Catlover44499

He cheated on her for 20 years, he's 100% already cheating on you.

He WILL NOT ever change. And as long as you stay around and let him blatantly disrespect you, he will. It's sad. But people like that don't have regard for you and won't change their behavior. As much as it sucks, I'd 100% recommend leaving this guy. Unless you want to be stuck in this loop indefinitely.

My 23 year old younger sister passed away this weekend. She had gone down a rough path after dating this garbage guy, inevitably ending mine and hers relationship because he was scary and she would defend anything he did. So, needless to say we hadn't had much of a relationship for the past couple of years. Anyways, Sunday we found out out had overdosed and never woke up. This week has just been a blur. I feel like everyone around me is devastated and I literally cannot feel anything. Its beyond awful that this happened and it makes me wish I had reached out more. But I most definitely feel like I'm not having an appropriate emotional response to this? Or maybe it's just highly delayed. Either way, it's so weird to see people less closely involved be so obviously more upset than I am. I feel really bad about it.

Unfortunately I'd say pack up and leave now before you're in way too deep. You're only 3 months in and he's already lying to your face. Confronting someone like that only makes them sneaker about it. They won't suddenly treat you with more respect. And the longer you stay around, allowing that, the bolder they get because they think you'll never leave, no matter what. I've learned the hard way many times there.

Sorry, that was a bit of a typo. He was FRESHER out than me. Not super fresh. He was about 8 months out of a 2 year relationship and I was a year and a half out of a 6 year relationship. I don't believe he is in contact with his ex, because he has been very honest with me (could be wrong) but he did tell me it's still effecting him more than he had realized. We do and did have pretty good communication prior to this short stint of time and his depression had been no secret. I knew from the get go he was depressed, just fell into more of a slump I think. Again, I couls definitely be wrong but I have no reason to believe its due to the ex trying to get back with him. And I'm not planning to be a therapist, just a friend. He's working on finding a therapist currently and has a lot of very good friends to turn to. I'm not planning on waiting forever. But I'm more than willing to give him a little time and space to hope it can. Thank you for your reply

I'm 26, I've been dating this guy, 27 for about 7 months. He's genuinely the most wonderful person. I've never been treated so well. We community great and are always kind to each other. He had been seeming a little off lately so I had him come over so we could talk about it. And I've known he's been pretty depressed for a while (since before I knew him) and has deeper trauma than I know about. Plus, was fresher out of a long term relationship than I was when we met. So last night we talked (and cried) a lot about that and how he feels bad that he isn't fully present with me and probably can't be just yet and might need some time to be "selfish and focus on himself" which I don't believe is selfish. He may have been more upset than I was, though it was hard to tell because we were both sobbing a bunch. I very much want to be friends and try this again when he's had a little down time and he agrees. We both really got off our chests how much we actually care about each other, and how he isn't using this as an opportunity to see other people (which I believe) and I don't plan to either. I normally don't believe in "breaks" but the communication and love is clearly there and I think we both handled it extremely non toxicly so I believe there's hope out there. I gave him good resources for a therapist (which he plans on seeing) and told him he's extremely important to me and to stay in contact and let me know if he needs anything. And he said the same to me. I also have a kitten he is taking when he gets a new roommate (without a scary dog) so he's more than welcome to see her at any time. Its just incredibly painful, but I believe in him and that he deserves my patience and kindness. I want to be there for him without pressuring him too much. What's a good balance? And also how can I emotionally handle this a little better? There being hope of us trying again helps me, but its still pretty raw. Thanks for any advice.