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Everything posted by greendots

  1. Even the most guarded individual is likely to open up more than usual in an appropriate environment with the right person. Some people have that incredible personality that is conducive to elicit deep conversations. It's like the way they interact with you, it puts you so much at ease that you feel comfortable and safe sharing stuff with them. Do you follow me? How comfortable do you feel about opening up to him, when you're together?
  2. I feel like she felt pressure when you asked her why you don't meet more often. You're not in sync as you're going at different speeds. Thus, she pulls back. I'd say respect her space, take it easy, yet keep flirting and doing fun stuff with her. You could win her over if she notices through actions that you understand her. Definitely show interest and ask her out again, but respect her wishes of going at her speed. Show her that you've listened to what she said. She'll surely respect that. By the way, not everyone is keen on texting. So don't fret if she's not into it. Spending time together is more valuable than receiving constant texts anyway. You're not officially dating or anything, so you're able to meet other women as well.
  3. Right, so there may not be an actual 'love' triangle, but the idea is still the same. You're drawn into an already complex situation. Moreover, you seem to desire a woman who plays games, when there are so many attractive quality women available on the planet. What's so appealing to you about this whole situation? I recommend you mull over that question, do a bit of self-reflection. There might be valuable insight for you. 🙂
  4. Look, I'm honestly not here to judge you. For some reason you're really intrigued by her, which is fair enough. It's just that my instinct would be to flight, after hearing what you shared about Becky and Steve. I tend to run away from those situations, simply because 'love triangles' and people who play games aren't for me. Why not focus on attractive available quality women? A much better way to spend time in my opinion. 🙂
  5. Honestly, that world you're describing screams havoc. By reacting, you're making her the protagonist and giving this situation more importance than necessary. Why? What's the appeal to be part of such a toxic environment? My advice, extricate yourself and best to not give her or her cronies any more thought.
  6. I see. I know it hurts when the other person doesn't want the same reality as you right now, but you will get through this. 🙂
  7. I see. 🙂 So, let me get it right. She handled it well, you don't want to be a place holder, you're not looking for validation. Ok. Then, you talk about solving it via a conversation. What specifically would you have liked (or would like) to solve via a conversation?
  8. Honestly, my initial impression after reading everything you wrote is that she is confused. It may be a BS excuse or a 100% genuine one. That's where it's at, unfortunately. Remind yourself that it's not you, it's her inability at the moment to give you a logical reason (that clicks in your brain) as to why she suddenly switched gears. I'm talking about that 'aha moment', where suddenly everything makes sense. So, therefore take it easy on yourself. Plus, it takes to two tango. Also, the way I see it is that slip ups are part of life. We all slip up. And whilst it's surely easier to get along and connect when things are flowing nicely, I feel that when we find ourselves in quicksand that's when we discover whether we're truly suitable for each other. Ultimately, how do you feel about the way she handled this situation?
  9. Doing some artsy stuff sounds like fun. However, I'd recommend you omit the "if you want", "I'm not sure" and any expression that doesn't exude confidence. In other words, be confident when asking her out. I hope it goes well for you! 🙂
  10. A like is just a like, a follow is nothing more than a follow. As to whether you'd like to contact her, I'd question why I'd like to get in touch with her, whether I'd benefit from it or not and then decide.
  11. How do you know for certain that she isn't interesting in dating you? She may be going through a lot, but maybe dating you would be a pleasant change. All I'm saying is, ask her out for coffee and see whether she might be interested in dating you. As for her moving overseas one day, nothing has been set in stone until she has the airline tickets. All the best! 🙂
  12. I feel that emotions, masculinity and so on are all shades of gray and we shouldn't limit humans with labels and placing them in boxes which don't allow room for growth.
  13. I'm sorry for your loss. Honestly, do anything that helps you cope with it, like journalling, drawing, walking, grief recovery groups, talking to friends, etc. If you feel like crying, then so be it. Everyone deals with loss differently, so just do whatever works for you. I wish for you to have peace and strength get through this. ❤️
  14. That means he's your boyfriend. Why say that otherwise? Means "I'll see you soon." You guys are moving forward. Focus on that. 🙂
  15. Ghosting is not excusable, except when you're dealing with an abuser, or some such that warrants it. (Dating only once without any further texting, doesn't count.) Ghosting is someone's passive aggressive way of dealing with an uncomfortable situation. She may be busy, not in a good time to date, or simply not interested, etc. The reality is that texting someone "I don't think we're a match.", "I don't feel the same way about you.", "I'm currently unable to date.", "Please stop texting me." or whatever takes less than 30 seconds to type. Her attitude is revealing you how she treats others in those circumstances and how she deals with uncomfortable situations - by avoiding them and disappearing. Do you want someone like that in your life?
  16. You're not alone. To be honest, a lot of things that we didn't struggle with before seem to take more of an effort nowadays. The situation we're living in has taken a toll on our mental health and overall well-being and I feel we're more easily susceptible than before. For example: We see some people living an 'amazing' life online or during that split-second on the street. In reality, who knows what's really going on behind the scenes. But the sheer act of witnessing a model-like person having a grant time somewhere fantastic makes us question ourselves, just like you said, that maybe we're not doing enough. You know what? Maybe some are truly living this grandiose life, but often times this picture-perfect glimpse we get of someone else is akin to a beautiful book cover; where once you peek inside, you realize that cover was a total deception. You keep doing you. You're certainly not boring and, whilst I haven't seen a picture of you, I'm betting that you aren't unattractive either. 🙂
  17. I'm sorry you're hurting, rchubn. I can't fathom what you must be going through, but I can assure you that you are not insignificant. You're worth it.
  18. It's okay to not be okay. Sorry to hear you're going through a lot. Getting over your crush seems nearly impossible right now, but one day you'll have forgotten all about him. Step by step, day by day. I'm facing a situation kinda like yours, so I discovered that keeping your mind busy is the best thing that you can do. Usually your mind would focus on him. Well, refocus your thoughts: think of a celebrity crush, watch a funny movie, do some arts & crafts, go out with friends, etc. Be busy and avoid social media. Also, the way he behaved towards you is not your fault, has nothing to do with you, nor is it a reflection of who you are as a person. If anything, it speaks ill of him. Please know that you are wonderful and in due time, you will be okay. Step by step, day by day. 🙂
  19. Then don't. Why reach out to a 'friend' who hasn't treated you or others with respect? If you didn't feel like drinking that much any more, he needed to respect that. There are other things friends can do that don't involve drinking or spending heaps of money.
  20. Ah, ok. 🙂 I'd still sent her the minutes of whatever conversation you'll have on Monday just to be safe.
  21. My two cents: Keep documenting everything. About that call you're going to have with your team lead's manager on Monday, after it's finished sent her an email detailing what was spoken about, what was established, who said what, etc. Have everything in writing (e.g. shooting her a quick email about a task she asked you to complete or modify) and make screenshots with a timestamp where necessary (e.g. If you uploaded a document at the requested time). That way whatever happens, you have documented proof.
  22. There used to be a list where we could post stuff others have said that have impacted us on this forum, I can't find it, so I'll post it here. Absolutely love this! It's so evident, but when you're going through stuff (like I am right now) you forget this. So, this was a nice reminder Seraphim! Thank you for this wonderful revelation!! Whatever it is that we're going through right now, most likely it's not as bleak as it looks. Everything does really seem dramatic, we over exaggerate. Usually the easy and logical explanation is the correct one. What a beautiful day! ☀️
  23. I'm sorry for what you are going through as well. As others have suggested, keep studying and consider whether moving to a stable country where polygamy is not accepted would interest you. That way you can plan on how to get there. I honestly wish for you to find the strength to keep moving forward. Your family is blessed to have you!
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