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My Wife and Her New Boss


KnightMan
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I'm not shocked at all, you don't know my wife, she's a great actress and a master manipulator. She managed to flirt with her boss right in front of me and convince me that I was the one with the problem, after her stay in the hospital she had all of us convinced she had turned her life around, she led me to believe her and that POS were not seeing each other anymore, she lied to me about him giving the watch back to her, she even had me paranoid and convinced she knew about this forum. Convincing a couple of deputies that I had just recently thrown her out and refused to let her get her stuff was child's play to her. Nothing she does surprises me anymore. When they wrote "Hell hath no fury..." They were probably inspired by my wife.

 

I have yet to read that part but if all of this is true your ex wife is pathologically narcissist or sociopathic or whatever. And about the forum when I read the part of her giving you a watch and all I really thought she was reading the forum posts because of the time you left your pc open and she seemed to be doing everything people on this forum told you she should do to win you back.

 

But congratulations because you've dealt with this with integrity and self worth. You're a true example for all of us.

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Knight,

 

I hope your road trip is going well and you are enjoying yourself.

 

Throughout all this you have taken the high road and you did the same in BK that day. You were able to go home and not regret anything. No harsh words, no "I told you so" or anything. This is your character and continued love for her. I would caution you about the love you feel. Like me you love the person you once knew, not the person she is now. The woman I fell in love with died when she chose to cheat and then blame me for the whole thing to anyone who would listen. She simply is not the person I was in love with and like you I was in love with a memory, not reality. Be careful to remember that.

 

She got her chance to apologize and you were very gracious so leave it at that. Hopefully this will be the end of it but more than likely there will be more but you will handle it just as well as you did waiting on your order.

 

Take all these experiences to heart and let them grow your soul.

 

Lost

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She's having an emotional affair, some people can justify it because nothing physical had happened, yet, so they flat out deny it's cheating. But it is, and it's not being honest.

 

I get the impression that she loves you, but also craves something fresh in her life, but doesn't know how to have her cake and eat it too. Eventually she'll either come to her senses, or leave you. There's nothing you can do

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She's having an emotional affair, some people can justify it because nothing physical had happened, yet, so they flat out deny it's cheating. But it is, and it's not being honest.

 

I get the impression that she loves you, but also craves something fresh in her life, but doesn't know how to have her cake and eat it too. Eventually she'll either come to her senses, or leave you. There's nothing you can do

 

I guess you only read the first post.

 

The wife admitted to a full on affair.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I have yet to read that part but if all of this is true your ex wife is pathologically narcissist or sociopathic or whatever. And about the forum when I read the part of her giving you a watch and all I really thought she was reading the forum posts because of the time you left your pc open and she seemed to be doing everything people on this forum told you she should do to win you back.

 

But congratulations because you've dealt with this with integrity and self worth. You're a true example for all of us.

 

Amen. Its been a while since I checked in on this thread but completely agree with the sentiments above.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well it's done, I'm officially divorced now. When it was finally over I felt the weight of the world lift off me but my heart felt heavy at the same time. I'm divorced, wow! That's going to take some getting use to. It feels weird just writing it, I feel like I'm wearing some kind of invisible label now. On a positive note, It went better than I thought, a few minor bumps along the way but nothing to get in a twist about. We kept to the deal we originally agreed to before we were married and as promised, the condo is all mine now. We spoke a little after it was over, we were both civil and polite, but it was awkward, it was like we went inside married and came out strangers.

 

She did look much better and I'm pretty sure she'll be okay if she sticks with her therapy. I think in the end she just gave up because she knew I had finally had enough and nothing she did was going to change my mind. She'll always hold a special place in my heart but I had to move on, but at least I didn't give up until I gave her every chance I could. I could have forgiven the physical part, but it was the lies and going out of her way to humiliate me that I couldn't get past. It's going to take awhile to get over that. I'm learning that forgiveness comes in stages, each day I've been able to let go a little bit more.

 

It took me awhile to figure out what all the fuss over this thread was about until I started reading a couple of other forums. I guess cases like mine are pretty rare but I still don't feel like anyone special. I just realized that although I made my share of mistakes, I never cheated on her, I was 100% loyal to her. I worked my butt off for us, I kept my end of the deal and I don't think it's too much to ask for a little loyalty in return, but she blew it, so I gave her what she wanted and that's all there really is to it.

 

I want to thank everyone again for the support, the advice, the PM's and all the encouragement.

I would of never made it this far without this place, I'm eternally grateful to all of you.

 

I'm not sure what the future holds but I guess all I can do now is move forward.

My buddy and a few close friends are planning something big for me this weekend, so I better get some rest while I still can :smug:

Edited by KnightMan
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Knight,

 

Your story is surprisingly not that uncommon around here. They all pretty much end up the same way sooner or later. The difference is how you get to where you are now. Some fight and struggle, ignore advice, ignore reality, ignore that gut feeling we have all had and then there are others like you that reached out for help pretty early on and listened to advice. In the end you are the reason you came out in the condition you are now because you accepted the reality.

 

You may have slipped a few times and made a few mistakes but for the most part you did extremely well and should proud of the way you handled this whole ordeal.

 

The feelings you had when the papers were signed is very common. No matter how bitter or contested there is always some grieving and mourning the death of something that started with so much love and hope.

 

You are not the man you were when this started, you are much more than that now and my best advice for you is to not take your foot off the gas and keep growing and learning. It is a different life for sure and 10 years after mine ended I am pretty darn happy and content and I am confident you will be too.

 

I would ask on favor. Take what you have learned and pay it forward as much as you can on here and in life. You would be surprised how many guys you will run into in life walking a similar path you just walked.

 

I have a smile on my face as I type this knowing you are doing so well.

 

Best wishes always

Lost

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I think what is uncommon about your story is that her parents were in agreement/in understanding of you - they knew you were not the enemy and they showed loving care, while you treated them with dignity as well. you parted on good terms with them, even if you never see them/hear from them again. And even though it was tough, you stood by your boundaries. The cheating story is as old as the hills. there is nothing new about that part of it.

 

When it was finally over I felt the weight of the world lift off me but my heart felt heavy at the same time.

 

That's how i felt. My marriage was abusive to the point that it was best that i didn't appear in court with him. But i still felt this way - i felt free and at the same time I felt a loss.

That was the biggest thing that my relatives did not understand and were frustrated with me that i wasn't opening a bottle of champagne.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi. Take it from experience. She is having a full blown emotional affair. Look it up and read the signs of an emotional affair and I guarantee you will be convinced. It may have already moved to a physical affair but it may not have done. This convention though is trouble and I can be 90% certain they will sleep together.

I've been in the same boat. Its not pretty. They seem like a completely different person. The fact that she doesn't want to sit and talk means she is the one that's controlling you. Making you seem paranoid. Listen to me. You are NOTparanoid. Don't listen to her. LEFT UN CHECKED I WILL GUARANTEE THIS WILL RUIN YOUR MARRIDGE. SOUNDS LIKE IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE. sorry man. All about damage limitation now. If I were you I would focus on getting as much hard evidence of this cheating as possible so you can take it to divorce Lawyers.

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I posted my above comment without reading the whole story. And boy did I read it all. page 1 to 55 from the time of my first post until now.

 

It was like reading a deeply emotional novel and it hit me in a few places because I'm going through something similar right now. My one and only post got added yesterday evening if anyone cares to take a read.

I feel like I know you just from reading this thread and its gonna be sad to not see your regular updates. When way your last post, 25 October and counting.

 

You have inspired me into taking the moral path with a break up and I've been thinking about it for a while. We have been together 4 years and from 4 months into the relationship she got in contact with an old flame. so I've had 4 genuine months of quality in love relationship and 3 years and 8 months of ups downs lack of trust etc. its been bumpy but I think I'm coming to the end of the road with this one. Few things I need to get sorted first and allow myself to become more financially stable and then I think I will be looking to go down the road of ending things but I will surly look to take your approach and pull inspiration from your experience when things get tough. I know for sure they will. Regret, pain, doubting you have made the right decision but in the end the true colours will always come out.

 

It has been really hard hitting (in a good way) reading this post. Maybe we will never hear from you again, maybe we will but I sincerely wish you all the best for the future and your new journey ahead. You are one of the bravest people I have known, at least when it comes to relationship breakups.

Ive related so much with your story.

 

Good luck and all the best for the future because it is certianly bright for you.

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Thought I would post a little update since I haven't visited the forum in awhile. I had no idea people were still reading and posting on this thread. I want to thank everyone who wished me well, I've read all your replies and I wish I could thank you all in person, the words I write here are just not enough to express how I really feel about all your thoughtful encouragement. I'm not really sure how to respond to those of you who have been inspired by my roller coaster ride, I still feel a little embarrassed and uneasy about putting myself out here like this, but I'm also grateful and humbled that something I went through could help someone else out.

 

I finally went out and got a new bed for the bedroom, since the condo is all mine now I see no reason why I should keep sleeping on the couch, seems kinda silly to keep that room empty. Been pretty quiet around here, keeping myself busy with work. I finally decided to meet with the OM's wife, she's holding up pretty well considering her stbx is also trying to sue the company for wrongful termination. She's quite a character, strong-willed and has a great sense of humor. I gave her copies of what I had and wished her well, I probably won't see her again, but she can handle herself pretty well and I have a feeling she'll be just fine.

 

I got an invitation from my ex-wife's parents for Thanksgiving dinner, I broke NC and called her parents, spoke to her mom and explained that it's probably not a good idea for me to come over anymore, got a little choked up when she told me I was always welcome in their home and that she would always consider me her son-in law. My buddy invited me over to spend the holiday with him and his family but I said no thanks. I know this might sound selfish but I really don't feel much like being around other families this Thanksgiving. I've decided I just want to be alone this year. But I am cooking a big ham, a green bean casserole and a sweet potato pie!

 

(yes I can cook too - lol!)

 

One last thing, for any of you out there who are going through what I've just been through, I'll just say this, take the advice that applies to you, you'll know it when you hear it. In the end the decision to stay or leave is up to you. It's your life and you're the one that has to live it. There's a time and place for everything, there's a time to fight for a relationship and time to say enough is enough, and you'll know in your heart when that time comes, but most importantly, how you conduct yourself through the process is what will stay with you for a long time. You'll get angry, you'll have doubts, and you're going to make mistakes, that's okay, you're only human. but don't just ask yourself is the relationship worth it, also take the time to stop and examine your own self worth.

 

Well that's all I have for now, not sure when I will be able to stop back by again, but I promise to check in from time to time when I get a chance. Headed to Dallas in December for another road trip to visit some friends. I'm still not dating, haven't even thought about it and probably won't even consider it for awhile, kind of enjoy being alone right now, but the woman I met on the fishing trip keeps texting me to meet up again. I'm still not interested in seeing anyone yet but I will say this for her - she's persistent (smile). Have a Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Edited by KnightMan
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Knightman,

I read your post and have been following your updates this whole time now. I have been wondering how you are, and how things are going. I have been silently cheering you on and praying, hoping, wishing for the best for you.

I will continue to so do, even if you don't come here anymore.

 

I think I can easily say that you've touched many of our hearts deeply as we can relate to your pain and your healing, even your backslides. We understand and have been there too.

I meant it when I said that you will get better, this will get better. One day you will look back on it and see that it was only a chapter in your life.

 

I do sincerely hope that you come back and update now and again. But I understand if you want to move past this and if leaving this forum helps with closure, then you do what you need to do.

 

I hope your Thanksgiving dinner is really good. It sounds wonderful!

You won't be alone. The thoughts and well wishes and healing vibes of love and happiness directly for you, will be surrounding you from strangers all over the world who will be hoping you're doing okay and that things are going okay for you.

 

Come back anytime, you always have a place here.

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I broke NC and called her parents, spoke to her mom and explained that it's probably not a good idea for me to come over anymore, got a little choked up when she told me I was always welcome in their home and that she would always consider me her son-in law.

 

This shows a high amount of class and maturity on your part, and theirs - the fact that you and the parents communicated in this manner.

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  • 2 weeks later...
My thoughts exactly, she claims the text messages are all business related but when I ask to look at them she tells me to hold on for a second and almost all of the messages have been deleted. I tried to grab a peek at her phone once when she went into the shower but she put a passcode on it.

 

Thats some giant red flag stuff there...

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I appreciate the vote of confidence, I just think I've been pretty lucky so far.

I don't really feel like I've handled things very well at all and I've made plenty of mistakes

 

My wife managed to deceive me for 6 months

I allowed my wife to flirt with her boss right in front of me

I let my wife purchase an expensive watch for a man who doesn't need one

I let her convince me that I was insecure and jealous

I believed her lies

I have to get tested for a disease and need therapy

I almost let her convince me her affair was my fault

I felt so helpless I had to turn to an anonymous internet forum for support

I didn't even have the guts to tell her to come home until someone from this forum told me to grow a pair

I never believed she would cheat on me but in my gut I knew she was

I said nothing to her about the passcode on her phone

I felt emasculated, cuckolded and worthless after reading those messages

I have had trouble eating and sleeping and I still get those images of them in my head

I can hardly stay focused

I feel betrayed, lost, confused, hurt, humiliated, angry and sad

I still love her after everything she's done

I hate her after everything she's done

I want to walk away from her and I can't let go of her

I missed all the signals she says she tried to send me

I should have seen the writing on the wall - all the red flags were there

I had no idea what to do until the people on this forum advised me

I pace the floor not knowing what the future holds

Everything we have been working towards for the past 7 years is gone

 

And a guy with money had my wife of 7 years in his bed within a week

 

I don't feel like I have a good head - I feel like a laughing stock and a complete fool

 

The good news is you're right, I have some great friends and amazing support from this board

 

but remarkable? no, going to the right place at the right time and getting good advice from the right people...yes :)

 

Wow crazy read... I havent been on this forum in ages.. came to post something for my cousin and saw this thread. For anyone in this situation... the way I look at these things is this all smells like BS. And once you recognize what BS smells like you know not to go back to it again. Learn from it, let it make you stronger, and next time you get a whiff of something that doesnt smell right you can put your foot down immediately and be like nah I aint doing this. You will be better for it in the end.

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