Shelter in place dating ideas

[1a1a]

Does anyone have any suggestions for remote dates I could invite people on that could be fun and also facilitate getting to know each other?

 

Grab a cup of coffee and have a FaceTime conversation is not a bad stand in for the traditional

coffee date. About the same prevalence of conversations that don’t flow too of course (are these me or them, I can’t tell. And I can do more to carry the conversation but is it really unreasonable to want that to be something that flows naturally without ten million conversational lapses!)

 

I’ve also been inviting guys to come on walks with me remotely, we both wander around our neighbourhoods and chat on the phone. I’ve done this with three people now and it’s alright, probably better than the video call but still, sometimes I just can think of nothing to say to these strangers with apparently nothing in common with me (and judging by the silence neither can they)

 

So I’m keen for more remote date suggestions.

 

I’ve been googling, the same set of ideas seems to be on every page (The internet, a mile wide and an inch deep). Watching something together seems like a waste of time if the objective is to get to know them better. Virtual tours of museums could be a something, has anyone tried that? Is it just like watching a video tour together or more interactive?

 

I very much liked the suggestion of taking an online class together so I’ll probably try inviting someone to do that with me but keen for more ideas to add to the repertoire.

 

And a random side question, how long do you give the conversation to start flowing more naturally before you conclude you just haven’t clicked with this person? One date, two? Three? (I have tended to not give it more than two dates but I’m wondering if that’s a good assessment or writing people off too quickly)

[Wiseman2]

After a few dating apps exchanges suggest a videochat session in lieu of a first meet. If that bombs, move forward. If it goes well then think about some sort of date idea that is consistent with the guidelines in your area. Let them suggest something as well, based on how the videochat goes.

[Lambert]

I think its a waste of time to try to date over video or phone... at least with tons of prospects... Its like phone job interviews. its the screening for the main event, an interview in person.

 

There's no harm in talking to a prospect, but its never going to take the place of meeting in person. If the conversation doesnt flow, that's a sign that you don't click. Sure it can be awkward the first few minutes but this should pass quickly.

 

Video dates, happy hours and unique ideas are better suited for people you know and met in real life.

 

I don't care what anyone else says, too much interaction before actually meeting creates a false sense of the person. And leads to disappointment 9 out 10 times.

[smackie9]

I think it's ok to do it to take the isolation edge off, but to actually date? All that effort doesn't reap any real reward.

[DancingFool]

I mean.....why even bother with this right now? Sounds like a lot of wasted effort when it's practically impossible for people to relax and actually click. It's not like this shelter in place thing is forever. Why not wait until times are a bit better?

 

As for all the virtual stuff, same advice stands - don't get into fantasy online "relationships" because it will backfire on you sooner or later. More wasting time and emotions on nothing.

[1a1a]

I mean, I know I can’t get a complete sense of someone without meeting them. What do you do about the people who are just interesting enough over video chat that you probably would give them a meet in person under normal circumstances? Is the general consensus that if they fail to engage on a follow up video call release them back into the wilds?

 

I know it won’t be for ever but it could be for a few months (the virus itself might be kicking around for a couple of years, I definitely number among the hopeful that one on one interactions can recommence sooner rather than later)

[DancingFool]

Why not just put this on pause and focus on other things, like an online class for the sake of improving your work skills?

 

This whole confusion is precisely because sane people aren't really into pursuing anything right now and video calls are kind of silly really. You are either talking to people who are realizing the futility of this and putting dating on pause, thus no further engagement, or you are just providing temporary entertainment to people who are bored and will use you like that. It's a lose/lose situation for you with no good way to tell who is who.

 

I honestly do not understand the desperation here. So what if it's another month or two?

[1a1a]

I feel like dating has been on pause for eveeeeeer (I was flat out with work for a couple of months before shelter in place hit and I have been single for like a good 5 years now at least, long enough to lose count).

 

Having said that your suggestions for things to do instead are solid, I accept this challenge to find more to do

[Lambert]

I mean, I know I can’t get a complete sense of someone without meeting them. What do you do about the people who are just interesting enough over video chat that you probably would give them a meet in person under normal circumstances? Is the general consensus that if they fail to engage on a follow up video call release them back into the wilds?

 

I know it won’t be for ever but it could be for a few months (the virus itself might be kicking around for a couple of years, I definitely number among the hopeful that one on one interactions can recommence sooner rather than later)

 

You just wait. Its fine if you want to keep each other company or whatever, but it can't replace the in person meeting. Up until that in person moment, you just have no way of knowing.

 

When this finally does end, there's going to be a whole slew of posts like:

 

'we were so in love together, the whole lock down, s/he couldn't wait to be together. Now s/he for SOME REASON isn't interested."

[bluecastle]

Some general thoughts:

 

This pandemic has thrust everyone—literally—into a version of the jagged headspace one experiences during a breakup. Because, hey, here we are, going through a very real breakup together—a break from reality, from normalcy. We are not ourselves right now, not living our lives so much as living in purgatory. We are, as the kids say, a collective hot mess.

 

This forum is filled with cautionary tales about turning to dating to heal from breakups, or soften the pain of breakups. Doesn't quite work—or, well, it "works" in the sense that downing a bottle of whiskey can treat a broken leg. Similarly, this forum is filled with people getting bent out of shape about holiday flings that don't evolve into forever love, along with stories of weeks and months of text bubbles on dating apps failing to materialize into something "real." All things, in the context of the present moment, to serve as a guide.

 

If I was hard-pressed to (attempt to) date right now? Well, I'd do myself a favor and be honest about what I'm doing: hitting that whiskey bottle. Is what it is, and there is really no way for it to be anything but that. Museum tour? Sounds fun! But it's also a shot of whiskey. Mutual masturbation? Ditto! Deep talk about Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and how it applies to the writing the Dostoevsky? Ditto again.

 

No judgement on any of the above. I love whiskey, and just a few days ago I made a little happy hour cocktail involving some and walked the dog sipping it. Was nice! But it was not medicine in that glass. No, it was drugs, a teeny bit to take the edge off. Key to responsible indulgence, in my opinion? It's (a) not to overindulge and (b) to be honest about what you're doing.

 

Guess what I'm saying is that I think you don't need to worry about the etiquette here in terms of activities or when to let a video suitor fade back into the land of pixels. No wrong approach here, save one: to believe that seeds planted in they hyper-reality of quarantine are going to blossom into anything specific when this moment passes. Is there a shot? Sure. Is it a moonshot? No doubt.

 

This is simply as bad a moment as you could possibly ask for to connect, authentically, to anyone. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy the inauthenticity of it all. Just sip responsibility.

[Batya33]

I gave it four dates if I was on the fence. Interesting times and I'm sorry it's so challenging to date now!!

[Wiseman2]

Yes, just like regular dating, you exchange a few messages, but then set up a videochat instead of meeting in person. At least that gives some data to determine if you ever want to meet or even continue communicating. It's not a given that you will develop an unhealthy bond to a screen as with cyber relationships.

 

People need to be adaptable and that means vidochatting for now. If anyone takes note of what is going on, the world has turned to videochat from home. That is being adaptable.

I mean, I know I can’t get a complete sense of someone without meeting them.

 

the virus itself might be kicking around for a couple of years, I definitely number among the hopeful that one on one interactions can recommence sooner rather than later

[j.man]

Honestly, the only conscionable reason I can think to OLD right now is if you want some sexting buddies. If so, more power to you. Otherwise, while I won't blanketly categorize everyone profile searching with any sincerity, I think you're exponentially more likely to land somebody who's red-flag levels of thirsty than find a healthy and self-respecting match. Or perhaps much more likely, find someone just looking to sext or get an attention fix themselves whether or not they're up front about it. I'm not someone who thinks that anyone who isn't working on themselves right now is a bum, but insofar as someone is going to be putting emotional energy into something, it'd be a big eyebrow raiser if it were on remote dating.

 

I know it's much easier said than done for people like myself who are married or already have a partner, but it's just a bad time. I'd spare yourself the highly probable headaches now and down the road. At the most, maybe cast the rod out there a few times and make a list of folks you match with and who you'd be interested in meeting with once this blows over. I wouldn't go beyond the extent you normally would prior to meeting someone in person, though.

[Fudgie]

Waste of time trying to meet someone at this time. I'm single and I live alone. I'm working on hobbies, playing video games, and drinking a little more.

 

Seriously, you don't know if you click until you meet in person and you can't do that now so what is the point? Don't bother. Established couples can go long distance for now but it's impossible to actually meet someone now and that's the reality.

[DancingFool]

I feel like dating has been on pause for eveeeeeer (I was flat out with work for a couple of months before shelter in place hit and I have been single for like a good 5 years now at least, long enough to lose count).

 

Having said that your suggestions for things to do instead are solid, I accept this challenge to find more to do

 

I hear you on how you are feeling, but still, persisting on trying to date now is going to land you with some undesirable people. Look at it this way - it's been on pause for 5 years, so what's another 2-3 months? Nothing much. Turn your attention to something that is productive and self improving for real. Then date once this is over and I'm sure you'll have a good time as lots of people will be eager to get out and start meeting in real life. Better and more active dating pool.

[abitbroken]

I would have "coffee dates" with same-gender friends, family members. I have cousins who i have talked to more in the past few weeks than i have in 5 years. Have a watch party - have friends discuss on Zoom after all watching a favorite show. Whatever. And learn new things.

[Mun]

Hi there! Dating might not be the best thing right now. Isolation can mess with your mind, know what I mean? No? It’s ok lol

How about playing some games together? Challenging each other over games like words with friends, chess etc. on your phone. I have a friend I do that with and we message each other in the game as we play. Save the real dating for once you can be face to face in person. Stay safe!

[SophiaG]

I like board games and I found a lot of apps/websites to have virtual game nights, play chess, DnD, etc. online with my friends. There are also many cooperative video games to play with your partner. I can think of (and tried) many things to do with someone you've been dating when you cannot see each other, just like in a temporarily online relationship. That said, I agree this is not a great time to meet someone new, unless for friendship. If you use meetup you might see many virtual events - again, playing games online, watching movies/concerts, trivia, workout sessions, eating takeout together from a nice local restaurant, you name it. A great way to get some social interaction outside of your old circle and who knows, you might meet someone cooler than in the current online dating pool!

[Cherylyn]

You can establish good friendships during this COVID-19 pandemic. However, developing deeper relationships while doable are challenging. Virtual chats and walking 6 ft apart are good ideas.

 

This is what I had witnessed recently: 1:1 or groups 6 ft apart, order take out meals, park several spaces away from each other, set up fold out chairs, eat and chat while remaining at least 6 ft apart. Make the parking lot is sparse yet not completely deserted nor dangerous either. Do a work around and readjust. There should be safe activity surrounding you in parking lots and never place yourself in unsafe desolate areas.

 

Despite being married, I recall when I dated, I generally knew a person wasn't for me after the first date. If there was something "off" with his personality or character or any tiny red flag, I wasn't about to waste my time, money, labor and energy on him. NEXT. Any person has to pass muster with me first before I'm willing to put forth the effort to make any relationship or friendship work. I always pay attention to personality and character. If there's lack of respect, empathy, sincere kindness, conscientiousness, morals, clean language, impeccable manners and integrity somewhere and anywhere, I'm done. I want to enjoy my life and it will never be with anyone who won't treat me the way I treat them mutually.

[Jibralta]

This is what I had witnessed recently: 1:1 or groups 6 ft apart, order take out meals, park several spaces away from each other, set up fold out chairs, eat and chat while remaining at least 6 ft apart.

 

I've seen that, too.