he said we need to split up so that he can get over his ex and that I also need to work on myself. I understand that he needs to get over his ex. But I am ready to be in a relationship I have been single for  7 years I don't want to be alone anymore. He keeps telling me that I am making a mistake if I go with another guy that I need to work on myself before I get into another relationship. I want to be with him but he doesn't want to be with me. He found out I meet someone we just talked but it felt good to be wanted by someone again, I have been lonely wanting a partner for a long time. He keeps saying that I  need to stay away from men and work on myself. The only reason I have trust issues is because of his bad reputation. And when we are together he doesn't make it easy for me to trust him completely because he will make jokes, for instance, he called me at 4 am so I asked him why are you awake and then he made a joke saying the girl just left my house right now. Stuff like that makes me not trust him he is always making those kinds of jokes. He says they are just I don't want to waste my time waiting for him if he is not serious about me  He says he loves me and would never cheat on me that he has changed. He also said I pushed him into a relationship with him, that He feel for me because I wouldn't take no for an answer. I understand that we are at different times in our life he needs time to heal from his 20-year relationship it's only been 4 months. And I want to and am ready to find a long-term relationship.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, let9222 said:

have been seeing a  guy for 2 months 

At 60 days dating, cut your losses. He doesn't want a relationship with you.

Stop chasing unavailable men.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single decent available men who are actually interested in you.

[Kwothe28]

Get over what ex? The same one that he cheated for 20 years? Please. He doesnt want a relationship because he just wants a casual thing. Where he could see you from time to time, have sex and go away. If you want a serious relationship getting involved with a guy like that will be completely detrimental to that process. Go away from that and find somebody who wants the same and wont play games with you.

[Madlike]

He doesn't want to be with you but doesn't want to see you with anyone else. Sure his feelings may be true for you (who knows though), but he isn't ready to be with you. You didn't push him, he wanted something with you too, but he realized he needs to heal in  order to appreciate you

He also wants to see other people. That isn't just a joke

Dont listen to him, work on yourself and don't wait for him. It could take quite a while before he's ready

[DarkCh0c0]

He already showed you that he is manipulative and is STILL a cheater.

He's making you sound crazy and pushing you to doubt yourself. I bet that's the abuse and treatment he's given to his ex for 20 damn years.

RUN.

Block him everywhere. You don't need that. Free yourself so that you can find healthy, single, loyal, and committed men who will treat you right.

[Lambert]

Run away from a guy 4 months out of a 20 year relationship. 

That's the first thing.  There are so many differences between a person like him and a person that has been single for a long time. 

You want a love story. He's ending one. he can't meet your needs for that live story.

Also it's been 60 days with him and you're already in trouble.  Another reason to run away from this guy.

He maybe a cheater and not a good match for you buy he us right about one thing...

You sound like you're desperate for a relationship, a mate, any mate. That shows that you do need in fact to work on yourself.

A person ready for a relationship is also a person that will go it alone until she finds a person that:

1. wants her back

2. she can trust

You have neither of these with this guy.

Move on. Care more about yourself and who you give your time, attention and effort to.

[smackie9]

Dump this chump. He's bad news.

[reinventmyself]

2 posts regarding the same thing

 

[Rose Mosse]

Step back and time out if things aren't making sense to you. You may not trust him fully but trust yourself. Process everything he's saying and then make your decision about whether you want to continue seeing him. 

He is not pretending to be in a relationship with you or agreeing to it. He's telling you he doesn't want a rl with you so listen to this carefully. Discard his instructions for you to work on yourself etc. He doesn't tell you what to do and he's not your therapist or life coach. He doesn't sound qualified either. 

[SooSad33]

9 hours ago, let9222 said:

have been seeing a  guy for 2 months we got along so good we are perfect together but he doesn't want a relationship with me he has told me from the start

How exactly are you perfect together if it's only been 2 months AND he doesn't want a relationship with you?

 

9 hours ago, let9222 said:

I don't trust him 100 percent we care about each other a lot but he said we need to split up so that he can get over his ex and that I also need to work on myself. I understand that he needs to get over his ex. But I am ready to be in a relationship I have been single for  7 years I don't want to be alone anymore

I do not believe he cares at all. He is a messed up individual!

He is telling you that you need to work on yourself, when in fact it is HIM who needs to get himself together!

He's is messing with your mind, throwing things out at you to make you jealous.

Many red flags here. 😕 

 

9 hours ago, let9222 said:

The only reason I have trust issues is because of his bad reputation. And when we are together he doesn't make it easy for me to trust him completely because he will make jokes, for instance, he called me at 4 am so I asked him why are you awake and then he made a joke saying the girl just left my house right now. Stuff like that makes me not trust him he is always making those kinds of jokes. He says they are just I don't want to waste my time waiting for him if he is not serious about me

You're right, he is not good for you or anyone else.

 

9 hours ago, let9222 said:

He says he loves me and would never cheat on me that he has changed. He also said I pushed him into a relationship with him, that He feel for me because I wouldn't take no for an answer. I understand that we are at different times in our life he needs time to heal from his 20-year relationship it's only been 4 months. And I want to and am ready to find a long-term relationship.

Sorry, but I say YOU are a rebound.  He does not 'love' you at all.  You hardly know him, he is messing you around and he is NOT even close to over his last relationship.  This is not any form of 'love'.  Love develops over time.

 

This was never a real 'relationship', more like a fling for him and he will most likely be out there searching for a few more women as well... as he tries to 'get over his ex'.

He will be messed up for a good while, until he calms himself down to deal with it all.

 

Get yourself out of this.. expect nothing from him and take care of YOU.  Do not get involved with anyone fresh out of a relationship.  

Get to know a man who's all in it and actually appreciates you.

This guy is a mess.

 

[HeartGoesOn]

Where do you see the prize in a man who cheated on his SO for twenty years?

Keep in mind that history has a tendency to repeat itself.

[candynercka12]

Update: This morning, as he was getting ready for work, I was making his bed for him when I noticed a pair of women's panties fell on the floor , which he said he had no idea where they came from.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, let9222 said:

This morning, as he was getting ready for work, I was making his bed for him when 

Are you the housekeeper? He's a creep and you already know this.

Maybe it's time to cut your losses and go to a physician for STD testing.

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, let9222 said:

Update: This morning, as he was getting ready for work, I was making his bed for him when I noticed a pair of women's panties fell on the floor , which he said he had no idea where they came from.

And?

What are you going to do about this, OP? 

[candynercka12]

He dumped me said I was always think he was cheating on me and he could not  take it so he doesn't want to be with me. He has been talking to his new best friend  which is a girl so I know what he is up to. I am so dumb letting he treat me this way. What is wrong with me. Why does this guy who cheated for 20 years get to have to women that would do anything for him . Why does he get rewarded like this . why

[Wiseman2]

41 minutes ago, let9222 said:

Why does he get rewarded like this

You were rewarded having a loser like this exit your life and free you to date decent honest men.

[gamon]

1 hour ago, let9222 said:

Why does this guy who cheated for 20 years get to have to women that would do anything for him . Why does he get rewarded like this . why

These user types seem to lack a conscience,  know how to charm women, and have no qualms about lying through their teeth and saying things they know their victim wants to hear.

If it helps at all, know that this guy is probably unhappy deep down inside. He'll probably die alone and miserable. Although I do sort of envy the fact that he's screwing so many different women and getting away with it.

 

 

[Cherylyn]

Trust is everything in relationships, friendships, all of it.  Without trust, there is nothing.  I don't trust people with bad reputations.  However, my real trust issues are from how a person treats me and others due to my experience with them.  My observation and experience with that person are more important than someone's reputation. 

I agree with him.  Both of you should split up.  Let him get over his ex and move on with your life.  He shouldn't tell you to work on yourself.  He doesn't get to dictate what you choose to do with your life.  Once there's a split, he needs to mind his business.

He doesn't have the right to tell you not to go with another guy.  It's not his decision to make.

Working on yourself is a choice you make whether you want it or not.  You are the one who deals with the consequences.  Your life's experiences will teach you how to navigate your life.

I agree that you shouldn't waste your time on a man who isn't serious about you nor has sincere intentions regarding any long term commitment. 

I don't believe cheaters, liars, deceivers and betrayers.  I don't trust them.  (I don't trust gaslighters either.)  They're all a tricky, sneaky lot.  They're slick.

He calls you at 4AM, asks if you're awake and jokes about a girl who just left his home. 

You need to ditch this loser.

If you're having these issues after only 4 months, it's time to go your separate ways permanently. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, let9222 said:

am so dumb letting he treat me this way. What is wrong with me. Why does this guy who cheated for 20 years get to have to women that would do anything for him . Why does he get rewarded like this . why

Please stop beating yourself up and channel your energy into reevaluating what your worth is, what your values and standards are, what specific actions you will take to act true to those specific values and standards.  What your boundaries are and how you will maintain them.  Who cares what he gets, what he says he gets. Life isn't fair.  He's not "getting" a reward - certain women will be attracted to him like you were.  It's a waste of your stomach acid to do the  pity party "it's not fair he gets rewarded" thing - give yourself 5 minutes a day for this kind of pity indulgence for the next couple of days while you get very honest and clear with yourself what you are looking for -specifically.

[Madlike]

He wants 

7 hours ago, let9222 said:

He dumped me said I was always think he was cheating on me and he could not  take it so he doesn't want to be with me. He has been talking to his new best friend  which is a girl so I know what he is up to. I am so dumb letting he treat me this way. What is wrong with me. Why does this guy who cheated for 20 years get to have to women that would do anything for him . Why does he get rewarded like this . why

He will continue to do the same thing to another woman. If a guy really wants someone, no matter what happened in his past, he will find a way to make it work. He wants to explore other women without having someone stop him from that. But he doesn't want you to find someone else. His intentions aren't pure. Someone with good intentions would let you go and tell you upfront he isn't ready. He sounds very narcississtic and toxic. You deserve so much better.

Don't let him trap you. This guy is never going to commit. Find someone who is all about you, who truly cares about you,  and who wouldn't cheat and lie about it - gas light you. Trust me when I say there is much better out there than this guy. 

When you find it, you will never remember him. Leave him to be unhappy for the rest of his life. And watch him blame you for leaving him. 

[Honeycomb8]

He cheated on someone for twenty years. What makes you think someone like that will do any better. That's his character and he will always be like this. I don't know what you were hoping for, but you have to work on your self esteem if this is something you actually feel attracted towards. He's literally bottom of the barrel scum. 

Also, it never ever pays to date someone who is recently out of a long term relationship. Even 4 months out of a 2 year relationship is risky. 

[Catlover44499]

He cheated on her for 20 years, he's 100% already cheating on you. 

[Keyman]

How is this guy perfect after only 2 months?

It sounds like he is playing with you as a rebound girl, making jokes about other women, and telling you he cheated on his wife to keep you at a distance.

Go find someone nicer as this bad boy, not matter how much he turns you on, will just hurt you.