How does this happen?

[figureitout23]

Exactly! You see that is the whole point

 

As I mentioned earlier...It is about going to the "beat of your own drum"

 

It's actually quite complex and deep, but I find it quite fascinating...

 

Well whatever advice you were trying to give saying 'playing it safe leads to mediocrity in the eyes of women' was pretty silly. Don't blame women for not wanting him, he entitled, combative, lives at home and isn't employed at the age of 32. That is not woman kinds cross to bear.

 

Men and women are not all that different when it comes to attraction and standards. There's no magic formula that works for either. I'd say 'be yourself' is good advice but if being yourself is being a shut in, No don't be yourself, fix your life and then worry about women. It's like coming to a dinner party with a bottle of sprite and demanding all the filet minion. Quit blaming women for a mans lack of game.

[DavePort80]

Attractiveness plays a big part in all this as well. Let’s not be naive. Rehab Guy is young and looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. I wonder how much of his faults she was willing to look past because he’s ‘cute’.

[Cope]

Exactly! You see that is the whole point

 

As I mentioned earlier...It is about going to the "beat of your own drum"

 

It's actually quite complex and deep, but I find it quite fascinating...

 

I didn't get a "beat your own drum" vibe in your initial post, but I do agree with it!

 

 

 

..fix your life and then worry about women...

 

Goes without saying!

[figureitout23]

Attractiveness plays a big part in all this as well. Let’s not be naive. Rehab Guy is young and looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. I wonder how much of his faults she was willing to look past because he’s ‘cute’.

 

No sh*t, you're not exactly falling in love with the instagram of a 400 lbs cat lady with severe alopecia.

 

Kettle meet pot. May I ask why you don't hold yourself to the same standards you're holding her to?

[pippy longstocking]

No sh*t, you're not exactly falling in love with the instagram of a 400 lbs cat lady with severe alopecia.

 

Didn't realise you followed me

[ThatwasThen]

Didn't realise you followed me

 

... and there it is. lolzzz

[thealchemist]

If he is in shape with a job(even somewhat employed) he appears less lazy than the OP.

 

It hard to have game when the ending line is "wanna come back to my parent's house, we can have the basement all to ourselves. We just have to be quiet after 7pm because my parents go to sleep then."

[boltnrun]

I presume you've fixated on this woman because you find her physically attractive.

 

Just like, you know, she may have fallen for her boyfriend because she finds him physically attractive.

 

Look, you can stay in the situation you're in and have the pleasure of complaining about it all the time or you can make SOME kind of change. Your choice.

[DavePort80]

I’m making an honest effort to change.

[Honeycomb8]

^ How?

 

Also, you didn't answer my previous question. How long have you been unemployed.

Active effort is not passive, all your posts so far about yourself suggests resignation.

Sorry, women don't grow on trees, you can't just sit around expecting them to come to you. If you don't have looks to grab their initial attention, you got to work on your other areas. It's a no brainer.

[DimCrayola]

Anybody who wants to see the happy couple can PM me.

 

This is now at an unhealthy level. You are offering to show strangers what I am presuming to be pictures of the people you are posting about. Say that out loud "I am posting to strangers and offering up photos of a woman I follow on social media because I don't agree with her choice of a romantic partner."

 

I can say that there is something inherently wrong about that. You should seek therapy to find and fix whatever is driving you to continue to take such an interest in this woman's life. Why does it bother you so much? Why do you feel it is any of your business? Are even remotely ashamed at the sheer amount of time you are dedicating to discussing this woman with STRANGERS?

 

You need to care about yourself and prioritize your mental health...focus on reaching your full potential. Obsessing about someone else keeps you from giving yourself the much needed attention YOU need. You could be joining social group in real life...picking up a hobby....discovering new things you are good at....volunteering and making a positive difference in the lives of others.

 

Deep down this can't be making you feel good...listen to that little voice that is telling you it's not good for you and do something about whatever it is in YOUR life that isn't making you as happy as you could be.

 

None of us are better than others...even if you don't believe that you can prove your worth to yourself by focusing on and bettering YOU.

[DavePort80]

Also, you didn't answer my previous question. How long have you been unemployed.

Active effort is not passive, all your posts so far about yourself suggests resignation.

Sorry, women don't grow on trees, you can't just sit around expecting them to come to you. If you don't have looks to grab their initial attention, you got to work on your other areas. It's a no brainer.

 

I’ve never held a job.

[DavePort80]

I can say that there is something inherently wrong about that. You should seek therapy to find and fix whatever is driving you to continue to take such an interest in this woman's life. Why does it bother you so much? Why do you feel it is any of your business? Are even remotely ashamed at the sheer amount of time you are dedicating to discussing this woman with STRANGERS?

 

Deep down this can't be making you feel good...listen to that little voice that is telling you it's not good for you and do something about whatever i is in YOUR life that isn't making you as happy as you could be.

 

Yeah, there is probably something inherently wrong with me. I really don’t know what drives my obsessions. Loneliness mostly.

[Honeycomb8]

So your parents have financially supported u for 32 years...

 

Okay. Time to go back to school, polish up those skills, study and get a job. I am gobsmacked you've been jobless ur whole life. My family live a comfortable lifestyle (result of parents education and hard work), but I would never want them to keep me afloat. In fact none of the people from my old (private) school ended up strictly relying on their parent's money to get by. I think your anger is misplaced. You should start focusing on your own life and start making changes. Anyone can think it, but what ACTIVE steps are you taking to better yourself?

[DavePort80]

It’s not easy to start over at 32. I don’t know where to begin. There are very few jobs out there for someone with just a high school education.

 

Besides, what’s the point. Women will still reject me. My plan has always been to live with my parents are take care of them as they get older. Once they’re gone, I will kill myself. I’ve pretty much given up on life or love.

[Honeycomb8]

You don't need to feel lonely. There must be some meetups you can join?

[Honeycomb8]

My parents started over at 33-34. They had to leave their high position professional jobs to start afresh overseas. It's possible. Complaining won't change your life, anyone can make a difference if they actually make the effort to go towards what it is they desire.

[Jibralta]

What was all a waste? Not allowing drugs to alter and diminish your life? Guess what buddy, you allowed anxiety and depression to alter and diminish your life.

 

This is really an excellent point.

 

Years ago, I had a friend who (I think) was a lot like you, DavePort80. He had intense anxiety. Wouldn't talk to people. Wouldn't even make eye contact with people--not even when he met my mom (who was convinced he was a serial killer for years before he finally warmed up to her). I had a lot of misfit/miscreant friends, but no matter how gruff they were, they always made some effort to be polite to my mom. Not this guy.

 

He was actually a really nice guy. He was a very caring person. But unfortunately he struggled with this problem of anxiety--I don't know what it was, actually. But it prevented him from functioning in society. And as a result, he was frustrated and bitter. Like you, he was unemployed and lived with relatives. Because of his demeanor, people who met him (like my mom) assumed that he wasn't a good person. Because he was silent and faded into the background, people forgot that he existed.

 

I was friends with him for almost ten years. I used to drag him around with me. I tried to encourage him to step out of his shell, but he never would. Once, I said to him "You know, not making a decision is actually making a decision." He didn't believe me.

 

Anyway, figureitout23's post reminded me of this. It seems like you're hiding from the world and letting all of these things that you want pass you by.

[mustlovedogs]

I would rather date a guy in rehab than a guy sitting at home with his parents saying he can't do anything with his life at 32

 

At least the guy in rehab is working towards something.

[firelily]

It’s not easy to start over at 32. I don’t know where to begin. There are very few jobs out there for someone with just a high school education.

 

Besides, what’s the point. Women will still reject me. My plan has always been to live with my parents are take care of them as they get older. Once they’re gone, I will kill myself. I’ve pretty much given up on life or love.

 

I know a guy who was homeless and alcoholic, and started over in his 30s. He now has a job to support his living and part-time studies, and apparently time for some hobbies. I don't know how. I know it would be beyond my level of abilities to do something as hard as this... But in your situation, it's still hard, but some improvement should be really manageable for you. Once you made any progress you'll be more optimistic about it, and more confident about your abilities, because that's how it works - so you just have to start anywhere.

 

Seriously, in 10 years time, you're gonna think "I should have tried something when I was 32. Now it's too hard to do anything. I wish I at least gave it a shot - maybe now I would be having something in my CV and I'll be finishing my education."

 

In 20 years time, you're gonna think "I should have tried something when I was 42. Now I'm almost retired! There's no point!"

 

In 30 years time, you're gonna think "Now there's really no point! Why haven't I started anything when I still had strength? I was so young and talented when I was 32 and I wasted it."

 

Or you can be 10 years from now and think "I'm so glad I tried. I could have not tried, but look how things turned out."

 

Just give your life another shot. Don't worry about love, it will come naturally, at the right time. Take care of yourself. Maybe a list of things you like about yourself, things that could be useful for your future job experiences. You said you're a person that follows the rules and act decently, has no addictions. This is actually a serious asset. You're smart, you know computers. By resigning, you're not only depriving yourself of nice life experiences, but also people to whom you could offer your services, your time and energy.

 

Most importantly, be thankful for the things that you actually do well.

[DavePort80]

I do go the gym a couple of times a week.

[Honeycomb8]

And your parents are paying for your gym membership too obviously?

 

Don't you ever feel embarrassed asking for money from them. You would feel such lack of independence.

Instead of having them pay for your cell phone bills etc, getting a basic job even if it's working at a fast food joint is better than nothing.

[DavePort80]

I would rather date a guy in rehab than a guy sitting at home with his parents saying he can't do anything with his life at 32

 

At least the guy in rehab is working towards something.

 

Ouch. That hurt.

[DavePort80]

And your parents are paying for your gym membership too obviously?

 

Don't you ever feel embarrassed asking for money from them. You would feel such lack of independence.

Instead of having them pay for your cell phone bills etc, getting a basic job even if it's working at a fast food joint is better than nothing.

 

Yes, they pay for everything. I do feel embarrassed but it’s a tough situation. I don’t think you guys understand how debilitating depression and anxiety can be. This isn’t the life I want. It was the life I was given.

[mustlovedogs]

Ouch. That hurt.

 

I'm not trying to be mean. But you keep making excuses. It's the life you were given? No! Not at all! EVERYONE has the power to TRY and make it better.