How does this happen?

[DavePort80]

Yes, you are.

 

You're making fake profiles to follow and get information about her. You are interrogating people who know her in order to get information. That IS electronically stalking.

 

How much time a week do you spend looking at her social media and questioning her friends?

 

I don’t question her friends. That was a one time thing to get information about why she was in rehab. On average I probably check her FB and Instagram once or twice a day.

[ThatwasThen]

I’m very aware of my destructive behavior and how unhealthy it is. And how my poor choices have led me to the position I’m in of seeking connections over the internet instead of real life.

 

Good, that settles it then. Get off the computer, go out and get yourself some sunshine. You're most likely sorely lacking in Vitamin D which will lead to your depression and unmotivated existence.

 

*waves goodbye*

[firelily]

She won’t find out. It’s harmless.

 

Not really. It's just about the principle. Would you be comfortable knowing that someone... no, not a shy average girl, but say, some really gross old person collected as much information about you as you do about her. Or if someone looked through the trash that you leave outside the house, made photos of you seen from your window at night for personal use only. They would casually befriend your mother at the shopping mall, went to your school to look through your albums. They would know that you do to therapy and what kind of medication you take. They would find out this forum, and read all your stuff, without your knowledge. Wouldn't it feel violating?

 

Screening through someone's PUBLIC information like FB is fine, digging for PRIVATE information by interviewing people or reading someone's mails is not ok, even if someone never finds out. It's a violation of someone's safety.

 

I stalked somebody in my teens, it felt harmless. I befriended his little brother, walked behind him, knew about his parents' divorce... After some time, I found out I messed up and he knew. He felt pretty awful about it, but was unable to speak up. I felt like an absolute jerk afterwards. If you're interviewing people she knows, you might slip and things might get back to her at some point.

[DavePort80]

No, I would not feel comfortable with that. But I’m not reading her emails or going through her trash. Most of her social media is public for all the world to see, and I don’t interrogate her friends or follow her in real life.

[firelily]

I'm pretty sure he's enjoying the attention.

 

It seems to me, Dave, that you're most responsive to negative replies. You're most interested in people telling you that you have issues, that you're messed up. You can agree with that and reinforce how you feel about yourself, which is unfairly bad. You're not interested in people telling you good stuff or pointing you to some hope. Depression in you doesn't want hope, just feed the negativity.

 

You should discuss this all with your therapist. Tell her all that you've told her, about you're attachment to this girl and your believes. You could share with her some feedback that you got here. You're not screwed for life. There is hope. You just prefer to think that you are, because of your current state.

[firelily]

No, I would not feel comfortable with that. But I’m not reading her emails or going through her trash. Most of her social media is public for all the world to see, and I don’t interrogate her friends or follow her in real life.

 

But you said you interrogated people that went to her to rehab for information? That's what I meant. Everything she publicly posts is public, everything where you have to dig in for the private information, stuff not accessible publicly, is private information just like somebody's trash.

[DavePort80]

It seems to me, Dave, that you're most responsive to negative replies. You're most interested in people telling you that you have issues, that you're messed up. You can agree with that and reinforce how you feel about yourself, which is unfairly bad. You're not interested in people telling you good stuff or pointing you to some hope. Depression in you doesn't want hope, just feed the negativity.

 

You should discuss this all with your therapist. Tell her all that you've told her, about you're attachment to this girl and your believes. You could share with her some feedback that you got here. You're not screwed for life. There is hope. You just prefer to think that you are, because of your current state.

 

 

No, I’ve been able to recognize many of the good points people have made and offers of hope. I’m definitely interested in the idea of trade school, which was recommended by someone here.

 

But your right. It’s not attention I’m seeking, it’s more validation that I’m the piece of s*** I think I am.

[ThatwasThen]

It seems to me, Dave, that you're most responsive to negative replies. You're most interested in people telling you that you have issues, that you're messed up.

and it seems to me that the only thing he is interested in is getting replies. Period.

 

... Still haven't gone out to get some fresh air and sunshine I see, Dave. O.o

[boltnrun]

If you're making fake profiles for the sole purpose of having a means to get information about her...that IS stalking. Once or twice a day? Yeah, you've gone there.

 

Let me ask you, how many IN PERSON interactions have you had with her? Or with her family? You claim to know them so well, so that's why I ask.

[pippy longstocking]

Dave are you enjoying this ? The interaction , being the centre of attention , lots of people talking to you , lots of people paying you attention , you commented on the views earlier on , is it nice to log on and know people will have left comments , tried to help , willing to engage with you ?

 

I just want to make sure you know that it is not only negative or angry things that get a person noticed , I am concerned this is just adding to your online fantasy . It is nice to come on here and chat ..that's why I come on ( well and because I am stoned and got booted off everywhere else) This is a healthier side of the internet ....helping each other on sites like this , having a little laugh together , filling in a journal ..but then stepping outside , putting the phone/laptop away ...

 

Try and find that line between just having a little bit of company and losing yourself in a fantasy world .

[DavePort80]

Let me ask you, how many IN PERSON interactions have you had with her? Or with her family? You claim to know them so well, so that's why I ask.

 

None. I went to school with her brother. We were the same age. I saw her around school growing up and at parties but never had any interactions with her.

[thealchemist]

This is probably more public interaction than he has had in the last decade.

[DavePort80]

This is probably more public interaction than he has had in the last decade.

 

Yeah, pretty much. You don’t need to be cruel though.

[Honeycomb8]

I really feel bad for this woman. All this is just very disturbing.

[boltnrun]

None. I went to school with her brother. We were the same age. I saw her around school growing up and at parties but never had any interactions with her.

 

So you don't know her and you don't know her family.

 

Why did you choose this particular woman to fixate on?

[DavePort80]

I really feel bad for this woman. All this is just very disturbing.

 

It’s a victimless crime. I’m not hurting her other than violating her privacy, but honestly that’s the risk you can take when you make so much of your life public on social media.

[DavePort80]

So you don't know her and you don't know her family.

 

Why did you choose this particular woman to fixate on?

 

I really don’t know, I just became fixated on her. She has a life and family I’m envious of.

[boltnrun]

Stalking is not a "victimless crime". Judging by the level of anger you've expressed toward this woman's choice of who to date and your anger toward the boyfriend, I fear you'll become convinced you have the right or responsibility to "save" her from him. And that belief will cause you to take more extreme action.

 

I truly hope I'm 100% wrong.

[mustlovedogs]

It’s a victimless crime. I’m not hurting her other than violating her privacy, but honestly that’s the risk you can take when you make so much of your life public on social media.

 

That's true except you created fake profiles.

 

That is deceitful. Just looking at public information is VERY different from lying to get information.

[figureitout23]

I really don’t know, I just became fixated on her. She has a life and family I’m envious of.

 

What specific event lead you to posting here?

[DavePort80]

Stalking is not a "victimless crime". Judging by the level of anger you've expressed toward this woman's choice of who to date and your anger toward the boyfriend, I fear you'll become convinced you have the right or responsibility to "save" her from him. And that belief will cause you to take more extreme action.

 

I truly hope I'm 100% wrong.

 

You’re 100% wrong.

[DavePort80]

What specific event lead you to posting here?

 

Here? I don’t know, I just wanted confirmation that I was in the right.

[mustlovedogs]

Here? I don’t know, I just wanted confirmation that I was in the right.

 

Unfortunately you're not.

[Jibralta]

Why don’t these things just happen to me naturally. Why am I the outlier? I’ve never been someone who gets approached by women or invited anywhere. I’ve got friends who are married now that met in high school. How come it’s so easy for other people?

 

What I get from reading your posts is that you adhere to very specific beliefs about the world around you. I think this limits you, but you are for some reason unable to let them go. Examples of these beliefs are that it's too late for you to work on your career or get married. That one of these things must happen before the other. And also that people are all a certain way.

 

The major theme that I see is that one thing must happen before another thing is possible.

 

Also, as firelily says, you seek reinforcement for these limiting beliefs:

 

It seems to me, Dave, that you're most responsive to negative replies. You're most interested in people telling you that you have issues, that you're messed up. You can agree with that and reinforce how you feel about yourself, which is unfairly bad. You're not interested in people telling you good stuff or pointing you to some hope. Depression in you doesn't want hope, just feed the negativity.

 

It reminds me a little of OCD behavior.

[DavePort80]

Well, some things do need to happen before another thing is possible. For example, I’m currently unemployed and living st home. I can’t support myself financially. That makes me a less than desirable romantic partner. So getting a job and being independent had to come first before relationships/marriage.