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Cope

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  1. I see a guy who has the guts to be open and vulnerable with you. That does pull people closer. I'd build on that. Why don't you share your thoughts too?
  2. Em. I don't hate you anymore. That's something. But I miss you terribly as a friend. I hope that this feeling will last up until I get over you, because as much as I'm fighting NOT to contact you, I can't bear to believe that our connection wasn't real.
  3. The fact that I can't spend a wonderful night with my closest friends because my ex, who I am NC with is there.
  4. Just wanted to say that I do not want your friendship. You treated me badly and that's no way to start a friendship even if we did have a good connection. I acknowledge my part in this and take full responsibility of not protecting myself enough when I took you back, but damn what kind of person do you think you are when you KNEW I was head over heels for you, you KNEW I wanted something more and you KNEW you never wanted a relationship? You're not the nice guy you take so much pride in being. I'm sorry to break it to you. But I really am not. You didn't even say "I thought I'd give it a try, I had feelings for you and I thought it could change". You knew from the start how we both felt but you decided to get the emotional bonding I gave you and leave when you had enough. I do not accept your apology.
  5. Ouch! Last time I experienced that it was a tornado! Hope you're ok!
  6. Oh Seraphim, wish I could lend you some of the weather here! 5km/h wind at 24 degrees Celsius!! Gonna be a rough summer.
  7. Definitely a bad day. I came across my ticket from when I visited him. Crying like someone died nonstop for the last 15 minutes. As if I cry hard enough it will bring us back together again... Writing here helps. I jinxed it earlier writing that I have lost the urge to text. I really wanted to text him just now. I remember he told me he broke up once with a serious relationship even though he was still in love. I remembered that although he was distant our last month, it wasn't that he didn't have feelings. Would I want that back? No. He'll no. I just would love to turn back time and give it my all. You know what? Erase that. I don't want to turn back time. I want to get over him and be able to concentrate on me and only me. If our roads are ever to meet again, so be it. I want to be free of him. I love him, but I don't want to Feel like this anymore. First time I'm leaving a relationship due to circumstances. This is SO HARD. I'm back to packing.
  8. Day #37 #iJustCounted. I've been doing well. Crying stopped for a few days, but came back. Today started bad. I hope it's due to stress over the move, but I'll figure that out in 3 days. I miss what we had, I miss more what we could have if distance wasn't a factor. I miss him. I want to talk to him. I have no urge to do so, fortunately those stopped a while back. I just want things to magically go back to the way they were 3 months ago. ... But I know they won't and even if they would, the outcome would be the same. I miss him yet now I don't want him back. Not now. I still think that maybe, somehow in the future we will meet again and things will start happening, but I think that's just my coping mechanism working in the background. I need to finish packing. Today's gonna be a great day!
  9. #FewDaysOveraMonth I Think this just might be the first day i will shed no tears! Got through the morning without them, now it's almost afternoon and still no tears. I wanted to but i stopped myself. I am choosing to stop crying. I need to focus on being happy. I cried enough over him. I can't wait till the day i will have to contact him. I want to get it over with. Now i am sure i will be in a better place when that moment come. I honestly do not want to want to get back together. I am so close of not wanting to rekindle AT ALL. I don't hate him, the opposite, but i want to be completely over him and be on my own for a while, this is SOOO empowering for me right now.
  10. Day #Istoppedcounting It's nearly a month since the breakup and NC. I feel a lot better! These last few days i stopped having crying spells throughout the day. I cry in the morning once i wake up. I manage to get out of bed easier. I have a lot of stuff to do. I don't miss him as much as i did before and it feels better. When i first started "not missing him as much" i felt sad. That feeling is getting better. Confusing i know. It's like it's ok not to miss him now. I have urges to text him but not nearly as strong and mostly cause i think i can handle it. Still far from it. The "whys" and "what ifs" are fading away. It still hurts when i think that he never loved me, or that he probably is already dating. Right now i want to be single and i can say that if he came back this instant....ok no, if he came back this instant i would think about it, but that's a big step from "YES YES I WANT YOU BACK TOO!" isn't it? All i can say is that NC helps A LOT. It is hard as hell though. Keep working on it and on yourselves!
  11. Your post is marvelous!!! I could of written these parts, it's like you're in my head! : Specially that love part omg, i laughed out loud! I want him to contact me saying "i want to work on this, i searched my feelings, i love you" and on the other hand im like : "The longer he is not breaking NC, the more i respect him." , but tbh i'd prefer for him to make the first call Day #20 for me. I had to scroll up to count, cause i too want to stop concentrating on the number. Today i again woke up in tears, managed to get out of bed, managed to do the work i had to do yesterday, well most of it, and got out of the house for a bit. I also have a dog and this is the second time in my life that she is saving it. If it wasn't for her, i'd be forever inside. Although when i say i got out of the house today, i don't mean her walks, i had business to do in town. Still, her daily walks helps me see the sun which is soooo helpful. So before that, i was still crying. Doing some work but crying. I didn't allow myself to lay in bed, as i mentioned the other day this is starting to be damaging. I also went through the same thoughts as you gypsybird. I literally went through the WHOLE relationship looking for red flags, even talked about it with a friend of mine, analyzed it. It was helpful. Earlier today , i stated in the "post here instead of your ex" post, i do not want to analyze why the break up occurred, due to distance or loss of feelings. That is also working i must say. I realized there is no point in finding out the why anymore. I am not waiting for him to return, but i still want to contact him at some point. Time will tell if i will. I am still going by the "if it's meant to be, it will". I am not dreaming of his return, i am not planning on it, i am working on myself and my life. IF we happen to meet again, who knows? I love the ship metaphor! At this point, i don't feel like he is dragging me down, maybe i will feel the weight later on. So today started bad, ended well. I am curious to see if i will wake up crying tomorrow.
  12. I am such a mess. I did not expect this to be that hard. I really cared about you and still do. I can't believe that it wasn't the distance that didn't let us evolve this relationship. I know you had feelings for me and i am sure you still had them when we broke up. I am sure that they would be stronger if there was no distance between us. Then there is this voice deep inside my head that is telling me that it wasn't the distance, it just wasn't "meant to be" and that's supposed to be ok. It's also telling me that i knew it all along. Just like you did when you said you do not want to dig deeper to see what you are feeling and why, today i am choosing not to dig deeper. If it was the distance or not, it doesn't matter. I don't care. I love you, i know you shared/share similar feelings, we had a marvelous time we could have been happier, it just didn't happen. If it is to happen, it will. People tell me it is healthier to let go, they are right, this is my way of letting go. I won't dig deeper and i will let "fate" do the rest. I miss you and probably will for a long long time. Goodbye.
  13. Hey. Today isn't better. A friend of mine suggested to write you a letter. I have no need to write you a letter, i have no questions as i said. I do not want you to know that i am in this much pain. If ever you ask i will probably not hide it, but for me to send you an email to tell you i am in this much pain?? I don't know why people do that. Another ex of mine did that, it made me lose the little respect i still had for him. I am a believer of being able to show your vulnerability, but to one point. I have already stated my desires, you stated yours, end of story. Now i am just picking myself back up and moving on. It's hard. I had the strongest urge to contact you just now. All i needed to do was start typing. I didn't. Every time i avoid that i am proud. Every day on the NC calendar i mark off makes me feel better bout myself. I don't hate you, nor am i avoiding you because i am mad. I am hurt and i can't continue talking to you as friends. I miss talking to you. I miss you.
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