greendots

Of course a husband should stand by his wife. And in that same manner, a wife should stand by her husband. In other words, he doesn't have to choose sides because he has a supportive wife who is diplomatic and is a peace-keeper. You aren't second. Actually by being diplomatic you are showing inner strength. You'd be rising above whatever drama is brewing. Remember that you cannot change MIL, but you can opt not to engage. That is commendable!

So sorry to hear you are hurting, Cynder. I feel it's best for you to focus on your well-being and your journey. You matter too, Cynder. {{virtual hugs}}

As others have suggested, meet up and take it from there. 🙂

Quite frankly, you cannot assume that because he is hinting at only dating you that he is actually only wanting to be with you in a committed relationship and only you. Every man is different. Some are similar, but not all. Doesn't matter what culture they are from. Being straightforward about these things, is always best in my opinion. If you want exclusivity, being official or whatever you want to label it as, and the man you are seeing isn't being loud and clear, why not talk to him about it. By the way you cannot expect him to delete his dating profiles when you haven't done so either. TL/DR - Talk to him in person about how you feel.

This! I'm not here to judge you taking drugs. However, from your post it seems that your drug-taking-habit is impacting your life negatively. I feel you're going to get more clarity the moment you have a wake-up call or you voluntarily stop taking drugs.

I'm also sorry to hear that your going through this. Catfeeder is on point. The only thing I have to add is: you matter, too! So please take some time to focus on you. Even if it's just for 5 minutes a day. How is your relationship with your mother and brother? Wishing you strength and wisdom to get through this. xx

Understandably. I hope you'll have more time to get back into it now. 🙂

Do you use Goodreads? That has helped me with getting back into reading heaps and keeping track of books I've already read and books that I want to read. I am trying to be consistent with my reading habit as I love books VERY much. 😁

Hey, Seraphim, I just saw your Q from 2022, hehe. Anyway, I have a Paperwhite for several years now and love it! I use it regularly. Perfect for travelling or reading at night. As much as I adore physical books, lugging thick ones around is not that fun. Did it help you get back into reading a lot more?

Oppenheimer. 😁 Loved every moment!

Not my cuppa. TBH I don't mind someone having a tattoo here and there, but a body fully covered with tats or having them on your face is too much for my liking.

I would definitely discourage anyone to continuously give unsolicited advice. After me blurting stuff out willy nilly and consequently learning heaps of unsavoury lessons, I learnt it's important to know when to keep your mouth shut and when to jump in. Still learning to this day, hehe. But if you witness someone is going through an unhealthy path (e.g: smoking like a chimney when they don't really smoke at all and being more angry than usual) why not raise your concerns in a "I care about you" sort of way. Asking beforehand "Can I put in my two cents" like you mentioned is great. As you suggested, unless we're walking in their shoes, who are we to judge others and tell them what to do? Thus, rather than acting as problem solvers, we bring issues that are hurting them to their attention in a "I care about you" way. Make them aware, before it's too late.

I see things a tad differently. I do feel it is our responsibility to be honest with our family and friends and tell them when they're doing stupid stuff or are headed into a destructive direction. Not in a motherly/authoritarian or pushy sort of way, and definitely no meddling whatsoever, but in one that shows how much you care about them. Right? You love them and so you have to speak up. That doesn't mean they'll welcome our input in that moment and we need to accept that. I remember when my friend told me what mess I'd be getting into, me not wanting to hear it, and then realizing later on in life that they had been right all along. So, whatever you told your brother, it's up to him whether he listens to it. Don't harp on it. Keep loving him whether he listens to you or not.

Kim, have fun on your lunch date! Plenty of men text someone regularly but have no intention to actually go on more dates with you. How often a man makes time to see you is definitely more of an indication of how interested in you he really is.

Remember that you decided this arrangement was to be sexual only due to the age gap, not him. So he's honoring it by behaving casual. He hinted at really digging you but you shot him down. So, instead of losing you completely he keeps the original arrangement. You want him to stop being inconsistent? Speak up. Tell him what you actually want. His response might surprise you. And if his ILY's weren't serious, well, then you can still break off this arrangement.

Let me get this straight. You decided the age gap is too much, so you became a hook-up. He used to phone with you for 4 hours, on your birthday he voluntarily facetimed with you, called you and so on the whole night. You want to hook-up with him only. Then, while he was attending a wedding, facetimed you voluntarily just because. Then, he even opened up to you twice, telling you he loves you and you dismissed him. You're giving him a "this is a hook-up only" vibe. And thus, don't be surprised if he tells you that he loves you in a casual way like drunk or whatever. Why would he come out and share how he really feels about you when your actions make it pretty clear that this is a hook-up only. If you want more than to hook up with him, change your actions.

Hey Alex, Great to hear that you want to lose weight! My first recommendation, go to a competent physician/medical doctor. The reality is that sometimes weight gain can be a sign of an underlying health condition, such as a problem with the thyroid, kidneys, or heart. You want to rule all of that out. I've gained over 10kg due to an underlying health condition in the past. Managed to lose the weight but have to take a daily medicine to treat that condition. So, please please please first see a competent doctor. Then, this isn't only about losing weight. It's about changing bad eating habits into good ones. What matters most when changing a habit is consistency. It's easier to stick to a healthy diet that's yummy if you have a plan/guideline that you can follow through each day. If you already know what you're having for breakfast you've got lower chances of breaking that plan. Make your life easier and less complicated by having a guideline you can stick to. When I wake up each morning, I already have coffee, bread, hard-boiled egg and soft cheese at hand making my life easier. No need to worry about last minutes runs to the store. And if I really want to switch things up there's always some oatmeal available. Highlight: Whatever you do must work for your lifestyle and your body. We all have different needs. Also, I too love desserts and whilst I was dieting at the time I treated myself to some chocolate and a slice of cake. That's okay. 🙂 Beware though as sugar is everywhere, so look at labels. Many packets of, for example, peanut butter, instant oat meal, bread, dried fruit, cereal, granola, ketchup, BBQ sauce and yogurt have added sugar. To make the product "healthier" some replace sugar with artificial sweeteners or syrup. Nowadays, I avoid unnecessary added sugar wherever possible. I mean, I want my slice of cake. Preferably home baked, hehe. 😉 It's a work in progress; I still have a long way to go. It's worth it! Anyhow, TLDR: See a doc first for check-up to make sure it's not a medical condition. Have a plan so it's easier to stick to. Consistency is the "secret" to changing habits. You can do this! All the best!

If he really really liked you, he'd be with you and not his current girlfriend. He likes you enough to keep you around just in case. Honestly, move on. Find a man who asks you out and doesn't waste your time.

I wouldn't label him solely based on how much/little he texts. I for one don't like to text about the minutiae of everyday life and thus, get exhausted, when someone continuously shoots messages to me about that sort of stuff. Doesn't mean I like you any less, it just means I'd rather talk to you in person. Also, being bombarded with texts doesn't mean a guy is that into you either. Go on dates with him and have fun. That's the best way to find out if someone genuinely likes you romantically. 🙂

Not really that interested. Otherwise, he'd find a way to see you–make you a priority. He's giving you a compliment, but that doesn't mean he's interested in having a relationship with you. It's also a 'graceful' way to reject someone. "You are incredible, but..." Wouldn't it be nice to be with a man who doesn't need to be persuaded to appreciate you romantically? A man who is besotted by who you are and voluntarily aches to see you again, without you having to push for this to happen.

Sorry to hear you're feeling lost. A guy you've seen three times made it very clear that he's only physically attracted to you and you're struggling to let go. I believe that thinking of him/hearing from him makes you feel wonderful––maybe he gives you hope, maybe it feels really good that a cute guy is attracted to you, etc. So, by associating him with positive sensations (e.g. intense connection) you're giving those feeling power over you. Thereby making it harder for you to move on. I'd focus on his negative personality traits to break that spell. Additionally, try to meet other men locally as that might also help you get over a guy who's not that keen on you. Hot and cold = lukewarm = not really that interested.

Living with depression is not an easy road. Still, whilst having (been diagnosed with) depression may make you more irritable or clingy/needy than usual that doesn't mean you treat others badly–word which could be replaced by a much harsher one to be honest. Does she take medications of any sort? If she has long-term depression and isn't doing much about it–no one can force her to see specialist or get treatment. Only encourage her. Honestly, do you feel that she's a person of an admirable character? Do her values and yours mesh? Is she a team player? You'd benefit from reflecting on your answers to those questions. Then, acting accordingly. Great you're going to therapy! All the best. 🙂

I'd say it depends on how frequently you're going on dates and talking or texting (meaningful bonding, not just endlessly chitchatting about whatever) in-between dates and the types of dates you're having. You wouldn't like to lead anyone one on.

I heard about that on the news. Heartbreaking. Glad to hear you and the people you know are okay. I hope that other ENA posters who live in Canada are safe as well. All the best to your mum, Batya. I saw pictures of NYC–so much smog.

Gosh, this is so devastating. How much the fires have spread across Canada! 😧 I hope fires will be under control soon. Thinking about you guys. Please stay safe.