He flies First Class, while I fly Coach -- Non-judgemental insight needed

[jellybean2018]

10 pages later, and so much has been said.

 

I think it would have been a very chivalrous gesture of him to have offered you his First Class seat. It would then have been very kind of you to accept, and to offer to switch for the flight home.

 

The fact that he never offered, coupled with the fact that he went ahead in the TSA line and left you in the regular line, tell me he didn't take advantage of two times he could have been chivalrous.

 

I like chivalry, and I fear it's dying, and I think that's unfortunate.

 

 

Also this.... :) very much so!

[LootieTootie]

It sounds like it was a spur of the moment thing to fly you since he had booked his flights prior. Additionally because you had also said you didn't have a problem beforehand... I think you need to it go....

[Andrina]

From what you've written, you clearly have a problem communicating what you're thinking, sharing your wishes, and clarifying what's going on in his mind. As far as the TSA thing, I would've started a conversation with him to understand his priorities. I'd say: Just trying to figure out why we're not on the same page. Because for me, I'd rather have your company while waiting in line. Can you tell me why you prefer to get through the line faster and then have to sit alone waiting for me?

 

This can be said in a mellow way, just as other things can that bother you. It might be helpful to hear what's really on his mind versus what you assume.

 

If you let bad feelings bottle up, it'll eventually come out in horrible ways. If you're not revealing how you feel and your wishes, he's not really getting to know the real you, and he will feel like it's a shallow relationship.

 

You feel how you feel no matter how logical or illogical. The main thing you should be considering is how often you're generally happy with the relationship and how often you're upset. If you're upset more often than you're happy, it means the relationship isn't the right one for you, and so perhaps find someone with whom you're more compatible with as far as priorities and how each of you likes to be treated. If the good outweighs the bad, you can still work on the bad by learning to communicate more effectively, and working on your self esteem issues so that you don't accept less than what you're worthy of. Take care.

[katrina1980]

 

If you let bad feelings bottle up, it'll eventually come out in horrible ways. If you're not revealing how you feel and your wishes, he's not really getting to know the real you, and he will feel like it's a shallow relationship.

 

 

Amen to that Andrina.

 

Which I have often advised also, on other threads. So many couples 'walk on eggshells' with each other, too afraid to speak their minds. I just don't get it.

 

I agree with you, doing so only causes resentment, and blocks intimacy. Both of which equal, as you said, a very shallow relationship, ultimately.

 

If you're too afraid to speak your mind with your partner, out of fear of his reaction or "rocking the boat," you're with the wrong partner.

[reinventmyself]

Amen to that.

 

Which I have often advised also, on other threads. So many couples 'walk on eggshells' with each other, too afraid to speak their minds. I just don't get it.

 

I agree with you, doing so only causes resentment, and blocks intimacy.

 

If you're too afraid to speak your mind with your partner, out of fear of his reaction or "rocking the boat," you're with the wrong partner.

 

I think a majority of us think along these lines, but in the face of something you say one thing - and as shown in the case. But afterthefact you reconsider what just went down and challenge it.

 

I know I have plenty of these moments - Wishing I had the perfect words at the exact time.

 

Life just doesn't work that way sometimes.

[katrina1980]

I think a majority of us think along these lines, but in the face of something you say one thing - and as shown in the case. But afterthefact you reconsider what just went down and challenge it.

 

I know I have plenty of these moments - Wishing I had the perfect words at the exact time.

Life just doesn't work that way sometimes.

 

Bolded, oh I agree, and I too have not always had the perfect words and wished I had expressed myself differently at the time. I think that's true for most of us (as you said).

 

But I think that's different from being too afraid to speak your mind (at all) about what troubles us, out of some sort of fear of upsetting the apple cart or something. Fear of his reaction, which I see quite a bit on this forum.

 

Like in this thread, and others CG has created, it's clear she has trouble with open and honest communication with her bf, it's a pattern. She admitted it.

 

Even if she realized later it troubled her, it's okay to bring it up with him then.

 

JMO, but it's never too late to express something that is troubling us with our partners, even if it's not at the time it occurred.

 

Admittedly, I was too afraid to speak up in my last long term relationship (six year guy), kept a lot of myself and my true feelings hidden and, in retrospect, our RL was distant and lacked true emotional intimacy.

 

I've grown a lot since then, made tons of mistakes in subsequent relationships, perhaps speaking up too much, but I've learned there is a balance, and that it is never good to hide your true feelings, even if you need some time to gather thoughts and discuss at a later time.

 

Ultimately it brings you closer, and as I've said, builds intimacy, which is what is happening now in my current relationship.

[Wiseman2]

It's water under the bridge now. What you can do for the future is apply for TSA precheck and never do last minute add-on trips again. Simply turn anything down that's not planned in advance together. TSA.gov: https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

The situation in general is perhaps a bit unusual and awkward, and that is why I’ve written about it here.

[itsallgrand]

It's water under the bridge now. What you can do for the future is apply for TSA precheck and never do last minute add-on trips again. Simply turn anything down that's not planned in advance together. TSA.gov: https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

 

I still think that's a good idea all around to keep things balanced.

[JaggerJim]

I didn't read the whole thread so forgive me if you've already answered it - But..... why didn't he sit with you in coach?

[reinventmyself]

I didn't read the whole thread so forgive me if you've already answered it - But..... why didn't he sit with you in coach?

 

*** pulling my hair

[JaggerJim]

Ok read the whole thread now.

 

Sure he had miles to use, and chose to sit first-class while his SO slunk back to coach, but really that's a bad deal. I don't know why he didn't just sit coach with you and put up with sub-par service, and the cold.

 

It really is quite telling in it's self. It's deeper than him just shouting you a ticket, your seeing him in a new light.

[Capricorn3]

Ok read the whole thread now.

 

Sure he had miles to use, and chose to sit first-class while his SO slunk back to coach, but really that's a bad deal. I don't know why he didn't just sit coach with you and put up with sub-par service, and the cold.

 

It really is quite telling in it's self. It's deeper than him just shouting you a ticket, your seeing him in a new light.

 

What you forget is that he had already booked his ticket a whole week before.

[JaggerJim]

Well this information would have been super-helpful in the original post!

 

Now I have to re-evaluate my answer.

[Batya33]

Amen to that Andrina.

 

Which I have often advised also, on other threads. So many couples 'walk on eggshells' with each other, too afraid to speak their minds. I just don't get it.

 

I agree with you, doing so only causes resentment, and blocks intimacy. Both of which equal, as you said, a very shallow relationship, ultimately.

 

If you're too afraid to speak your mind with your partner, out of fear of his reaction or "rocking the boat," you're with the wrong partner.

 

I don't think it's walking on eggshells in the least to balance the timing, the environment, whether in 24 hours it might not be a big deal, etc. To me that's about balancing letting it all hang out with tact, thoughtfulness and empathy. I think too many people use the "I was just being honest" to excuse being overwhelming, too harsh, not thinking about whether the other person is ready to hear what you (the general "you") are clamoring to say. I think too many people end up texting what should be reserved for face to face when that can happen because they prioritize letting it out right then -instant gratification -with considering whether the other person deserves a face to face conversation even if it means waiting. I had that happen just the other day and thank goodness I didn't send one of the three llooooongg texts I started and instead waited until we could talk face to face.

 

In their case I think he made an offhand comment, she was caught off guard, etc. Or it can be symptomatic of a larger issue. I agree with reinvent.

[katrina1980]

 

In their case I think he made an offhand comment, she was caught off guard, etc. Or it can be symptomatic of a larger issue. I agree with reinvent.

 

In addition to agreeing with Andrina (post 104, the post to which you responded), I agreed with reinvent too (post 106).

[figureitout23]

 

 

Basically, just wanting a reality-check and reassurance that this isn't a red flag. I've been mistreated by a few people in the past, and sometimes it's hard for me to spot it when it's actually happening. I'm trying to be careful.

 

.

 

I pointed out based on your posts it seems you're dealing with insecurities 7 pages or so ago, it was ignored while you sided with the people who were bashing your boyfriend. Now that the tides turning you seem to want to elaborate. I'm very glad because I'd hate for you to end a relationship because of your past baggage.

 

Look the truth is if this is your biggest relationship concern you two seem to be doing pretty good.

 

Could all this be indicative to future issues? Maybe, but I really don't think these thoughts are naturally occurring. I think they've always festered and these instances allow your brain to let them loose.

[Last Gentleman]

You're overthinking OP and sabotaging yourself because it seems as you pointed, you had a difficult relationship and don't think a man can be genuine or actually we all have this tendency,

to want to go back to what's familiar, so this guy treats you too well which is weird to you and you try to find silly stuff to rationalize and kind of get out of the relationship.

 

I've got a scoop here, majority of us guys don't think that much if we like you we spend money on you, otherwise we usually have shiny man toys to spent it on , this guy seems

fine and very unaware that this details caused such storm in your mind, do you both a favor and just communicate that !

[Sportster2005]

He asked if it was O.K., you said yes.

 

You said you appreciate it, but here you are complaining.

 

You said you wanted him to offer his seat, but you would have turned down the offer.

 

Here is a simple solution. See what you mean, and mean what you say.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course...Closed.