figureitout23 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 No, I don’t talk to friends from school. And I’m well aware that this fixation is weird and unhealthy. Assuming you aren't a troll, was your anger towards him real? I mean he's a junkie but you don't have a job. By your description of her, neither one of you 'deserve' her. I'm so confused by this whole thing right now. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Maybe you'd be interested in meeting people online, perhaps in some kind of group that shares your interests? Normally I don't encourage people to form online-only relationships, but I think you might enjoy interactions with "real" people, people you can have conversations and form friendships with. Link to comment
DavePort80 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 Assuming you aren't a troll, was your anger towards him real? I mean he's a junkie but you don't have a job. By your description of her, neither one of you 'deserve' her. I'm so confused by this whole thing right now. My anger towards him was real. I don’t see unemployment as being on the same level as a junkie with an arrest record. Even in my current state I still feel confused a woman like that would choose him as a partner. Link to comment
DavePort80 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 Maybe you'd be interested in meeting people online, perhaps in some kind of group that shares your interests? Normally I don't encourage people to form online-only relationships, but I think you might enjoy interactions with "real" people, people you can have conversations and form friendships with. Like what, dating sites? All that matters is how good you look in your profile pic. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 My anger towards him was real. I don’t see unemployment as being on the same level as a junkie with an arrest record. Even in my current state I still feel confused a woman like that would choose him as a partner. Have you ever seen her drunk ...I haven't met a happy alcoholic yet ! She may be abusive, she may sleep around , she may cause trouble , she may drink till she wets herself and passes out ...... I am not saying she does ..but you have created a dream woman because you see her good bits on facebook . Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I didn't say dating sites!!! I said groups that share your interests. Link to comment
DavePort80 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 Have you ever seen her drunk ...I haven't met a happy alcoholic yet ! She may be abusive, she may sleep around , she may cause trouble , she may drink till she wets herself and passes out ...... I am not saying she does ..but you have created a dream woman because you see her good bits on facebook . No, I don’t know what she’s like when she’s drunk. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 How long have u been jobless? Do you live alone or with your parents? Link to comment
DavePort80 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 How long have u been jobless? Do you live alone or with your parents? My parents. I just realized this thread has over 2,000 views. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 How long have u been jobless? Very pot, meet kettle situation lol. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I know some ppl that are in their 30s and living at home, but they all have jobs and lead a normal life. Instead of getting all hung up on this guy you don't even know, maybe you should use that time and energy to improve your own life...? Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 My parents. I just realized this thread has over 2,000 views. Maybe they're perplexed how a 32 year old who has no job and lives at home thinks he has the moral high ground over a drug addict in rehab. It boggles my mind. I'm not trying to insult you, it honestly boggles my mind. I'm still not quite sure if you're trolling us or not. If you're not, being concerned with how many people view a post is inconsequential. People are trying to help you, dude. Link to comment
DavePort80 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 I didn’t say I had the moral high ground, and, yes, I know I’ve been hypocritical judging this guy. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I didn’t say I had the moral high ground, and, yes, I know I’ve been hypocritical judging this guy. See below for moral high ground. How does a woman come to make such a self destructive decision? A recovering heroin addict is. A more suitable mate than me? You're insinuating you are a more suitable mate than he is even though you have nothing to offer her outside of companionship and love from a broken person. rehab dude can offer her just as much as you can. So again I ask what is this about? If you recognize this is a problem and isn't healthy, do you want to change it? Are you willing to get help? As Bolt asked are you being honest with your therapist? Have you given any thought into joining online groups? What are your interests? Link to comment
DavePort80 Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 What is change going to get me? I’ve done all the right things society told me would put me on the right path. I’ve avoided drugs, alcohol, and bad crowds. I don’t smoke, I’m an upstanding citizen. Not even a parking ticket. Where has it gotten me with women? Nowhere. This other guys in rehab fighting off girls with a stick. It just makes me feel like it was all a waste. Here I was trying to be a ‘nice guy’ but instead I’m a chump losing out to lesser men. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 What is change going to get me? I’ve done all the right things society told me would put me on the right path. I’ve avoided drugs, alcohol, and bad crowds. I don’t smoke, I’m an upstanding citizen. Not even a parking ticket. Where has it gotten me with women? Nowhere. This other guys in rehab fighting off girls with a stick. It just makes me feel like it was all a waste. Here I was trying to be a ‘nice guy’ but instead I’m a chump losing out to lesser men. What was all a waste? Not allowing drugs to alter and diminish your life? Guess what buddy, you allowed anxiety and depression to alter and diminish your life. This is what I mean by you attempting to take the high road, it's almost like you forget you have the exact same thing to offer her that he does, companionship and love from a broken person, is that possibly what you're really mad about? That a 'loser' like him could get her instead of a 'loser' like you? I'm using your wording when I say loser but again, what can you offer her that he can't? You have your own demons to battle. Try to focus less and less on her, each day spend less time on her and more time on an activity you enjoy. Try to expand your life. It will be worth it. What does your therapist say about all this or are you lying about having one? I'm being serious. Your issues should have already been discussed thoroughly. Link to comment
firelily Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I like stalking people on social media too, and it feels like I know them, but believe me, it's nothing like it. We can get to know a lot about the person this way, and observation is a great way of getting to know people without actually getting involved. But this way a lot remains hidden - and I don't necessary mean some big dark secrets. Just 5 minutes of real life conversation is more real than months of stalking. You get to know someone's quirks, what's irritating about them. That they have a difficult sense of humor, but still funny. That even though they seem like walking angels, sometimes they behave like stubborn kids, like we all do - but only people who know them real life get to know this side. Relationships are magical. Friendships are magical, and romantic relationships even more. The difference between what you know about women now and what a person who's been in a long term relationship knows about women, is like knowing how kids are vs. actually raising a kid. Being in a relationship is one of the most mind expanding experiences of life, it teaches you to love the real person with their shortcomings, forgive, be flexible, change yourself and try harder. Just try it. When I'm too swallowed in social media world and love fantasies, it really helps me to go out with some friends for a beer, some cultural or academic event, and just be around real people (and guys). It makes me feel much less depressed, it makes me think I might have a fine relationship one day with someone interesting. Just try to go out some times to just be around people, even if not in dates. Take some classes. Maybe something that could help you to boost your professional career. Start somewhere, and maybe some possibilities of meeting someone will open up. Link to comment
Cope Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 What is change going to get me? I’ve done all the right things society told me would put me on the right path. I’ve avoided drugs, alcohol, and bad crowds. I don’t smoke, I’m an upstanding citizen. Not even a parking ticket. Where has it gotten me with women? Nowhere. This other guys in rehab fighting off girls with a stick. It just makes me feel like it was all a waste. Here I was trying to be a ‘nice guy’ but instead I’m a chump losing out to lesser men. Doing drugs doesn't make you an a*hole, smoking doesn't make you one either. You can get a parking ticket for the silliest reason. What does an upstanding citizen mean? I've met a lot of people who have lived life just like you and they are far from nice and understanding people. A nice person is someone who has the ability to get in another person's shoes; someone who cares about the well being of their friends, family and neighbors; someone who can forgive; someone who doesn't discriminate; someone who doesn't think they deserve better because they are capable of taking out the trash on Thursdays. Do some soul searching and you will find the answers you are looking for. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 What is change going to get me? I’ve done all the right things society told me would put me on the right path. I’ve avoided drugs, alcohol, and bad crowds. I don’t smoke, I’m an upstanding citizen. Not even a parking ticket. Where has it gotten me with women? Nowhere. This other guys in rehab fighting off girls with a stick. It just makes me feel like it was all a waste. Here I was trying to be a ‘nice guy’ but instead I’m a chump losing out to lesser men. Not to be rude, really just being honest. I don't think you have followed what society considers a good course of action for being an upstanding citizen. Not having a job is a big part. Being antisocial to this level is another. But who cares about what society says, my goal in life is to be happy. Not to be an upstanding citizen. You aren't happy(assuming) so why does it matter what society thinks. To be fair, you really don't know this woman so you can't make assumptions about her with any level of certainty. I will say for the millionth time, SOCIAL MEDIA ISN'T A REAL. Stop making assumptions based on what you read. I don't have any doubt that changing your situation is hard. You sound pretty lazy with comments like that. In conjunction with your unemployment situation it seems even more on point. I worked my @ss off to get my biochem degree, and again for 7 years before I got a decent job. Making yourself become happy isn't easy. Otherwise everyone would do it, but It is possible. Stop deluding yourself with this woman, she really doesn't sound like she is any better than her boyfriend. And never ever try to be a "nice guy". Total bull philosophy anyways. My philosophy is that if you sleep(or engage in a relationship) with a woman you place her as your equal. And to have good communication. Worked for me. But trying to act a certain way because you expect a certain outcome is going to cripple your prospects Link to comment
willdation Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 My frustration comes from a lifetime of trying to make safe, smart, responsible decisions. Play by the rules. ...That’s gotten me nowhere.. BINGO. And it never will. Girls don't want a guy that tries to play things "safe" and follow the rules. Trying to play things "safe" leads to mediocrity in the eyes of women. Women want to FEEL, not play it safe. Also, as mentioned above, they have something in common to relate with. You knew her for so long, yet never made a move to get to know her..... And you know what? It makes PERFECT sense....I mean, just think how many times countries have been invaded, for example in Europe....One night you have tanks rolling into Czechoslovakia or some communists heading to Budapest and killing innocent protesting students in the name of ideology...This isn't made up...this is reality.... Women want the man who will say a big F*&K YOU to those trying to enforce their "rules"...They want a hero...a man that goes to the beat of his own drum and risks his life for what he believes in.... Have you ever heard of Vaclav Havel? He ended up being the first president of the Czech Republic and now that guy was a HERO. He stood in the face of communists when they invaded his country and he went to JAIL for his beliefs and did not give one damn to play things safe...Oh, he also smoked a joint too in his life...but that guy is a hero...He ended up leading the peaceful protests with what would become the Velvet Revolution and lead to freedom for the Czechs... If I had a daughter I would rather her date someone like HIM than some that tried to follow the rules and be a nice communist and betray his people and join the gestapo.... Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 BINGO. And it never will. Girls don't want a guy that tries to play things "safe" and follow the rules. Trying to play things "safe" leads to mediocrity in the eyes of women. Women want to FEEL, not play it safe. Also, as mentioned above, they have something in common to relate with. You knew her for so long, yet never made a move to get to know her..... And you know what? It makes PERFECT sense....I mean, just think how many times countries have been invaded, for example in Europe....One night you have tanks rolling into Czechoslovakia or some communists heading to Budapest and killing innocent protesting students in the name of ideology...This isn't made up...this is reality.... Women want the man who will say a big F*&K YOU to those trying to enforce their "rules"...They want a hero...a man that goes to the beat of his own drum and risks his life for what he believes in.... Just check out Steve McQueen. That guy is the definition of cool in my books....and it is no surprise almost all the women on the planet at one point were attracted to him.....He too had some problems with substance abuse...but he is way more of a man than most guys I know... Can't disagree with this more. Trying to be the "bad guy" is as dumb as trying to be the "nice guy". Instead of approaching woman with a facade that no one can maintain why not just be yourself? Woman are not attracted to just "bad guys" or "nice guys" because there are as many preferences as their are woman. Almost like woman are similar to men... How can you assume what woman want? Why not just present yourself until you find a woman who wants something similar. Link to comment
willdation Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 A "nice guy" pretending is just as manipulative and cowardly as a bad boy pretending...They just want a guy is true to himself and does not care what others think Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 A "nice guy" pretending is just as manipulative and cowardly as a bad boy pretending...They just want a guy is true to himself and does not care what others think Do you share your account with someone? This seems at ends with your previous comment... Link to comment
Cope Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Can't disagree with this more. Trying to be the "bad guy" is as dumb as trying to be the "nice guy". Instead of approaching woman with a facade that no one can maintain why not just be yourself? Woman are not attracted to just "bad guys" or "nice guys" because there are as many preferences as their are woman. Almost like woman are aimiliar to men... How can you assume what woman want? Why not just present yourself until you find a woman who wants something similar. Amen. willdation, you're probably projecting your own standards of an ideal man (most likely taking yourself as a role model) on to what you think women want. Sure, some women might want what you just described, but there are millions of women who don't. Just like thealchemist said, be yourself until you find a woman who wants something similar. Woman and men are the same species, they want similar things. Peace, love, understanding. Sure,there are bad people out there who want other things like fame or fortune, don't go after them and definitely don't set yourself up to attract one of those, simple as that. Be you. Link to comment
willdation Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Be you. Exactly! You see that is the whole point As I mentioned earlier...It is about going to the "beat of your own drum" It's actually quite complex and deep, but I find it quite fascinating... Link to comment
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