Don’t get along with sister in law

[boltnrun]

To be honest, I already defriended her but I look her up on my husband’s Facebook. She also always posts “kindness” quotes and it’s rather ironic because she is not kind and anyone that knows her well knows that she’s not kind

 

Why are you deliberately trying to upset yourself?

[Wiseman2]

Your envy stems from your own dissatisfaction with your life. It has nothing to do with her.

she’s never had to work for anything and her dad spoils her and pays her bills- but I don’t know if it’s really jealousy or if it’s more that I’m annoyed. And the fact that she acts like her life is hard when she has an easier life than anyone I know. That kind of stuff annoys me.

[catfeeder]

To be honest, I already defriended her but I look her up on my husband’s Facebook. She also always posts “kindness” quotes and it’s rather ironic because she is not kind and anyone that knows her well knows that she’s not kind

 

Hah! No YOU are missing the point. Every time you get mad at her, SHE wins. Getting you mad is her goal, and you fall for it: every. single. time.

 

When you press button A and B keeps popping up, and you hate B, then stop pressing button A.

 

If you believe that she's the one pressing A, then take back ownership of your own buttons and stop pressing them yourself.

[catfeeder]

You made some valid points here... I wish I could just stop thinking about it and never think about it again

 

Change the premise from "you can't" to "you won't" for accuracy. Then make a better choice.

 

You're an adult, and it's a decision.

[Marshmellow12]

I find myself torn because I want to always do the right thing but sometimes doing the right thing hurts worst than doing the wrong thing. My sister in law got mad at me because she hurt my feelings... I know, doesn’t make sense but that’s what happened. So anyways, since she’s mad at me I was not invited to her baby shower. She told family members it was because she doesn’t know my address. Fine. Whatever. So what do I do? I send her a bunch of adorable outfits for her little one (had her aunt take it to the shower). Why? Because I don’t ever want her children to be punished for their mom and my differences. I also just felt like it was the right thing to do. And also, her and her brother (my husband) get along fine (I mean she drives him crazy but he has never confronted her about it), so on the card I wrote that it was from both of us. She has not said thank you to either of us and apparently is not going to. My feelings are hurt because I’m trying to do the right thing but now I’m having thoughts like “why did I waste my time and money on someone so ungrateful and unappreciative?” Anyways- I saw a quote that says “Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.” But it’s so hard. What are your thoughts? How can I keep this from bothering me? And how can I feel better about continuing to do the right thing in the future even if the ungrateful heifer is unreceptive?

[boltnrun]

You already got lots of good advice on your previous thread about this exact same topic.

 

Did you dislike the advice you already received?

[j.man]

Because I don’t ever want her children to be punished for their mom and my differences. I also just felt like it was the right thing to do.

I’m having thoughts like “why did I waste my time and money on someone so ungrateful and unappreciative?”

My first guess would be to listen to the answers to the questions you've already asked yourself.

 

You do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, not because you're going to get a reward from it, even one as minor as expressed appreciation.

 

I don't want to live in a world where "doing the right thing" means an expectation of anything in return. I broke up a fight outside of Penn Station where a homeless dude was kicking a homeless lady's head against the curb. Lady proceeded to splash soda on him and completely disregard my effort. I don't sit here lamenting it now. I did what I felt I had to do. That's it.

 

Life an honest life, not a petty one.

[Capricorn3]

Threads have been merged.

[Capricorn3]

But how does any of that force you to stalk her Facebook, read the comments and roll your eyes?

 

Why is it necessary for you to do this?

 

Do you feel superior to her?

I'd love to know this too. Sounds like you thrive on drama? Seems like this is all of your own making, imo.

[HealingLight]

I know it can be hard--I've had a couple of these vindictive, mean-for-no-reason women in my life, too. Specifically, they were involved in some way with people that I really cared about so it was harder for me to let it roll off my back like I do with everyone else. Usually, though, I've discovered that they symbolized more to me than just the situation at hand. So, for instance, they may have highlighted a deep-seated belief of some sort like "bad people get ahead" or "good women get treated like crap, and abusive women are exalted." That kind of thing. In this case, I feel like at least part of your problem is that your husband does not stand up for you and you don't stand up for you.

 

If you will feel resentful showering this unappreciative lady with gifts, stop doing it. It has more to do with honoring yourself and not being a doormat than punishing any kids. Establish appropriate boundaries and don't overgive to toxic people in the hopes that one day they will change. Sometimes unkind people don't deserve any more opportunities to crap in your face.

[Marshmellow12]

You already got lots of good advice on your previous thread about this exact same topic.

 

Did you dislike the advice you already received?

 

No, this is different

[Marshmellow12]

I'd love to know this too. Sounds like you thrive on drama? Seems like this is all of your own making, imo.

 

I don’t feel superior to her. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and let her be mean because as soon as I express that I am hurt by something she did she gets mad at me for being “hurt.” Don’t make it more than it is.

[Marshmellow12]

My first guess would be to listen to the answers to the questions you've already asked yourself.

 

You do the right thing because it's the right thing to do, not because you're going to get a reward from it, even one as minor as expressed appreciation.

 

I don't want to live in a world where "doing the right thing" means an expectation of anything in return. I broke up a fight outside of Penn Station where a homeless dude was kicking a homeless lady's head against the curb. Lady proceeded to splash soda on him and completely disregard my effort. I don't sit here lamenting it now. I did what I felt I had to do. That's it.

 

Life an honest life, not a petty one.

 

This is true.

[Marshmellow12]

Threads have been merged.

 

I didn’t really want my threads merged because they are different - but thanks for asking.

[Marshmellow12]

I know it can be hard--I've had a couple of these vindictive, mean-for-no-reason women in my life, too. Specifically, they were involved in some way with people that I really cared about so it was harder for me to let it roll off my back like I do with everyone else. Usually, though, I've discovered that they symbolized more to me than just the situation at hand. So, for instance, they may have highlighted a deep-seated belief of some sort like "bad people get ahead" or "good women get treated like crap, and abusive women are exalted." That kind of thing. In this case, I feel like at least part of your problem is that your husband does not stand up for you and you don't stand up for you.

 

If you will feel resentful showering this unappreciative lady with gifts, stop doing it. It has more to do with honoring yourself and not being a doormat than punishing any kids. Establish appropriate boundaries and don't overgive to toxic people in the hopes that one day they will change. Sometimes unkind people don't deserve any more opportunities to crap in your face.

 

Thanks for understanding and thanks for the advic

[journeynow]

I want to stop thinking about her but I can’t...Give me some advice please!!!!

 

How can I keep this from bothering me? And how can I feel better about continuing to do the right thing in the future even if the ungrateful heifer is unreceptive?

 

I didn’t really want my threads merged because they are different - but thanks for asking.

Ah...and yet they are the same....

[greendots]

Hi Marshmellow12, in an ideal world this woman would be at least courteous and thank you for the presents you got her children. Reality is you cannot control her actions, but you can control how you react to her. Don't waste time on someone who brings you down. Focus on those who bring you joy.

[itsallgrand]

I understand what you are saying but it’s just hard because my husband obviously wants his sister in his life when I have no desire to be near her. He gets mad when she treats me badly but won’t say anything to her about it. He just talks about it behind her back and in person acts like nothing is wrong.

 

I would avoid being around her then. Block the Facebook. If your husband or others starts talking about her, change the topic. If they continue with it, be upfront and say you'd prefer to talk about something else.

And I'd stop sending any gifts, particularly when you aren't invited. The baby doesn't know what's going on, and it's not a situation where the baby is going without, so why bother with that. You can reach out to your niece/nephew and be supportive of them in other ways other than material.

[SherrySher]

Agree with all the above, and also, if you do hear anything about her, STOP reacting. She does not need to be anyone but another human being to you.

You are wasting loads of energy, that is totally useless.

 

Do what you can to put this person out of your life and out of your thoughts.

[boltnrun]

You said you stalk her through your husband's Facebook account.

 

Why?

[abitbroken]

based on other threads, it seems that your marriage is in the dumper and maybe you should stop worrying about you sister in law and focus on fixing or getting out of your marriage. Maybe she knows how bad it is and is treating you like the bad guy. who knows. But all this is incredibly petty. you are worried about a slight from your sister in law when she might not even be your sister in law next year -- so get your priorities straight and work on your marriage - ship shape or ship out and just be politely distant with your sister in law and don't let her get to you

[Marshmellow12]

based on other threads, it seems that your marriage is in the dumper and maybe you should stop worrying about you sister in law and focus on fixing or getting out of your marriage. Maybe she knows how bad it is and is treating you like the bad guy. who knows. But all this is incredibly petty. you are worried about a slight from your sister in law when she might not even be your sister in law next year -- so get your priorities straight and work on your marriage - ship shape or ship out and just be politely distant with your sister in law and don't let her get to you

 

Seriously?? My marriage is great.

[annie24]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545182

 

I think this is the thread she is referring to. Have you and your husband worked things out since?

[Marshmellow12]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545182

 

I think this is the thread she is referring to. Have you and your husband worked things out since?

 

Yes! That was almost a year ago

[boltnrun]

You said you stalk her through your husband's Facebook account.

 

Why?

 

Can you answer this please?