Don’t get along with sister in law

[Marshmellow12]

Can you answer this please?

 

I think I do it for a couple of reasons.

 

1) I'm looking for a clue that there is something wrong with her life for her to treat people the way she does. Ugly people are usually ugly because they are unhappy.

2) I constantly compare my life to others. There are several people I look up daily and compare myself to. I'm not completely happy with my life but I'm kind to people regardless.

[boltnrun]

How about working on making your life better instead of looking at others' lives and rolling your eyes or feeling envious?

 

Jealousy doesn't hurt the person you're jealous of, not one bit. It hurts YOU.

 

What can you do that's positive to make your life the way you want it to be?

[annie24]

I think I do it for a couple of reasons.

 

1) I'm looking for a clue that there is something wrong with her life for her to treat people the way she does. Ugly people are usually ugly because they are unhappy.

2) I constantly compare my life to others. There are several people I look up daily and compare myself to. I'm not completely happy with my life but I'm kind to people regardless.

 

I don't really agree that ugly people are unhappy and beautiful people are happy, those things don't necessarily have a lot to do with each other. A person can be ugly/not conventionally attractive but still have a good life, good self-esteem. And I've known plenty of beautiful women who were horribly depressed.

 

Don't use facebook as a way to judge how happy people are or aren't. A lot of people just post the good things and not the bad. People post cute photos of their kids, not photos of their kids when they are having a meltdown in public. People post photos when they are out on the town having fun, not of them eating cold pizza in their pajamas. No one posts statuses or photos of themselves after they've had 4 hours of sleep or a huge fight with their spouse or after they've been reprimanded by their boss.

 

Focus on your own life. What's on social media is just a carefully constructed facet of peoples' lives.

 

edited to add: About your sister in law posting updates about "kindness" - I've often found that people post things like that more as a reminder to themselves rather than advertise their own traits. For example, an unemployed friend of mine always used to post very inspirational quotes on beautiful scenery. Now, she has a prestigious job and no time to post on Facebook! Another friend is starting up her own business and posts 2-3 updates a day about business strategies/tips. I think a lot of these are for herself for motivation, rather than trying to give this information out to her followers, if that makes sense.

[Marshmellow12]

I don't really agree that ugly people are unhappy and beautiful people are happy, those things don't necessarily have a lot to do with each other. A person can be ugly/not conventionally attractive but still have a good life, good self-esteem. And I've known plenty of beautiful women who were horribly depressed.

 

Don't use facebook as a way to judge how happy people are or aren't. A lot of people just post the good things and not the bad. People post cute photos of their kids, not photos of their kids when they are having a meltdown in public. People post photos when they are out on the town having fun, not of them eating cold pizza in their pajamas. No one posts statuses or photos of themselves after they've had 4 hours of sleep or a huge fight with their spouse or after they've been reprimanded by their boss.

 

Focus on your own life. What's on social media is just a carefully constructed facet of peoples' lives.

 

edited to add: About your sister in law posting updates about "kindness" - I've often found that people post things like that more as a reminder to themselves rather than advertise their own traits. For example, an unemployed friend of mine always used to post very inspirational quotes on beautiful scenery. Now, she has a prestigious job and no time to post on Facebook! Another friend is starting up her own business and posts 2-3 updates a day about business strategies/tips. I think a lot of these are for herself for motivation, rather than trying to give this information out to her followers, if that makes sense.

 

Let me clarify, when I say “ugly” I’m not talking about how she looks, I’m talking about how she acts- she’s not nice to people unless they are someone she deems important because they do things for her. If she doesn’t need anything from you, she’s not nice. If she does need something, she’s nice. The ungratefulness, greed, and being unkind to people is what I am talking about when I say “ugly”. When it comes to her looks, I think she looks fine. I don’t really pay attention to how people look.

 

And as far as being jealous- I honestly don’t think I am. Now there are people I am jealous of, but I don’t think she is one of them. I think I get annoyed that her Facebook portrays her to be a kind giving person when she’s exactly the opposite. But people comment on her posts how sweet she is- most people on her Facebook don’t even know her in person.

[Marshmellow12]

How about working on making your life better instead of looking at others' lives and rolling your eyes or feeling envious?

 

Jealousy doesn't hurt the person you're jealous of, not one bit. It hurts YOU.

 

What can you do that's positive to make your life the way you want it to be?

 

I honestly don’t think I’m jealous of her- I don’t want what she has. But it does bug me when great things happen to her when she doesn’t deserve them. I believe in karma and I just don’t know why her bad karma hasn’t came back to her. I mean she gained over a hundred pounds in a year so maybe that’s the bad karma? But idk. And another thing is that she gets everything she wants and is still ungrateful and complains about everything.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately this activity will deepen and perpetuate this. Only when you find the root cause of your envy and discontent, will you feel better. What makes you decide what people "deserve" or not?

 

Perhaps get in shape, improve your career satisfaction, improve relationships with your friends and family, volunteer, take classes and courses that interest you. Not only will taht get out from that dark place behind the screen seething with envy and resentment, it will make you feel more accomplished and proud of yourself.

2) I constantly compare my life to others. There are several people I look up daily and compare myself to.

 

I'm not completely happy with my life.

[boltnrun]

I honestly don’t think I’m jealous of her- I don’t want what she has. But it does bug me when great things happen to her when she doesn’t deserve them. I believe in karma and I just don’t know why her bad karma hasn’t came back to her. I mean she gained over a hundred pounds in a year so maybe that’s the bad karma? But idk. And another thing is that she gets everything she wants and is still ungrateful and complains about everything.

 

Sorry, but everything you write about her just screams jealousy.

[Annia]

It's not productive to try to figure out why some people are not nice and even less through social media stalking. Her reasons are her reasons and the only thing you can control is how you react. What you can do is stop stalking her social media and distance from her as much as you can. Do your part to stop the drama regardless if she does hers or not.

[journeynow]

How about working on making your life better instead of looking at others' lives and rolling your eyes or feeling envious?

...

What can you do that's positive to make your life the way you want it to be?

 

Bumping this part of boltnrun's post because it really makes an important point. All this is really about you and where you are choosing to focus. Because it has become a habit of yours and has some intensity attached to it, it will take a concerted effort of yours to change.

 

For starters how about writing out a list of all the positive things you can think of about you and your life right now? And then a list of all the positive possibilities you look foward to adding for your future you? Then, make a policy with yourself, whenever you have the urge to even think about her go back to your lists, review, and take one small action related to them.

[SunnyLove]

What stands out is not that you don't get along with your SIL, plenty of people don't get along with a SIL. There is no requirement that you get along with her or do everything together. What stands out is your obsession with her. Why are you putting so much energy into hating her?

[abitbroken]

I think I do it for a couple of reasons.

 

1) I'm looking for a clue that there is something wrong with her life for her to treat people the way she does. Ugly people are usually ugly because they are unhappy.

2) I constantly compare my life to others. There are several people I look up daily and compare myself to. I'm not completely happy with my life but I'm kind to people regardless.

 

You are not a forensic psychologist, nor are you a mystery novel writer doing research. I think you need to stop comparing your life to others and stop looking to analyze hers. perhaps you rub her the wrong way and its okay if she doesn't like you. maybe she doesn't really like anyone. Just go on with your life

[Hollyj]

Weren't you here a year ago with majorr problems with your husband? We advised you to be done, and here you are again. What are trying to get from us, as you are not listening.

"Premeditated divorce, is it wrong?

So basically, my husband and I have a lot of issues. The biggest one being financial issues. He refuses to get a joint bank account, makes 3x as much money as i do, but keeps his money all for himself and makes me pay for the majority of things. I have to beg and plead with him to pay me back for stuff constantly. I also have to work 2 jobs (full time teacher + 2nd job) just to because he won’t “share”. I work 12-14 hours a day. He also expects me to do all of the cleaning and cooking. I’m miserable. I started working on my masters degree about 6 months ago. Before I started, my husband agreed that he would pay for half of my tuition. Then he gave me a hard time about paying for half the first time we had to pay for it. I had to pitch a fit to get the money from him. Since I threw such a huge tantrum, he has surprisingly continued to pay half each time it’s due. I will be finished in a year and a half and am planning on divorcing him as soon as I’m finished with school. I just know I can’t afford it on my own. I feel guilty because I feel like I am technically using him, but then again I feel like I deserve to at least get half of my tuition paid for by him after all he’s put me through. I’m interested to hear others’ opinions..".

 

Why do you stick around?