Jump to content

My Wife and Her New Boss


KnightMan
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hello Everyone,

 

Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas.

 

(she's never given me a watch)

 

They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me.

 

She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not.

 

I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry for what you're going through. She's being very inappropriate, crossing the lines with her boss,

and being very disrespectful to your marriage. I dated a guy who had the same situation, and it never stopped.

He ended up divorcing her. The anger he held still was unhealthy, but if you know you're being cheated

out of what a marriage is supposed to be, it's better to walk away from it and heal, and then start fresh.

You should put your foot down to her. This sounds like it's leading up to an affair.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mount a military’s style operation to get the peace of mind you need to have. She will go to great lengths to hide things. Acting insecure is not helping your cause. Tell her you love her and you value the relationship, and if she ever thinks of getting to close to another man to have enough confidence to tell you with enough time to correct things.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry for what you're going through. She's being very inappropriate, crossing the lines with her boss,

and being very disrespectful to your marriage. I dated a guy who had the same situation, and it never stopped.

He ended up divorcing her. The anger he held still was unhealthy, but if you know you're being cheated

out of what a marriage is supposed to be, it's better to walk away from it and heal, and then start fresh.

You should put your foot down to her. This sounds like it's leading up to an affair.

 

Tried being nice and putting my foot down but we just end up arguing and she always has to have the last word.

I don't understand how someone's entire personality can just change like that almost overnight, she acts like a completely different person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mount a military’s style operation to get the peace of mind you need to have. She will go to great lengths to hide things. Acting insecure is not helping your cause. Tell her you love her and you value the relationship, and if she ever thinks of getting to close to another man to have enough confidence to tell you with enough time to correct things.

 

I wouldn't say I'm being insecure, but she thinks I am, I'm just looking for a little respect from the woman I married.

Military Style Operation? Please elaborate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tried being nice and putting my foot down but we just end up arguing and she always has to have the last word.

I don't understand how someone's entire personality can just change like that almost overnight, she acts like a completely different person.

 

Sorry to say this, but her actions and defying you really points to her being deceitful.

She can pull the "you're being controlling of me" card, but you have valid reason to question her actions.

I mean, why does she need to be texting him outside of work? And during her time with you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wouldn't say I'm being insecure, but she thinks I am, I'm just looking for a little respect from the woman I married.

Military Style Operation? Please elaborate

 

I don't find you being insecure either. For every action, there's a reaction.

You are reacting to her actions. Fair enough.

If it were you saying things because she has to work late to keep her job, you'd be in the wrong.

But that isn't the case here.

 

Having dated wealthy men, let me tell you this---it means nothing.

It doesn't mean that man will spend his fortune on her nor give her access to his funds. So don't let the fact that

the man is filthy rich upset you. A woman of value appreciates a hard working man, no matter his income. Money

does not make a person respectful, faithful, loving, attentive, etc. it's easy to flash around the fancy cars, huge

home, expensive dinners and wine, etc, but at the end of the day, it does not mean happiness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she thinks you are insecure is all that matters.!! Act cool as a cucumber and factually... tell her you will have time to catch up with your girlfriends while she is out (jokingly)

 

The friendly coworker, is the number 1 candidate for an affair! Google it.

 

Military style operation... track her location, her messages, her facebook, record her, etc. Use your imagination. Hire a detective... get a friend to spy on her... get a cheap independent person to spy on her. You need to protect your marriage. Play defense and offense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to say this, but her actions and defying you really points to her being deceitful.

She can pull the "you're being controlling of me" card, but you have valid reason to question her actions.

I mean, why does she need to be texting him outside of work? And during her time with you?

 

My thoughts exactly, she claims the text messages are all business related but when I ask to look at them she tells me to hold on for a second and almost all of the messages have been deleted. I tried to grab a peek at her phone once when she went into the shower but she put a passcode on it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't find you being insecure either. For every action, there's a reaction.

You are reacting to her actions. Fair enough.

If it were you saying things because she has to work late to keep her job, you'd be in the wrong.

But that isn't the case here.

 

Having dated wealthy men, let me tell you this---it means nothing.

It doesn't mean that man will spend his fortune on her nor give her access to his funds. So don't let the fact that

the man is filthy rich upset you. A woman of value appreciates a hard working man, no matter his income. Money

does not make a person respectful, faithful, loving, attentive, etc. it's easy to flash around the fancy cars, huge

home, expensive dinners and wine, etc, but at the end of the day, it does not mean happiness.

 

Thanks I really needed to hear that, at first I really thought she might be attracted to him because he was a better man than me, but I honestly don't think that's the case at all, he's not a better man than me, he just has more money.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My thoughts exactly, she claims the text messages are all business related but when I ask to look at them she tells me to hold on for a second and almost all of the messages have been deleted. I tried to grab a peek at her phone once when she went into the shower but she put a passcode on it.

 

Sadly all points to an affair. But proof is needed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My thoughts exactly, she claims the text messages are all business related but when I ask to look at them she tells me to hold on for a second and almost all of the messages have been deleted. I tried to grab a peek at her phone once when she went into the shower but she put a passcode on it.

 

There's no need to delete anything if it's all business related. Locking the phone is a bad sign, if it wasn't ever locked before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry but so many red flags. Defiant with you. Turning this around on you and gaslighting you, as in you are insecure, you are controlling, etc, etc, etc. Guarding her phone and constantly on it - HUGE red flag. Changed behavior, changed personality. Sex life with you dead. Picking fights with you. Buying her boss an expensive watch - who does that? I mean these are all classic signs of cheating.

 

Bottom line OP is that no cheater will ever admit to cheating. Whether she is having an emotional affair or whether this has reached into the physical territory as well, impossible to tell. Certainly there are plenty of opportunities. Do you have access to the phone records? Check just how much they talk. If you can get into her phone, do it. Check credit card statements. Normally I'm against snooping, but you have serious cause to do so. If you need more proof before you make a decision or can live in peace that nothing is happening, hire a PI.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks I really needed to hear that, at first I really thought she might be attracted to him because he was a better man than me, but I honestly don't think that's the case at all, he's not a better man than me, he just has more money.

 

The glitter and gold gets old pretty fast. Believe me. Who a person is and how they treat you(physically and emotionally, not with material things) matters so much more .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she thinks you are insecure is all that matters.!! Act cool as a cucumber and factually... tell her you will have time to catch up with your girlfriends while she is out (jokingly)

 

The friendly coworker, is the number 1 candidate for an affair! Google it.

 

Military style operation... track her location, her messages, her facebook, record her, etc. Use your imagination. Hire a detective... get a friend to spy on her... get a cheap independent person to spy on her. You need to protect your marriage. Play defense and offense.

 

Googled friendly coworker (unbelieveable) all the classic signs are there, God how could be so blind.

I have a buddy of mine who does that kind of work for a living, he's a PI, wow, spying on my wife?

Can you explain to me what I would gain from spying on her? I'm really a newbie to all this, wouldn't that be an admission of insecurity?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a buddy of mine who does that kind of work for a living, he's a PI, wow, spying on my wife?

Can you explain to me what I would gain from spying on her? I'm really a newbie to all this, wouldn't that be an admission of insecurity?

 

You gain certainty. Unless you have bulletproof evidence. She will deny, deflect, and call you names and blame you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry but so many red flags. Defiant with you. Turning this around on you and gaslighting you, as in you are insecure, you are controlling, etc, etc, etc. Guarding her phone and constantly on it - HUGE red flag. Changed behavior, changed personality. Sex life with you dead. Picking fights with you. Buying her boss an expensive watch - who does that? I mean these are all classic signs of cheating.

 

Bottom line OP is that no cheater will ever admit to cheating. Whether she is having an emotional affair or whether this has reached into the physical territory as well, impossible to tell. Certainly there are plenty of opportunities. Do you have access to the phone records? Check just how much they talk. If you can get into her phone, do it. Check credit card statements. Normally I'm against snooping, but you have serious cause to do so. If you need more proof before you make a decision or can live in peace that nothing is happening, hire a PI.

 

I can get access to the phone records because I am the primary account holder.

She swears up and down that nothing is going on, but I'm thinking an emotional affair at least.

 

One time a group of us all went out to eat and he sat across from us.

He asked her how her fish tasted and she said "Yummy, you want some?"

And instead of sliding her plate over and letting him take a portion of her fish,

she starts spoon feeding him at least 3 times right in front of me

We had one of our worst arguments ever that night, she thought I blew the whole thing out of proportion.

 

Another time he invited everyone over to his big fancy house for a party

I arrived late and when I went around back I see her boss chasing her around the pool

Then he grabs her by the waist and throws her in fully clothed.

We had another big argument that night, she claimed they had all been drinking and just having a bit of fun

She made me feel like a jealous jerk that night.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

wouldn't that be an admission of insecurity?

Is evidence of realism. You need to deal with reality head on.

 

You are not showing insecurity, you are showing determination on taking you marriage seriously. That is the opposite of insecurity. You are showing you have the guts to go “all in” to protect your family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Use your buddy! Catch her and confront her with evidence. Play it cool until then.

If your suspicions are confirmed, she can't deny anything. You need the proof.

As a PI, he can access all emails, call records, texts.

Then decide if you both want to save the marriage.

 

Whoa, this all new to me, never thought of using his services on my own wife,

he's a good family friend, do you think it's wise to use him? wouldn't she recognize him?

I'm sure he wouldn't mind doing this for me, but this is all so crazy, my head is starting to spin just thinking about what I might find.

I feel like I'm in the twilight zone

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You gain certainty. Unless you have bulletproof evidence. She will deny, deflect, and call you names and blame you.

 

I guess you're right, all this sitting around and wondering what's going on is doing me no good.

I want to trust her, but I guess there's nothing wrong with trust but verfiy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is another dimension to this. If he her boss, he is in a position of power and he stand to get fired if you do this right. You can get him out of your life really quick! But that is stage 2, now you need to know for sure.

 

Yeah, he's in a position of power all right, he owns the company and she's his assistant

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Why You Should NEVER Chase Your Ex
      You should NEVER chase your ex, no matter what... even if you want to get back together. In this video, I’ll explain what exactly I mean by that… and why it’s so important if you want your ex back. Here's the simple truth: if you DO want to give yourself the best possible chance of starting over with your ex, you simply CANNOT let yourself start chasing them… it just doesn’t work, even though it’s the natural human reaction to a breakup and often feels like the right way to get them back. Even if you DON'T want your ex back, you still shouldn't let yourself chase after them. Watch the full video to find out why...

       
      • 0 replies
    • How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩
      How Do You Know She’s The One? 5 Signs She’s The One & 1 Red Flag! 🚩... In this dating advice video, I will explain to you how to know she’s the one and give you five signs she’s the one as well as give you one red flag that you need to look out for. You may want to know whether she’s the one on first dates, online dating, or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to these dating tips and be sure to watch the entire video.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Odd Signs You're Seeking Approval from Others Outside of Yourself
      In this YouTube Video, Lisa A Romano discusses 5 signs that indicate you're still seeking approval from others outside of you. If you are codependent, and you struggle with self-love, you may not realize the signs you're seeking approval from others. Childhood trauma and emotional neglect lead to a sense of feeling unseen. If you feel unseen, you may seek approval in odd ways. It may not be obvious when you are looking for validation from others. In this video, Lisa A Romano breaks down these 5 signs, and what they mean; hypervigilance, neediness, low self-worth, never feeling fulfilled and what it means when you become a perpetual seeker.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...