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Careerchoice

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Everything posted by Careerchoice

  1. The break up started 3 weeks ago and essentially concluded 2 nights ago.
  2. It's not degrading. I see no reason to form that conclusion. My recent ex was very intelligent. And I don't know what there is to see coming.
  3. I was with my ex-wife for ten years until I changed my mind on her. It helped me keep her. This was my first relationship since that break up. I don't think that's enough evidence to form a conclusion that it doesn't help me keep a woman.
  4. I just was with one of them. The break up happened two days ago. I'm not an expert at this. I'm still learning, but my results were consistently improving until I met my recent ex.
  5. I'm not sure what you mean by poor attachments. And I've had several real connections over the past 8 months or so. None of the other girls were good enough in my book, so I didn't get int a relationship with them, but the connections were real. I don't agree that I over-commit, but I'm not even sure what that means. I was with my ex-wife for ten years. I believe that contradicts any claim that I avoid emotional attachment. My learning from PUA has taught me to be more authentic, not less. And I seek real connection, not to avoid it. I don't know where that came from. You don't know PUA as well as you think. PUA has helped me get more girls, higher quality girls, and allowed me to form stronger connections with them. I'm going to keep doing it no matter what negative stereotypes exist about it by people who haven't truly researched it.
  6. Incorrect. The teachings of PUA that I learn from apply to all varieties of women. And I never act. It helped me get my ex-wife who I was with for ten years. And I don't know what you mean by a "woman of substance". Care to elaborate?
  7. I'm not going to derail this thread, but I have been involved in PUA since 2005 and I find all of your claims to be false. And I don't get attached so quickly. This was the first time it's ever happened to me. I'm 39 years old and have dated a lot.
  8. I don't know why I have that reaction in general. It's a complete mystery to me. If I could buy away this pain for the rest of my life for the $380,000 I have in my bank account, I would easily make that purchase. We went fast. This was the first time in my life I've done that. I'm not so naive to jump in so quickly, but she had just the right combination to suck me in. I thought I knew her very well within a month. Her feelings seemed to change in an instant.
  9. Thank you mate. I've been through several break ups, so I consider myself a bit of an expert on getting over an ex lol. I've been concentrating on work, talking with friends, exercising, doing a little bit of clothes shopping. My true distraction is researching how to get girls (PUA). Every time I start watching videos, I get a bit lost in the material. I need to get some new pictures and I'll put up my online profiles again. I know I'll get over her. She didn't treat me well at the end and it makes it easier to let her go.
  10. I almost died a couple of years ago from advanced cancer. The treatment was brutal. I've been in severe debt. I worked my way out of it. I've been betrayed by friends. Nothing compares to the pain I feel from losing my partner. Even my most recent relationship, which lasted only a month and a half, has taken a severe toll on me. For the three weeks it took for from our initial split to the very end, I could hardly sleep, barely eat, and my mind was consumed with thoughts of her. Even at this time, 48 hours after I made the decision to let go, I can't stop thinking of her. Break ups are my one true weakness.
  11. I suspect, if you are honest with yourself, you still have feelings for her and you would be doing yourself a disservice and preventing yourself from moving on and finding someone else if you went fwb. You can't be in two places at once and neither can your heart. You only have so much time on this earth. Use it to find someone who can give you everything you're looking for. That person lies in your future; not in your past.
  12. You can't feel like an idiot for something that was deliberately hidden from you. How could you have known? Impossible. So do not blame yourself. Just go easy. You will process emotions as time moves on. It's not even something you have to purposely concentrate on. It will just happen. Just know that there are many who have been exactly where you are. You are not alone. As far as practical advice, hang out with people. Force yourself to get out of the house. Go shopping, do well at work, hit the gym/exercise. Best case scenario, you start talking to some girls ASAP. Set up a Tinder account and go in with no expectations. Use these distractions to minimize the pain as much as you can. There's better out there for you buddy. I just got out of a two month very intense relationship where her feelings went from "on" to "off" in the matter of hours. Before that, I went through a devastating break up with my ex-wife which gutted me. I got over ex-wife and I am certain I will get over recent ex. It's only a matter of time.
  13. And girls say they want to take things slow, but we are all slaves to our emotions (guys too). Believe what she does, not what she says.
  14. If you're interested in her, you did make the wrong decision. The goal of a male-female romantic interaction is to enter into a sexual relationship. You had the opportunity to do so, and passed. You say you don't want to appear too available, but the context of this thought is completely misplaced. You don't want to appear too available before you have her interested. Once she's interested, this concept no longer applies. If she's asking you to have sex with her, she's already interested. You missed your opportunity. Most girls will move on if they present themselves to you and you don't seal the deal. If you want her, you should try to have sex with her again soon. Otherwise she's going to move on; if it's not already too late.
  15. Final update. We met on match.com. When we split a few weeks ago, I reactivated my account. She did the same. Once we started talking again on Monday, where she professed how much she missed me, etc., I suspended it again as we were working things out. Just out of curiosity, I logged in and it showed her as "online". So I texted her to let her know what I saw and to clarify what her intentions are. She said she deleted the app on her phone and that she doesn't know how that happened. I read online that Match can sporadically "re-up" profiles to seem more active than they really are. I suspect she is telling the truth, but her answers were very nonchalant. Like she could take it or leave it with me. I told her I noticed her contacts had become sparse over the past few days and it seems like she isn't even interested in working things out anymore. She blamed work. The answer was again nonchalant. I told her even when I was working like crazy a month ago, I still found a moment to check in with her, because I cared enough. No response for an hour. I then texted her that it seems like her work is consuming her at the moment and asked her if she has enough time in her life for someone like me. No response for another hour. I haven't been eating or sleeping well for 3 weeks so I texted her "I'm sorry, but this isn't for me anymore. I'm moving on. Please throw away my things." No response. I'm not texting her again. I don't believe she will, but even if she texts me, I will shut it down. I'm interested anymore. Although I learned a little about communication techniques in this thread, I believe I was right the entire time. Before the argument, her feelings either changed for me for no reason, or she wasn't for real about me and she wasn't able to keep up the charade. I was perceptive enough to notice it. At that point, I don't think there was anything I could have done to "save" things as her mind was made up. In retrospect, I believe the way she was treating me deserved the couple of ultimatums I gave her. It's not like I was threatening her for not making the bed. Don't call me names. Don't hang up the phone on me. Don't threaten me with the relationship and run off to bed. These are ultimatum worthy events. A poster stated that it takes a year to get to know someone and it's not fair to make assumptions before you know someone. I have a different take on it. Establishing boundaries and expectations IS getting to know someone, and this can only be done through arguing, whatever form it takes. I know it may not be popular with the members on this thread due to the negative feelings associated with arguing, but it's what must be done. And whether it occurs in a short period of time or many months, the process is the same. I don't have a year of "honeymoon phase" pretending to be nice to someone before I get to know who they are. None of us have that kind of time. So I skipped through the honeymoon phase and got to what I believe would have been the final result even if I would have been nice and patient with her, i.e., avoiding conflicts. I know all of you are rolling your eyes, but it worked with my ex-wife and I kept her interested for 10 years until I intentionally caused our break up. I see no reason why it wouldn't work with someone else who's meant for me. I'll keep looking under the rug.
  16. I will say that I do believe my initial gut feeling that I was being treated a bit differently by her was correct, but I would handle it differently next time. I would express how I felt. I would explain the reasons why, and when she denied it, I would leave it at that and see what happens. Maybe she would think things over and correct it. Maybe it would be self-correcting without her conscious decision as she would feel compelled to do it. Maybe she would continue to act in the same way and I would have to bring it up again. She deserved a chance to think things over and I shouldn't have demanded an immediate change. And if it got to the point where I received that threat from her, I would tell her it hurt me to hear that she was reconsidering our relationship and let her respond to it. Maybe she would confirm the threat. Maybe she would back off. I will never know. I need to have more complete conversations with people instead of jumping to the very end.
  17. Update - So the morning after my last post, I threw out one last text message to her letting her know that the only reason I gave her an ultimatum that night was because I was just threatened with the relationship and felt like I was backed into a corner. She denied it, I apologized for the part I played in the argument, explained my long history with my ex-wife where the only way she would respond was to an ultimatum, and agreed that it's not a good feeling to essentially have a gun pointed to your head the entire time. We spoke on the phone later that night and I told her I believe the people you care about deserve second chances to correct their mistakes and escalating things into WW3 arguments is not a good idea. I told her my perspective has changed and I'm comfortable assuming the burden of making sure arguments don't spiral out-of-control. These are my true thoughts, not just lines. She said she wanted to take things slow, and I said that's fine. On a side note, I don't believe the speed with which we go forward will change the ultimate outcome; either I have changed my views or I haven't. She said she thought we should see each other one night this week and see what happens. The next morning we had a good text conversation while she was at work. She was planning on coming over for a little bit afterward, but work kept her too late. She said she was going to try to get back to a good place with me, but re-trusting is not something she has done before; all that she can promise is that she will try. I told her if we are meant to be, it will happen. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, our texting has been sparse. Not much response on her end. She said yesterday morning that she has been pulling 16 hour days opening a new office. She has her kids this weekend and I'm giving her the day off from hearing from me. I am not sure if she still considers us together or not. Although some of the advice of this thread has been to the other extreme to the point of attempting to emasculate me, I do agree that my original position is unfair and fairness is what I will consciously strive for from now on. I also believe that some of the communication techniques described in this thread are valuable. Describing how I feel in the moment, understanding her feelings. There was also a nod to Stephen Covey - seek first to understand and then be understood. Do not issue ultimatums lightly. Discontinue conversations headed towards a heated argument for another day. Don't make too many assumptions. All of these are important. So we'll have to see if she has it in her to move forward from this.
  18. Thank you. I am very disappointed, but I have been disappointed in her for almost two weeks now. She painted a picture of herself the first few weeks that turned out to not be accurate. I see a benefit out of this weekend as I no longer have any doubt that we are not a fit. I am okay. I went over to another girl's house and we fooled around a little bit. It took my mind off of things. She's not long term potential though.
  19. Thank you for caring enough to inquire. Didn't hear from her all day, so I sent her a text message a few hours ago stating I would send her that preaddressed envelope and that she could just throw out my clothes. Then I sent her the preaddressed envelope. I'm done wasting my time on her.
  20. No. I sent her a message early this morning through Facebook Messenger letting her know which location I'll be at if she still plans to come in today and she hasn't read it yet. I'm leaving in 40 minutes, so unless she's willing to come to my house to drop things off, an equal distance away, this will have to wait for another day.
  21. My ex-wife didn't shut me down and I did everything you guys are telling me not to do. She would have been mine forever had I not essentially changed my mind on her. I would have brought this issue to her attention, talked about it for a brief moment, and then watched to see what happens next. She likely would have walked away from the conversation thinking she did nothing wrong, and therefore no changes would have been made. I would have continued to be treated the same, another fight would have ensued, and we would have broken up eventually. I do care for her and we have great chemistry when we're on, but I see a compatibility issue. She needs to be the "Mama Bear" (her words) and I walk to my own beat.
  22. She broke up with me and I'm single. I can sleep with whoever I please. Her dating profile is up. I have no idea what she's up to. We hooked up on the first night. It's definitely not beyond her to have done something with someone else at this point. So continue to persecute me for some odd reason. There's nothing I can say to appease you at this point.
  23. Lol it's okay dear. I value our spirited discussions. She said this weekend, so I'm hoping tomorrow. I'm going to throw out a text in the morning letting her know which branch I'm going to be working at (satellite office inside Walmart ) if she plans on still coming. Her Match profile is still up as of today. She routinely suspends it as soon as she starts talking to someone she sees the potential for. That's what she did the day we started messaging. I viewed her profile and then suspended mine, as well as all my other dating accounts. The only way I'm getting back out there is if I'm sure things are definitely over with us. I'll put myself out there like that for her. Any potential "us" deserves that.
  24. I am well aware of that possibility. Thank you.
  25. I'm going to try again with her. I'll let you know how it goes.
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