How does this happen?

[DavePort80]

I’m not trolling. If this girl wants to make these destructive decisions then she has to live with the consequences. Next time don’t get with the ‘cute boy’ in rehab and make smarter decisions.

[figureitout23]

Guys I know the OPer is frustrating, but antagonizing him will only allow him to dig his heels in more. Self fulfilling prophesy, looking for a fight and hanging onto excuses. We're all kinda playing into his hand. 32, never had a girlfriend. This has been an issue for a very long time and did not start with her.

 

Since y'all clearly missed this.

[Careerchoice]

I’m not trolling. If this girl wants to make these destructive decisions then she has to live with the consequences. Next time don’t get with the ‘cute boy’ in rehab and make smarter decisions.

 

The consequences of her decisions are none of your business. You're nothing to her.

[pippy longstocking]

And to answer someone’s earlier question, I’m 32, single and never been in a relationship.

 

oh there it is .....

[thealchemist]

And to answer someone’s earlier question, I’m 32, single and never been in a relationship.

Given your excessive generalizations about woman and your exceptionally negative attitude in general this doesn't suprise me.

 

I still don't understand how you think that stalking people on social media gives you a creditable window into their lives.

 

Maybe I've read the wrong PUA stuff but all the stuff I've read sounds like sexist bullsh*t. Like woman are a wild animal that behaves a certain way and with the proper trapping skills can be caught by anyone. As a guy who has been with the same woman for nearly half his life and has numerous female friends I really don't see much of a difference between men and woman in dating.

 

I also never approach woman. My wife approached me.

[thealchemist]

Forget this girl. I hope her new junkie boyfriend leads her down a path of drugs and misery. Screw her. She gets what she deserves. Hopefully a lifetime of relapses, and changing diapers while Mr. Perfect is off scoring dope.

Yeah... "nice guy"...

[DavePort80]

Yeah... "nice guy"...

 

i never said I was a nice guy and she should be with me,

[thealchemist]

My frustration comes from a lifetime of trying to make safe, smart, responsible decisions. Play by the rules. Be a man worthy of a relationship with an equal partner.

 

That’s gotten me nowhere. From social circles , to life experiences , to observing social media, I see women choose these unsuitable partners. It’s not about losing the girl, it’s losing the girl to a guy like him.

I took this for a "nice guy" approach. But you are correct. You never explicitly said that. Just others making the same assumption I did.

 

Honestly man what do you expect? I imagine this isn't the first time you have had this experience.

 

You mentioned this was the life you were dealt. That is an easy way to remove any responsibility from yourself.

 

Take control of your life.

 

When I was younger I wasn't attractive. I thought it would hurt me in finding a mate so I got in really good shape to counter it. I also had to curb my aggression a lot. Getting in shape was a lot easier.

 

Most people seem to make dumb romance choices, it is a very common thing. That is why most relationships don't last.

 

Also, you really need to understand that you can't judge anything off social media.

[DavePort80]

I lack the social skills to approach women, I’m unemployed, unattractive, have low self esteem. So I spend my time on social media, looking at the life’s of women and building up relationships in my head.

[thealchemist]

I lack the social skills to approach women, I’m unemployed, unattractive, have low self esteem. So I spend my time on social media, looking at the life’s of women and building up relationships in my head.

Wow that is way more true introspect than 99% of people can even muster.

 

With that kind of no nonsense logic and honesty you really might be fine.

 

Is there a way to fix your unemployment issue? That is a big one. Lots of other people have those other issues and have relationships.

 

I had zero social skills regarding the opposite sex when I started dating. Also fairly low self esteem too.

[DavePort80]

Wow that is way more true introspect than 99% of people can even muster.

 

With that kind of no nonsense logic and honesty you really might be fine.

 

Is there a way to fix your unemployment issue? That is a big one. Lots of other people have those other issues and have relationships.

 

I had zero social skills regarding the opposite sex when I started dating. Also fairly low self esteem too.

 

I’ve got pretty bad social anxiety and depression, which prevented me from getting any education beyond high school. So my options are pretty limited when it comes to employment.

[thealchemist]

I’ve got pretty bad social anxiety and depression, which prevented me from getting any education beyond high school. So my options are pretty limited when it comes to employment.

Well depression and social anxiety seem to affect more people in dating that not.

 

Not being self sustaining is a pretty big issue. I can see how that would pretty much turn off most girls. But whether your options are limited or not, it is still a very fixable issue.

 

I must say though, even if you were extremely attractive I doubt that would change any chance of a meaningful long term relationship. You could attract woman who make bad choices but that isn't really a promising prospect.

 

I've worked since I was 13 so I am rather baffled how you can survive without one(job).

 

You can keep telling yourself you will never have a chance with anyone, and you will always be right.

 

Or you can try to change your fortunes. Yes, you will fail some, but I would rather fail than not even try.

[thealchemist]

Troll is gonna troll

If you aren't going to even attempt a positive approach maybe just read and not respond...

 

He isn't trolling he is being brutally honest, it might be in a bit of a pity party way but honest none the less.

[pippy longstocking]

I am sorry to hear you were abused pippy and apologize that I have offended you.

 

My post was relative to what the OP had posted, and I posted it to make a point.

 

Which was, he stated he screens specifically for women who want to be treated well, but yet is obsessed and wants a RL with a woman who, according to him, is involved with a douchebag who treats her like crap.

 

I find that incredibly ironic.

 

Again, my apologies, sometimes my posts don't come out quite right and I end up offending a ton of people, which again is NOT my intention.

 

Thankyou love , I appreciate you explaining that x

[pippy longstocking]

You keep talking about how you lost this woman to a junkie and making these generalisations about women and how this has proved it all to be true ( ridiculous by the way ) but did she even know you wanted to get involved with her .

 

I lack the social skills to approach women, I’m unemployed, unattractive, have low self esteem. So I spend my time on social media, looking at the life’s of women and building up relationships in my head.

 

This makes me even more convinced you are a troll ...so I will bow out of this drama and let the people who believe in you carry on .

[DavePort80]

You keep talking about how you lost this woman to a junkie and making these generalisations about women and how this has proved it all to be true ( ridiculous by the way ) but did she even know you wanted to get involved with her.

 

No.

 

I may have exaggerated a little as far as how well I know her. We don’t work together. That was a lie. But we are from the same town and have friends in common, which is how I got her social media accounts.

[thealchemist]

Well if you never attempt to enter a relationship with anyone you will always get "beat" by scumbags.

 

I tried to redirect this to something productive.

 

You are obviously not happy with your station. You really have only two options.

 

Continue what you are doing and never try and just make excuses or take responcibility for yourself and attempt to make yourself happy.

 

I tried constructive discusion but it really just seems like you love your pity party more than a chance at happiness.

[DavePort80]

No, I don’t love my pity party. And I don’t love being this obsessive and upset over a woman whom I only know through social media, but that’s how my mind works.

[thealchemist]

No, I don’t love my pity party. And I don’t love being this obsessive and upset over a woman whom I only know through social media, but that’s how my mind works.

Change your situation then. Only you can, so I don't know if you expect someone to do it or are actually happy where you are.

 

You are pretty objective. So you see how pathetic this is. You can really do better than this obsessive behavior.

[pippy longstocking]

You would do well to take advantage of the alchemists obvious offer of his time to help you wade through this and gain from his help and experience .

[DavePort80]

It’s hard to change my situation. Depression and anxiety keep me isolated. Makes it almost impossible to interact with women.

 

And yes, I’m in therapy already.

[boltnrun]

From your original post:

 

"We’re friends, but not that close."

 

When you wrote that you two are friends, does that mean you've hung out with her (maybe in a group) in person? Or have you only seen her online?

[DavePort80]

From your original post:

 

"We’re friends, but not that close."

 

When you wrote that you two are friends, does that mean you've hung out with her (maybe in a group) in person? Or have you only seen her online?

 

We grew up in the same town and went to the same schools but were never friends. She was a year behind me.

[boltnrun]

We grew up in the same town and went to the same schools but were never friends. She was a year behind me.

 

OK, so that is a direct contradiction. I guess you were trying to make it seem like you two actually had some in-person interactions in your original post.

 

Does your therapist know that you've kind of fixated on this woman and decided you want a relationship with her without actually knowing her?

 

I mean, I get it, maybe you don't get out much so this feels like the closest thing to a relationship you've ever had. But it doesn't work because it can't happen when you have never even actually had an in-person conversation with her. It's a fantasy you've retreated into, which can seem exciting but ultimately can never be fulfilling because it's never going to be real. It's not quite like those who get enthralled with a celebrity but it's similar.

 

What about friends from school? Do you spend time with any of them?

[DavePort80]

No, I don’t talk to friends from school.

 

And I’m well aware that this fixation is weird and unhealthy.