Married but attracted to someone else

[Hardingesque]

Hello all just looking for a bit of advice. I am a 32 year old married man with a 5 year old son. A few months ago I met a 21 year old girl at my work and we hit it off straightaway. She is objectively very attractive and incredibly intelligent. We got on really well and people even teased us about our closeness. We even started to message each other as friends outside of work. I was confused about whether I was developing feelings for her or not. Anyhow a couple of months ago I started a new job and she went to volunteer overseas. I thought this would help me to get over her. Anyhow I popped into my old work last week and didn't realise that she was back. We chatted briefly and messaged each other later saying it was a shame we couldn't talk longer as she wanted to ask me about my new job and tell me about her volunteering. Anyhow I asked if she was free that week and we arranged to go out for lunch. We had a great lunch talking about anything and everything for hours. The talk between us can be quite deep and intense. After a bit I questioned if she was flirting with me as she was caressing her lips, neck etc in front of me. Anyhow when I got home I felt really guilty as I hadn't told my wife I was meeting her. Just to stress it has all benn platonic up to this point. I am happily married but I admit I find other women attractive as I have a much higher sex drive than my wife. Any thoughts on what I should do next?

[rosephase]

Stop spending time with her and stop texting her. You are already pushing what you know to be inappropriate for your marriage. Otherwise why not tell your wife?

 

Or you can admit your attraction and talk to your wife about various options for ethical non-monogamy.

[Hollyj]

Why not ask your wife what she thinks.

 

You are emotionally cheating on your wife. If you wish to keep your marriage, then DO NOT contact this girl again. Really disrespectful to your family. Also, this has not been platonic for a long while!

 

"Any thoughts on what I should do next?." What the hell does this mean?

[Wiseman2]

Start taking your wife out to lunch/dinner instead of random women you have crushes on to recreate romance at home.

I am happily married but I admit I find other women attractive as I have a much higher sex drive than my wife. Any thoughts on what I should do next?

[thealchemist]

The grass is greenest where you water it.

 

You have a child and a LTR with your wife. Comparing a new relationship with a long term one is an apple to oranges comparison.

 

If you used this energy to rejuvenate your marriage you might be surprised how much better it could turn out.

 

This does sound like a future affair type scenario.

[ThatwasThen]

I am happily married but I admit I find other women attractive as I have a much higher sex drive than my wife. Any thoughts on what I should do next?

Yes you should do what Rosepase suggested

admit your attraction and talk to your wife about various options for ethical non-monogamy.

 

That ^ or stop getting happy pants through inappropriate interaction with members of the opposite sex and go zero contact with miss "Caressy Lips" When you vow to "forsake all others" you don't fuel the loins with flirtatious lunches with a woman you find attractive.

[Clio]

How would you feel if your wife went behind your back "talking about anything and everything for hours" with a younger/wealthier/more successful "model" than you? Comparing your wife to a 21 year old who has no care in the world or any serious responsibilities to stress over, whose body has not endured childbirth, nor has she a "5 year old son" to constantly look after/stress over is super low of you. Of course the 21 year old is more "fun". She doesn't get to see you/ put up with you at your worst, take care of your child nor maintain your household. Your wife's sex drive would probably be much higher if she didn't have to stress over your young child or your household and if she was better supported/appreciated by her husband...

 

If you value your family at all, you should refrain from seeing/texting/ communicating with the 21 year old and work on repairing whatever are the real problems within your marriage.

[DancingFool]

Oh come on, who are you kidding with "this has all been platonic". This connection you are fostering with this girl is anything but platonic, at least on your end. Just because you don't fck doesn't make it platonic.

 

Delete this girl's contact info, stop talking to her, stop meeting her and focus on your marriage before your wife finds out and rightfully divorces you and takes you to the cleaners. Meanwhile this 21 year old is still a child, who will laugh at you, maybe mess with you and then move on, because that's what women her age do. Don't be such a dang fool OP.

[MissCanuck]

How can you claim you're happily married when you essentially went on a date with another woman? I am assuming you didn't tell your wife about this, correct?

 

You're playing with fire and you know it, OP. Stop this emotional affair before it becomes physical and really blows up your life. Identify where you and your wife can work together in patching your marriage back together. This is what marriage is generally about; if you're not able or willing to hold up your end of that agreement, your wife deserves to know.

[greta96]

Yes stop talking to her completely, block her and stop visiting your old workplace, otherwise you are just inviting trouble in your life. The more you will talk to her, the more attracted you will become and the less appealing your wife and marriage will seem. And don't count on the young girl to be there for you, when your life falls apart (which it will, if something further happens and your wife finds out).

It's natural to find other women attractive, that will happen for as long as you're alive, but that doesn't mean you have to act on the attraction.

[equinethethree]

Of course everything is going to come across as 'better' with a 21 year old. She hasn't even remotely scratched the surface of the real hardships of life. Your wife however is with you. Think about what you two have conquered together. Don't just go for the easy option by simply following your nether-region. Look at your family. This woman should also know better. She will destroy a family unit because you let her (if you allow this to continue). Remember why you are your wife are together. If you really don't want to be with your wife, at least pay her the respect of divorcing her before you decide to continue your cheating. If she finds out about this, and divorces you, expect a fiery divorce and custodial battle as a result of your wrongdoings. Be a responsible human. You're old enough to know better. This woman doesn't want your hectic lifestyle.

[AtitAgain]

Dude, you are 32, soon you will be 40. This might be your last chance to tap some 20YR old "catty" - meet up with her again at a bar this time and get this done properly!

 

If what I said sounds wrong to you, then you know what to do... I seriously don't even know why you are asking.

[reinventmyself]

I wish I had a dollar for every time I found a man attractive while I was married. But the thing is, I never acted on it because of my own moral code of conduct.

When you chose to get married you committed yourself to not put yourself in tempting situations. Simple as that.

Life is just a whole lot easier if you put that energy into your marriage where it belongs.

[Capricorn3]

This is one of the things you read which makes you feel a little sick inside and a huge feeling of "UGH!!!"

 

Any thoughts on what I should do next?

 

I'm surprised you need to ask. It's obvious. You quit doing what you're doing. Stop messaging. Stop flirting. Stop the lunches. In other words, back off and stay off!

You're not kidding anyone. You're loving the attention. The ego boost. It's only a matter of time before you completely cross the line - you're already halfway there.

 

Turn your focus on your wife. Right now you are disrespecting her to the max and disrespecting your marriage. Happily married? Be careful, it won't be happy for much longer.

[boltnrun]

Well, you could continue to pursue this 21 year old hottie. You can start and then engage in a physical affair with her. Then, your life will be as follows:

 

Your wife will find out (they always do) and she will divorce you. She will be awarded somewhere in the neighborhood of 65-70% of your income if she's a stay at home wife/mother, or maybe only 50% if she works. You'll only see your child every other weekend and maybe one night a week for dinner. You'll have to leave the family home and get a lousy apartment or, if you make enough money, maybe a small condo. You'll have to equip the condo with everything your child needs (more money). Your 21 year old hottie will lose interest once you have less disposable income and she sees your crappy apartment. Then you'l be alone, trolling dating sites or becoming a barfly trying to attract a new woman, who will probably be turned off once she finds out why you're a single father. And you get the fun of explaining to your family and friends why your wife divorced you. Oh, and you'll be the topic of office gossip for months.

 

How appealing does that life sound? Does all of that seem worth it to get some 21 year old booty?

[Trinity11]

Every Time you want to flirt with this gal, send your wife a flirts text. There's some gorgeous meme couples dumps someome had in imgur today.

You need to pump up the passion in what you already have. Guess what. You know your wife, it won't be too hard. Put half as much effort into her as you do this gal and you're golden.

 

Also I don't mean any offence but most the guys I've slept with don't know how to hit my g spot. I'd say about only 10% if your are in that 10% your wife will want more naked time I guarantee it. And if you think you are... Lets just say, never assume.

[Honeycomb8]

Cheating isn't worth the aftermath and the repercussions this would cause. Think of the consequences and think of your wife.

It's really not worth it.

[sadpuppie]

Why not ask your wife what she thinks.

 

You are emotionally cheating on your wife. If you wish to keep your marriage, then DO NOT contact this girl again. Really disrespectful to your family. Also, this has not been platonic for a long while!

 

"Any thoughts on what I should do next?." What the hell does this mean?

 

 

This above ^