Premeditated divorce, is it wrong?

So basically, my husband and I have a lot of issues. The biggest one being financial issues. He refuses to get a joint bank account, makes 3x as much money as i do, but keeps his money all for himself and makes me pay for the majority of things. I have to beg and plead with him to pay me back for stuff constantly. I also have to work 2 jobs (full time teacher + 2nd job) just to because he won’t “share”. I work 12-14 hours a day. He also expects me to do all of the cleaning and cooking. I’m miserable. I started working on my masters degree about 6 months ago. Before I started, my husband agreed that he would pay for half of my tuition. Then he gave me a hard time about paying for half the first time we had to pay for it. I had to pitch a fit to get the money from him. Since I threw such a huge tantrum, he has surprisingly continued to pay half each time it’s due. I will be finished in a year and a half and am planning on divorcing him as soon as I’m finished with school. I just know I can’t afford it on my own. I feel guilty because I feel like I am technically using him, but then again I feel like I deserve to at least get half of my tuition paid for by him after all he’s put me through. I’m interested to hear others’ opinions...

Just get divorced. Using people is wrong. There is zero wrong with being a teacher.

Things I love about my husband:

-We balance (he’s laid back, and I worry about every little thing. He keeps me from going crazy)

-He makes me laugh daily

-We have the same goals

-He makes me feel safe

-He’s one of the only people I can 100% be myself around (though sometimes I’m scared to talk to him about things that bother me because I hate fighting with him)

-He works harder than anyone I know

-He makes me a better person without trying to change me into a different person

-He’s always there for me when I need him

-I adore his family

-I find him very attractive

I could really keep going but it would be a lot to read. I do love him even though he’s not always the best husband every single day. Like me, he also has flaws and I’ve learned to deal with them. If we were to divorce over this, I’m worried I will regret it because I do love him.

You just posted this a couple of days ago. Do you no longer feel this way about him?

And to answer your question, it's not nice to stay married just to get money out of your husband. If you want to finish school, why not apply for financial aid or do online courses instead of getting money from him?

Yeah! I am a little confused. We all told you to dump him, yet you defended him.

I'd dump his cheapskate ass now. If you did that, and had your own place, surely you could live on a teacher's salary and continue your education. He sounds despicable to me.

Morally? Yes it is wrong.

If you want to stay in a relationship that makes you miserable to extort money out of your husband for another couple years that is your prerogative....I would not go so far to convince yourself that you deserve it. If he is so stingy with his money and makes you so unhappy why wouldn't you just want to end it and move on with your life?

What on earth could you possibly be asking him to pay you back for that comes remotely close to half the tuition of a graduate-level education?

Sounds like you had a plan marrying this man and are executing it right now. By all means, half him pay for your degree and dump him. Doubt any of us can talk you out of it.

Stop lending him money. See an attorney now to discuss your options.

I have to beg and plead with him to pay me back for stuff constantly.I will be finished in a year and a half and am planning on divorcing him as soon as I’m finished with school.

Get the best divorce attorney you can get. A divorce attorney might get you set up for tuition payments for a year.

At the very least, you should be entitled to half of the assets from your marriage- depending on the laws of your area.

Yeah! I am a little confused. We all told you to dump him, yet you defended him.

I NEVER defended him lol. Someone asked me what I love about him (there are obviously things I do love about him or I would not have married him) but just because you love someone it doesn’t mean you should stay with them. There are things I love about him but the bad outweigh the good.

I NEVER defended him lol. Someone asked me what I love about him (there are obviously things I do love about him or I would not have married him) but just because you love someone it doesn’t mean you should stay with them. There are things I love about him but the bad outweigh the good.

But you were not clear at all about that on your previous thread and you knew the reason for the question -misleading.

I would not stay just to get the money but get your financial affairs in order before you actually file for divorce.

That's a complete 180 from what you wrote 4 days ago. Four days ago you did defend him and wanted to stay married to him. You said just because you disagree about financial things didn't mean you wanted to divorce him. Now suddenly you DO want to divorce him and it's over financial matters.

Scratching my head here...

That's a complete 180 from what you wrote 4 days ago. Four days ago you did defend him and wanted to stay married to him. You said just because you disagree about financial things didn't mean you wanted to divorce him. Now suddenly you DO want to divorce him and it's over financial matters.

 

Scratching my head here...

Show me where I said that.....

Because I’m pretty sure the only thing I said was that I am scared to leave. Which I am. I’m afraid to start over and find someone new and to possibly risk not finding anyone and never being able to carry out my dream of having a family. I’m sure a lot of people that get divorced have fears, but they still carry out the divorce... so how are you confused by that?

You're only concern should be getting away from this jerk, completing your education and making yourself self sufficient.

Damn! Stop being so dependent on men. Plus the one you have now, is a selfish,manipulative cheap and a jerk. I would rather be alone.

Focus on your self!

Show me where I said that.....

Because I’m pretty sure the only thing I said was that I am scared to leave. Which I am. I’m afraid to start over and find someone new and to possibly risk not finding anyone and never being able to carry out my dream of having a family. I’m sure a lot of people that get divorced have fears, but they still carry out the divorce... so how are you confused by that?

You did say it. I suggest you reread your threads.

Show me where I said that.....

Because I’m pretty sure the only thing I said was that I am scared to leave. Which I am. I’m afraid to start over and find someone new and to possibly risk not finding anyone and never being able to carry out my dream of having a family. I’m sure a lot of people that get divorced have fears, but they still carry out the divorce... so how are you confused by that?

"If we were to divorce over this, I’m worried I will regret it because I do love him."

Direct quote from you. Nothing about being afraid to start over, nothing about not finding someone else, nothing about being "scared"...you wrote that you're worried you'd regret it because you love him.

Anyway...now that you don't want to be married to him any more, yes, it would be best to divorce him. I mean, it's not like you're going to tell him you only want to stay married so he'll pay for your schooling because I'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over too well.

See an attorney to learn what your best options may be, and then make an informed decision.

Can you get a bank loan for your tuition or defer course for a year?