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firelily last won the day on January 10 2018

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  1. All best to you guys, please treat people with kindness.
  2. It's not a covert sarcasm, I'm actually extremely tired.
  3. There were like 5 opinions on each site but many sites. I counted now since so many people asked, and well some sites doubled, but overall ENA has 6 positive reviews and 27 detailed 1 star reviews (different reviews under different nicknames). Also on one of these pages I think it got 19 negative ratings. It's not a ton, but I would still think it's a big sample for a portal of this kind. And it's still a bit more than you know, one person not being good with feedback they got here.
  4. Could you form these sentence in a way that is kind to me and not confrontational? Thank you. I have nothing against you, DancingFool, I appreciated your advice in the past. After these days, I'm tired of having to explain myself to questions involving negative judgement. It's very tiring. If you don't like this thread, don't see the point of it, please just say so in a sentence ending with a dot. It's extremely tiring answering to questions if you're not sure if someone genuinely wants you to explain something. If you want to express a negative opinion, do so, if you want to ask something, ask kindly.
  5. I think it was meant to be Firefly, but it was already taken, or something like that :)
  6. :)) Yes! I wish there was some kind of online translator from curse to English lol.
  7. Thanks for sharing your views on this. I think the reason why I'm so touched it's because I exprienced I kind of cognitive dissonance finding out that ENA got close to 1 star rating on these reviews sites with the % of negative reviews. The place seems imperfect but serving its use, and when you go to review pages you hear that this portal has a face of the monster pretending to be a helper, an accusation I never dismiss fast. I don't think assuming all negatives come from mentally disturbed people is the answer to solve the dissonance, but I'm closer to forming a multi-perspective opinion after this thread. That opinion would encompass: - It's an imperfect place, with the stated problems being problems - Overall, it's a positive force - Majority of people feel better off coming here - Some people feel worse coming here, which may be some mixture of their negative attitude and feeling genuinely hurt by getting snarkiness for vulnerability - There are many people who do their best, considering their human limitations, and contribute in positive ways to the community - There are some people who are not very open to self-critical reflection about this matter, but that's what generated the problem in the first place
  8. Oh, I missed the last paragraph... I'm sorry, and I admire you for knowing which discussion to step out from.
  9. Thank you for understanding! But the thing is, OPs are not equals and they are fragile - not because of them in general but because of the position. We're not playing this football on neutral ground. We're playing on the field of person A's personal life, commenting on the most personal parts of it and their mental health often, while not revealing much about ourselves. Person A shares their utmost secrets and things they may be ashamed of, persons B, C, D and E share very little of themselves, opinions of A's situation, and also negative judgement about person's A not being completely "therapeuticized", for example. It's not an equal situation and if not treated with gentelness, person A might experience emotional costs after sharing their life here. If people A-E met on a forum about politics or their stance on some general issue, and discussed something else or from equal position, they would be equals and none of them would be fragile.
  10. Yes, I've seen it at least once in a clear form and was sad for other advisors. It must suck that it happens so often here. As far as I remember, I've also seen people here 1) OP post an issue, something pretty normal in human life, a situation that was born out of not 100% boundaries and self-knowledge for example, but no one is perfect, and a situation that is dealt with in a normal manner 2) Advisors concentrating their powers on unhealthy aspects of the situation, while there were so many healthy aspects to it, being quick to pass judgement, and confusing harshness for helping. I'm pretty sure whoever enters this page extremely unsatisfied or depressed, it's a mixture of both of these problems. The question is what kind of mixture. But it's good to hear you guys are hopeful about it.
  11. Hm, that sounds hard to understand, maybe just like my words. Anyway, thank you for contributing to this thread, and all best.
  12. Man, it feels good to make a personal trip for once. Just like a few commenters here did to me - focusing on discrediting a poster rather than focusing on discussion.
  13. Ok, Figureitout :) In this thread I'd appreciate if you told me exactly what you wrote by the end - that your long personal experience as an OP is the opposite of my fears/impressions and that summing up all that you know, this place is a safe haven for many people and is definitely something good. I'd really appreciate that, just as I've been hearing to every piece of reassurance and positive personal opinions and taking it into account. This is why I've started this thread, to hear some opinions on the topics and make my clear vision of this place before I leave. If this is what you want to contribute to this post, you'd be more effective without focusing on my person and my dramatics and negativity and what not, because I said to you the same day "your comment suck" under other thread.
  14. Everyone who tries to help a stranger on the internet should feel responsible for the effect of their words on that person. It should be obvious. There are sites where people post about suicidal thoughts and people commenting to them, while no professionals, seem to be aware of their responsibility to gently direct them to professionals or gently offer them comfort. It is obvious that you're supposed to either say something that doesn't affect that person for worse, or say nothing at all. If this is so, why the same rule shouldn't work here, with people sharing their private troubles of their personal lives? You know what I'm trying to say, right? But I have trouble putting that to words.
  15. 1. I understand some of your arguments, but why on earth it is surprising that I'm the most active on my own thread?... Why on earth would it work as some kind of argument against my credibility? 2. So generally - not speaking about me here - you believe that a vigilante with a tendency to oppose the culture is more self-entitled and harming to safe culture than a person who is a conformist with a strong culture identity and dislike of that culture being attacked? Because I would believe the opposite - a vigilante will not do any harm to a well-functioning culture than just give some feedback and stir things for a day, a conformist who perceives negative thinking as a threat will contribute to some ill aspects of that culture for years. The worse I can do here is be a pain in the * for a while. Responsibility for the advisors pain in the * and responsibility over the wellbeing of fragile people in crisis is something entirely different.
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